Chibwenzi Pambuyo pa Chisudzulo - Zinthu 15 Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa

Zimakhala zovuta kubwerera kudziwe la chibwenzi mutakhala ndi munthu kwa chaka chimodzi kapena ziwiri. Tangoganizani momwe zidzakhalire zowopsya ndi zosokoneza kuyamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa chisudzulo. Kusokonezeka kwakukulu kwa chisudzulo kumadziwika kuti ndi chochitika chachiwiri chodetsa nkhawa kwambiri m'moyo pambuyo pa imfa ya wokondedwa. Zimakupangitsani kukayikira zonse zomwe mukudziwa zokhudza chikondi, maubwenzi, ndi malonjezo.

Kudzidalira kwanu kukulendewera patali, simutha kuwongolera malingaliro anu, ndipo lingaliro lanu lothetsa banja lingatsutsidwe ndi omwe ali pafupi nanu, kuphatikizapo ana anu ndi makolo. Ndi nthawi yowawa kwambiri ndipo tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungapezerenso chikondi pambuyo pa kusudzulana kuti mutu watsopanowu wa moyo wanu usakhale ndi ubale wapamtima ndi bwenzi. 

Kukuthandizani kuti muchepetse ulendo wanu wa chibwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana, tidalankhula nanu Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito yopereka uphungu wopatukana ndi kusudzulana, ponena za zinthu zimene anthu osudzulana ayenera kukumbukira akamayamba chibwenzi chatsopano. Iye anati: “Kugonjetsa zokumana nazo zakale ndi kupwetekedwa mtima n’kovuta, koma muyenera kudzipatsa nthaŵi yoti muchiritse ndi kuthetsa chisudzulo chanu.” Pokhapokha pamene munthu achira kotheratu pamlingo wa kuzindikira, kuloŵa muubwenzi watsopano pambuyo pa chisudzulo n’kotheka kwa iwo.

Kodi Mwakonzeka Kukhala ndi Ubale Pambuyo pa Chisudzulo?

Statistics akusonyeza kuti ziŵerengero zakutha kwa maubwenzi pambuyo pa chisudzulo ndizokwera kwambiri. Mungafunse chifukwa chake. Ndi chifukwa chakuti nthawi zambiri anthu amalowa m'mabwenzi atsopano pambuyo pa kusudzulana popanda kuthana ndi kupwetekedwa mtima kwa moyo wawo wakale. N’chifukwa chake m’pofunika kuti muzipeza nthawi yoganizira za chisudzulo chanu musanadumphe mfuti n’kuyambanso chibwenzi. 

Ngati simuli okonzeka mwakuthupi, m’maganizo, m’zachuma, ndi m’maganizo, pamapeto pake mudzadzivulazanso. Malingaliro abwino ndi ofunikira kuti ubale wabwino ukhale wabwino. Nawa mafunso ofunikira omwe muyenera kudzifunsa musanayambe chibwenzi mutatha kusudzulana:

• "Kodi ndikufuna chibwenzi chatsopano chifukwa chakuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga wakale wachoka?"
• “Kodi ndikufuna kukhala pachibwenzi kuti ndingobwereranso kwa wakale wanga kapena kumuchitira nsanje ndi kumukhumudwitsa chifukwa chondikhumudwitsa?”
• "Kodi ndine wokonzeka kuyika malingaliro anga mwa bwenzi latsopano?"
• Kodi ndasintha maganizo anga onse?

Mukazindikira malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu, cholinga chanu chiyenera kukhala kulimbikitsa ubale wabwino m’malo mongochepetsa ululu wanu pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Osathamangira pachibwenzi chifukwa choti anzanu ndi achibale anu akukukakamizani kuti mubwerere kumeneko. Sakudziwa zomwe mwangodutsamo. Ndinu nokha amene mungasankhe ngati mwakonzeka kapena ayi. 

Shazia Iye anati: “Anthu amene anasudzulidwa akayambanso kukhala pachibwenzi, amaona kuti ali ndi chibwenzi ndipo amakhala osamala chifukwa amakayikira zimene asankha chifukwa amaona kuti zinthu zingawayendere bwino. Ichi ndichifukwa chake tabwera ndi zizindikiro kuti tiwone ngati mwakonzeka kupezanso chikondi:

• Maso anu ali pa zamtsogolo: Mwaphunzira momwe mungakhazikitsire mtendere ndi zakale. Mwakwirira ma ifs ndi ma buts onse. Mwasiya kubwereza zochitika m'mutu mwanu. Mwasiya kulakalaka kuti zinthu zikhale mwanjira inayake. Simukuganiza zosintha zinthu zomwe zidalakwika. Mwavomereza chisudzulo chanu ndipo mukuyang'ana zinthu zatsopano tsopano ndi positivity. 
• Malingaliro abwino pa maubale amtsogolo: Anthu ena amayamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana monga njira yothetsera chisoni ndi zowawa zawo. Ngati muli ndi malingaliro abwino pa maubwenzi atsopano ndipo mukufuna kuyambanso kukondana moona mtima, ndiye kuti mwakonzeka kupeza chikondi.
• Mwapezanso chidaliro chanu: Vuto la chisudzulo mwachionekere linawononga kwambiri kudzidalira kwanu ndi kudzidalira kwanu ndi kukusiyani kukaikira kufunika kwanu ndi cholinga chanu. Zonsezo ndi zachibadwa. Funso ndilakuti: mwadutsa iwo? Ngati simulolanso kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika kutanthauziridwa ndi ubale womwe walephera kapena ukwati, ndiye kuti ndinu okonzeka kukumananso
• Njira yosiyana yokhudzana ndi maubwenzi: Mwakhala ndi nthaŵi yokwanira yothetsa malingaliro anu ponena za chisudzulo ndipo mwatsiriza kulingalira zinthu zimene zinalakwika. Tsopano ndi nthawi yoti muyandikire maubwenzi amtsogolo ndi kukhwima ndi chifundo. Sipayenera kukhala chowawa chotsalira kuchokera muubwenzi wanu wakale umene ungathe kufalikira kukhala watsopano

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Chibwenzi ndi Munthu Wosudzulidwa

Zinthu 15 Zomwe Anthu Osudzulana Ayenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Maubwenzi Atsopano

Mukamayesa kuchiritsa ndikudzaza moyo wanu ndi chikondi pambuyo pa kusudzulana, muyenera kukambirana nanu za kusagwera m'njira zomwezo komanso zolakwika zomwezo monga kale. Pokhala osamala kwambiri zamakhalidwe anu ndi zomwe zimakuyambitsani komanso kuchitapo kanthu kuti muzitha kuyang'anira mayankho anu bwino, mutha kupeza mtsogolo mosangalala ndi mnzanu watsopano. Nazi zochepa zomwe muyenera kukumbukira mukamalowa muubwenzi wanu woyamba mutatha kusudzulana:

1. Chibwenzi choyamba pambuyo pa kusudzulana sichitha

A Chiwerengero cha Pew Research Center zimasonyeza kuti anthu 4 mwa 10 osudzulidwa amakwatiranso ku US koma maukwati achiwiri amakhala ndi mwayi wochepa wopulumuka. Kukumbukira zimenezi kungakuthandizeni kukhazikitsa zoyembekeza zanu moyenera. Komabe, zimenezo sizikutanthauza kuti unansi wanu woyamba mutatha kusudzulana sudzakhalapo konse. Palibe saizi imodzi yokwanira pano. 

Shazia anati: “Palibe amene anganene kapena kuweruza ngati chibwenzicho chitatha.

2. Ana anu ndi ofunika kwambiri kuposa bwenzi latsopano

Shazia anati: “Ana akamakhudzidwa, uyenera kuganiza mozama.” Ubwino wa mwana uyenera kukhala wofunika kwambiri chifukwa chakuti wavutika popanda cholakwa chilichonse.

Kusudzulana ndi ana akhoza kukhala ophatikizana ovuta. Pali mwayi woti ana anu ali ndi vuto kuvomereza maubwenzi anu amtsogolo. Mwinanso amakukwiyirani kapena kukusungirani chakukhosi chifukwa chothetsa banja ndipo samvetsa mmene mukumvera pakali pano. Izi zitha kusintha akakula ndikukula.

Mpaka nthawi imeneyo, muyenera kupondaponda mosamala, kupeza njira yoyenera pakati pa kuonetsetsa kuti zosowa za ana anu zikukwaniritsidwa ndikuyendetsa maubwenzi aliwonse amtsogolo omwe mungakhale nawo. Kupatula apo, mukaganiza zoyamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana, muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti munthu watsopanoyu akuvomereza kuti ana anu abwera pamaso pawo. Sayenera kuyembekezera kuti muziika patsogolo.

3. Ubale watsopano ndi wongosangalala komanso kudziwana

Mukakumana ndi anthu atsopano pambuyo pa chisudzulo, chitani popanda ndondomeko yobisika kapena cholinga chokonzekera m'maganizo. Osamangoganizira za mmene zinthu zidzayendere ndi munthu amene mukufuna kukwatirana naye, m’malomwake yesetsani kudziwana bwino ndi kukhala ndi nthawi yosangalala.

Mosasamala kanthu kuti mwakonzeka a ubale weniweni pambuyo pa chisudzulo chanu kapena ayi, muyenera kuphunzira kupita ndi otaya ndi kulola kugwirizana kukhala organically. Osaumiriza chibwenzi kapena kuthamangira zinthu pakati panu ndi bwenzi lanu latsopanolo. Muyenera kusunga tabu pa liwiro la ubale. Yesani zochitika za pachibwenzi, kambiranani moona mtima ndi munthu watsopanoyu, ndipo muwone momwe zinthu zikuyendera.

4. Nthawi ndi yofunika kwambiri mu ubale watsopano

Nthawi ndi yofunika kwambiri mu ubale watsopano. Simungangolumphira muubwenzi ndi munthu watsopano musanagwire ntchito yamkati kuti muchiritse mabala amalingaliro akale. Mofananamo, mukhoza kupita ku skate magawo a chitukuko cha ubale kungoti kukhala ndi munthu uyu kumakhala kotonthoza komanso kosangalatsa.

Mwachitsanzo, simungathe kuwadziwitsa ana anu patatha masiku awiri okha. Muyenera kukhala otsimikiza kuti mumakonda munthuyu ndipo mukufuna kuti akhalebe m'moyo wanu musanawayitanire kunyumba kuti akadye chakudya ndi ana anu. Kumbukirani kuti kugwa m'chikondi mwachangu ndi koyipa kwambiri ngati kusadzilola kuti muyambenso kukondana pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Shazia akulangiza kuti, “Monga kholo, ubwino wa mwana wanu uyenera kukhala wofunika kwambiri”. Ngati mwayamba kukondana ndi munthu wina ndipo mukufuna kuti chibwenzicho chifike pamlingo wina, lankhulani ndi ana anu poyamba ndikupeza chidaliro ndi chidaliro. 

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5. Osayamba chibwenzi chambiri

Mukakhala osakwatiwa mutakhala m'banja kwa nthawi yayitali, zimatha kumva ngati mkaidi akumasulidwa kundende (makamaka ngati banja linali loipa kapena losasangalala - zomwe mwina zimaperekedwa kuti mwasankha kutuluka). Mungafune kucheza ndi anthu ambiri ndikugwiritsa ntchito maimidwe ausiku umodzi ndi kulumikizana wamba ngati njira yochepetsera ululu, mkwiyo, ndi mkwiyo womwe mukulimbana nawo.

Osalowa mu dziwe la zibwenzi ndi anthu ambiri momwe mungafunire kuti mutsimikizire kudziko kuti mwasuntha. Komabe, ngati ndinu munthu amene amalakalaka ubwenzi wapamtima komanso kulumikizana mwamphamvu muubwenzi wawo wapamtima, izi zitha kukupangitsani kumva kuti mulibe kanthu m'malo modzaza chosowa mkati. Muli nazo kale zambiri katundu wamalingaliro chifukwa cha chisudzulo. Simukufuna kuwonjezera kwa izo. 

6. Osawona ubale watsopano kuchokera ku lens yakale

Mukakhala osudzulana, zinthu zimatha kukhala zovuta kwambiri ndi bwenzi latsopano chifukwa zomwe munakumana nazo muubwenzi wanu wakale zimatha kukhudza mayankho anu, machitidwe anu, ndi zina zambiri. Zimathandizira kukumbukira ubale uliwonse ndi wosiyana. Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu watsopano mudzakhala ndi mikangano yambiri ndi kusamvana. Zimakugwerani kuti muwayandikire mosiyana ndikuwonetsetsa kuti ubale wanu wakale sungawononge tsogolo lanu. 

Shazia anati: “M’zondichitikira zanga, anthu akamachita zinthu mongodzikuza kapena kuyesa kutsimikizira munthu watsopanoyu kuti asintha, ndipo yambitsani ubale watsopano Pokhala ndi zotsutsana zambiri kapena kukakamizidwa kapena kudana ndi mnzanu wakale, ndiye zimakhala zovuta kuchirikiza chiyanjano chimenecho. Mantra ndikutenga pang'onopang'ono. "

7. Wokondedwa wanu adzayembekezera ubwenzi nthawi ina

Tiyerekeze kuti mwasudzulana kwa zaka zitatu. Mwayesera mapulogalamu azibwenzi pa intaneti kwa miyezi ingapo ndipo tsopano mwakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu kwa miyezi inayi. Panthawi imeneyi, mnzanu wapano angafune kukhala paubwenzi ndi inu. Zitha kukhala zamtundu uliwonse waubwenzi, kuphatikiza thupi ndi malingaliro. Angafune kuwona mbali yanu yomwe ili pachiwopsezo. Angafune kudziwa za mantha anu, zowawa zanu, ndi zinsinsi zanu. 

Muchita chiyani pa izi? Kodi mwakonzeka kulola munthu watsopano? Chibwenzi pambuyo pa chisudzulo chingakupangitseni kukhala olimba ngati simuli pa tsamba limodzi ndi wokondedwa wanu za kuthamanga kwa chibwenzicho. Malangizo athu? Ngati mumakhulupirira munthu uyu kwathunthu ndikuwona tsogolo limodzi ndi iwo, pitirirani kukulitsa chiwopsezo mu ubale wanu.

8. Chenjerani ndi anthu ochita katangale ndi chinyengo pa mapulogalamu a zibwenzi

Dziko lachibwenzi pa intaneti lasintha kwambiri pazaka zambiri. Popeza munali kutali ndi chibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali, simungadziwe momwe malo ochezera abwenzi amagwirira ntchito komanso zabwino ndi zoyipa zawo. Ngakhale pali mwayi woti mukumane ndi munthu wodabwitsa pazibwenzi izi, pali mwayi wofanana woti mubwere naye onyenga zachikondi ndi nsombazi. 

Kuti musagwere m’misampha yotero, ndi bwino kusamala kwambiri. Nthawi zonse khalani maso ndikukumana nawo pagulu. Osagawana nawo zambiri zanu kapena maakaunti aku banki, kapena muwayitanire kunyumba pokhapokha ngati mukutsimikiza zolinga zawo komanso kuti mwatsimikiza mtima.  

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9. Osamangolankhula bwenzi lanu lakale ndi bwenzi lanu lomwe muli nalo

Mungakhalebe ndi nkhani zambiri zosathetsedwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale. Komabe, pewani kuwanyoza pamaso pa mnzanu watsopano. Nkhani zanu ndi wakale wanu zisalowerere m'mabwenzi atsopano omwe mumapanga pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Kupatula apo, ngati muli ndi ana kuchokera m'banja lanu ndipo muli kulera limodzi ndi ex wanu, zinthu zitha kukhala zovuta ngati bwenzi lanu latsopanolo likhala gawo lofunika kwambiri la moyo wanu. Musaiwale kuti wakale wanu ndi bambo/mayi wa ana anu ndipo muziwalemekeza ngakhale atakukhumudwitsani kwambiri. 

Komanso, kudana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale kungakhale kosokoneza mgwirizano kwa mnzanu watsopano. Akhoza kukuona ngati chithunzithunzi cha khalidwe lanu kuposa mnzako wakale. Lankhulani za zinthu zofunika. Lankhulani za momwe mumakonzekera kupeza ntchito, kulera ana anu, ndi kusintha moyo wanu watsopano mutatha kusudzulana. 

10. Khalani wanzeru pankhani zachuma

Kugawanikana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale kukuchititsani kudzisamalira nokha mwakuthupi, m’maganizo, ndi m’zachuma. Ndibwino kuti musamaphatikizepo chibwenzi chatsopano kapena kukondana ndi nkhani zandalama posachedwa. Muyenera kudziwa momvetsa chisoni mmene nkhani zandalama zitha kusokoneza ubale ndipo angafune kukhazikitsa malire omveka bwino a zachuma kuyambira pachiyambi. Izi ndi zofunika kwambiri kuti maubwenzi atatha kusudzulana achite bwino.

Shazia ali ndi malangizo okhudza kusamalira nkhani zachuma mwanzeru. Iye anati: “Ngakhale zitakhala kuti nkhani zandalama ndi zimene zinachititsa kuti ukwati wanu wakale ufike pachimake, m’pofunika kuti muziika patsogolo kasamalidwe ka ndalama muubwenzi watsopano pambuyo pa kusudzulana.” Inu ndi mnzanu watsopano muyenera kusankha mmene mungagwiritsire ntchito ndi kusunga ndalama.

11. Musamayembekezere zambiri kuchokera kwa okondedwa amtsogolo komanso maubwenzi

Zoyembekeza zosayembekezereka zingakhale mbendera yofiira mu maubwenzi. Ndi malo oyambira kukwiya komanso kukhumudwa. Mukamayembekezera zinthu zochepa kuchokera kwa wina, mudzakhala osangalala kwambiri. Mukayika zoyembekeza zosatheka pa wina zidzawalemetsa.

Mtolo uwu udzawapangitsa kukukankhirani kutali. Kulakwitsa ndi munthu ndipo mnzanu wapano ndi munthu ndipo amalakwitsa. Simungayerekeze zolakwa zawo ndi za mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale n’kumaganiza kuti ubwenzi umenewu sudzatha. 

12. Pezani zomwe mumakonda ndi mnzanu watsopano

Kukhala ndi zokonda zofanana ndi mnzanu wapano kudzakhala kopindulitsa m'kupita kwanthawi. Inu simungakhoze kupitiriza chibwenzi munthu chifukwa inu nawo zabwino kugonana umagwirira nawo. Kukopa kwambiri ikhoza kubweretsa anthu awiri pamodzi koma idzazimiririka pakapita nthawi. Ndipamene zokonda zofananira ndi kupeza njira zolumikizirana wina ndi mnzake zimakhala zofunika kwambiri kuti moto ukhale wamoyo. 

Kugonana kwabwino ndi chemistry kungakuchititseni khungu ku zizindikiro zawo zofiira, malingaliro osathetsedwa, ndi makhalidwe oipa. Ndicho chifukwa chake simuyenera kumanga ubale watsopano pa chinthu chimodzi chokha chomwe chingakhale chokuthandizani. Yang'anani munthuyo mwathunthu ndikuwona ngati angakhale oyenerera kwa inu pakapita nthawi. 

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13. Kukumana ndi achibale ndi abwenzi a bwenzi lanu watsopano kungakhale kovuta

Ngakhale mutakhala omasuka ndi liwiro la ubale wanu wapano ndikuvomera kukumana ndi anzanu ndi achibale, zitha kukhala zolemetsa. Komabe, ngati mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali, muyenera kukhala okonzeka kuchita izi kuti mutengere chibwenzi chanu pamlingo wina. 

Shazia anati: “Zitha kukhala zovuta kapena zosavuta kucheza ndi achibale ndi abwenzi a mnzako chifukwa ndi chisankho chomwe umapanga kuti ukhale paubwenzi ndi iwo. landirani mnzanu kwa omwe iwo ali komanso anthu omwe amagwirizana nawo, komanso momwe amachitira mnzanuyo. Zitha kukhala zovuta kapena zosavuta kutengera momwe mumaonera anthu m'moyo wa mnzanuyo. "

14. Osabisa chilichonse kwa okondedwa wanu

Nthawi zonse dziwani kuti kusiya choonadi kungayambitse mavuto aakulu, makamaka ngati mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kudziwa zoona zake za kupatukana kwanu. Auzeni zomwe zalakwika popanda kuwonetsa aliyense moyipa. Ngati adabera, auzeni kuti muli ndi mantha anu komanso kusatetezeka komwe mukuyesera kuthana nazo.

Ngati ndinu amene munachita zachinyengo, khalani ndi mbali yanu muukwati wanu womwe ukutha. Ngati wanu ukwati unali kukukhumudwitsani, kenako anene m’malo mowabisira. Adziwitseni zomwe zidalakwika m'mbuyomu. Mwanjira imeneyo, iwo akhoza kukumvetsetsani kwambiri. 

15. Kumbukirani, inu nokha mungathe kudzipangitsa kukhala osangalala

Pomaliza, koma chofunika kwambiri, ngati mukuyesera kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu kuyembekezera kuti adzabweretsa chisangalalo m'moyo wanu, muyenera kuunikanso zifukwa zanu kuti mudziike kunja uko. Dziwani kuti inu nokha muli ndi udindo pa chisangalalo chanu, palibe amene angakupangitseni kuti zichitike. Phunzirani kudzisamalira ndikudzikonda musanapite kukafunafuna chikondi pambuyo pa kusudzulana. 

Koposa zonse, khulupirirani malingaliro anu. Ngati simukuwona ngati wina ali woyenera kwa inu, mwa njira zonse, bwererani mmbuyo. Ngati simukuganiza kuti mwakonzeka kukumana ndi anthu atsopano, musatero. Chiritsani choyamba. Lankhulani ndi mlangizi wa ubale kapena wothandizira mabanja ngati simungathe kukonza chisudzulocho. Ngati mukuyang'ana chithandizo cha akatswiri, ndiye kuti Bonobology's gulu la alangizi odziwa zambiri ndi kungodinanso kwina. 

Kubwerera m'mbuyo kwakukulu ngati kusudzulana kumakupatsani malingaliro atsopano pa moyo, kubweretsa phunziro lofunika la kuyang'ana chithunzi chachikulu osati kutuluka thukuta tinthu tating'onoting'ono. Mutha kutenga maphunzirowa kuti muyesetse kukhala osinthika mu ubale wamtsogolo komanso kufunafuna ndikupereka malo mopanda mphamvu.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.