Affair and Cheating

He cheated on me but wants me to take him back

He cheated on her but now he wants to be back with her. Should she agree?
A couple with relationship problems, at coffee shop

(As told to Dua Prayaag)

He would always come receive me from airports and train stations. No, I never wanted him to pick up my bags. My suitcases had wheels, I could drag them. I didn’t realise he had started getting uncomfortable with a strong independent woman like me. It’s only when I caught him cheating on me that I understood what he was missing. He preferred the kohl eyed, saree clad siren.

It had been two years, yet every time I came back from a trip, I would imagine a Hollywood style entry of the villain turned hero of my life, waiting with a rose and an apology at the station.[restrict]

On his behalf

In reality what I received was a phone call. His mother called. She and I had become close over phone calls when we were together. She called to tell me how sorry her son was for his mistake, for not just cheating on me but then being in a relationship with the pretty miss whom he fell for while promising to marry me. She told me her son was in depression, and didn’t know how to approach me. He had been cheated on as well. Karma, I tell you.

There was no way I could take his word and his apology as reasons enough to give him another chance.

When I caught him two years ago, I asked him to give us another shot and he refused. Thrice. I was a mess for a year. I thought I wouldn’t survive. I wasn’t aware of the strength in women like me who have fought the world for their rights. We eventually do, and I did, survive.

Related reading: My partner cheated on me with 17 others

I met him again

I agreed to meet him at the weekend for coffee. I was seeing him after a year. The only man I’d ever been with and trusted more than anyone else, the man who caused me unimaginable pain, left me crying all by myself in a hotel room telling me he’d grown out of the six years of us being together, was sitting in front of me with his head hanging low. I had never wished anything untoward for him since, except for karma to strike back.

“Can I hold your hand? I want to grow old with you. When I say I love you the most I mean there is no one across the world who makes me feel the way you do, with whom I can imagine spending my life and reading a book and having a family. It is you and only you,” he said to me. A year after he said he has been holding her hand and they hug often but he is confused about his feelings. A year after he went on to say that I must let him move on with his new girlfriend and I should move ahead with my life in a dignified manner. A request for dignity from a cheater was hard to swallow back then.

apologizing man
‘we met again and he said sorry’ Image Source

Related reading: I’m back with him because I’m afraid to suffer again

He says sorry

At the café he apologised profusely. He promised to leave his workplace. That is where the two had their affair. I didn’t think that was necessary. One doesn’t have to work together to break someone’s trust. He said he wants us to get married soon. Do I have a reason to trust him? I thought I was married for those six years. I didn’t need a legal stamped document to prove my loyalty or keep me in this relationship. My notions haven’t changed.

affair and cheating

We are talking. I’m trying to trust him again. It won’t be easy. I never stopped loving him, but I’m sure not to let him in that space that I had let him through the 6 years. I won’t place him before me now. I’m trying not to remind him of all the hurt he caused me through the two years. My friends and family are very wary of my decision to even start talking to him. He says he has changed.

It’s the speed with which he changes that scares me really.

I don’t know where I see myself with him, but I don’t know what else to do![/restrict]


He didn’t even reply to my message after we made love but I didn’t cry

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  1. I caught my wife slepping with my friend. She was devastated but held on to me. I loved her but the love was painful. I see her and imagine the things he desired which his eyes fallen upon. He felt which was mine in his hands and Cock (harsh but true). I asked her many questions to answers I did not want to know but it happened. Comparison comparison comparison!!! madness. I wanted to hurt her. I made it obvious her life meant nothing to me… luckily murder was not easy. Yet she held on. 3 months of verbal abuse which she believed she deserved, got to the decision there was no hope. A plane ticket home away from me. I made the call for her return and when I returned to the room she broke into million pieces… I saw the mistake for what it was. That moment my words changed to love which caused pain. Time to rebuild with CAUTION. She was afraid like any couple how would WE forget in forgiveness. Will it come up during our marriage. Maybe in every fight. I told her never will I forget but forgiveness I truly gave her. I am not childish and will never throw it to her again. What I forgive on earth; God in heaven does not hold over her. She was free from her mistake. I took it. Her encounter is part of me. I am 26years with my wife (20years after the event). Never once brought it up. No matter how hot some fights got.

    Forgiveness is a hard decision. It doesn’t work for everybody. Sometimes it is short lived… This successful event came from me. I had to make it work. It was not up to my wife to move my world. The more I did the stronger the relationship become.

    For this girl it will be up to you. You have to show him that it was worth coming back to you. Just the fact that he want to come back is already in your favor. You don’t have to try hard. The magic you have cannot be escaped. It is that magic true to you which draws him to return.
    Don’t be a bitch and mentioned it anymore… when he does fall again then “kill” him, making him invincible. He does not exist. Until then the power and to make this work is up to you. Don’t expect the world to be moved by him. The more love you give the more his dark cloud reminds him how fortunate he is. If you expect him to step up. Everything he does to win you over will also feed him his own love for you in mind. That is false love. Your boundary will not move to satisfaction unless YOU make it move. Reality it will crush and burn to ashes. You will loose him.

    Now you know what you up against. I made it work.
    Good luck with your choice

  2. An old Chinese saying – when you break porcelain, you can fix it together but the crack will always remain. Be friends, but buy new porcelain. Move on!

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