Often, in our desperate desire to love someone and be loved by them, we tend to overlook their red flags. When certain men find their selfish purpose in a relationship, they pretend to love their girlfriends just so that they can use them for their benefit. But how do you really know if he’s pretending to love you?
Moreover, why would someone pretend to love you? The reasons may seem baffling to you since you’d never expect such a betrayal in the first place. And that’s exactly why some of the signs he never loved you can slip right by you since you’re so blinded by the trust you have in him.
But then, how do you find out how he truly feels? He’s not exactly going to walk around carrying a placard. Well, we’ve done some research and rounded up some things to look out for. Let’s take a look at all the signs, and what to do when someone pretends to love you.
How Do You Know If A Guy Is Pretending To Love You?
Knowing if your boyfriend is showing signs he pretends to love you is not all that difficult. Someone who doesn’t care about you will unintentionally make it evident that he is only pretending. You may find your boyfriend to be emotionally distant, careless, and simply not bothered about you. These are some of the first signs he is pretending to love you.
When someone pretends to love you, it’s possible that the indications of it may be more visible to those around you, since your rose-tinted glasses will very effectively help you avoid all signs of trouble. Before it gets too late, however, it’s vital to spot them and figure them out. Wondering what are some sure-shot signs he’s faking his love for you? Keep reading!
1. Your relationship is hidden from all
There are men who are shy and avoid opening up in front of other people. But in most cases, this shyness does not apply to their girlfriends. A man in love will proudly tell the world (or at least his close friends) that he is in love with an incredible woman.
If your man is hiding your relationship from everybody, especially to the extent that he pretends to be just friends with you in front of his best buddies as well, then that is one of the clearest signs he’s faking his love for you.
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2. He avoids discussing the future with you
Let’s look at the examples of two men for this sign: Joy and Kevin. Joy is in a relationship with a woman but they have not been together long enough to be discussing their future. Nonetheless, Joy avoids discussing his other future plans regarding his work and life in general as well.
On the other hand, Kevin is two years into a relationship with his girlfriend. He shares everything about his work and life with her, but when she brings up their future, he immediately changes the topic.
Who, out of these two, is showing signs of fake love? The answer is: both. If a man avoids any kind of future discussion with you, it means that he doesn’t see you in his life in the long term, and you really should take it as one of the signs he is faking his love for you.
3. Physical intimacy seems to be his only priority
An acquaintance of mine, Natasha, has wonderful sexual chemistry with her partner. Her man really satisfies her. But when it comes to spending time together after sex, he suddenly has urgent work to attend to. The man practically disappears when it’s “that” time of the month.
You already know what we mean if you relate to this. One of the biggest signs he’s not in love with you is that he doesn’t bother to emotionally connect with you. Physical intimacy comes easy to him but he is always emotionally distant.
4. Date nights don’t exist in his dictionary
Getting all dressed up and going on dates? Signs he pretends to love you clearly state that your man would never do that. Going on a date means going out of the way to make you feel like he really loves you and wants to make you feel like a queen. Well, when a man shows no interest in doing something special for you, he is showing signs he is not in love with you.
So, if he suddenly remembers a work meeting or a phone call to his mother every time you suggest a date, girl, he’s a fake. In this situation, you’ll also see signs he pretends to love you through text when he won’t even be bothered to cancel your dates via a call. If he thinks texting you, “Sorry, busy. Raincheck”, is good enough to cancel your plans, he needs to be shown that it is not.
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5. He makes you feel like you are a burden to him
Charlotte and Henry have been together for almost a year now, but with every passing day, Charlotte feels like she is a burden on Henry. Whenever Charlotte makes an effort to connect, Henry finds a way to make her feel like it’s a burden to even talk to her. Would you consider that as one of the signs he is faking his love?
No matter the duration of your relationship, if at any given point in time your boyfriend makes you feel like you’re a pain to deal with and a big burden to carry, take it as one of the major signs he never loved you, to begin with. Run in the other direction, ’cause girl, you’re in a fake relationship!
6. His relationship is only based on taking, not giving
From money to emotional dependence to physical intimacy, you feel like your boyfriend keeps taking things from you but never bothers to return the favor. It could be seemingly tiny favors such as you always cooking him dinner or getting the groceries. Yes, that is one of the signs he is not in love with you.
Men, no matter how selfish they appear to be, always have a soft corner for the ones they love and are always willing to give them the moon and the stars. This lack of giving in a relationship can be considered one of the direct signs he never loved you.
7. He is never there for you when you need him
You’re sick, you’ve had a bad day at work and you could use some pampering. Oh wait, he’s never there. How is it possible that anytime anything goes down with you, whether you are struggling or feeling low, he is just never there? What would you call that, if not signs he’s faking his love for you?
Most boyfriends cannot stand to see their girlfriends feeling low. They would rush to make their partner feel better in any way that they can. If your man does not even pick up your calls when you need him, take it as a relationship red flag and leave him.
Related Reading: When Friends And Family Give You Bad Relationship Advice
8. Your friends don’t seem to really like him
Your love for your boyfriend might make you blind to his flaws but your friends have their eyes wide open and observe all the signs he doesn’t miss you or love you. It is understandable that you would want to give your relationship a chance despite the apprehensions of your close ones, but if they have been warning you a lot and you can’t find any counters to their reservations, that is one of the signs he is faking his love for you.
We get it, if your friends point out why they don’t like him and why they think he’s not in it for the right reasons, you might be left asking yourself things like, “Why would someone pretend to love you? What’s the point?” The point of the whole thing only rests with him, but the reaction to being lied to rests with you. Don’t let him walk all over you.
9. He has expertise in gaslighting you
Is he late? It’s your fault. Did you guys fight? It’s your fault. Did he make you feel worthless? Yep, it is still your fault. If gaslighting is an area of expertise for your boyfriend, it’s among the glaring signs he pretends to love you.
Take Joey, for instance. No matter what happens with his girlfriend, he always manages to make it her fault. Towards the end, his girlfriend was left with no self-esteem and cursed herself for not seeing the red flags. If you can relate to what Joey’s girlfriend went through, start seeing the gaslighting signs he doesn’t love you and leave your man.
You’d find him throwing gaslighting phrases at you, and you’ll hopefully notice them sooner rather than later. In cases of gaslighting, you can also see signs he pretends to love you through text. No matter what happens, you’ll always be the one to blame.
10. He doesn’t care about your growth or development
Motivating, encouraging and pushing your limits are among a boyfriend’s responsibilities. A man who loves you would always want to see you succeed, and he will make sure that he stands by you in your personal and professional development. One of the biggest signs he never loved you is if you’ve never received any encouragement or motivation from his end.
He never seems to care about your growth and never even bothers to ask you about your goals and dreams. For example, if you just got a new job opportunity and were very excited about it, you’d obviously want to share your excitement with your partner. But if it looks like he’s not interested in sharing your joy at all, girl, this is not the man you need in your life.
11. When someone pretends to love you, they never bothers to make you feel special
Let’s say you are in a long-distance relationship and because of your busy schedules, you are unable to talk as much as you used to. However, if your man really misses you, what would he do? Well, he would make you feel special. He will send gifts and plan surprises. He will also take time out to call you no matter how busy he is. Is your boyfriend not doing that? Then it’s one of the crucial signs he doesn’t miss you and is probably planning to break up with you.
12. He is never open in his communication
The key to any relationship, especially long-distance relationships, is communication. Talking openly about what both of you feel, what is bothering you, and how you can sort it out is essential to keep a relationship afloat and strengthen it as you go along.
However, if your man is showing signs he doesn’t miss you, then how are you even going to communicate with him? If your boyfriend is not open in his communication and doesn’t care about what you are feeling, then there can be no bigger sign he is faking his love for you.
Communication problems are common in many relationships, but when love is real, there is an effort to make it work. If you see him actively trying to ignore you even after understanding how your lack of communication upsets you, it’s a clear signs he never loved you, or at least never cared much about what you’re feeling.
13. Your gut is telling you that he is only pretending
No matter how many pointers you read on signs he is pretending to love you, you are not going to believe them if your gut doesn’t tell you that he is. The fact that you made it to the end of this article proves that your gut is telling you that the signs he is not in love with you hold true for your relationship and you need to listen.
It may seem like a difficult task to break up with someone. But it is always better to stay single than be with someone who keeps showing signs he never loved you. If breaking up is too hard, take the help of a friend or a professional, but get yourself out of it before he breaks your heart.
It is honestly heartbreaking to read such pointers and find out that your boyfriend matches most of the signs he never loved you, to begin with. It may seem like the end of the world and you may question yourself and your worth, but you really should not.
If someone cannot see your worth, that is their loss. Pick yourself up, straighten your crown and be the queen that you are. Don’t let any man who keeps showing signs he pretends to love you play with you. And if you’re wondering what to do when someone pretends to love you, realize your worth and take control of the situation. You got this!