When your 6 am alarm rings and your boyfriend is forcing you to get out of bed and accompany him to the gym, all you can think of are funny workout excuses to get yourself out of the soup. “How is he so motivated? And why do I have to be roped into this morning madness?”, are some questions I’m sure you have asked yourself.
Ana has a really busy lifestyle and working out is the last thing she likes to worry about in her day. Jacob sees that and finds it all the more reason for her to get moving and get some exercise so she can have better energy levels throughout the day.
Ana knows that Jacob means well but she dreads it when he hops on over to her place in his workout gear and says “I dare you to beat my running record today!”. Ana can’t help but cringe, roll her eyes and turn over to the other side of the bed.
Funny Workout Excuses You Might Have Told Your Partner
It has happened to all of us, hasn’t it? You are lying back on the couch with a beer mug perfectly balanced on your round tummy and taking online quizzes to find out exactly what kind of bread you are, while simultaneously thinking of top excuses for not working out. But then your partner tells you it’s about time you roll off the couch like the potato you are and go outside.
“It’s not healthy,” he tells you. “You need to walk around more. Get some fresh air. Exercise.” Yes, I cringed at that one too. But if there is one thing we lazy people are good at, it’s making things up to postpone having to get off our ample behind.
There are many reasons for a couple to exercise together but when you’re the lazy kind all those benefits pale in comparison to using funny workout excuses to wriggle out of a sweat-breaking session. So here’s a list of some of the crazy weird things you might have told – or can tell (evil grin) – your partner to get out of having to drag yourself to the nearest gym:
1. “I have a really fast metabolism”
One of my top excuses for not going to the gym, personally. We have all tried this one, haven’t we? And it has never worked, has it? We will try telling our partners that we do not get fat no matter how much we eat. To make it sound credible, you may have also tried to convince them that all your clothes keep shrinking in the wash.
Sadly, our partners know better than that. Whether it is true or not, it is not too convincing. Yeah, that didn’t quite work. Worth a try, though, wasn’t it?
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2. “Wine is a kind of fruit salad”
So we are technically eating healthy and don’t need to exercise, right? Is it just me or has everyone tried to see if this one works? Spoiler alert: it usually doesn’t. I do think this is one of the good excuses to get out of the gym! Who said wine is not healthy? Food and sex and wine are all one needs to have a perfect night. Suggest a wine and dine at your house instead and some sex afterward to burn off the calories!
Best case scenario: your partner sighs and gives up. The worst one, though, involves them grabbing you by the scruff of your neck and dragging you to the gym as they continue telling you how unfunny you are. You should probably see that coming if you use this one.
3. “Sunlight hurts my eyes and I have dust allergy”
If you, every time your partner does manage to drag you outside, haven’t pretended to choke on “particles in the air” and reacted to sunlight as if it is burning the living vampire out of you, you need to up your game. One of the perfect excuses for not going to the gym, this one might actually really work.
Be the damsel in so much distress that the chivalrous knight hidden inside of your partner immediately decides to transport you back into the house, turn you into a blanket burrito, put your favorite show on and make hot chocolate to help calm you down, all the while apologizing profusely. Sounds marvelous, don’t you think?
Related Reading: 5 lies that a couple tell each other at some point in a relationship
4. “Are you calling me fat?”
People, it’s time to bring out the big guns. Turn the tables on them by using one of the most common excuses for not exercising! No matter how levelheaded and rational your partner is, this one always seems to work. A lot of us have pretended to be genuinely hurt when our partner asked us to exercise. We have wondered out loud if he really thinks that we are getting fat.
In case you are really going in for the kill, exclaim how he doesn’t love you anymore. Call this one of the relationship red flags to take things a notch higher. A sparkling teardrop on one cheek and an Oscar-worthy performance later, the dreaded ‘E-word’ will have completely escaped their lovely heads and they will be scurrying to comfort you instead. You evil genius, you!
5. “I am protesting against blatant body-shaming everywhere”
Now this one is so bad, it’s actually good. One of the best and funny workout excuses, it is also kind of twisted to be totally honest. But in case you are comfortable in your own skin, which you definitely should be, this is something you ought to try if you haven’t already.
True it doesn’t seem to carry much weight when you say it to your partner while holding your 55th bag of chips but it’s worth a try. You may not convince them but will probably make them give up. One of the good excuses to get out of the gym, use this one next time.
Bonus point: “I have cramps”
Ladies, if you haven’t tried this one, I am seriously disappointed in you. This is one of the top excuses for not working out that no man can question you on. It is also the easiest way to confuse your partner. Because uterus for the win and he cannot possibly understand the things a girl goes through during periods.
Just for fun, you can have your periods last a month at a time depending on how clueless your partner is. Unless they are a woman. Then good luck. You will need it.
Honestly, the list can go on forever. Because while we are determined not to let the dreaded treadmill defeat us, our partners are not ones to give up on us that easily either. And each time we tend to get more and more imaginative. After all, desperation is directly proportional to innovation. Or something along those lines.
But just in case you do not wish to end up resembling a lumpy sack full of potatoes with wispy hair and creaky joints, you might want to take your lover up on their offer once in a while. Drag them along to share the burden, though, and, hopefully, they will resist suggesting you need exercise ever again. But until then, these funny workout excuses have your back to make the situation lighter.