Kodi Ndi Nthawi Yanji Yothetsa Chisudzulo? Mwina Mukawona Zizindikiro 13 Izi

Kodi kukwatiwa kwayamba kukuvutitsani posachedwapa? Kodi nthawi zonse mumadzifunsa kuti ndi nthawi yanji yoti musudzulane koma simukutsimikiza kuti mungatenge sitepe yaikulu chonchi? Mwinamwake mukufunadi kuti ukwati wanu ukhale wolimba, koma zikuwoneka zosatheka, ndipo tsopano, mukungoyang'ana zizindikiro kuti mwakonzeka kuthetsa banja.

Ukwati umakonda kuwonedwa ngati wakuda kapena woyera. Pali mtundu wamaloto, momwe mumavala chovala chokongola, kuyimirira pamaso pa abale ndi abwenzi ndikulonjeza kuti mukondana kwamuyaya pomwe gulu la oimba limasewera dzuwa likamalowa. Ndiye, mumakhazikika mosangalala mu moyo waukwati, kukondana wina ndi mnzake pang'ono tsiku lililonse, kukhala mosangalala mpaka kalekale.

Kapena, pali nkhani yomvetsa chisoni kwambiri ya 'nkhani yaukwati' yomwe simungapirirenso wina ndi mnzake, pomwe simungakhale m'chipinda chimodzi, mumangokhalira kukalipirana ndikuwopsezana kuti mudzayeretsana pakusudzulana.

Pali, komabe, malo otuwa, komwe mudakwatirana, mwina mudakali ndi malingaliro osadziwika bwino kwa wina ndi mnzake koma mukudziwa kuti sizikuyenda. Komabe, mumadzifunsabe kuti nthawi yoti musudzulane ifika liti ndipo banja lanu litha kutha ngakhale mutapanda kuchitapo kanthu.

Ngati ndi komwe muli, si malo okongola. Chifukwa chake, kuti tikuthandizeni panjira yanu yopita ku chisankho, tidalankhula ndi Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani yopatukana ndi uphungu wa kusudzulana, kuti atipatse chidziwitso cha zizindikiro zakuti mwakonzeka kusudzulana.

Zizindikiro 13 Zosonyeza Kuti Yakwana Nthawi Yothetsa Chisudzulo

Ndibwino ngati mukufuna kukonza ukwati wanu ndipo ngati mukukhulupirira kuti akhoza kupulumutsidwa. Koma kumbukirani kuti palibe manyazi kuchoka pachibwenzi chomwe sichikuyenda bwino. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukuganiza kuti chisudzulo ndi yankho lolondola liti, nazi zizindikiro 13 kuti nthawi yatha yatha.

1. Simukukhulupiriranso kapena kulemekeza okondedwa anu

Chikhulupiriro ndi ulemu ndizo maziko a ubale uliwonse wachikondi, wachikondi kapena ayi. M’banja, kukhulupirirana sikumangotanthauza kukhulupirira kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu adzakhala wokhulupirika kwa inu ndi banja lanu. Zimakhudzanso kudalira kuti adzakhala ogwirizana nawo m'njira iliyonse, kuti mugawane njira imodzi ndikumverera kosatha.

"Ukwati, ngakhale ubale uliwonse wokhazikika, sungathe kupulumuka pokhapokha ngati pali chikondi ndi chidani. Muukwati, anthu awiri ayenera kukhulupirirana ndi kulemekezana. Ngati m'modzi kapena onse awiri sangathe kuchita izi, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kupulumutsa ukwatiwo," akutero Shazia.

Ulemu, nawonso, uyenera kukhalapo m’kuyanjana kulikonse, mbali iriyonse ya banja labwino. Ngakhale mutakangana kapena kusagwirizana, ulemu ndi umene umakulepheretsani kuchita zinthu zopweteka dala kapena zankhanza. Ulemu ndi womwe umachititsa kuti onse awiri azigwirizana kuti akhale ndi ubale wabwino.

Ngati kudalirana ndi ulemu zikuchepa ndipo zikutha, zimakhala zovuta kuti mubwerere m'mbuyo. Mwina mukuganiza kuti nthawi yakwana yoti musudzulane mutachita chigololo ngati ukwati wanu ukutha, kapena mwina simukukhulupirira kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo mukulemekezananso muubwenzi . Mulimonsemo, izi zitha kukhala zizindikiro kuti mwakonzeka kusudzulana.

2. Nthawi zonse mumaganiza zochoka kapena chibwenzi ndi munthu wina

Louisa anati: “Ndinakhala m’banja kwa zaka zingapo.

Shazia akuchenjeza kuti malingaliro ndi zongopeka zoterozo zikhoza kukhala sitepe yoyamba ya kusakhulupirika kwachangu. “Chilichonse chimayamba ndi lingaliro.” Kukwatiwa ndi kumangoganizirabe za munthu wina ndi chizindikiro chakuti ukwati udzatha chifukwa chakuti kusunga umphumphu m’banja ndi udindo wa munthu aliyense payekha.

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Tsopano, pali nthawi zina ngakhale m'maukwati athanzi kwambiri pomwe timaganiza kuti tikufuna kuchoka kapena kulakalaka kukhala ndi munthu wina. Nthawi iliyonse mukaganizira za Idris Elba wopanda shati si chizindikiro chakuti mwakonzeka kuthetsa banja, choncho musapite kumeneko.

Komabe, ngati nthawi zonse mukusintha kusasangalala kwanu mu mapulani enieni ochoka, ngati muli ndi ndalama kuti mukhale ndi moyo wawekha zonse zomwe mwakonzekera komanso galimoto yothawirako nthawi zonse, chabwino, mwina muli ndi yankho la nthawi yachisudzulo.

3. Palibe ubwenzi wapamtima kapena wakuthupi

Ubwenzi ndi khalidwe lalikulu lomwe limafalikira pa maubwenzi okondana monga chishango ndi magetsi osalekeza omwe amalimbitsa mgwirizano. Ubwenzi umagwirizana kwambiri ndi kukhulupirirana ndi ulemu ndipo umabwera m'mitundu yonse, mwakuthupi, mwaluntha komanso m'malingaliro.

Kukambitsirana kwachete, kuseka, kupsompsona pang'onopang'ono, kupanga chikondi, kudziwa maganizo a wina ndi mzake ndikungoyang'ana - zonsezi zimabwera pansi pa ambulera ya ubwenzi. Ukwati kapena ubale womwe mtundu uwu waubwenzi watsiku ndi tsiku ulibe, motero, umakhala chigoba chopanda kanthu cha zomwe ziyenera kukhala.

“Kupanda kugwirizana m’maganizo kapena mwakuthupi ndi chenjezo lakuti chinachake sichikuyenda bwino m’banja ndipo onse aŵiri ayenera kufufuza mozama kuti aone mmene angayambirenso chibwenzicho, kapena kuti asankhe kuthetsa ukwatiwo,” akutero Shazia.

Mwina simukuchitanso zogonana. Mwina mukachita zimenezo, simukumva choncho. Miyoyo yanu imamva ngati yosiyana kotheratu, simulinso ogwirizana - anthu awiri omwe ali paulendo womwewo omwe ali ndi zolinga zofanana paubwenzi. Kuchepa kwa ubwenzi pakati pa okwatirana n'kofala, koma dzifunseni ngati izi sizikumveka bwino.

Kodi ndi nthawi yanji yoti mwamuna asudzulane, kapena ndi nthawi yoti asudzule mkazi wanga? Ngati mulibe ubwenzi wapamtima m’banja mwanu, awa ndi mafunso amene mungakhale nawo kaŵirikaŵiri m’maganizo mwanu.

4. Pali zizindikiro za nkhanza (kudzudzula nthawi zonse, kuyatsa moto) kapena kusakhulupirika muubwenzi wanu

Palibe ubale womwe ungakhalepo popanda kukoma mtima kwenikweni. Zoonadi, pali mikangano ndi mikangano koma kunyalanyaza mnzanuyo nthawi zonse, kuwatsitsa kapena kukana kuwona momwe akumvera ngati zomveka ndikuzunza. Ngati mukuganiza, "Ndi liti pamene kusudzulana ndi yankho lolondola?", Apa ndi pamene mutenga sitepe imeneyo.

Kuwotcha ndi gasi, kugwetsa miyala , ndi zina zotero ndi zizindikiro za nkhanza. Taganizirani izi. Kodi inu ndi/kapena mnzanu nthawi zonse mumakangana? Kodi pamakhala chete komanso kukana kuvomereza ululu wa wina ndi mnzake pambuyo pake? Kodi nthawi zonse mumakhala ndi ziwopsezo zochoka kapena kupita kwa wina? Kodi mumakayikira kale kusakhulupirika ngati chilango?

“Nkhanza zamtundu uliwonse zimawononga banja.” Zimamveketsa bwino lomwe kuti palibe kumvana kapena kulemekezana komwe kumatsalira pakati pa okwatirana, ndipo zikachitika, si bwino kupitiriza ndi ukwati chifukwa umakhala wachinyengo ndi wolemetsa,” anatero Shazia.

Kodi ndi nthawi yanji yoti ndisudzule mwamuna wanga kapena mkazi wanga?” Ngati mukulimbana ndi funsoli, dziwani kuti nkhanza zamtundu uliwonse ndizovuta kwambiri ndipo ziyenera kuchitidwa motere. M'malo monamizira kuti ndi 'zabwinobwino' ndikusesa pansi pa kapeti, itengeni ngati chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoti mwakonzeka kuthetsa banja.

5. Palibe kulankhulana muubwenzi wanu

Ndimakonda kukhala chete komanso kukhala chete m'moyo wanga, kunena zoona. Koma mfundo ndi yakuti: Zimenezi n’zosiyana ndi kulephera kulankhulana bwino m’banja kapena m’banja.

Mavuto olankhulana muubwenzi ndi ofala ndipo amapezeka kawirikawiri. Amafala kwambiri ngati mwangoyambana kumene, ngati pali zinthu zomwe muyenera kunena koma simungathe kutero (chifukwa cha kusowa nthawi, zochitika zina), kapena ngati inu ndi mnzanu mulibe zida zofunikira kuti mulankhulane bwino.

Kusalankhulana muubwenzi sikumangowonekera pamene simukuyankhula. Ndi pamene mumalankhula nthawi zonse koma osanena zomwe zili m'maganizo mwanu kapena zomwe zimayenera kunenedwa. Mwina mukufuna kulankhula za mavuto anu, mwina mukufuna kulankhula za tsiku lanu, koma sizichitika, ndipo zakhala choncho kwa kanthawi.

“Ngati maunansi osokonekera ayenera kuwonedwa ngati maloko, ndiye kuti kulankhulana ndiko mfungulo yowatsegula,” akutero Shazia, akuwonjezera kuti, “Ngati kiyi yatayika, ndiye kuti lokoyo sikungatsegulidwe, pamenepo, lokoyo iyenera kuthyoledwa.”

6. Mumamva kuti mwaphimbidwa

Ubwenzi wabwino ndi womwe suwopa kufotokoza malingaliro anu komanso momwe mukumvera. Mbali zakuya ndi zowona za inu ndizomwe zimathandiza kusunga umunthu wanu wapadera mukakhala m'banja kapena mtundu uliwonse wa ubale wautali, wodzipereka.

Pamene simungathe kukhala wekha m’banja, mwina mumamva ngati mukubweza maganizo anu mosalekeza chifukwa zingangoyambitsa mkangano, ndipo mumakhala wamantha kapena wotopa kwambiri kuti musalowenso m’zonsezo. Mwina nthawi iliyonse mukafuna kudzichitira nokha chinachake, mumamva kusakuvomerezani mwakachetechete kapena kungolemera kwambiri kuti palibe chifukwa.

Rob anati: “Panthaŵi yaukwati wanga, ndinali wolefuka kwambiri, zinali ngati kuvala pulasitiki pa umunthu wanga wonse, zimene mwachionekere zinakhudza unansi wanga,” akutero Rob, “ndinaona ngati sindingathe kuchita kanthu popanda kuvulaza mnzanga ndi ukwati wanga.

“Kodi ifika liti nthawi yoti ndisudzule mwamuna wanga kapena kuti ndisudzule mkazi wanga” kungakhale kukuzungulirani m’mutu mwanu pamene mukudzifunsa ngati ukwati wanu uli woyenereradi. Kutenga kwathu: Ngati kukufooketsa thupi lanu lonse, sikuli koyenera. Chotsani chisudzulo chimenecho.

7. Ubwenzi wanu umakhala wokhazikika

Chinthu chabwino kwambiri pakukhala munthu ndikuti ndife osinthika. Tikukula mosalekeza ndi kusinthika, mwachiyembekezo kudzakhala anthu abwino, anzeru kwambiri, okondana kwambiri. Mofananamo, maunansi a anthu ayenera kupita patsogolo; pafupifupi n’zosatheka kuti banja likhalebe lolimba ngati likuyenda.

Zingakhale zomveka bwino ngati kufuna kukhala ndi ana mutakwatirana, koma tikukhulupirira kuti munakambirana zimenezo musanakwatirane. Zingakhale kuti mmodzi wa inu akufuna kuti ukwatiwo ukhale wosangalatsa, wozama kwambiri, mwina wauzimu kwambiri, ndipo winayo sali pamalo amodzi. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za ukwati wosasangalala.

Sizichitika kawirikawiri kuti ukwati upite ndendende monga momwe unakonzera kapena ndendende monga momwe mumaganizira. Koma m’pofunika kuti okwatiranawo azindikire kuti ukwati ndi ulendo osati kungoima basi ndipo uyenera kupitiriza kukhulupirirana ndi kukhazikikamo.

Ndi liti pamene chisudzulo yankho lolondola ndi funso lovuta nthawi zonse. Koma ngati ubwenzi wanu ukukulirakulirabe, mwina ndi nthawi yoti musamukire nokha ndi kuganizira za chisudzulo.

8. Simumakambirana za mavuto anu

“Mavuto? Mavuto otani? Kumveka bwino? Kodi izi ndi zomwe mukunena modziteteza nthawi zonse pamene mnzanu kapena wachibale wanu akufunsani mokoma mtima ngati zonse zili bwino ndi banja lanu?

N’zoona kuti ukwati uliwonse, ubale uliwonse umabwera ndi mavuto ake, nkhawa zake komanso mavuto ake. Palibe chovuta kuthawa. Koma, kodi mumakambirana za izi? Kodi mumakambirana nkhani zomwe zimakuvutitsani kapena mungakonde kuzibisa nthawi zonse, mukumaganiza kuti zonse zili bwino?

“Sindinafune kuvomereza kuti ukwati wanga unali pamavuto,” akutero Mallory, “ndinaleredwa kukhulupirira kuti umakhalabe ndipo umaupangitsa kuti ugwire bwino ntchito ndipo ukapanda kufotokoza chenicheni chakuti zinthu nzoipa, m’pamenenso umakhala ndi mwaŵi wakuti ukwati wanu udzapulumuka.” Ndiponso, kodi vuto limakhaladi vuto ngati mukukana kuliwona?

Kodi ndi liti pamene nthawi yoti mwamuna asudzulane ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wake? Ndi liti pamene kusudzulana kuli yankho lolondola? Chabwino, ngati mukukhala podziwa kuti muli ndi mavuto koma mukulephera kukambirana, kapena kungokana kuvomereza, tinganene kuti izi ndizizindikiro kuti ukwati wanu uli pachiwopsezo.

9. Palibe masomphenya wamba amtsogolo

Monga tanenera, ukwati ndi ulendo ndipo wokondedwa wanu ayenera kukhala bwenzi lanu panjira. Zachidziwikire, mudzakhala ndi maloto ndi zolinga zanu, koma penapake, mizere iyi iyenera kusinthika kuti chimodzi mwazolinga zanu ndikuwonetsetsa kuti banja lanu likuyenda bwino.

Ngati tsogolo ndi pachimake ziwoneka zosiyana kotheratu kwa aliyense wa inu, n'zovuta kulingalira tsogolo limodzi. Mwinamwake mmodzi wa inu akufuna kukhala mumzinda kapena dziko lina, koma wina akufuna kukhala pafupi ndi banja lawo. Mwinamwake kukhala ndi ana ndi chinthu chosakambitsirana kwa mmodzi wa inu, koma winayo sakudziwa. Mwinamwake zolinga zanu zachuma ndizosiyana kotheratu.

Sikuti kusiyana kotere nthawi zonse kumakhala kosatheka kuyanjanitsidwa - mutha kukambirana zinthu ndikupeza mgwirizano. Koma pamene zolinga zazikulu ndi zisankho za awiriwa zapangidwa popanda kuganizira za mnzanu, ndi chizindikiro chotsimikizika kuti mwasiyana, mwina kutali kwambiri kuti mugwirizane mwachimwemwe komanso wathanzi.

Ngati mwakhala mukudabwa, ndi nthawi yanji yoti musudzule mwamuna wanga, kapena ndi nthawi yoti musudzule mkazi wanga, khalani pansi ndikuwona ngati chithunzi chanu chamtsogolo chikugwirizana kapena ayi.

10. Iwo salinso munthu wopita kwa inu

Mvetserani, sitikhulupirira kuti munthu wina wofunikira akhale munthu yekhayo m'moyo wanu - izi ndizovuta kwambiri kuyika munthu m'modzi kapena ubale uliwonse. Ndikwabwino kukhala ndi abwenzi, abale ndi okondedwa omwe angakuthandizireni.

Koma, ngati mwakwatirana ndi munthu, ngati mwasankha kugawana malingaliro anu ndi malo anu okhala nawo kwamuyaya, payenera kukhala pamlingo wina wa chiyanjano kumene iwo ndi munthu woyamba amene mukufuna kumuyitana pamene chinachake chachikulu chikuchitika. Kapena m'modzi mwa anthu oyamba omwe mudayimbira foni.

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Lucy anati: “Ndinadziŵa kuti ukwati wanga unatha pamene, usiku wina, ndinadzuka ndikudwala ndi kunjenjemera.

“Kodi nthawi yosudzula mwamuna wanga ndi liti” siliri funso losangalatsa kwambiri limene mungadzifunse. Koma ngati sali pamwamba pa malingaliro anu pamene chinachake chabwino kapena choipa kwenikweni chikuchitika, mosakayikira ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro kuti mwakonzeka kuthetsa banja.

11. Simuwaphonya kawirikawiri

Tsopano, simukuyenera kulumikizidwa mchiuno (kapena mbali ina iliyonse ya thupi) ndi okondedwa wanu tsiku lonse tsiku lililonse. Moyo umakonda kusokoneza nthawi yathu ndi okondedwa athu ndipo ndizabwinobwino kuti simumawonana nthawi zonse momwe mungafunikire, kapena momwe mumafunira.

Koma, taganizirani izi. Ngati muli okondwa kwambiri popanda iwo ndipo simumawasowa konse akakhala kutali, kodi ukwati wanu uli bwino kapena wathanzi bwanji? Ngati ndi malingaliro oti simukuonana bwino komanso osaganizira bwino, mwina muyenera kuganiziranso chifukwa chake muli mu ukwatiwu. Kodi mawu anu achikondi a nthawi yabwino sanamveke?

Pokhapokha mutakhala momveka bwino komanso motsindika muukwati wosavuta, tiyerekeze kuti mwasankha kukwatirana ndi okondedwa wanu chifukwa mumakondana komanso mumafuna kukhala limodzi. Kodi nthawi yosudzulana ndi iti? Mwina pamene simukusowa mnzanu konse.

12. Muli wosungulumwa m’banja mwanu

Elise anati: “Ndinali pachibwenzi kale pamene tinali limodzi, koma nthawi zonse ndinkadziona kuti ndine ndekha. “Ndinadzilonjeza kuti ukwati wanga sudzakhala wotero, koma pamapeto pake zinatero, mwamuna wanga anali wabwino ndithu ndipo sitinachitirana chinyengo, koma ndinali wosungulumwa.

Kukhala paubwenzi mwina ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe timalowera muubwenzi, chizindikiro cha chikondi. Kumva kusungulumwa muukwati kapena muli pachibwenzi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zoyipa kwambiri zomwe zimakhalapo - palibe chofooketsa kuposa kukhala pafupi ndi munthu amene mudadziphatika naye ndikumva kuti ndinu nokha. Ngati umu ndi momwe ukwati wanu wakhala ukumvera kwa kanthawi, pali mwayi waukulu kuti ukwati wanu udzatha ndi chisudzulo.

13. Nonse mwataya mtima

Kumenyera ubale ndi ukwati kumatanthauza kuti mumasamalabe, mukuganiza kuti ndikofunikira kupulumutsa ndipo zimawonjezerabe phindu ku moyo wanu. Kutayika kwa chifuniro ichi ndi chibadwa cha kumenyana kungasonyeze yankho la nthawi yachisudzulo.

Pali chinthu chotere ngati kumenyera nkhondo ukwati womwe wapita kutali kwambiri kuti ubwezeretsedwe. Mwayesapo chithandizo cha maanja, mudakhala ndi zokambirana zosatha, mwapita kokasangalala kwachiwiri, komabe, banja lanu limakhala locheperapo kuposa zomwe mukufunikira.

Koma, ndizoipa kwambiri mukakhala anthu awiri okha omwe ali m'banja, otopa kwambiri, achisoni komanso osokonezeka kuti musamenyerenso izi. Mukudziwa kuti mwina zatha, ndipo mwatha. Tsopano, mukungoyembekezera kuti mawu abwere - kuti ndi nthawi yothetsa ukwati.

Kusankha kusudzulana sikophweka. Mungayesedwe kukhalabe m'banja losasangalala chifukwa cha ana , zomwe Shazia akuchenjeza kuti zisachitike. "Mwina izi ndi zovuta kwambiri komanso zovuta kwambiri zomwe ana amakumana nazo, koma tikumbukire kuti anthu awiri osasangalala sangapangitse banja losangalala kapena ana osangalala," akutero.

“Malinga ndi msinkhu wa anawo, makolo onse aŵiri ayenera kulankhula momveka bwino kuti zinthu sizikuyenda bwino monga banja, koma iwo adzakhala makolo a anawo zivute zitani.

“Ndi bwino kukumbukira kuti nthaŵi zina okwatirana amagwiritsira ntchito ana awo kuchita malonda kapena kukambitsirana, zomwe zimangowonjezera chisudzulo.” Pamene kuli kwakuti kusudzulana, ngati onse aŵiriwo akumbukira zolankhula ndi zochita zawo, kudzakhala kosavuta kwambiri.

Ndi nthawi yanji yoti chisudzulo chilibe mayankho osavuta. Mwina ndi nthawi yoti musudzulane mutachita chigololo ngati banja lanu likutha chifukwa chiyani mungafune kukhalabe mumkhalidwe wowopsa chotere? Mwina mumangoganizira nthawi zonse kuti ndi nthawi yanji yoti mwamuna asudzulane, kapena nthawi yoti asudzulane ndi mkazi wanga.

Ngakhale kuti kusudzulana sikuyenera kuonedwa mopepuka, tili pano kuti tikukumbutseni kuti palibe vuto kusiya ukwati womwe ukukupangitsani kukhala wosasangalala. Ngati mukuona kuti mukufuna thandizo la akatswiri, gulu la akatswiri a Bonobology lili pano kuti likuthandizeni. Tikukhulupirira kuti zikuyenda bwino kwa inu.

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