I am a 35-year-old woman who runs her own business, protected by a supportive family, surrounded by a motley group of friends, appreciated by well-wishers, strengthened by obstacles and road blocks and happiest when reading, writing and teaching. I love to chase dreams and fulfil them, not for worldly ambition but to test and push my own abilities and faith in life generally. I also live alone and I am happily uncommitted, without the slightest feeling of any lack in my life.
Now, I am not the kind of person who rants about relationship issues. I have none. I am very happy. I love my own company a lot. I love spending time by myself in my house where I have the freedom to be, do and think as I want. This is not because I have any social phobia – in fact my work makes me extremely active socially – but I thoroughly respect myself and my life. However, as I am getting older, people seem to think that being single is a life threatening issue that will only get worse as the years pass! I find this utterly funny and totally rubbish.
I am single because I have not loved anyone to the extent that I would marry him.
I have been in love. And I have been out of it. I have created wonderful memories with each one of my lovers and I have torn apart a few dreams. I have hurt and I have been hurt. I have wallowed in self-pity and I have made my lovers miserable. I have made disastrous choices and have laughed in hindsight. I have loved and I have been loved back. I have dated quite a number of men and even have contemplated marriage with a couple of them. Mostly, I have been happy in my comparatively short-term love stints. But no one has set my heart on fire. Yet.
The fact is, I believe in LOVE. I believe that it is above the considerations of time, age and status. I feel that love should bring us the joy of companionship and not compromise. I know that love is not bound by gravity but levitated through emotions. Love is natural and has its own trick of finding a way. Love is respect and following mutual goals emotionally, spiritually and materialistically for individual growth and as a couple. Love is about two different individuals coming together to live their promise to each other.
While searching for my knight in shining armour, I became one for myself. I earn my living, I take my own decisions and I am pretty content with all ups as well as downs. While each person has the right to nurture their own opinions, the idea of falling in love for ‘stability’ and ‘settling down’ has always sent a shiver down my spine! I refuse to do so. For me, these can never be the reason for marrying someone.
I would rather curl up with a book than in the arms of the wrong man. I would rather cast lovelorn eyes on star-studded skies than sleep beside a stranger.
I would rather work relentlessly even when I want to rest, rather than accept anything from a person I don’t wish to know. I would rather be heartbroken alone than have my heart broken every day by a man I am tied to. I would rather follow my own instincts and remain single than follow social norms to regret later.
Related reading: What I learnt about love at 30…it’s over-rated
However, let’s get a couple of things straight. I have nothing against marriage, even if it happens through a matrimonial website! Many such couples I know are happy and secure with each other. I would love to get married. I would love to be with a man with whom I can share my thoughts, money and body. I would love to discover the joys of being a wife and a mother. But if it isn’t happening let’s not force it!
Second, I am not an idealist. I am a romantic. The men I have dated have been amazing but not flawless. They came with their own baggage and that never stopped me from loving them. The fact that they had a story to tell and carried their own special traits made them all the more alluring. And who am I to judge when I have my own shortcomings to deal with? But what I have realised in the end is: It’s not about the perfect man, but the right one!
And I am willing to wait.