Confronting your partner on finding out that he/she has cheated on you can be a heart-breaking, painful and confusing experience. But the things that hurt the most are the lies that come out of their mouths after they are caught and confronted. If there’s one thing that is true, it is that cheaters cheat and lie and they always try to find a way to get out of being caught. When being confronted, your partner will find ways to get out of the situation and will spin another web of lies. He/she may even blame you for being the reason for their infidelity. Things cheaters say and do when caught can be shocking and may even make you doubt yourself. The way he/she behaves when you confront them will make you feel as if you don’t know them anymore.
According to the Institute of Family Studies, “Among ever-married adults ages 18 to 29 in America, women are slightly more likely than men to be guilty of infidelity (11% vs. 10%). But this gap quickly reverses among those between the ages of 30 to 34 and grows wider in older age groups. Infidelity for both men and women increases during the middle ages.”1
15 Shocking Things Cheaters Say When Confronted
“My partner cheated and is now angry with me.” If you’ve faced such a situation, then you know what we are talking about. When cheaters are caught, they start making excuses about it and try to win your confidence. The more deceitful ones try to send you on a guilt trip instead. It is thus important to know what you’re getting into and being prepared for the worst before you confront your partner. Here are 15 shocking things cheaters say when confronted that will help you.
1. “It didn’t mean anything”
The first thing that your cheating partner will do is to try to win your confidence back and tell you that it didn’t mean anything. In this act, your partner admits to the act that he/she has committed but shows that there were no feelings involved in the act, thinking that you will let your guard down into believing that it doesn’t threaten your relationship with him/her. In doing so, your cheating partner tries to portray that it was a mistake and it won’t happen again.
2. “You were so distant”
When your partner blames you for being distant, your partner tries to play the victim card. He/she will try to get you emotional and make you believe that you weren’t there for him/her enough. He/she will try to show that because of you being distant or not being more involved in the relationship, he/she started to look for love elsewhere. Your partner will try to make you believe that it was your fault.
Related Reading: 8 Things Cheating Says About A Person
3. “I didn’t know why I did it”
One of the most shocking things that cheaters say when confronted is that they didn’t know why they did it. They fail to come up with excuses and reasoning to justify their act of infidelity. It also can be because they subconsciously feel the need to cheat on their partner but don’t know why. The reason for such behaviour could be their parents, commitment/attachment issues, etc.
4. “It was just flirting”
Sometimes, your cheating partner will make it sound that it’s not such a big deal and will tell you that you’re being insecure about it. They will tell you that it wasn’t anything serious and harmless flirting is okay nowadays. Flirting is also cheating.
Cheating doesn’t always have to be physical, it can be emotional too<.
Flirting with someone who isn’t your partner is a big deal as well, especially when the one you are flirting with thinks it’s leading somewhere.
5. “It just happened”
Another thing that partners say when they are caught is that it just happened. They portray that the cheating incident was something that wasn’t in their control. They call it a “drunken mistake”. If it was just a mistake then why did your partner not tell you about it? Moreover, is he/she still in contact with the person? Mistakes may happen once but if your partner is repeating the same mistake over and over again, it’s not a mistake.
Related Reading: What if I had never discovered my spouse’s cheating?
6. “It’s not what it looks like”
Even if you find your partner in bed with another person, the first response that they will give you is that it’s not what it looks like. This is because the first instinct tells them to defend themselves, even if they are guilty. Imagine catching your partner in the same bed with someone else and he/she still defending themselves. Shocking!
7. “I got bored”
After the honeymoon phase of a relationship wears off, things become mundane because of the routine. The onus is on both partners to spice things up to keep the spark going in the relationship. If your partner got bored of the relationship/marriage, the first instinct should have been to talk to you about it rather than going behind your back and cheating on you. Getting bored of the relationship doesn’t justify him/her cheating on you.
8. “It was just sex”
Think about a scenario when you catch your partner red-handed and he/she says that it was just sex, it meant nothing. Your partner cheated on you just to have “sex”. How does that make you feel? We live in an era where in countries like India, people still think a dozen times before having sex, let alone cheating on you for “just sex”. This means that sex is more important to your partner than your relationship, something he/she is willing to risk your relationship for.
Related Reading: 12 signs your husband is having sex outside the marriage
9. “I didn’t want to hurt you”
When you confront your partner, an excuse that he/she will make is that they didn’t want to hurt you, making you feel that they were guilty for cheating on you. Ask yourself, did your partner think about your feelings before he/she cheated on you? Think whether your partner showed any sign of regret or guilt before you found out or confronted him. If he/she didn’t feel anything before being confronted then why is all the guilt coming out now?
10. “You cheated on me first”
There are instances where the accused will turn into the accuser. When you go to confront your partner about the cheating, he/she will start accusing you of cheating instead. He/she will bring up small incidents where he/she felt jealous and will begin to hang them over your head. Such a situation happens when your partner doesn’t feel guilty of his/her actions and tries to justify them by demeaning your character instead.
11. “I wasn’t thinking straight. He/she came onto me”
In cases where the cheating partner cannot find a way out, he/she will try to blame it on the person they are cheating with. They will tell you how they told the person that they were in a serious relationship or married but the person still kept seducing them. Your partner will try to play the victim card and try to portray that it was the other person who seduced them and then things went out of control.
The truth is that your partner too was interested in this “other person” which led the affair to happen. As they say, it takes two hands to clap.
12. “I’m not happy with you”
Another thing that your partner will say is that he/she isn’t happy in the relationship/marriage. They will blame it on the relationship/marriage and even ask you to get out of it. Your partner will admit to cheating on you and will also say that it has been long since they have been planning to end the relationship with you. They will admit to not being happy and will say that the flaws in the relationship led them to find happiness elsewhere.
Related Reading: How to react to your partner’s extramarital affair
13. ” You’re being paranoid”
You guessed it right. One of the things that cheaters say when confronted is that, “You’re being paranoid”. They will outright deny the affair and will blame you for being insecure and jealous. Make sure that you catch your partner red-handed when you confront him/her because they will try to prove you wrong and buy themselves time to tie other loose ends. Your partner will try to make you feel that there’s nothing to worry about but follow your gut, confront him/her with proof.
14. “It was in the past”
“It’s over now. I love you.”
If you’ve confronted your partner for something that happened in the past, make sure that it has ended. Some affairs end the moment the cheating partner realizes that it was a mistake and chooses to continue the relationship/marriage instead of continuing the affair. Your partner may be honest here when he/she tells you that it’s over. Forgiving your cheating partner is solely your decision. Listen to what your partner has to say about it and make a decision.
15. “I don’t love you anymore. I want an out'”
Sometimes when you confront your cheating partner, it gives them an opening to confess how they actually feel about you, and the relationship/marriage. Your partner may have begun cheating on you with a fling but that fling might have now turned into a love affair. He/she just needed a way to tell you about it and this confrontation has done just this. All relationships/marriages don’t promise a forever after and you need to understand it. This revelation may be painful but it saved you from a dead end relationship/marriage.
Confronting your cheating partner is painful, especially when you’ve seen your future with this person. Sometimes, partners tend to cheat on you but return to their relationship/marriage once they realize their mistake. Other cheating partners don’t regret their actions and come up with excuses to cover up their affair. And then there are the partners that blame it on you when you confront them. Your partner may ask for forgiveness, promising you that he/she will never do it again. Whether or not to give them another chance is your decision.