12 Signs That You Are Dating A Stalker and need To Breakup

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The world of dating is full of surprises. But at times, these surprises might manifest themselves in dangerous ways. One such experience would be when you realise that the man who seems to admire you is actually stalking you.

The signs of dating a stalker are not absolutely easy to spot – but once you do, you should cut yourself loose from that relationship immediately. It is never easy to push aside a lover who shows some alarming signs of obsessive behaviour. However, there are a few signs that will always show up. One needs to remain alert and pick these up early to avoid trauma.

If you think you are dating a stalker, you simply cannot be naive and snub signs of obsessive love. There are people who have stalker tendencies latent in them and you need to recognise these so you can escape before things escalate.

Facts About ‘Stalkers And Stalking’

Collin’s English dictionary defines stalking as

the act or crime of pursuing or following someone persistently or threateningly

and stalker as

A person who follows or chases another person against his or her will in a threatening or frightening manner

Thee is a fine line between crazy in love and downright obsessive behaviour. It is easier to ignore the signs of a stalker if you are dating them. Since you feel like most of their actions are out of love. For example, a boyfriend who is head over heels is bound to check up on you constantly via texts, calls, Facebook messages etc.

This may seem normal at first but if you feel like the volume of these texts and calls is borderline obsessive, keep an eye out. Better safe than sorry!

Stalkers leave their victims feeling harassed, scared, and even violated.

Here are some astounding facts 1 regarding stalkers:

80.4% of stalking victims are women while the majority of perpetrators, (70.5%) are men
1 in 10 stalkers, who weren’t in any previous relationship, act on the threats they make
1 out of 5 women and 1 out of 10 men will be victims of obsessive stalking in their adult life

Typically, all over the world, it is women who are stalked. These are mostly situations where it is the boyfriend or lover who is directly involved. It might not be limited to simply following the woman where she goes. Stalking often includes defining the victim’s property, leaving threatening email, SMS and WhatsApp messages and notes.

Such stalkers are often known to illegally watch and follow women over a certain period of time. It should not be ignored under any circumstances. This crime is of a complicated nature, which often goes unreported and is easily misunderstood. But there will always be signs of a stalker that you need to read carefully.

If he is going through your phone or making too many surprise visits to office then he is a stalker in the making — Image source

Related reading: 10 Bollywood films that glorify stalking

12 Signs You Are Dating A Stalker And Need To Break Up For Good

Once you glimpse the first signs that your lover is stalking you, you need to act quickly. Knowing that you are being stalked can be a very disturbing feeling. It may even have long-term psychological repercussions. There is a very thin line that separates love from obsession and one must be careful to never have to cross that line. If you realise you are being stalked, you have to brace yourself for the somewhat difficult steps to undertake before you terminate your association with a stalker.

But before that, here are the signs that you are dating a stalker:

1. He catches you unawares at home or in office

Soon after your first few meetings or exchanges, he surprises you with an unplanned visit to your office or at home. It can leave you all rattled since in all likelihood he shouldn’t have even known the address so soon. This obsessive chasing could have you harrowed for sure. If you know for a fact that you did not give him your address, isn’t it a tad bit creepy he found out on his own?

2. He remains forever curious about where you venture out

He is never convinced by words. When you tell him where you went, he needs corroboration in the form of evidence. He tries to ask you for pictures taken there or checks with your acquaintances. Or even tries to suggest that he knows where you were better than you do. This behaviour can really get on your nerves. It might be an indication that he is stalking you.

3. He seems to be in a hurry to meet your family

There is a time for everything. But he wants to go a step further and meet your parents, even when you have no reached that stage in your relationship. A boyfriend who is stalking you would arm himself with all the details about you and your family. This unnecessary hurry could really bother you.

Related Reading: Real-Life Incidents That Show The Threats Women Face In Online Dating

4. All hell breaks loose if you don’t respond to his call or messages immediately

He does not understand that you were busy or out of network or simply not checking your phone just then. By the time you send him your reply, your phone is inundated with harsh and unreasonable remarks about your perfectly forgivable delay. He will literally lose it and spam you unnecessarily.

A potential stalker will shout at you if you pick up the phone late or do no answer messages — Image source

5. He expects you to agree with him all the time

A prominent sign of obsession and stalking is your boyfriend’s unwillingness to take a ‘No’ for an answer. He hates to hear ‘No’ from you and expects and insists that you concur. It’s his way or the highway. He is persistent and can only see things going his way. This can be a real deal-breaker. You need to watch out.

6. He threatens to inflict self-injury

When he begins to realise that you want to end the relationship, he indicates his intention to hurt himself. These could sound like very seriously harmful plans. In extreme cases of obsession in love, stalkers could imply that they plan to end their lives.

Related reading: 15 Steps to Get Rid of a Stalker and Be Safe

7. He is very jealous

Being possessive about the lover is common and is experienced by either partner sometime or the other in the initial stages of a relationship. However, a stalker boyfriend can get jealous at the drop of a hat and you may have to deal with his frequent outbursts.

Obsessive jealousy stems from insecurity and can ruin a relationship. You need to consider an exit.

8. He finds data on you before you provide it to him

You may be understandably shocked to hear your salary figures, your last vacation details, your birthday party guest list, etc. from your stalker boyfriend. Being obsessively in love and thus wanting to read your life like a book is what they desire. A potential stalker would go all out to find out the tiniest details about your life too soon for your comfort. We received a query from a man who spoke about how his wife cloned his phone to spy on him. Read more about this here.

These are only one of the few ways a stalker will harm your personal peace.

If he finds data on you before you provide it he is a stalker in the making — Image source

9. You get a lot of blank calls from unknown numbers

The caller seems to hang up immediately after hearing your voice. Worse still, he stays mute on the line and listens to your reaction to plan his next move. An unmistakable sign of a stalker who believes this is just love and he’s making sure that you are alright. Stalkers are often delusional.

10. He spies on you

His love turns into an obsessive addiction and he cannot get you out of his mind. He feels a compulsive need to always know everything about you, even if he has to deploy someone to get these details. You both might be suddenly bumping into each other a bit too often. This is not to be taken as coincidence.

Related reading: How To Deal With A Gaslighting Spouse?

11. He is uncomfortable if you leave his side at a social gathering

He wants to stay with you the whole time in a public gathering with friends or family. If you happen to move around, he keenly watches where you go and who you interact with. He even gets angry with you if you talk to another male friend or acquaintance. This is not love; it can be dangerous levels of obsession.

12. He interrogates your friends all the time

He gets in touch with your friends, co-workers and neighbours to find out about your previous relationships, your social life, your daily routine, your hobbies, etc.

Him wanting to keep tabs on everything you do daily is not normal and definitely not something that people do in love.

Related Reading: Confession of an insecure wife – Every night after he sleeps, I check his messages

Such relationships can be potentially toxic and you need to find a way out of them. Interest in the partner’s life and excessive curiosity bordering on madness should not be confused for love. This obsessive, stalking behaviour could get out of control anytime and blow over causing a lot of complications for both partners and families involved.

I was stalked. That’s when I realised what’s wrong with Bollywood glorifying stalking

I’m a straight woman who was stalked by another woman, and it was just as scary

When scorned women misuse the law for their own selfish motives