If you’ve watched the movie Sex and the City, you must’ve seen how Miranda, finding it difficult to forgive her cheating husband, Steve, who is trying his best to make amends, vents: “I am sorry for this, I am sorry for that. How about not doing the things for which you have to be sorry?” Well, sure, it is almost impossible to move past infidelity. But what if your man shows signs he regrets cheating? Do men regret cheating at all? Should you then forgive and forget? More importantly, can you ever forgive a cheater or just wallow in self-pity, thinking, “He cheated on me! What can I do now?”
Well, most people stray for reasons beyond their control. But while sometimes, it might be a genuine indiscretion, at other times, it might be a deliberate attempt to hurt you. In the worst-case scenario, he might be a compulsive cheater, undeserving of your trust and love, and fixated with his past relationships.
However, when a man realizes his mistake, he might show signs of genuine remorse and try to undo the wrong. You may even see that he’s trying really hard to figure out how to apologize for cheating. So, in this article, we’ll take a look at 15 signs he regrets cheating on you and also tell you how to deal with such a scenario.
15 Signs He Regrets Cheating
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Signs of cheating guilt are very obvious in some relationships. This happens especially when a man truly loves you, yet slips up. He knows that he has done something unforgivable by betraying your trust. Even if it was a moment of recklessness, the guilt of letting you down gnaws at his heart.
Not just that, he might also be afraid of the repercussions of his act. What if he is caught cheating by you? What if the world comes to know? What would happen to the relationship? What if he loses you? Many questions like these may haunt him. That’s when he may regret hurting you with his behavior.
In an attempt to rid himself of the guilt that plagues him, he might resort to running from pillar to post to be able to make you smile. But he might also completely detach, trying to work on his own demons. The signs he regrets cheating can therefore be a little tricky to pick up on, leaving you confused. So, we decided to help you ascertain if your hunch is right and if he indeed regrets having an affair. Here are 15 such signs a cheater has changed that you should watch out for:
Related Reading: 15 Shocking Things Cheaters Say When Confronted
1. He owns up to his mistakes
Are you clueless about the symptoms of guilt after cheating? Well, owning up and confessing that he was seeing someone while you were an integral part of his life is one of the biggest signs he regrets cheating. Here’s what can happen in such cases:
- It is not easy to plead guilty, so he definitely deserves credit for trying
- It would surely come as a rude shock (especially, if you haven’t heard about it from some other source), but he deserves a patient hearing
- The way he decides to communicate his mistakes and how he apologizes is important as well. A sincere apology always needs a remorseful tone
- Likewise, a truly remorseful man will take full responsibility for his actions and won’t blame you or try and justify his actions
- When you see him have a plan of action to make amends and show visible signs of remorse, it’s one of the tell-tale signs cheating husband wants to reconcile with you
This is how a guy acts after he cheated that makes you sure that he regrets it.
2. He goes out of his way to attend to your needs
One of the signs a cheater has changed is he will attend to all your needs. If you are cheated upon and still decide to go ahead with your relationship, you are in the driver’s seat. But remember, he has to win back your trust. So, the responsibility to make amends is on him. Look out for these visible signs of repentance through which he might try to rebuild his emotional connection with you:
- A repentant man will go out of his way to attend to your needs
- If in the pre-cheating days, he rarely had the time to look at the kids’ homework or run errands around the house, in his new avatar, he might become more attentive to household and family responsibilities
- He may also always ensure your comforts are taken care of, even if it means putting himself in discomfort
3. He ends his affair immediately
So, what is one of the major symptoms of guilt after cheating? If he is truly guilty about having an affair and is wondering how to show remorse after cheating, he will end all ties with the other woman. There are no two ways about it. He cannot hope to win you back while he is still in touch with his affair partner (even if he is torn between two people).
If he is willing to end everything and stops meeting the other person completely, it is a sign he regrets cheating on you. In such cases, he will ensure that the circumstances that brought them together don’t repeat themselves. So, he might:
- Change a daily routine such as not going to the park which she visits often
- End club memberships in common with her
- Change work situations such as not being part of the same team as her
Related Reading: Is He Cheating Or Am I Paranoid? 11 Things To Think Over!
4. He is willing to seek professional help
Wondering, “He cheated on me! Is he truly repentant now? How can I be sure?” The news of his affair may have devastated you. It is hard to rebuild trust, especially when you are vulnerable and he is guilty. You are also constantly wondering, “What are some signs of cheaters guilt?” It’s a sensitive phase to go through, with conflicting emotions for both of you.
If you are both willing to recognize the problems that led to the affair, talking to a third person might be a good idea. The fact that he is willing to invest his time and energy in rebuilding his relationship with you is among the signs he regrets cheating.
5. He is more genuine
You see, there are always some tell-tale behaviors of a cheating husband. Being secretive, trying to hide his whereabouts, and being protective about his passwords and social media are all sure-shot indicators that he has another person in his life.
But how a guy acts after he cheated shows you whether he regrets it. If you’re wondering, “He cheated on me! But is he sorry now?”, remember: when a man wants to show he regrets having an affair, the first thing he will do is become more transparent. He may or may not have confessed his slip-up, but he will definitely try and find out how to make amends after cheating by being more honest. This is how he may try to repair his bond with you:
- He may start coming home on time and share his daily routine
- He may keep you informed about his movements apart from work
- He may keep his weekends reserved for you and spend quality time
Related Reading: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships – 10 Characteristics
6. He is more expressive
So, what’s one of the sure-shot signs of cheaters guilt? Well, when a man regrets his philandering ways, he looks for some avenue to make you hear him out. Perhaps, he thinks he can explain his actions if given a chance. And if you are willing to listen with an open mind, you might be in for a surprise. He is likely to be more expressive than ever before. Here’s what might happen:
- He may end up expressing his unconditional love for you or maybe extremely emotional and show how sad he is to have let you down
- In an attempt to make sure you get to know exactly what’s going on in his mind, he’ll probably put all his cards on the table. This can be a surprise for you if your husband is someone who doesn’t care much about explaining himself
- He might go on an explanation overdrive about why and how it happened
7. He includes you in his plans
Does he regret cheating on me, you wonder? Well, when a man cheats, he tries to cut his spouse or partner off from his plans. But what happens once he realizes he is losing you? Well, he will simply try and compensate for his previous actions and include you in all his special plans. This is one of the major signs cheating husband wants to reconcile.
This is how a guy acts after he cheated if he truly regrets it:
- You might suddenly get more invites to attend his office parties
- He might ask you to join him at a new staycation he found online
- He might just make spontaneous travel plans with you in mind
These are signs a cheater feels guilty and wants to work on the relationship.
Related Reading: 8 Reasons Husbands Lose Interest In Their Wives
8. His changed behavior is noticed by others
If your marriage or committed relationship has faced a tsunami of infidelity, close friends or family will get a whiff of it. But just like a crisis doesn’t appear suddenly, it doesn’t disappear all of a sudden either. So, if you really want to know if your partner has mended his ways, seek the opinion of people you trust. They will be able to tell you whether your man wants to make amends sincerely because they may have observed him while he was cheating on you too.
Perhaps he appears to be noticeably more caring toward you than before. So, if you’re worried about the future of your relationship and wondering, “What are the symptoms of guilt after cheating?”, a third person with an objective point of view can best tell you whether his intentions are genuine.
9. He reminds you of the initial days of dating
If your man truly feels guilty, you will see signs he regrets having an affair. This includes being more loving toward you. His behavior might remind you of the time you first started dating, as he tries to bring back the excitement of those initial days, while also showing signs that he is faithful.
Related Reading: 13 Cheating Guilt Signs You Need To Watch Out For
Cheating often occurs when a couple is well-entrenched in a relationship and one of them goes astray for whatever reason. So, it’s natural for him to woo you like a new lover when he realizes his mistake. And how a guy acts after he cheated is what shows you whether he regrets it.
10. He does not date anyone if you separate
It’s tough to deal with a sexual affair, but it can be just as hard to forgive emotional cheating too. So, it makes perfect sense to give each other some space as you try and process your feelings. A trial separation can be helpful in such a situation. This is how:
- It gives you time to assess things objectively, something that may not be possible if you keep running into him
- A brief break and personal space will give you enough time and clarity to assess what it is you want as well
- It’ll make sure you don’t forget to take care of yourself
But the best part of this relationship break is: you get to observe his behavior and attitude from a distance when you are physically apart. A truly remorseful man will not date if he is single for a while. This is his answer to how to show remorse after cheating.
11. He won’t leave you alone
Yes, he cheated. You found out. And now, you want nothing to do with him, at least for the time being. But he begs, grovels, and pleads for another chance. And when you refuse to budge, he follows you around. He makes all attempts to get your attention. Well, watch out for these signs that prove for sure he regrets cheating on you:
- He may reach out to you through your friends
- He tries to get mutual friends or family members to arrange a meeting
- He calls and texts
- He may ‘accidentally’ bump into you at the mall or a restaurant
He might do all of this in the hope of getting one more chance to apologize and ask for a fresh start. He will also show you all the signs he’s faithful and truly regrets his mistake.
Related Reading: How To Find Out If Your Partner Is Cheating Online?
12. He makes a show of his efforts
Betrayal of trust in a relationship can hurt you at the core but most men mistakenly believe that grand gestures show their repentance. So, your man might make a show of his efforts to get you back. Here’s how:
- He might get you a huge gift or new clothes (things you have been eyeing for a long time)
- He might indulge in attention-seeking behavior, such as posting your photos together on social media
- He might book an expensive holiday
- He might do something crazy that becomes the talking point among your friends or coworkers
While you may not consider this the best answer to how to apologize for cheating, he might hope that these grand gestures will get your attention and make you want to consider giving him another chance.
13. His communication skills improve
One of the most prominent signs a cheater has changed is when he starts fixing communication issues in the relationship and talks not just about the affair but about everything. He might:
- Try and start an open dialogue about the cheating incident irrespective of the shame or sadness associated with it
- Explain his feelings with a detailed chronology or timeline of events
- He doesn’t shove the issues under the carpet and deals with your reactions and emotions head-on
- There is no manipulation or name-calling
Related Reading: 6 Cheaters Tell Us How They Feel About Themselves
14. He begins to live up to his promises
Consider the following scenarios:
- He had promised to pick up the kids from school despite him having a client presentation the same day, because you were busy, and he lived up to it
- He kept his promise of going on a vacation to the Himalayas on your anniversary just because you love the mountains
- He promised you he’d leave his bad habit of browsing social media till late at night, and he has done just that
Well, these are signs he regrets having an affair for sure and wishes to make amends. After all, what better way to prove to you that he’s apologetic for his cheating ways than to keep all his promises, be they big or small? He definitely seems to have figured out how to apologize for cheating.
15. He doesn’t blame you for anything, anymore
The worst thing cheaters do when their affairs are discovered is to throw the blame back on their spouses or partners. Now, this is also a sign of gaslighting in relationships. Once they start the blame game, the whole game changes. They can make their partners feel guilty for having made them cheat when their partners had no clue what they were up to in the first place.
But the scenario changes drastically when he doesn’t blame you anymore. Or his affair partner, for that matter. He starts to feel remorse and begins taking full responsibility for his actions. He doesn’t justify his behavior by blaming you or someone else for his cheating ways. This goes a long way in proving he isn’t just sorry but is also trying to make amends for his affair.
What to do if you see signs he regrets cheating
So, now you know he’s feeling sorry he hurt you and kept your relationship at stake by having an affair. You know he’s trying his best to make it up to you and promises he won’t cheat on you again. Now what?
Well, a lot of times, it is at this very juncture that we feel we just cannot forgive our spouses for toying with our love and making a mockery of our trust. We feel like throwing a fit, blaming them, and shredding their self-respect to bits. But, surprisingly, none of this works in making us feel better. It only damages the relationship further. So, how do you go about forgiving them without making it messier? Well, we have collated a few tips to go about it:
Related Reading: Coping With Depression After Cheating On Someone – 7 Expert Tips
- Listen to his side of the story: The first thing you should do when you see he regrets cheating on you is listen to what he has to say. There’s no alternative to open communication, and that includes effective listening, to avoid further misunderstanding
- Be open-minded: When listening to him, be prepared to face some harsh truths, be it about emotional or sexual infidelity. But be open-minded and avoid judging him
- Don’t blame or shame him: The most common reaction in such cases is to blame or shame him, or be sarcastic about his cheating ways and attack his self-esteem. Don’t do it. Yes, it’s a difficult time for you and you’re hurting but throwing muck at him won’t resolve those feelings
- Set boundaries: You also need to set clear and firm boundaries. Set certain relationship rules, such as no flirting around with others, no phones in the bedroom, etc., and be firm about enforcing them
- Encourage him to opt for counseling: Once he is ready to go for relationship counseling, encourage him to actually go and talk to a therapist. You can also opt for couples counseling if you need to. A professional can help you make sense of and work through the confounding emotions that arise in the wake of infidelity. In case you’re considering getting help, Bonobology’s counseling services are only a click away!
Key Pointers
- A man may genuinely regret cheating on you and wonder how to make amends after cheating
- Some signs he regrets having an affair are: he owns up to his mistakes, he is more genuine, and he includes you in his plans
- Some tips on how to handle a situation like this are: listening to his side of the story, being open-minded, and setting boundaries
Now, these gestures that we’ve listed in this article might work if his efforts are sincere. Ultimately, the apology has to come from the heart, and you are the best judge of whether it does or not.
Mistakes happen, and if a person really wants to make amends, he deserves a chance. It might not heal the wounds or remove the scars, but it can definitely pave the way for a new beginning. Think and choose wisely. When you’re caught in such a situation, you need to do what is best for you.
FAQs
If he apologizes constantly, makes genuine efforts to win back your trust, cuts off all connections with the person he had an affair with, and is willing to go to any lengths to have you back, you can be sure that he regrets cheating on you.
You know that a cheater is really sorry by the efforts he puts in to make things right again. So, in such cases, he will express himself more, he will go on an explanation overdrive, he won’t date anyone else should you separate for a bit, and he will be open to fixing the relationship. These are all clear signs he regrets cheating on you.
Cheaters’ guilt is a phenomenon when a person who has been disloyal or has had an affair outside of his main relationship suffers from anxiety and guilt about cheating on his partner. He knows that his actions if they come to light, would cause immense pain to someone who truly loves him. So, if you’ve been wondering “When do cheaters realize they made a mistake?”, it’s usually when the guilt hits them hard.
Cheaters might act the way they do for whatever reason, but for all their justifications, infidelity is always viewed negatively and they suffer from the after-effects too. Guilt, regret, self-loathing for deliberately hurting their better half, pain, and embarrassment are just some of the feelings they go through.
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