Relationship goals in marriage
What do you feel is the purpose of life? Is it success? Truth? Peace? Many have claimed that the ultimate purpose of life is the pursuit of happiness. And what is happiness when it is not shared with a loved one? What is success when you can’t call your mom and tell her that you have got your dream job? What is fame when everyone sees you but no one truly does? In life, we look for many things. We look for jobs, cars, good food and homes. But all of these fall short in bringing us true happiness when we don’t have someone to share it with. Perhaps that is the goal of human existence. To be able to share, be it pain, rage or delight. Everything becomes real and more meaningful when shared.
So, what is it truly like to find that one companion and share with them your entire life? They will tell you love changes with years. Lust fades. Patience settles in. And we wonder if, sitting on an armchair as an eighty something year old, how will we feel about the wrinkly yet grinning person sitting next to us. What is it we truly want from our relationship at that age? I asked myself exactly that and here’s what I realised I wanted:
1. To be able to still laugh at each other’s jokes
It doesn’t matter if their humour hasn’t improved over the years. You still find them funny and they appreciate being able to make you laugh even after all those years.
2. To be able to appreciate each other’s changes
Their hair may have greyed and they look more tired and worn than when you met. But all those wrinkles you have now, you have gathered together. Beauty is a fleeting concept but true love eternal.
3. To value each other’s company but still know the importance of giving space
As you spend years together, things like belongings and concepts of privacy get tangled up. But if even in your old age you know when not to cross a line and give each other some space, you do indeed share a beautiful relationship.
4. To be able to make impulsive decisions
Old age does nothing to bring you down. You still enjoy each other’s company and taking terrible decisions together. Even at that age, you still have a partner-in-crime in them.
5. To tease each other like kids
You give each other space and respect but you also tease each other like you are kids. You keep making jokes at their expense and they keep throwing plates full of pastries at your grinning face.
6. To make up stories about each other
Maybe tell them to your kids and grandkids. Or your friends who have no idea you’re lying. The funnier and more believable the stories, the more fun you will have telling them.
7. To be able to pull pranks
On each other and on your friends and kids. Hide each other’s walking stick or fake teeth. Invite your kids for dinner and vanish yourself for a dinner at a fancy restaurant or something. The possibilities are endless. The point is to not forget to have fun with each other and at each other’s expense.
8. To fight vehemently but come back to each other
To be still able to fight like mad alley cats and then come back to each other at the end of the day is a blessing indeed. Because even when you are still mad at them, you are still too much in love to stay away from them.
9. To be able to respect each other
You have seen them lose their fake teeth more than once and make some very ungodly noises while in the bathroom. You have seen them mistake mustard for ketchup. You have seen them make the stupidest of mistakes. But you respect each other in spite of so many years of stupidity and that indeed is true love.
10. To appreciate waking up next to them every morning
You appreciate seeing their face each morning when you wake up, even if they sleep toothless and drool onto their pillow. Beauty is ever changing and your definition of it has changed just as your lover has. And as time goes by, you appreciate having them in your life more and more.
Today, it has become fairly hard to find someone you can date for more than a few months. So if you have been truly lucky enough to find someone you want to spend your life with, I hope you cherish every moment you spend with each other, even when you are 80 and withering. Life is too short to live without love. Perhaps that is the one truth and need of human existence. To love and be loved even as we fade away. That is the one thing that lives on forever.