Infidelity hurts. Cheating your spouse can never be justified, no matter how miserable your marriage is. Having an illicit affair with someone outside a relationship or a marriage may seem exciting at first, but gradually leads one to guilt trips. These are some of the common cheating lessons to be drawn from breaching the line of fidelity in a committed relationship.
Once your affair is discovered, you may be filled with anguish, guilt, shame or be happy about it as you feel free now. Your reaction notwithstanding, it cannot be denied that cheaters almost always regret their actions. The degree of remorse may vary, but it is always there. Anyone who cheats will look inwards once in a while.
Lessons Learned From Infidelity
Once an affair has been discovered, it can cause pain and anguish if you still love your partner, or set you free if you were looking out of the relationship. How do cheaters feel about themselves after doing something so cruel? Whatever it may be, most people who cheat do have some takeaways to take from the experience.
While some realize it is not worth having an affair, some find a newfound sense in their life and vouch that every second of being in a lifelong extramarital affair is worthwhile. The lessons learned from infidelity are different for different people.
Your personality, your values, the state of your relationship all play a part in determining what cheating lessons you learn in the process of tasting the forbidden fruit. Even so, there are some common themes in people’s takeaway from a brush with infidelity.
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6 People Revealed How Do Cheaters Feel About Themselves
Yes, dealing with infidelity is a soul-crushing experience, but the harsh reality is that it is more common than we think it is. Do cheaters suffer? Do they regret cheating? Or are they unfazed by their actions? How do cheaters feel about themselves? We’re giving you the gist of all the reactions people have after indulging in infidelity.
We bring you personal accounts of 6 personal stories, and the different cheating lessons people learned after they got involved in an extramarital affair:
Related Reading: Infidelity: Should You Confess To Cheating On Your Partner?
1. Not worth the pain
My spouse came to know about our affair through a text which I had forgotten to delete. He was in intense pain and I was the cause of it. I felt almost physical anguish at seeing him so miserable. At that point, no fun, excitement that I had had in the other relationship seemed worth it.
I think an affair is worth it only if no one ever finds out (unless you are in an open relationship). Otherwise, it is too devastating for all involved. So if you’re wondering, “Do cheaters suffer?” Yes, they do.
2. What I was missing
It was the affair that made me realize that I was with my wife only for the children. That I did not love her anymore. Not even as a companion. We were with each other as two business partners are. And that can be an extremely unfulfilling state of being.
Love brings different happiness, my affair made me realize I was missing out on that. Cheating in a marriage made me see that there were people out there that could make me happy. Now, I have to figure out what to do with this new knowledge.
Of course, I have to think of my wife too. I understand that it is not her fault. But these lessons learned from infidelity gave me a new perspective in life – that relationships are not always about compromise. And I want to feel happy in a relationship. I think I deserve that.
3. I don’t judge anymore
I had always looked down upon cheaters, and could not understand why they do what they do. One of the greatest cheating lessons for me is that I stopped judging cheaters. Things happen. And in my case, it wasn’t even out of love. It was pure lust. Yet after a drink too many with someone I had had a crush on, it happened. They say there is no black or white only grey.
Related Reading: What if I had never discovered my spouse’s cheating?
4. Sex can be wonderful!
It was the best sex I ever had. My body responded in ways I did not know it was capable of. Everything you see in those erotic scenes in the movies came true for me. Illicit sex is amazing. Even the thought of my lover would excite me. The texts were as passionate as the real meeting.
I felt alive and I learned new tricks in bed. I am still not sure if I should try them with my husband. What if he gets suspicious? I do feel a little guilty at times, but overall, I don’t regret cheating.
5. Lying to ourselves
My partner (of the extramarital affair) and I both told each other how bad things were with our respective spouses. We never spoke of the good things. Neither did she nor I. After a point, we both knew that we were very attached to our spouses, yet we maintained the bitching.
I guess that’s how you keep it right in your head. You tell yourself that you are not that happy with your wife. Just for those hours, minutes, because admitting to them, “I cheated and I regret it”, hurts your ego, and you would rather just suffer in silence.
6. The easy excuse
My husband never came to know about the cheating, but when I got tired of the relationship I used his name to get out of the affair. I said that he had found out about it. I learned that I saw myself very differently, but I am quite a mean bitch.
Of course, my husband still does not know about the affair, and my boyfriend, the real reason for the breakup. I don’t know if I will ever be able to come clean to him. I do regret cheating sometimes, but I know it will break him completely if he ever finds out.
Related Reading: I was happily married and yet I began an affair with my ex
Everyone who has indulged in infidelity has learned different cheating lessons, depending on their marital situation. Although we judge a cheater, sometimes people need an external source to vent and make themselves feel better.
These lessons learned from infidelity have taught us to never make assumptions, and not make a judgment without understanding someone’s situation first. Would you like to join in the discussion? What are your thoughts? Check out the Facebook group, Let’s Discuss Infidelity.
Yes, depending on their relationship with their spouse. Especially if they have a good and healthy relationship, the cheater does feel guilty for breaking that bond and lying.
If they come clean about what they did and take accountability of their actions instead of hiding it, they are truly sorry and wish to get another chance to solve things.
Many people say, “once a cheater, always a cheater”, and that is true in many cases. However, if the person is taking ownership for their actions and showing humility, they probably won’t indulge in infidelity again.