There’s no denying that marriage after a baby changes completely, and your roles as husband and wife switch to being mom and dad. To avoid an unhappy marriage after a baby, you need to be prepared in advance for the new parent life, which includes little me-time, romance time, or time alone with your friends.
Yes, it is true that your life changes after having a baby, but it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. If you know what to expect before going in, you as a couple can brace yourselves and understand that this is going to be your new life now, and it would be better if you did it as a team rather than rivals.
How Your Life Changes When You Have A Baby?
We decided to have a baby a decade into our marriage, out of choice, something most people don’t understand, especially the extended family. An uncle once asked me, “Still no issues?” to which I had replied, “I got plenty, I promise you!” I wonder who came up with the idea of calling kids ‘issues’.
I mean she (I am assuming she) must be a genius of some kind and finely tuned psychologically into a parent’s mind. And people just assume that all relationship conflicts are magically resolved in a marriage after a baby. Every member of the family thinks they are an expert in relationship counselling.
So, our extended family were obviously confused and perhaps wondered about our decision of not having kids in the following ways:
- Is she infertile or is it the husband?
- The couple seems reasonably compatible in public but who knows the inside story.
- It must be that overbearing woman that does not want kids; the boy seems so sweet.
- Maybe the woman is ‘career oriented’ and isn’t capable of raising her own kids.
- Maybe the husband on account of his profession had kids elsewhere (he’s a marine engineer that many know as ship guy).
And after analyzing every single point, they will conclude with, “anyway, how does it bother us? Kids these days make decisions for themselves.”
However, after 5 years into the marriage, no one cared about us not having kids. The topic became outdated and boring and everyone moved on to the next couple in the family, not that it bothered me or my husband.
Related Reading: Should I Have A Baby? Decide To Go Ahead With These 12 Reasons
The bundle of joy
So, when I did get pregnant finally – everyone was shocked. I was always aware that your life changes after having a baby. We were happy-go-lucky, loved to travel, watch live comedy shows and movies and now this little fellow would surely create havoc in our perfect life.
I knew all of that, but knowing things theoretically and living the life is another story. The number of unhappy marriages after a baby are innumerable, and most of these marriages end in divorce. Luckily for my husband and I, we did a lot of research, and prepared for life after a baby.
Miracle of birth
I heard a lot of my friends tell me, “My husband changed after the baby”, and “Trust me, your marriage after a baby will not be the same again”, and many other comments on how your life changes when you have a baby. I kept all of these things in mind during my pregnancy, and didn’t hide any of my insecurities from my husband.
That is something all women should keep in mind- unless you talk to your partners, they will never know your concerns, and without being vulnerable with each other, the drift in your relationship is inevitable.
So while the miracle of birth, holding the tiny person for the first time, the first word and the precious giggles are all awe inspiring, let me highlight how all of this will change the language in your marriage, both for the good and bad.
Full change ahead
So this is your new life after baby arrives:
- When he asked me (wink*wink), what I would like to do on the weekend …the answer invariably would be to sleep for 6 hours straight without disturbance (orgasmic).
- The rare day that I did decide to oblige my husband, I would mention in the sexiest possible way that I didn’t wax my legs, but did take a shower, and for once don’t smell of baby powder, baby vomit or baby poo. Interested?
- How to have a good marriage after baby? Continue the tradition of date night! Date nights earlier comprised of a sexy dress, wine and clubbing from 9 pm till the morning; date night after the baby meant pajamas, the couch, the TV, maybe a glass of wine and crashing at 9 pm.
- Gourmet meals earlier comprised fresh herbs, fancy cheese and wine combinations and usage of multiple recipe books. They transformed into a combination of bread, jam, peanut butter and cheese slices and as an added bonus, Gerber’s banana and mixed berry pudding.
- The most important battery operated gadget became the breast pump of course.
- A marriage after baby is all about which schools are best in town, where to shop for baby clothes, and which restaurants are child-friendly. Before the baby, you didn’t need to worry about any of these things.
- Your sleep cycle is practically non-existent. All you’ll be able to manage are naps, whether it is during the day or night.
Apart from all of the above, my husband and I, after the baby, functioned like roommates mostly, as we had this beautiful and tiny chaperone between us! Fortunately, my husband didn’t hesitate to help or worry about his testosterone levels while assisting in so-called mommy duties (diaper changes, putting baby to bed, baby massages and giving the baby a burp after a feed).
No one said having a baby is easy. Everything is difficult, right from the start of the overwhelming pregnancy to the painful delivery, to when they start taking their first steps and going off to school. But birthing and raising a human is so beautifully wholesome and fulfilling, as we watch them grow into their own individuals one day.
Although the romance did decrease, the love only grew stronger. We worked together, as a team, to raise a beautiful baby girl, that we made together. After witnessing this miracle of life, we decided to expand our little family and have more kids.
The best thing you can do for your relationship is raise your child as a team, by learning to let go of the little quarrels and disagreements. You won’t even realize when the earlier ‘spark’ and ‘romance’ in your relationship grew into unconditional love.
Do all the old things you used to do before- go on date nights, watch a movie together, and when you’re both ready and comfortable, start having sex again. Every relationship needs a little intimacy.
Yes, for the worse and for the better, depending on how you decide to raise your child, and how mature you are in letting things go. If you let your ego and frustration get in the way, the love in your marriage will slowly fade away.