Chibwenzi Pambuyo pa Chisudzulo - Zinthu 15 Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa

Zimakhala zovuta kubwerera kudziwe la chibwenzi mutakhala ndi munthu kwa chaka chimodzi kapena ziwiri. Tangoganizani momwe zidzakhalire zowopsya ndi zosokoneza kuyamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa chisudzulo. Kusokonezeka kwakukulu kwa chisudzulo kumadziwika kuti ndi chochitika chachiwiri chodetsa nkhawa kwambiri m'moyo pambuyo pa imfa ya wokondedwa. Zimakupangitsani kukayikira zonse zomwe mukudziwa zokhudza chikondi, maubwenzi, ndi malonjezo.

Kudzidalira kwanu kukulendewera patali, simutha kuwongolera malingaliro anu, ndipo lingaliro lanu lothetsa banja lingatsutsidwe ndi omwe ali pafupi nanu, kuphatikizapo ana anu ndi makolo. Ndi nthawi yowawa kwambiri ndipo tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungapezerenso chikondi pambuyo pa kusudzulana kuti mutu watsopanowu wa moyo wanu usakhale ndi ubale wapamtima ndi bwenzi. 

Pofuna kukuthandizani kuti muchepetse ulendo wanu wopeza chibwenzi mutatha kusudzulana, tinalankhula ndi Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani yopatukana ndi uphungu wa kusudzulana, za zinthu zomwe anthu osudzulana ayenera kukumbukira akalowa muubwenzi watsopano. Iye anati, "Kuthana ndi zokumana nazo zakale ndi kuvutika n'kovuta koma muyenera kudzipatsa nthawi yoti muchiritse ndikuthetsa kusudzulana kwanu. Munthu akachira kwathunthu pamlingo wodziwa bwino, ndiye kuti akhoza kuyambanso ubale watsopano mutatha kusudzulana."

Kodi Mwakonzeka Kukhala ndi Ubale Pambuyo pa Chisudzulo?

Ziwerengero zikusonyeza kuti chiwerengero cha anthu osudzulana pambuyo pa kusudzulana n’chokwera kwambiri. Mungafunse chifukwa chake. Izi zili choncho chifukwa nthawi zambiri anthu amalowa m’maubwenzi atsopano atasudzulana popanda kuthana ndi mavuto a m’mbuyomo. Ndicho chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kutenga nthawi ndikuganizira za kusudzulana kwanu musanapite patsogolo ndikuyamba chibwenzi kachiwiri.

Ngati simuli okonzeka mwakuthupi, m’maganizo, m’zachuma, ndi m’maganizo, pamapeto pake mudzadzivulazanso. Malingaliro abwino ndi ofunikira kuti ubale wabwino ukhale wabwino. Nawa mafunso ofunikira omwe muyenera kudzifunsa musanayambe chibwenzi mutatha kusudzulana:

• "Kodi ndikufuna chibwenzi chatsopano chifukwa chakuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga wakale wachoka?"
• “Kodi ndikufuna kukhala pachibwenzi kuti ndingobwereranso kwa wakale wanga kapena kumuchitira nsanje ndi kumukhumudwitsa chifukwa chondikhumudwitsa?”
• "Kodi ndine wokonzeka kuyika malingaliro anga mwa bwenzi latsopano?"
• Kodi ndasintha maganizo anga onse?

Mukangokhazikitsa malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu, cholinga chanu chikhale kulimbikitsa ubale wabwino osati kungochepetsa ululu wanu mutasudzulana. Musafulumire kuyamba chibwenzi chifukwa choti anzanu ndi abale anu akukukakamizani kuti mubwererenso. Sakudziwa zomwe mwakumana nazo. Ndi inu nokha amene mungasankhe ngati muli okonzeka kuchita izi kapena ayi.

Shazia akuti, “Anthu osudzulana akayamba chibwenzi kachiwiri, amamva kuti ali ndi chidziwitso komanso osamala za ubale wawo wapano. Angakayikire chisankho chawo chifukwa amaganiza kuti zinthu zitha kusokonekeranso. Amaopa zomwe sizikudziwika.” Ndicho chifukwa chake tabwera ndi zizindikiro zina zodziwira ngati mwakonzeka kupeza chikondi kachiwiri:

• Maso anu ali pa zamtsogolo: Mwaphunzira momwe mungakhazikitsire mtendere ndi zakale. Mwakwirira ma ifs ndi ma buts onse. Mwasiya kubwereza zochitika m'mutu mwanu. Mwasiya kulakalaka kuti zinthu zikhale mwanjira inayake. Simukuganiza zosintha zinthu zomwe zidalakwika. Mwavomereza chisudzulo chanu ndipo mukuyang'ana zinthu zatsopano tsopano ndi positivity. 
• Malingaliro abwino pa maubale amtsogolo: Anthu ena amayamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana monga njira yothetsera chisoni ndi zowawa zawo. Ngati muli ndi malingaliro abwino pa maubwenzi atsopano ndipo mukufuna kuyambanso kukondana moona mtima, ndiye kuti mwakonzeka kupeza chikondi.
• Mwapezanso chidaliro chanu: Vuto la chisudzulo mwachionekere linawononga kwambiri kudzidalira kwanu ndi kudzidalira kwanu ndi kukusiyani kukaikira kufunika kwanu ndi cholinga chanu. Zonsezo ndi zachibadwa. Funso ndilakuti: mwadutsa iwo? Ngati simulolanso kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika kutanthauziridwa ndi ubale womwe walephera kapena ukwati, ndiye kuti ndinu okonzeka kukumananso
• Njira yosiyana yokhudzana ndi maubwenzi: Mwakhala ndi nthaŵi yokwanira yothetsa malingaliro anu ponena za chisudzulo ndipo mwatsiriza kulingalira zinthu zimene zinalakwika. Tsopano ndi nthawi yoti muyandikire maubwenzi amtsogolo ndi kukhwima ndi chifundo. Sipayenera kukhala chowawa chotsalira kuchokera muubwenzi wanu wakale umene ungathe kufalikira kukhala watsopano

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zimene Muyenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Chibwenzi ndi Munthu Wosudzulana

Zinthu 15 Zomwe Anthu Osudzulana Ayenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Maubwenzi Atsopano

Mukamayesa kuchiritsa ndikudzaza moyo wanu ndi chikondi pambuyo pa kusudzulana, muyenera kukambirana nanu za kusagwera m'njira zomwezo komanso zolakwika zomwezo monga kale. Pokhala osamala kwambiri zamakhalidwe anu ndi zomwe zimakuyambitsani komanso kuchitapo kanthu kuti muzitha kuyang'anira mayankho anu bwino, mutha kupeza mtsogolo mosangalala ndi mnzanu watsopano. Nazi zochepa zomwe muyenera kukumbukira mukamalowa muubwenzi wanu woyamba mutatha kusudzulana:

1. Chibwenzi choyamba pambuyo pa kusudzulana sichitha

Ziwerengero za Pew Research Center zikusonyeza kuti anthu anayi mwa khumi omwe asudzulana amakwatiranso ku US koma maukwati achiwiri ali ndi mwayi wochepa wopulumuka. Kukumbukira izi kungakuthandizeni kukhazikitsa ziyembekezo zanu moyenera. Komabe, sizikutanthauza kuti ubale wanu woyamba pambuyo pa kusudzulana sudzatha konse. Palibe munthu aliyense amene angagwirizane nanu pano.

Shazia anati: “Palibe amene anganene kapena kuweruza ngati chibwenzicho chitatha.

2. Ana anu ndi ofunika kwambiri kuposa bwenzi latsopano

Shazia anati: “Ana akamakhudzidwa, uyenera kuganiza mozama.” Ubwino wa mwana uyenera kukhala wofunika kwambiri chifukwa chakuti wavutika popanda cholakwa chilichonse.

Kusudzulana ndi ana kungakhale zinthu zovuta kwambiri. Pali mwayi woti ana anu angavutike kuvomereza ubale wanu wamtsogolo. Angakwiyireni kapena kukusungirani chakukhosi chifukwa chothetsa banja lanu komanso osamvetsa ululu wanu pakadali pano. Kusintha kumeneku kungasinthe akakula ndikukhala okhwima.

Mpaka nthawi imeneyo, muyenera kupondaponda mosamala, kupeza njira yoyenera pakati pa kuonetsetsa kuti zosowa za ana anu zikukwaniritsidwa ndikuyendetsa maubwenzi aliwonse amtsogolo omwe mungakhale nawo. Kupatula apo, mukaganiza zoyamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana, muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti munthu watsopanoyu akuvomereza kuti ana anu abwera pamaso pawo. Sayenera kuyembekezera kuti muziika patsogolo.

3. Ubale watsopano ndi wongosangalala komanso kudziwana

Mukakumana ndi anthu atsopano pambuyo pa chisudzulo, chitani popanda ndondomeko yobisika kapena cholinga chokonzekera m'maganizo. Osamangoganizira za mmene zinthu zidzayendere ndi munthu amene mukufuna kukwatirana naye, m’malomwake yesetsani kudziwana bwino ndi kukhala ndi nthawi yosangalala.

Kaya mwakonzeka kukhala pachibwenzi chenicheni mutasudzulana kapena ayi, muyenera kuphunzira kutsatira njira zomwe zafotokozedwazo ndikulola kuti ubale wanu ukhale wogwirizana. Musakakamize ubale wanu kapena kufulumizitsa zinthu pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu watsopano. Muyenera kudziwa momwe ubale wanu ulili. Yesani kukambirana moona mtima ndi munthu watsopanoyu, ndikuwona momwe zinthu zikuyendera.

4. Nthawi ndi yofunika kwambiri mu ubale watsopano

Kusunga nthawi ndikofunikira kwambiri muubwenzi watsopano. Simungangoyamba chibwenzi ndi munthu watsopano musanachite ntchito yamkati yochiritsa mabala amkati a m'mbuyomu. Momwemonso, mutha kudutsa magawo akukula kwaubwenzi chifukwa kukhala ndi munthuyu kumakusangalatsani komanso kukusangalatsani.

Mwachitsanzo, simungathe kuwadziwitsa ana anu patatha masiku awiri okha. Muyenera kukhala otsimikiza kuti mumakonda munthuyu ndipo mukufuna kuti akhalebe m'moyo wanu musanawayitanire kunyumba kuti akadye chakudya ndi ana anu. Kumbukirani kuti kugwa m'chikondi mwachangu ndi koyipa kwambiri ngati kusadzilola kuti muyambenso kukondana pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Shazia akulangiza kuti, “Monga kholo, ubwino wa mwana wanu uyenera kukhala wofunika kwambiri”. Ngati mwayamba kukondana ndi munthu wina ndipo mukufuna kuti chibwenzicho chifike pamlingo wina, lankhulani ndi ana anu poyamba ndikupeza chidaliro ndi chidaliro. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kupeza Chikondi Pambuyo pa Kusudzulana - Zinthu 9 Zoyenera Kuziganizira

5. Osayamba chibwenzi chambiri

Mukakhala osakwatiwa mutakhala m'banja kwa nthawi yayitali, zimatha kumva ngati mkaidi akumasulidwa kundende (makamaka ngati banja linali loipa kapena losasangalala - zomwe mwina zimaperekedwa kuti mwasankha kutuluka). Mungafune kucheza ndi anthu ambiri ndikugwiritsa ntchito maimidwe ausiku umodzi ndi kulumikizana wamba ngati njira yochepetsera ululu, mkwiyo, ndi mkwiyo womwe mukulimbana nawo.

Musalowe mu dziwe lokhala ndi anthu ambiri momwe mungafunire kuti mutsimikizire dziko lonse kuti mwapita patsogolo. Komabe, ngati ndinu munthu amene amalakalaka chikondi chamkati komanso mgwirizano wamphamvu muubwenzi wawo wapamtima, izi zingakupangitseni kumva kuti mulibe kanthu m'malo modzaza mpata womwe uli mkati. Muli kale ndi katundu wambiri wamkati chifukwa cha kusudzulana. Simukufuna kuwonjezerapo.

6. Osawona ubale watsopano kuchokera ku lens yakale

Mukakhala osudzulana, zinthu zimatha kukhala zovuta kwambiri ndi bwenzi latsopano chifukwa zomwe munakumana nazo muubwenzi wanu wakale zimatha kukhudza mayankho anu, machitidwe anu, ndi zina zambiri. Zimathandizira kukumbukira ubale uliwonse ndi wosiyana. Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu watsopano mudzakhala ndi mikangano yambiri ndi kusamvana. Zimakugwerani kuti muwayandikire mosiyana ndikuwonetsetsa kuti ubale wanu wakale sungawononge tsogolo lanu. 

Shazia akuti, "Malinga ndi zomwe ndakumana nazo, anthu akamachita zinthu chifukwa cha kudzikuza kapena kuyesa kutsimikizira munthu watsopanoyu kuti asintha moyo wawo, ndikuyamba ubale watsopano ndi zinthu zoipa zambiri kapena kukakamizidwa kapena chidani kwa wokondedwa wawo wakale, ndiye kuti zimakhala zovuta kupitiriza mgwirizanowo. Mawu ofunikira ndi akuti muchepetse vutoli."

7. Wokondedwa wanu adzayembekezera ubwenzi nthawi ina

Tiyerekeze kuti mwasudzulana kwa zaka zitatu. Mwayesera mapulogalamu azibwenzi pa intaneti kwa miyezi ingapo ndipo tsopano mwakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu kwa miyezi inayi. Panthawi imeneyi, mnzanu wapano angafune kukhala paubwenzi ndi inu. Zitha kukhala zamtundu uliwonse waubwenzi, kuphatikiza thupi ndi malingaliro. Angafune kuwona mbali yanu yomwe ili pachiwopsezo. Angafune kudziwa za mantha anu, zowawa zanu, ndi zinsinsi zanu. 

Kodi muchita chiyani pa izi? Kodi mwakonzeka kulola munthu watsopano kulowa? Chibwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana chingakuikeni pamavuto ngati simukugwirizana ndi mnzanu pa momwe ubale wanu ulili. Malangizo athu? Ngati mumamukhulupirira munthuyu mokwanira komanso moona mtima ndipo mukuona kuti adzakhala ndi tsogolo labwino naye, pitirizani ndi kulimbikitsa kusatetezeka muubwenzi wanu.

8. Chenjerani ndi anthu ochita katangale ndi chinyengo pa mapulogalamu a zibwenzi

Dziko la chibwenzi pa intaneti lasintha kwambiri pazaka zambiri. Popeza munali kutali ndi malo ochezera a pa Intaneti kwa nthawi yayitali, simungadziwe momwe malo ochezera a pa Intaneti amagwirira ntchito komanso zabwino ndi zoyipa zake. Ngakhale pali mwayi woti mungakumane ndi munthu wodabwitsa pa mapulogalamu awa ochezera a pa Intaneti, pali mwayi wofanana woti mungalumikizane ndi achinyengo achikondi komanso okonda nsomba za m'madzi.

Kuti musagwere m’misampha yotero, ndi bwino kusamala kwambiri. Nthawi zonse khalani maso ndikukumana nawo pagulu. Osagawana nawo zambiri zanu kapena maakaunti aku banki, kapena muwayitanire kunyumba pokhapokha ngati mukutsimikiza zolinga zawo komanso kuti mwatsimikiza mtima.  

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ndili Wosakwatiwa Ndipo Ndikufuna Kukwatira Wosudzulana Ndi Mwana

9. Osamangolankhula bwenzi lanu lakale ndi bwenzi lanu lomwe muli nalo

Mungakhalebe ndi mavuto ambiri omwe simunathe kuwathetsa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale. Komabe, pewani kuwanyoza pamaso pa mnzanu watsopano. Mavuto anu ndi wakale wanu sayenera kufalikira mu ubale watsopano wachikondi womwe mumapanga mutasudzulana. Kupatula apo, ngati muli ndi ana kuchokera muukwati wanu ndipo mukulera limodzi ndi wakale wanu wakale , vutoli likhoza kukhala lovuta ngati mnzanu watsopanoyo akukhala gawo lofunika kwambiri pa moyo wanu. Musataye mfundo yakuti wakale wanu ndiye bambo/amayi a ana anu ndipo muwapatse ulemu woyenera ngakhale atakupwetekani kwambiri.

Komanso, kudana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale kungakhale kosokoneza mgwirizano kwa mnzanu watsopano. Akhoza kukuona ngati chithunzithunzi cha khalidwe lanu kuposa mnzako wakale. Lankhulani za zinthu zofunika. Lankhulani za momwe mumakonzekera kupeza ntchito, kulera ana anu, ndi kusintha moyo wanu watsopano mutatha kusudzulana. 

10. Khalani wanzeru pankhani zachuma

Kupatukana ndi mnzanu wakale kwakuthandizani kuti mudzisamalire nokha mwakuthupi, m'maganizo, komanso m'zachuma. Ndi bwino kusayambitsa chibwenzi chatsopano kapena chikondi pa nkhani zachuma msanga. Muyenera kudziwa bwino momwe nkhani zachuma zingawonongere chibwenzi ndipo mungafune kukhazikitsa malire a zachuma kuyambira pachiyambi. Zimenezi n'zofunika kwambiri kuti ubale wanu ukhale wabwino pambuyo pa chisudzulo.

Shazia ali ndi malangizo okhudza kusamalira nkhani zachuma mwanzeru. Iye anati: “Ngakhale zitakhala kuti nkhani zandalama ndi zimene zinachititsa kuti ukwati wanu wakale ufike pachimake, m’pofunika kuti muziika patsogolo kasamalidwe ka ndalama muubwenzi watsopano pambuyo pa kusudzulana.” Inu ndi mnzanu watsopano muyenera kusankha mmene mungagwiritsire ntchito ndi kusunga ndalama.

11. Musamayembekezere zambiri kuchokera kwa okondedwa amtsogolo komanso maubwenzi

Ziyembekezo zosatheka zingakhale chizindikiro choopsa muubwenzi. Ndi malo okulira mkwiyo ndi kukhumudwa. Mukapanda kuyembekezera zinthu kuchokera kwa wina, mudzakhala osangalala kwambiri ndi iye. Mukayika ziyembekezo zosatheka pa wina, zidzamulemetsa.

Mtolo uwu udzawapangitsa kukukankhirani kutali. Kulakwitsa ndi munthu ndipo mnzanu wapano ndi munthu ndipo amalakwitsa. Simungayerekeze zolakwa zawo ndi za mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale n’kumaganiza kuti ubwenzi umenewu sudzatha. 

12. Pezani zomwe mumakonda ndi mnzanu watsopano

Kukhala ndi zokonda zofanana ndi mnzanu wanu wapano kudzakuthandizani mtsogolo. Simungapitirize chibwenzi ndi munthu chifukwa choti mumagawana naye chikondi chabwino. Kukondana kwambiri kungabweretse anthu awiri pamodzi koma pamapeto pake kumatha. Pamenepo ndiye kuti zokonda zofanana ndi kupeza njira zolumikizirana zimakhala zofunika kwambiri kuti chikondi chikhalebe champhamvu.

Kugonana kwabwino ndi chemistry kungakuchititseni khungu ku zizindikiro zawo zofiira, malingaliro osathetsedwa, ndi makhalidwe oipa. Ndicho chifukwa chake simuyenera kumanga ubale watsopano pa chinthu chimodzi chokha chomwe chingakhale chokuthandizani. Yang'anani munthuyo mwathunthu ndikuwona ngati angakhale oyenerera kwa inu pakapita nthawi. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kusudzulana Ndi Kukwatiranso Ku India: Zinthu Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa Ndi Kuganizira

13. Kukumana ndi achibale ndi abwenzi a bwenzi lanu watsopano kungakhale kovuta

Ngakhale mutakhala omasuka ndi liwiro la ubale wanu wapano ndikuvomera kukumana ndi anzanu ndi achibale, zitha kukhala zolemetsa. Komabe, ngati mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali, muyenera kukhala okonzeka kuchita izi kuti mutengere chibwenzi chanu pamlingo wina. 

Shazia akuti, “Zingakhale zovuta kapena zosavuta kuchita ndi achibale ndi abwenzi a mnzanu chifukwa ndi chisankho chomwe mumapanga kuti mugwirizane nawo. Ubale watsopano nthawi zambiri sumakhala wolimba. Simumangolandira mnzanuyo monga momwe alili komanso anthu omwe amagwirizana nawo, komanso mnzanuyo. Zingakhale zovuta kapena zosavuta kutengera momwe mumaonera anthu omwe ali m'moyo wa mnzanuyo.”

14. Osabisa chilichonse kwa okondedwa wanu

Nthawi zonse dziwani kuti kusiya choonadi kungayambitse mavuto aakulu, makamaka ngati mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kudziwa zoona zake za kupatukana kwanu. Auzeni zomwe zalakwika popanda kuwonetsa aliyense moyipa. Ngati adabera, auzeni kuti muli ndi mantha anu komanso kusatetezeka komwe mukuyesera kuthana nazo.

Ngati ndinu amene munanyenga, vomerezani zomwe munachita kuti ukwati wanu uwonongeke. Ngati ukwati wanu unali kukukhumudwitsani , teroni m'malo mowabisira. Auzeni zomwe zinalakwika kale. Mwanjira imeneyi, akhoza kukumvetsani bwino.

15. Kumbukirani, inu nokha mungathe kudzipangitsa kukhala osangalala

Pomaliza, koma chofunika kwambiri, ngati mukuyesera kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu kuyembekezera kuti adzabweretsa chisangalalo m'moyo wanu, muyenera kuunikanso zifukwa zanu kuti mudziike kunja uko. Dziwani kuti inu nokha muli ndi udindo pa chisangalalo chanu, palibe amene angakupangitseni kuti zichitike. Phunzirani kudzisamalira ndikudzikonda musanapite kukafunafuna chikondi pambuyo pa kusudzulana. 

Koposa zonse, khulupirirani chibadwa chanu. Ngati mukuona kuti winawake sakukuyenererani, yesani kubwerera m'mbuyo. Ngati mukuganiza kuti simuli okonzeka kukumana ndi anthu atsopano, musatero. Chiritsani kaye. Lankhulani ndi mlangizi wa ubale kapena katswiri wa mabanja ngati simungathe kukonza bwino chisudzulocho. Ngati mukufuna thandizo la akatswiri, ndiye kuti gulu la alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito la Bonobology lili pafupi nanu.

Kubwerera m'mbuyo kwakukulu ngati kusudzulana kumakupatsani malingaliro atsopano pa moyo, kubweretsa phunziro lofunika la kuyang'ana chithunzi chachikulu osati kutuluka thukuta tinthu tating'onoting'ono. Mutha kutenga maphunzirowa kuti muyesetse kukhala osinthika mu ubale wamtsogolo komanso kufunafuna ndikupereka malo mopanda mphamvu.

Ibibazo

Zizindikiro 10 Kuti Mwakwatirana ndi Munthu Wolakwika

Zizindikiro za 13 za Mkazi Wolamulira -Palibe #3 Idzakudabwitseni!

Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Mamuna wa Alpha - Njira 8 Zoyenda Mosalala

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.