Three days ago, I stood outside the doctor’s chamber waiting to show him my wife’s medical reports. She was not keeping well at all. Her forehead burnt with fever every two-three days. She was bleeding for two to three weeks continuously. Her stomach was bloating up. She was passing blood with her urine and stool. She was a mess and she didn’t want to see a doctor. But I insisted and got the doctor home and she had no choice. He prescribed some tests and I got them done. I was worried. What’s wrong with Shikha? As I stood outside with her reports, various thoughts came to my mind, but nothing prepared me for what the doctor was about to say. I always believed we had a loyal relationship with a lot of good qualities. But I didn’t know it would be shattered in seconds.
(As told to Joie Bose)
Does an STD always mean your partner is cheating?
“Mr. Goyal, you must prepare yourself for what you will hear. What your wife has, it has been transmitted to her via sexual intercourse. We need to get some more tests done to understand exactly what it is. I still can’t fathom whether it is life threatening for her or not. I will refer the patient to a specialist now and I suggest you get the following tests done as well.”
As far I knew we always had a fiercely loyal relationship, so how did this happen? I was totally at a loss. When did she have intercourse with someone else that she contracted an STD?
My head was reeling with questions. I had always heard about sexually transmitted diseases, but I did not know I would have to deal with my wife having it. Then the thought of my own tests was terribly stressful.
I couldn’t handle it so I went to the shrink
After I heard the doctor, I couldn’t go home. Sexually transmitted disease means she has had sex with someone else apart from me! Who was he? Was she in love with him? Would she leave me for him? Was he better than me in bed? These thoughts kept plaguing me. When did our loyal relationship fall apart like this?
Looking back, since her life expectancy was being doubted, I should have worried about that. But at that point of time, it didn’t strike me as hard. Shikha was not exclusively mine and God was punishing her for it. I wanted to call her and not call her at the same time.
I broke my phone in anger and went to a bar, dousing myself in a couple of beers. Better sense prevailed after a few hours and I found myself sitting in a shrink’s office. I needed professional help to get me through this. I had decided that while sitting in the bar.
I never mentioned another man to Shikha
I didn’t mention the other man to Shikha when I first told her about this later that evening. I was calm and I still am calm. It’s just been three days and we are going through the tests and the doctors. She is my lawfully wedded wife and I need to fulfil my duties. I don’t want her to die. People make all sorts of mistakes. My next session with the shrink is next week. I don’t know what’s going to happen next.
I look at Shikha when she is sleeping. She looks so vulnerable and weak. She can’t really fathom how much I love her, and perhaps it’s my fault that I wasn’t able to make her realize this. We always had a loyal relationship, but somewhere we must have drifted apart as husband and wife. Otherwise, how could this have happened? Wonder who that man is. I wonder how my life will be if she leaves me. I wonder what will happen if she dies. Thank God we don’t have children. This is the only silver lining in this dark cloud.