Wopezerera Ubale - Ndi Chiyani Ndipo Zizindikiro 5 Ndiwe Wozunzidwa

Ndikupatsani chochitika ndikundiuza ngati mungagwirizane ndi izi. Ngakhale mutayesetsa bwanji kuti musangalatse mnzanuyo, amatha kupeza cholakwika chilichonse kuti akunyozeni. Amakutsimikizirani kuti mukutsika ndi chilichonse chomwe mwasankha pamoyo wanu. Pamene dongosololi likupitirira kwa nthawi yaitali, padzakhala tsiku limene mudzadzuka ndikusanthulanso kasanu kakang'ono kasanu kuti mutsimikizire. Kumeneko pali chizindikiro chapamwamba cha gaslighting ndi kupezerera anzawo.

Tikudziwa momwe zimakhalira zotopetsa kwambiri. Mnzanga Tania nthawi ina adakumana ndi douchebag yemwe adadzudzula mawonekedwe ake, nthawi zambiri pamaso pa anzathu. Mukaonda kuposa izi, simungawonekere. Mumangodzaza pakamwa panu ndi pizza ndi ma burger ambiri. “Usakhale padzuwa kwa nthawi yaitali, khungu lako lichita mdima.”

Mutha kuganiza kuti mawu oterowo amatha kusokoneza malingaliro a mwana wazaka khumi ndi zisanu ndi zitatu. Pamene ankafuna kutsutsana naye, mkangano wake unathetsedwa chifukwa zikuoneka kuti "zinali nthabwala chabe". Akadayenera kuzitenga mwamasewera. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina, kusadzilemekeza paubwana kungakhale chifukwa chovomereza kupezerera anzawo paubwenzi.

Kuti tithetse kukayikira kwanu konse ndi mafunso okhudza kuzunzana muubwenzi, tinakambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo pankhani ya kugonana ndi kasamalidwe ka ubale.

Jaseena akufotokoza kuti, “Kupezerera anzawo paubwenzi kumachitika pamene m’modzi akuchitira dala mnzakeyo mwadala.” Nthaŵi zambiri wopezererayo amayesa kunena zimenezi ngati nthabwala. Pitirizani kuwerenga kuti mukhale ndi malingaliro abwino pankhaniyi ndi chitsogozo chovomerezeka cha momwe mungalekerere kupezerera anzawo paubwenzi.

Kodi Kupezerera Ubwenzi Ndi Chiyani?

Khalidwe la kuzunza muubwenzi limadziwika kwambiri ndi mnzawo m'modzi akuyesera kutsimikiza kuti ndi wapamwamba kuposa wina kudzera mu kuopseza, kunyengerera, ndi kumenyana. Khalidwe la kuzunza muubwenzi limawonekera m'njira zosiyanasiyana - mawu, thupi, kapena ngakhale pa intaneti.

Mu ubale wosokonekera ngati uwu, mnzanu amapita njira yonse kuti azilamulira mbali iliyonse ya moyo wanu - momwe akufunira. Choyipa kwambiri ndichakuti mumayesa kudziumba molingana ndi zofuna zawo kangapo. Koma zimenezi sizimawasangalatsa. 

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Kukondana ndi chitsanzo chodziwika bwino cha kupezerera anzawo muubwenzi. Sadzasiya mwala wosatembenuzidwa kukupangitsani kudziona ngati wamng’ono. Mnzanu wovutitsayo amasokoneza malingaliro anu ndikutulutsa gawo lililonse la kusatetezeka komwe mukukhala nalo kuti mugwiritse ntchito ngati chida chankhanza. 

Tinkayesetsa kupeza chomwe chimayambitsa khalidwe loipa chonchi. Jaseena amakhulupirira kuti, “Munthu amene amazunza ayenera kuti anakumana ndi vuto linalake losakhazikika muubwenzi kapena m’moyo. Kufooka kwa munthu ameneyo kumamupangitsa kufuna kusewera kapena kutenga udindo wolamulira mnzakeyo ndikumupangitsa kukhala wogonjera.”

N’kutheka kuti munthu ameneyu ankavutitsidwapo ali mwana ndi makolo kapena kusukulu, kapena mwina anachitiridwapo nkhanza ndi mabwenzi ake m’mbuyomo. 

Kupezerera anzawo paubwenzi sikumangotanthauza kulalatira, kutukwana, kapena kuchita chiwawa. Nthawi zina munthu wopezerera anzawo amangokhalira kuchita zinthu mwaukali kuti achite zimene akufuna. Palibe mwayi kukhala ndi thanzi kulankhulana pa ozizira chete mankhwala. 

Zitsanzo Zakupezerera Ubale

Zingakhale zovuta kuzindikira khalidwe lachipongwe muubwenzi pamene mwazolowera zochita za wovutitsayo. Zotsatira za kupezererani zingakhale zokhalitsa ndipo ndi bwino kuzizindikira zisanakuwonongeni. Nazi zitsanzo za khalidwe lopezerera anzawo muubwenzi zomwe simuyenera kupirira nazo:

• Amakunyozani nthaŵi zonse: Kaya ndi mmene mumavalira kapena zimene mumadya, kumangokhalira kunyoza mnzako ndi mawu ndi chitsanzo cha khalidwe lopezerera anzawo.
• Ndi odzikonda: Nthawi zonse kuika zofuna zawo patsogolo pa zosowa zanu ndi khalidwe lachipongwe. Iwo kwenikweni akunyalanyaza malingaliro anu ndi zosowa zanu
• Kulamulira nthawi zonse: Kuchokera komwe mumapita ku zomwe mumachita kumapeto kwa sabata, ngati mnzanu nthawi zonse akufuna kulamulira chirichonse, akuwonetsa kunyalanyaza maganizo anu. Ndi nkhanza ndipo sikuyenera kuloledwa
• Kudzikweza: Kukuuzani kuti sindinu okongola/okongola, kapena kukayikira kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika ndi kukuvutitsani maganizo. Ikhoza kusiya zipsera zakuya pa inu ndipo ingakukhudzeni inuyo panokha ndi maganizo
• Nthawi zonse kumakuikirani mlandu: Ziribe kanthu zomwe zitalakwika, ndinu amene mumadziimba mlandu. Ichi ndi chitsanzo cha khalidwe lopezerera anzawo

Zizindikiro 5 Kuti Ndiwe Wozunzidwa Paubwenzi 

Zimakhala zovuta kusiya tikangoyamba kuyankhula za zizindikiro za siginecha za maubwenzi ndi kuzunzidwa mwa iwo. Aliyense amene adakumanapo ndi zoopsa zotere adzatsimikizira zotsatira zachinyengo za kupezerera anzawo muubwenzi m'moyo wake. 

Jaseena akuti, "Makhalidwe oyambira a mnzanu wovutitsa ndi akuti nthawi zonse padzakhala kudzudzula kapena kamvekedwe ka kudzudzula akamalankhula nanu. Kulankhulanako kudzakhala kodzaza ndi kudzudzula zomwe zimapangitsa munthu winayo kumva kuti sakukwanira ."

Pachiyambi choyamba, anthu amatha kuzunzidwa m'maganizo ndi m'thupi popanda kudziwa kuti akuzunzidwa. "Zinachitika kawiri kokha." “Kusemphana maganizo n’kwachibadwa m’banja.

Zolakwika! Ndiroleni ndikuuzeni mokweza ndi momveka bwino, SIZICHITA. Pamene mukupitiriza kusangalatsa munthu uyu osanena mawu amodzi motsutsa, kukula kwa zochita zawo kumakwera. Muyenera kukhazikitsa malire kuti mupewe kupezerera anzawo paubwenzi.

Ubale wapakati pa kupezerera ena ndi kudzidalira uli wofanana. Ngati mukukumana ndi kupezerera anzawo pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali, mudzayamba kukayikira zosankha zanu. Mungakhale moyo wa theka kuyesera kuti mugwirizane ndi magawo omwe mnzanuyo wakhazikitsa. 

Mafunso amabuka m’maganizo mwathu: “Kodi ndingadziŵe bwanji ngati ndachitiridwa nkhanza paubwenzi?” "Ndi zitsanzo zotani zaubwenzi zomwe ndiyenera kuziyang'ana?" "Kodi mungasiye bwanji kuvutitsa muubwenzi?"

Koma sikovuta kwenikweni kumvetsetsa momwe nkhanza zimachitikira muubwenzi . Pomaliza pake, mudzatha kulumikiza mfundo ndikupeza njira. Tisanachite zimenezo, tiyeni tikambirane za zizindikiro 5 zomwe zikusonyeza kuti mnzanu kapena mnzanu akukuvutitsani:

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1. Malingaliro anu ndi achabechabe

Kodi mumamva ngati mthunzi ukuyamba kuchepa muubwenzi? Ngati ndinu wosaoneka. Nthawi zonse mukafuna kufotokoza maganizo anu pa nkhani inayake, mnzanuyo amangoitulutsa m’kamphindi, ngati kuti simukudziwa zimene mukunena. Iwo ndi okhawo amene akupanga zisankho za inu nonse. 

Ngati mukuyesera kupeza zitsanzo za ubale ndi nkhanza, onani izi. Zingakhale zosavuta monga kusankha zomwe mungagule pa chakudya chamadzulo kapena nkhani zazikulu monga momwe mungagawire ndalama monga banja . Mukuwoneka kuti mulibe chonena pa chilichonse mwa zisankhozi zomwe muyenera kuti mwathetsa limodzi. Pamapeto pake, zimakupangitsani kumva kuti simukufunika kwenikweni za moyo wanu.

2. Zosankha za moyo wanu nthawi zonse zimakhala pansi pa chiweruzo 

Chitsanzo china cha khalidwe lopezerera anzawo muubwenzi - chiweruzo. M’mbali zonse za moyo, mnzanu amene amakupezererani amakuvutitsani kuti akukumbutseni kuti mukulakwitsa chilichonse. Nzosadabwitsa kuti zimapanga kusowa kwakukulu mwa munthu wolandira ndipo zimapanga kusadzidalira komanso kusadzidalira.

Jaseena akuti, "Kuchita nkhanza kumeneku kungachokere mu kudziona ngati wonyozeka koma amayesa kusonyeza chithunzi chabwino kwambiri. Munthu wovutitsa angayambe kunyoza ndi kugwiritsa ntchito mawu onyoza muubwenzi wanu ndi inu. Ngakhale munthuyo akusonyeza kuyamikira, padzakhala zinthu zina zonyoza m'ziganizo zake. Munthu winayo adzasokonezeka ngati atenge mawu ake kukhala abwino kapena oipa."

3. Kuchepetsa nthawi zonse zomwe mwakwaniritsa

Ku koleji, ndinali pachibwenzi ndi mnyamata yemwe anali wanzeru kuposa ine, kapena ndi zomwe adanditsimikizira. Kalelo, ndinali kuyesetsa kuloŵa dipuloma ya utolankhani kuchokera kusukulu ina yaikulu. Nditamaliza kuyankhulana, ndinali wokondwa kwambiri kugawana naye nkhani. Mnyamata, oh mwana! Kuzizira komwe ndinalandira, ngakhale kuyamikira. 

Mwachionekere, sindinali woyenerera kukhala naye pachibwenzi pokhapokha nditachita bwino m’masukulu olimba mtima. Kotero, ndi momwe zimagwirira ntchito pamene mukuchita ndi opezerera anzawo. Zili ngati kuchita nawo mpikisano wosatha kumene mumaluza kuzungulira kulikonse. Kupambana kwanu ndi zomwe mwakwaniritsa siziyenera kukondweretsedwa. 

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4. Umauzidwa zochita 

Simunakhwime mokwanira kuti mutengere udindo wanu, ndiye, ndiroleni ndilowerere ndikukuuzani momwe mungayendetsere moyo wanu. Umu ndi momwe wopezerera anzawo amalowerera ndikuwongolera. Musanadziwe, mukuzemba mafoni a bwenzi lanu lapamtima chifukwa zikuoneka kuti ali ndi chikoka choipa ndipo muyenera kuwadula chifukwa cha chibwenzichi. 

Inde, kukhala munthu wodziletsa ndi chizindikiro cha ubale ndi khalidwe la nkhanza. Munthu wodzikuza amakuuzani momwe muyenera kuvala, amene muyenera kukumana naye, komanso momwe mungadzionetsere m'njira yomwe akufuna. Nthawi zambiri, mnzanu womvera amagonjera ku zofuna zopanda nzeru ngati zimenezi kuti asunge mtendere kapena mwina sali olimba mokwanira kuti apirire zotsatira zake.

5. Mumazunzidwa 

Chomaliza koma osati chachikulu, chitsanzo choipa kwambiri cha nkhanza muubwenzi kuposa zonse - nkhanza zakuthupi. Si akazi okha omwe amazunzidwa mwakuthupi, ngakhale kuti ndicho chithunzi chachikulu. Chikalata chochokera ku National Coalition Against Domestic Violence chikunena kuti mwamuna m'modzi mwa amuna anayi ku USA adakumanapo ndi nkhanza zakuthupi m'maubwenzi kuphatikizapo kumenya mbama, kukankha, kapena kukankha.

Jaseena anati: “Munthu amene amapezerera anzawo sakhala ndi maganizo odzimvera chisoni kapena akumva chisoni. Palibe anthu awiri omwe ali paubwenzi wabwino omwe angakumane ndi zotulukapo zakupha ngati izi. Chifukwa chake, imirirani kuyambira kumenya koyamba, ndipo musadikire kuti igwe pansi. 

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Zinthu 3 Zomwe Mungachite Ngati Muli Paubwenzi Ndi Wopezerera Ena

Kodi mukufuna kumva nkhani yomvetsa chisoni? Anthu ena sangathe kutuluka muubwenzi wovutitsidwa. Kugwirizana ndi anthu omwe akhudzidwa ndi zoopsa kumachita gawo lalikulu pankhaniyi. Ngakhale atafuna kuchoka, sangasonkhanitse mphamvu zamaganizo. Amasinthidwa mphindi yomaliza. Kudziimba mlandu, maseŵera odzudzula, ndi kuopseza kuvulaza munthu wapafupi nanu ndi njira zodziwika bwino za munthu wovutitsa maganizo.

Komanso, mulibenso njira yothandizira yokhazikika kapena malo otetezeka pambuyo poti mnzanu wovutitsayo wakupangani kuchotsa aliyense m'moyo wanu. Kusowa kwazinthu komanso kuzindikira, kusalidwa kozungulira nkhanza, kusapezeka kwa malo othandizira anthu ovulala, komanso kusachirikizidwa ndi lamulo nthawi zambiri (makamaka kwa mabanja omwe ali pachiwopsezo), kumapangitsa kutuluka muubwenzi wozunza kukhala ntchito yayikulu.

Pamene tinali kukamba za ubale umene ulipo pakati pa kupezerera ena ndi kudzidalira, zotsatirapo zoipa za kupezerera anzawo paubwenzi zimakuchititsani kukhulupirira kuti pali chinachake cholakwika ndi inu. Simuli abwino kwa aliyense. Chifukwa chake, mumayesa kukhazikika pa chikondi chankhanza kapena wovutitsa maganizo, poganiza kuti izi ndiye zabwino kwambiri zomwe mungachite. 

Jaseena anati: “Mnzawo wochitiridwa nkhanza angatetezere mnzake amene akupezerera mnzakeyo chifukwa chakuti ali m’malo osatetezeka ndiponso osokonezeka maganizo. Koma apo ayi, iwo ndi abwino kwambiri komanso achikondi. Amandisamalira komanso amakwaniritsa zosowa zanga zonse.” Choncho kupezerera anzawo ndi chinthu chimodzi chimene mnzake wovutitsidwayo amalolera kuchisiya.”

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Ndiroleni ndikuuzeni za chibwenzi cha msuweni wanga, mayi wokongola wosamalira bwino. Amayesa kusokoneza Brian ndi zabwino zake zachuma. M'malo mwake, amafunikira wina yemwe amamuyimbira nthawi zonse kuti athetse kusungulumwa kwake. 

Ngakhale atayesa kangapo kuti achoke muubwenzi wosasangalatsa , Brian sanathe. Ankamuletsa kuti asachoke ndi nkhani yachisoni nthawi zonse. Komabe, Brian amandiuza kuti, "Sakufuna kundipweteka. Takhala nthawi yabwino kwambiri limodzi. Ndikukhulupirira kuti mwachibadwa ndi munthu wabwino. Kodi ndidzatha bwanji moyo wanga popanda iye?"

Mukuona pamene vuto lili? Sindikufuna shuga, muyenera kumenya nkhondo yolimbana ndi kusatetezeka kwanu kozama. Pokhapokha mungayembekezere kudzimasula nokha ku chizunzo chosatha ichi. Timapereka zinthu zitatu zothana ndi vuto laubwenzi:

1. Lankhulani ndi bwenzi lanu 

Ndi bwino kusayembekezera kuti munthu woipa uyu adzasintha umunthu wake . Inde, akhoza kusintha ndi chithandizo chokhazikika chomwe chimayang'ana kwambiri kuvulala, koma simuyenera kukhala wowononga kwambiri paulendo wawo wochira. Ngati mukufunabe kuyesa komaliza musanathetse chibwenzicho, njira yokhayo yochitira zimenezo ndikulankhula momveka bwino komanso molimba mtima za nkhawa zanu.

Mungayesere kuwapangitsa kuona zolakwika zomwe ali nazo pa njira yawo yochitira zinthu ndi kukhazikitsa malire. Ngati ali okonzeka kugwira ntchito paubwenzi, kulowererapo kwa akatswiri kungakhale yankho labwino kwambiri pano. Kuti mupeze chithandizo chabwino cha banja, muli olandiridwa kuti mukachezere gulu lathu la uphungu wa Bono , gulu la alangizi aluso komanso akatswiri a zamaganizo omwe nthawi zonse amakhala okonzeka kukuthandizani.

2. Kuthetsa izo kamodzi kokha 

Chabwino, tsopano ndi nthawi yoti muyike msomali womaliza m'bokosi. Mwakhala mukuwona zochitika muubwenzi ndi kupezerera anzawo. Palibe chizindikiro chilichonse chamzere wa siliva paliponse kuzungulira ngodya. 

Monga wozunzidwa, mukudziwa momwe zotsatira za kuzunzidwa ndi mawu onyoza m'banja zimakhudzira thanzi lanu lakuthupi ndi lamaganizo. Kodi mungandipatse chifukwa chimodzi chabwino chopirira zinthu zopanda pakezi kwa nthawi yayitali? Ngati mukunena kuti amakukondanibe, ndiye kuti AYI, sakukondani! Asiyeni achite zinthu zawo zachinyengo. Mumanyamula matumba anu ndikutseka chitseko mwamphamvu pankhope pawo.

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3. Funsani thandizo lazamalamulo ndi magulu othandizira 

Musapange mtendere ndi nkhanza zakuthupi muzochitika zilizonse. Kodi mungaletse bwanji kupezerera anzawo? Tikukulangizani kuti mupange dongosolo lothawirako lokhala ndi umboni wokwanira m'nyumba mwanu momwe zinthu zimafunira. Lowezani manambala angozi a abale ndi abwenzi omwe angakuthandizeni. 

Chitanipo kanthu koyenera pa milandu musanachitepo kanthu. Pali mafoni ambiri othandizira ndi magulu othandizira kuti akuthandizeni kuthana ndi nkhanza zapakhomo . Lumikizanani ndi mautumiki ndi mapulogalamu am'deralo makamaka ngati mukuda nkhawa ndi chitetezo cha mwana wanu.

Tiyeni timve zomwe Jaseena akupereka. “Muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti munthuyo akudziwa zochita zake zopezerera anzawo. Pakakhala ulamuliro wankhanza, muyenera kuutchula momveka bwino kuti, “Izi ndi zachipongwe ndipo mawu achipongwewo sindidzavomereza.”

"Ngati wokondedwa wanu akupitiriza ndi khalidwe lawo lachipongwe, ndi nkhani yodetsa nkhawa kwambiri." Njira yokhayo yokhalira wofanana mu izi ndi ngati mungabwezere nkhanza. Koma si chisankho chotheka kapena chathanzi. Muyenera kuyimba foni ngati mukumva otetezeka muubwenzi umenewu, kapena ngati mukulolera kuchoka ku poizoni, "akutero.

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Zonse mwa izi, tikukhulupirira kuti chithunzi chanu cha ubale sichidzagwera mu matope awa. Simungathe kukhala popanda kulemekezana muubwenzi ; ndinu woyenera chikondi chopanda malire. Musalole kuti munthu wozunza akutsimikizireni kuti mulibe moyo kupitirira gehena la malingaliro.

Kodi mukukumbukira mawu a Benjamin Mee ochokera mu We Bought a Zoo ? “Mukudziwa, nthawi zina chomwe mumangofunika ndi masekondi makumi awiri a kulimba mtima kwamisala. Masekondi makumi awiri okha a kulimba mtima kochititsa manyazi. Ndipo ndikukulonjezani, chinthu chabwino chidzachitika.”

Bwerezani izi ngati mantra. Dziwani kuti mukufuna thandizo ndipo chonde pemphani. Chifukwa mwatsoka, pokhapokha ngati mwakonzeka kutenga sitepe yoyamba, palibe amene angadziwe momwe angakuthandizireni. Ndi dziko lodabwitsa kunja kuno ndipo muyenera kumasuka kuti mumve kukoma kwake.

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