Ndikufuna Kukondedwa: Ndimakonda Chikondi Ndi Chikondi

Kufalitsa chikondi

Kupanda ubwenzi wakuthupi ndi wamalingaliro kungakhale kosokoneza kwenikweni mu ubale uliwonse. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri m'banja pamene mwamuna sasonyezanso chikondi. Palibe vuto ngati mkazi amene ali m’banja lopanda chikondi. Analowa mu ubalewu ndi mtima wodzaza ndi chikondi ndi chiyembekezo cha moyo wonse. Tsopano popeza zinthu zinafika kum’mwera kwa ukwati wake kwa zaka zambiri, iye sangalephere kulephera kugona, “Sindikumvetsa chifukwa chake mwamuna wanga salinso wachikondi kapena wachikondi.”

Ndiye, kodi kusowa kwa chikondi kumatani kwa mkazi? Tiyeni timvetsere ku mtundu wa Claire Davis (dzina lasinthidwa kuti titetezeke), yemwe ali ndi zaka 33 wokonza intaneti. Claire anati: “Nditamaliza kuimba telefoni, mwamuna wanga anandikalipira kuti: “Ndiwe cholengedwa chopusa kwambiri padziko lonse lapansi! Ndimapita kumakanema ndekha nthawi zambiri ndimawona m'malesitilanti ndili ndi bukhu m'manja mwanga, kwa ine, si ntchito chabe ya anzanga okonda kwambiri, ndikanakhala ndekha pamasiku anga obadwa, monga momwe ndimakhalira pamasiku ambiri okondwerera.

"Ndimamwa pang'ono. Anzanga amati si pang'ono, koma ndikumwa mopitirira muyeso. Amaganiza kuti ndine wosaganiza bwino komanso wachilendo ndipo ndikudziwononga ndekha. Chomwe ndikuchita ndikungofuna kupeza kachisangalalo ndikungokhala. Ndikufuna kukondedwa ... ndikungofuna kukondedwa . Mutha kunena kuti ndikusowa chikondi ndi chikondi.

"Nayi mfundo yaikulu ya nkhaniyi - ndimamukondabe mwamuna wanga, koma ndikudziwa kuti samandikonda. Timakhala motalikirana m'mizinda yosiyana - timalankhula kamodzi m'miyezi iwiri ndipo ngakhale kukambirana kumakhala koopsa. Kunena zowona, ndikuganiza zopatukana mwalamulo. Nthawi iliyonse ndikaganizira, ndimakumbukira kuti ndimamukondabe. Ndipo ndimalakalaka chikondi kuchokera kwa iye."

Kodi mumadziwa kuti njala yapakhungu kapena kukhudzidwa ndi njala ndizochitika zenizeni? Chikondi ndi ubwenzi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri kwa ife anthu kuti tikhale ndi moyo, monga chakudya kapena madzi. Pamene mwamuna wanu sali wachikondi, zingasiye kukhudzidwa kwakukulu m’maganizo mwanu. Kugwirana manja, kukumbatirana mwachikondi musanagone (kapena momwe timatchulira kuti kukhudza kosagonana) kumatulutsa mahomoni ochepetsa nkhawa monga oxytocin. Mwachilengedwe, kulandidwa kwa mahomoni achikondi kwa nthawi yayitali kumatha kukupangitsani kuti mukhale ndi nkhawa komanso nkhawa.

Ngati mukuyenera kumukumbutsa nthawi zonse za kukhalapo kwanu, ngati mukuyenera kupempha chikondi chake, zidzasokoneza kudzidalira kwanu. Kupanda chikondi kwa mwamuna kungachititse mkazi kudzimva kuti, “Iye sandipezanso wokongola.” Ndipo, izi zitha kubweretsa zovuta zambiri zamawonekedwe amthupi zomwe zimasokoneza malingaliro ake, zomwe zimamupangitsa kuti asamve bwino pakhungu lake.

Kulakalaka chikondi ndi kusalandira mokwanira kumapanga malo akulu pakati pa okondedwa m'banja. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kukambitsirana kumacheperachepera, kudzakhala kusakhala ndi nthaŵi yabwino pamodzi, ndi kutaya chidaliro ndi ulemu kwa mwamuna wanu. Ndiye, kodi pali chilichonse chomwe mungachite kuti zinthu ziyende bwino ngati theka lanu labwino silikusangalatsidwa ndi chikondi? Inde, tikukamba za kukonza ubwenziwo maganizo othetsa banja asanabwere m’maganizo mwanu. Tiyeni tifufuze.

zinthu zoti muchite ngati muli ndi njala m’banja

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Kuti tithane ndi vuto lililonse, choyamba tiyenera kupeza gwero lake. Pamenepa, sitepe yanu iyenera kukhala kupeza yankho lakuti: chifukwa chiyani mwamuna wanu sali wachikondi? Musafulumire kuganiza kuti sanakukondeni musanakambirane mfundo zina za m’banja.

Nthawi zambiri maanja amalekana muukwati mwana wawo woyamba akabadwa chifukwa chikondi chawo chonse chimapita kwa mwana wamng'ono uyu yemwe amakhala pakati pa chilengedwe chawo chonse. Palinso kuthekera kuti ali ndi nkhawa kwambiri kuntchito ndipo sangathe kukhalapo pakali pano. Mwina, sangathe kukufotokozerani zosowa zake zamaganizo chifukwa mwamanga kale khoma pakati panu awiri. Simukudziwa, m'maganizo mwake, mwina akuganiza kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga sakundikonda mwadzidzidzi?"

Pamapeto pa tsiku, pamene akudzipanga kukhala wotenga nawo mbali pa mpikisano wa makoswe wamuyaya kufunafuna mipata yabwino ndi moyo wabwino, akhoza kuiwala momwe kuchiritsa kungakhalire kukhudza wokondedwa mofatsa. Kutsuka tsitsi lake kukhitchini, kumuphimba ndi bulangeti atagona pampando, kupsompsona pamphumi m'mawa - zizindikiro izi ndizosavuta koma zochiritsira.

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Ndikhulupirireni, nthawi zonse mungamukumbutse zinthu zabwino zonse zomwe munali nazo limodzi ndikupulumutsa ukwatiwu. Claire akuti, "Ndikudabwa kuti zitenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti azindikire kuti ndimamukhululukira zolakwa zake zonse. Ndipo iyenso ayenera kundikhululukira ine pa zolakwa zanga. Tinalonjeza pambuyo pake ... ndipo chomwe tiyenera kuchita ndikuyesetsa. Nchifukwa chiyani tiyenera kupewa, kapena kuthawa ndikubisala? Ubale umakhala wovuta - zimenezo sizingapeweke. Koma kusiya si njira ina.

"Ubale wanga ndi mwamuna wanga uli pa ine ngati mbalame ya albatross ndipo mwina unganditsogolere ku mapeto anga. Ndiyenera kuzindikira (ndi kuvomereza) kuti mwina zatha. Koma ndili ndi chiyembekezo. Chiyembekezo chochepa. Mawu a zilembo zinayi awa amandiletsa kupita patsogolo. Ndikufunabe kugwira dzanja lake ndikunena kuti, "Ndikufuna kuti undikonde ... ndikusowa chikondi ndi chikondi".

Ngati mukufuna kuyesetsa kukonzanso ubale umene chikondi ndi chikondi zafa imfa yapang'onopang'ono, vomerezani kuti kupita patsogolo kungachedwe ndipo kungafunike kuleza mtima kwakukulu. Kodi mwakonzeka kulowa pansi? Ngati inde, tabwera kukuuzani zinthu 5 zogwira mtima zomwe mungachite ngati muli ndi njala m'banja. Khalani nafe:

1. Musayese kumukakamiza

Ngati mukufuna upangiri wathu, siyani kukonza pankhaniyi mpaka kukhala chinthu chofotokozera ubale wanu ndi moyo wanu. Inde, kulankhulana ndi wokondedwa wanu za kusowa kwanu kwa chikondi ndi njira imodzi yochotsera kulemera kwanu pachifuwa chanu koma kudandaula sikuli. Mutha kudandaula zonse zomwe mungafune kunena kuti, "Mwamuna wanga sakonda kapena sakondana", koma mukamawonetsa kuti mukukhala m'banja lopanda chikondi, zimamuthamangitsa. Muyenera kukhala oleza mtima mpaka chikondi chake chibwererenso mwakamodzi.

Ngati cholinga chake sichinali choti asapezekepo pamtima , adzadzigunda mutu wake akudzifunsa kuti, “Chifukwa chiyani sindili munthu wachikondi?” Pakapita nthawi, adzakhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri chifukwa cha kulephera kwake kukwaniritsa zomwe mukuyembekezera mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo. Ngakhale atayesa nthawi zina kukhala wachikondi kwambiri, sizingakwanire kuthetsa ludzu lanu. Mudzaona kuti ndi kukumbatirana kwachisoni komwe akupereka chifukwa chongofuna kukusangalatsani. Sikungakuthandizeni konse kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika, makamaka pamene mukufuna chikondi.

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2. Pezani mgwirizano pakati pa kugonana ndi kusagonana

Taona maanja akukumana ndi kusamvana kwakukulu chifukwa cha vutoli. Mwamuna akamamva kuti mkazi wake wakana chifukwa choti akupewa kugonana , mkaziyo amatiuza kuti kusowa chikondi kumamupangitsa kumva kuti akugwiritsiridwa ntchito pogonana. Tsopano, kudandaula kosalekeza kuti mwamuna sakukupatsani chikondi sikungathandize paubwenzi wanu.

Iyi ndi nkhani yomwe iyenera kuthetsedwa pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi wake. Mwinamwake mumayamba mwa kuthera nthaŵi yochuluka pa kuwoneratu kuti muteteze kusoŵa chikondi kumene kulipo m’banja lanu. Mungayesenso kumupangitsa kuti amvetse kuti chifukwa chakuti ndinu okwatirana, sangayembekezere kuti mugonane naye nthawi iliyonse imene akufuna. Ayenera kukhala wachifundo kwambiri pakufunika kwanu kwa chikondi ndi ubwenzi wapamtima.

3. Dzisamalireni bwino

Monga momwe amanenera, simungatsanulire kuchokera m'chikho chopanda kanthu. Mwachidule, mungapangitse ena kukhala osangalala pokhapokha ngati muli okhutira ndi moyo wanu. Mwamuna akapanda kusonyeza chikondi, mkazi wake amamusiya ali yekha. Amayamba kuganizira kwambiri za kusadziwa kumeneku ndipo sangaone zinthu zina zofunika pa moyo wake ngati zofunika kwambiri. Lingaliro la kudzikonda limatheratu.

Claire akusimba nkhani yake ya nyengo yatchuthi yomwe ali yekhayekha, kuti: “Nthawi zonse ndimakonda kucheza ndi achibale anga ndi anzanga. Koma zikafika kwa ine, palibe amene amachita khama kuti abwere. Ndinali ndekha pa Khrisimasi imeneyi. Ndinkatsuka m’nyumba yanga, kuphika, kukongoletsa mtengo komanso kudzigulira mphatso. ndinadzuka m’nyumba yopanda munthu.”

Kwa chikondi cha Mulungu, dziyang'aneni nokha pagalasi. Mukuyenera kukhala ndi moyo wosangalala ngakhale mwamuna amakukondani kapena ayi. Musalole kusowa kwa chikondi uku kupha mzimu wokongola wokonda zosangalatsa mwa inu. Bwererani ku zokonda zanu ndi zokonda zanu. Khazikitsani ola limodzi patsiku kuti mukhale nokha pomwe simulola kusokoneza kulikonse. Lowani nawo kalasi yosangalatsa, pitani ku yoga, gulani! Dziko lapansi ndi oyster wanu - chitani chilichonse chomwe chingakupangitseni kukhala patsogolo.

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4. Samalani zosoŵa zake zamaganizo

Kodi kusowa chikondi kumakhudza bwanji mkazi? Tiyeni timve kuchokera kwa Claire za momwe adayambira kukondana ndi mwamuna wina pamene adamvetsetsa chifukwa chake mwamuna wake samasuka ndi chikondi chakuthupi. Iye anati, “Panali mwamuna amene ndinamukonda. Ankabwera kunyumba kwathu n’kucheza ndi ine ndi mwamuna wanga. Kukumana naye kunandipangitsa kuzindikira momwe ndimafunira chikondi ndi chikondi.

"Tinali ndi chiyanjano chakuya, chachikondi ndipo amakhoza kundiseka ndi kuvina. Anamvetsetsa kuti ndimangofunika kukondedwa. Koma tsopano mwamuna wanga kulibe, amandipewa ngati kuti ndili ndi matenda enaake. Tsopano, mwadzidzidzi ndikukhala mkazi wa mnzangayo. Ndikudabwa chomwe chinachitika ndi maso omwe tinkagawana nawo. Ndimadzifunsa ngati mwamuna angandiyimirepo."

Apa sitingamuneneze Claire chifukwa chofuna kupeza chitonthozo mwa mwamuna wina. Koma mukawona kuti pali chiyembekezo cha ukwati wanu ndipo simunakonzekere kupita ku mutu wotsatira, mwina mupatseni mwayi wina wokondedwa wanu. Musakhumudwe ndipo tulukani m'chipindamo pamene akuyankhula za tsiku loipa. Khalani naye pafupi, mupatseni chidwi chanu chonse, ndipo mufunseni zomwe akufuna kuchokera kwa inu. Timaganizadi kuti okwatirana kukhala osamala za zosowa za wina ndi mnzake muubwenzi kungathandize kwambiri.

5. Konzekerani nthawi yochulukirapo

Claire anataya mtima kwambiri chifukwa sanathe kupeza ndalama zasiliva, "Nthawi zambiri ndimawona anzanga ali ndi ana ndipo ndimakonda kuwawona akukula. Zimadzaza mtima wanga ndi chisangalalo pamene kulira kwawo kumayamba kupanga mawu awo oyambirira. Nthawi zambiri ndimaganiza zotengera mwana, koma mabungwe sakhala ovomereza amayi omwe ali okha. wokondedwa ndi mtima wonse?”

Kupatukana ndi mnzanu wa moyo wanu n’kopweteka komanso kopweteka mtima. Koma zoona zake n’zakuti sizichitika mwadzidzidzi. Kunyalanyaza kumayamba nthawi yayitali zizindikiro zisanayambe kuonekera. Chifukwa chake ngati mukufuna kukumbukira zomwe zinachitika, muyenera kupeza njira yolumikizirananso ndi mnzanu wa muukwati. Pezani njira zambiri zosonyezera chikondi kwa mnzanu wa muukwati . Pitani ku madeti ambiri, ndipo patulani nthawi yanu yotanganidwa kuti mukhale limodzi.

Titha kutsiriza ndi chitsimikizo chakuti pali kuwala kwa chiyembekezo ngati mukuyang'ana! Pamene okwatirana onse aŵiri afuna ndi mtima wonse kulimbikitsa ukwatiwo, motsimikizirika mungatenge sitepe limodzi lakutsogolo ku tsogolo labwino.

Ibibazo

1. Kodi ndingasiye bwanji kulakalaka kukondedwa?

Aliyense ayenera kumva kukondedwa ndi kuvomerezedwa m'miyoyo yawo. Ngati mumangofuna kukondedwa, palibe cholakwika chilichonse. Malingana ngati chikhumbo chanu ndi chabwino. Ngati muli m'malire pa kudalira ndi kukakamira, muyenera kuyesetsa kuti mukhale odzidalira. Limbikitsani ubale wanu ndi inu nokha, ndipo khalani odzidalira m'malingaliro.

2. Kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani mukafuna kukondedwa?

Mutha kufotokozera zakukhosi kwanu ndi zosoweka zanu kwa wokondedwa wanu moona mtima. Khalani nawo pansi ndi kukambirana bwino. Auzeni kuti, “Ndimafuna chikondi ndi chikondi.” Kulankhulana momasuka n’kofunika muubwenzi uliwonse. Komanso, mutha kuyesetsa kukhala odziyimira pawokha (mumtima) pokhala ndi nthawi yanu. Pezani chikhutiro kuchokera ku zomwe mwakwaniritsa, kulumikizana kwanu, ndi moyo wanu.

3. Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani ngati simukukondedwa?

Mudzada nkhawa kuti simukukondedwa ndi aliyense. Zidzabweretsa kukhumudwa m'moyo wanu. Kukwiya kosalekeza kumakuvutitsani popanda chifukwa chenicheni. Zidzamva ngati chinachake sichinasinthe ndipo simukudziwa kuti ndi chiyani.

4. Kodi munthu angakhale wopanda chikondi?

Chikondi ndi ubwenzi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri zimene munthu amafunikira kuti akhale ndi moyo wosangalala ndiponso wokhutiritsa. Kaya kuchokera kwa okondedwa awo kapena achibale awo ndi abwenzi, moyo umakhala wokhutiritsa kwambiri ndi kukhudza kwachikondi.

5. Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani ngati palibe chikondi m'banja?

Chifukwa cha kusowa kwa chikondi, okwatiranawo amatha kupatukana. Mtunda uwu wopangidwa pakati pawo udzakhala wovuta kuphimba. Chikondi ndi ulemu zidzawulukira kunja kwa zenera. Sadzakambirana za chosankha chawo kapena kufunafuna malangizo. Pokhapokha ngati kusamalidwa kusanachedwe, kungayambitse kulekana.

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