While office affairs have always been a reality whether reported and caught or not, their essential nature of it has changed in recent times. But the signs husband likes coworker or that your husband is cheating on you with a coworker will always be the same. Earlier the most common type of office infidelity was between male bosses and females who were lower-ranking employees, or even the other way around. However, the recent trend now is affairs between coworkers.
Have you heard of the term work spouse? It refers to two people of the opposite sex who spend most of their working hours together and almost behave like a married couple during that time. They may even show subtle overtones of intimacy and affection but it is mostly non-romantic. From conversations about work, they move on to discussing personal and family issues, and before they know it, they start talking about their marital relationships with each other.
The intent may be innocent, perhaps they want the other sex to give them advice regarding their spouse, and get the other gender’s perspective, but very often this very closeness leads to them developing feelings for each other. In many cases, it is a matter of time before the affection turns into a romantic engagement and even becomes cheating. Even though they may not really want to be in an affair, they end up in one. Affairs in the workplace are a reality and far more common than you may be aware of.
People find comfort and a sympathetic ear in their coworkers, which leads to deeper feelings. Think about it, while their spouse may no longer pay as much attention to their look, their coworkers turn up looking perfect every day. While they feel that they are taken for granted by their spouse they feel cared for and appreciated in the eyes of their colleagues. And then there is the excitement of this new closeness, a person who comes like a fresh breeze.
They convince themselves that at the most this will be an emotional affair and that they will not cross the line, but how and when they end up doing so, even they do not realize or have control over. The risk of an affair is always rife when two people are working in such close proximity. If you fear that your spouse may have fallen prey to these pitfalls, you need to pay attention to the signs that your partner is cheating at work with a colleague. We will help you identify them here.
How Common Are Affairs In The Workplace?
Office affairs and even noticing workplace affair signs, are more common than you think. If you’re a working professional, perhaps you may be privy to romantic liaisons at your workplace as well. Have you ever noticed someone spending a little too much time at the copier or the tea station or that brush of hand which was happening way too often? Yup, that might just be an office romance right there.
Who’s to say that something similar may not be happening at your spouse’s workplace? Worse still, your husband could be the one in the thick of a scintillating office romance that everyone is talking about. As scary as the thought may be, the fact is that an affair with a coworker is no longer an aberration.
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When you spend a better part of your day with someone, day in and day out, it’s only natural for a certain affinity to take hold. Often, this affinity gives way to a strong emotional connection, eventually snowballing into a full-blown affair. Extramarital affairs in the workplace statistics are off the charts, as you’d see further on in this article.
It’s only natural that this may compound your concerns that your husband too could be indulging in one. But before you look at the signs your spouse is cheating with a coworker, let’s understand how common workplace affairs are and why. This may help you get a different perspective on the matter and deal with the situation better should the reality of an office romance hit too close to home.
Related Reading: 12 Ways Office Affairs Can Spell Trouble For You
1. You wouldn’t even know how it began
That’s the thing with workplace affair signs. You don’t see it coming at all. You must have seen the smile exchange which came out of nowhere, or how a colleague offered to cover up for another or maybe two coworkers hanging out at the parking lot more than necessary. Those are all little telltale signs of an affair or a relationship that is heading into one.
The workplace is the hotbed for extramarital affairs today. The long stretch of working hours, business tours, projects which require teamwork, and constant interaction become the breeding grounds of temptation for both men and women. Add to that, the boredom that usually creeps into a marriage, the stress that comes from the rat race, and the tediousness of routine that one must follow because the kids need to be sent to school and the kitchen fires need burning and you have the right mix for an extramarital affair.
Monogamy is difficult to follow and having a work partner of the opposite sex, especially if she is attractive is like keeping the fire and fuel closer than one should. The mundaneness of everyday life, when juxtaposed with the excitement of a new romance, is one of the reasons why extramarital affairs in the workplace are becoming increasingly common.
2. Long working hours may lead to an affair
To be ahead of the rat race, people put extra time and effort to stay ahead or get that promotion above others. Naturally, time is a limited commodity, and they find themselves more and more distant from the family as they become a unit. Even though this is a situation of the man’s own making, he feels left out, feels lonely, and turns to his colleagues for support and understanding. This eventually leads to one noticing signs your husband is cheating with a coworker.
“I just feel like I am an ATM and not really wanted for anything other than the money I bring home”, a line often used and sympathized with could very well be the beginning of an office affair. Your husband may well have a work spouse whom he confides in when burning the midnight oil, and before they know it, they may find themselves in the throes of emotions and desires, transgressing the boundaries of acceptable workplace conduct.
3. Spouses often feel under-appreciated in a long term marriage
Often, after having been together for some time, couples take each other for granted, and stop all gestures of expressing love or doing little things for each other. In fact, if anything they get even more annoyed with them on the smallest of mistakes because, how could the partner have not known. Soon, this can snowball into an affair with coworker.
Couples married for a good 5 to 10 years and more are usually quick to point out flaws but do not acknowledge the sweet things done for each other. This can lead to a host of communication problems in the relationship, pushing both partners further apart.
And then they look for this very same thing outside and what better place than with a colleague they have known and are comfortable with. Married couples fail to give each other time due to the increase in both personal and professional responsibilities. Since they forget to spend valuable and intimate time together, they try to find love and acceptance in the workplace.
4. The proximity leads to an affair
Working in close proximity with each other, inhaling each other’s fragrance that they have out for the day, sharing each other’s lunch, and having tea and coffee together gives those small moments of joy in the otherwise stressful work environment, turning into a ready ground for an office romance.
This means that the coworkers become each other’s source of happiness and that fosters an emotional bond. Any extramarital affair is free from the little annoyances and stress that often accompany a marriage. There are no fights over who will lock the main door at night, who will attend the PTM (if both partners are working), who will take an off from work if the hired help doesn’t turn up in a romantic connection with a coworker.
Nor are there issues of financial management, dealing with in-laws, social obligations, and so on. Long story short: extramarital affairs in the workplace are so common because they serve as a whiff of fresh air offering respite from the stifling realities of life.
Related Reading: Why I Continue To Stay Married To My Cheating Husband
Statistics And Facts Related To Office Affairs
To better understand why workplace affair signs are so ordinary these days, let us take a quick look at some of the workplace affairs statistics.
- 36% of people confess that they have an affair with their coworker
- 35% of people confess that they indulge in infidelity when they go on business trips
- Some research shows that around 60% of affairs usually begin in the workplace
- The office is one of the top 6 places along with the gym and social media, etc. where affairs generally start
- Since more women are becoming a part of the workforce, workplace romances are increasing
- The Internet and technology have made it possible for people engaged in workplace affairs to be in touch even outside the workplace
Office affairs are on the rise and perhaps will continue to do so. These extramarital affairs in the workplace statistics certainly seem to suggest so.
How do office affairs begin?
When two people spend a lot of time together, it allows them to get to know each other inside out. Given that most of us spend a majority of our time at our workplaces today, this proximity can offer just the right atmosphere for an affair with coworker. You work closely with someone, you get to know them over time, you like who they are and find yourself drawn to them – that’s how affairs start with a coworker.
Workplace affairs usually start off slowly. A great working relationship may serve as a foundation of a platonic friendship. Then, both sides start sharing about each other’s lives. Since people spend more time at the office than at home, they may begin feeling that this special friend from work knows them better than their spouse. A spark of attraction takes hold and gradually manifests in inappropriate behavior, often starting with flirting and culminating in a full-blown affair.
Let’s take a look at the stages of a budding office romance to better understand how affairs start with a coworker:
- Working closely together: It begins with two colleagues of the opposite sex (if we take the heterosexual couples) who interact with each other on matters relating to work only
- Friendship blossoms: From speaking about things relating to work, they start exchanging other snippets, what happened at home that morning, their favorite meal, and how they like their coffee and tea. They become friends
- More than friends: As some months pass the relationship becomes a little more than just friendship. They start flirting with each other, take care of each other’s likes and dislikes, and perhaps even dress up in the other’s favorite colors. They could get into micro-cheating too
- Confiding in each other: They start sharing personal information, especially about each other’s spouse or partners. “My wife thinks my sense of humor is lame.” “My husband forgot our love anniversary and it really hurt.”
- Crossing into the territory of an affair: Ultimately, the emotional support turns into physical intimacy and the affair begins. That’s when the signs are clear that your partner is cheating at work with a colleague
Is your husband having an affair in the office?
Are you having dinner alone again for the fifth time this week? Has your husband been coming home late every day saying he has no choice because his boss has given him too much work? Does he take his phone to the bathroom every time? Is he taking care to be fitter, more invested in his appearance, and spraying himself with perfume more than usual?
Is it just about impressing his boss or is he into a colleague and cheating on you? Be wise and figure out the truth smartly! Learn to read the signs your husband is cheating with a coworker, which could be staring you in the face. The next time your husband says he has to work late at night urgently, you should drop by the office to have dinner with him and give him the surprise of his life.
If he is at the office, you can let this be your surprise dinner date. But if he is not there, you have some digging to do because you could be dealing with one of the signs he’s cheating on you at work. Don’t panic, we will handle it together either way. Try to overhear the conversation he has with his female colleague. Is it simply work-related or is there noticeable chemistry between the two of them? Be alert, dig deeper sooner or later you will catch something.
Related Reading: Does An Emotional Affair Count As ‘Cheating’?
15 Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair At The Office
Your feelings of “My husband’s coworker likes him and I think he’s into her too” will not go invalidated, because we will help you navigate them with the help of this article. Reading about how affairs start with a coworker and how common they’re is bound to have unsettled you. But don’t jump to conclusions about the fate of your marriage just yet, assuming that your husband is having an affair with a coworker. You have to check for the signs that your husband is cheating at work, before making any broad generalizations.
At the same time, don’t brush off the tell-tale signs your spouse is cheating with a coworker because reality is too painful to come to terms with. Yes, you have thought that he will not break your trust, and maybe he doesn’t want to, but the ways of the heart can be complicated and twisted. Despite himself, your husband may find himself drawn into an affair with a coworker. For your sake and that of your marriage, take note of these signs your spouse is cheating with a coworker:
1. He is happy to spend time at work than at home
This means he happily accepts extra hours of work and comes home late at night. He seems super excited to go to work in the morning and does not complain about the long hours of work. He behaves like a workaholic. Is it true that he likes the work that he is doing, or is it just a pretense to hide his secret affair with coworker?
Learn to observe these little signs. Does he come back from work fresh rather than tired? Does he quickly finish off his meal with you, and wait for you to sleep before he starts chilling on his phone? This is an absolute sign your husband is having an affair.
2. He rarely has time to have a meaningful conversation with you
Apart from spending too much time at work, one of the classic workplace affairs signs is that your husband will become more aloof and withdrawn than ever. He will even stop having deep serious conversations with you. When you spend alone time with him, you will notice that he will bring up one or the other excuse to avoid communicating with you.
He may fear that you will ask him a question and will see through his lies. Notice, his words may say, “Nothing’s going on between us” but check for his shoulders, are they tense? Is his face flushed? What he says and what you see may be two very different things. Learn to read the signs of an affair with a coworker. His tense shoulders, flushed face, or the bead of sweat forming on your brow will be broadcasting another message.
3. He is never okay with the idea of you visiting his office
Perhaps, you two had a little ritual of meeting at his office or yours once or twice a week and heading out for a coffee date or running errands together. However, all of that is in the past now. He keeps telling you not to visit his office, that his boss will not appreciate it or he is extremely busy at work. This is nothing but one of the signs your husband is flirting at work and does not want you to mess it up.
Even if you land up at his workplace to surprise him, he seems uncomfortable and gets irritated with you. This is typical cheating in the workplace sign. He doesn’t want his affair partner to get a glimpse of you. Needless to say, he no longer takes you to his office parties or picnics with colleagues. This is an obvious sign that your husband is having an affair with a coworker.
Related Reading: 21 Signs Of Chemistry Between Two People
4. He does not share work-related stuff with you anymore
At the start of your relationship, your husband shared work-related gossip, issues, and achievements constantly. He spoke about his bosses and colleagues, the work environment, and so much more. How a certain XYZ was not great or how the boss picked on ABC. You knew every Tom, Dick, and Harry at his workplace despite never actually being there.
But now, he seems distant and avoids sharing work-related matters. If yes, then something is probably amiss. It could be a sign that your partner is cheating at work with a colleague. He carefully shuts down all communication about his work life to avoid any damning details about his transgressions from slipping through.
5. Signs your husband is cheating with a coworker: He pays too much attention to his looks
Is your husband putting in that extra effort, both time and energy into his appearance? Is he hitting the gym and constantly obsessing over that flab around his tummy that he needs to get rid of? Is he spending more time at the salon getting that new beard? He wants no crease on his shirts, and makes sure his shoes shine every morning before he goes to work?
When he suddenly gets a new trendy haircut, wears attractive clothes, and applies new expensive perfume for work, then you should probably see this as one of the worrying workplace affairs signs. While there is nothing wrong with a person wanting to invest in self-care, if this phenomenon is sudden and uncharacteristic of him, your niggling doubts about his affair with a coworker may not be unfounded.
6. He showers you with too much love
All of a sudden, your husband has begun prioritizing paying attention in a relationship and goes above and beyond to shower you with love. He gets you little gifts (maybe he is buying two of the same stuff), is romantic in bed, and praises everything about you. Well, in an ideal world, you should be over the moon about these changes. After all, he’s being the perfect husband you always wanted him to be.
But don’t celebrate prematurely. Think about what has brought on this change. It could be a sign of guilt or it could simply mean he is happy with this other new relationship and that happiness is spilling over onto your relationship as well. When you are happy, you want to make the others around you happy too.
As cynical as it may sound, a sudden transformation into a doting husband could be a sign he is cheating on you and it could be a coworker.
7. He complains about household responsibilities
Does he get irritated when asked to pitch in around the house? Do you see your husband shirking household responsibilities? If your answer to these two questions is yes, then he has probably tasted the forbidden fruit of infidelity. Perhaps, he dislikes wasting his time assisting you in household chores or visiting the family when he could have been utilizing it talking to his newfound love.
If he hates being home and even spends less time with the kids, you have to look into the matter. Even more so, if he was involved in household matters – be it taking you to the doctor or going grocery shopping with you – but wants to avoid it at all costs now. His dwindling interest in his own home could be one of the most telling signs your spouse is cheating with a coworker.
8. He does not take you to work events
This is one of the most obvious signs husband likes coworker. Since he is having a full-fledged office affair, he will not take you to work events because he wants to eliminate any possibility of you bumping into his affair partner. Perhaps, he doesn’t want to hurt the other woman by being by your side on her turf. So, even if you are invited, he will make some excuse or another to stop you from accompanying him.
In the past, he insisted that you go with him to all events where families and spouses were invited but his stance on the matter has changed dramatically. If you ask him why he makes some flimsy excuse and tells you that you would get bored. That’s an absolute red flag you need to look into. The signs your husband is cheating on you with a coworker don’t get any clearer than this.
9. There is a drastic change in his attitude
You will notice that he will suddenly seem extremely confident and at ease with himself. Hooking up with a coworker may have spruced up his confidence and made him see himself in a new light. He feels desired and loved, as a result, he smiles more in the mirror and is more decisive around the home as well.
He would put on a genre of music he had never listened to before, and his preferences in food could change. He could end up eating only salads to maintain his physique. He could have been an early riser but now he stays up late fiddling with his mobile or watching TV.
10. You find women’s products in his belongings
Don’t look any further than this to find signs your husband is cheating with a coworker. Check for the feminine fragrance in his shirt, or maybe any strand of hair. Even lipstick marks. Maybe some bills that indicate his recent purchase details if you’re looking for definitive signs he’s cheating on you at work. While he may be extra cautious in covering his tracks, it takes only a small slip-up for a web of lies to unravel.
So, if you suspect your husband of an affair with a coworker, don’t let your guard down. For instance, if you find women’s products in his belongings that are not yours, don’t let it slide. Ask him to explain himself. Normally lovers like to keep mementos, try to look for that odd thing, perhaps a receipt from a cafe, a wine cork.
If you confront him with it, he will get defensive, maybe put the blame on you, saying that you are overly suspicious, but be calm and ask him the details of the things you have recovered. As long as you stand your ground and don’t cower down, he will waver and may even come clean about his infidelity.
Related Reading: Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair
11. Signs your husband is flirting at work: He seems very inattentive to you
He becomes forgetful and is often inattentive. You may have to repeat what you have just said. Does he seem distracted when you talk to him? He nods along but you know he is not really listening, this is a sign that his mind is occupied with thoughts of the affair partner. He is distracted most of the time, doesn’t listen, and is always in a hurry even if he is going golfing.
This is one of the more worrying signs your spouse is cheating with a coworker because it not only indicates a breach of faith but may also mean your husband has checked out of the marriage emotionally. His lack of attention is an indication of his dwindling interest in you.
12. He talks about a particular woman coworker obsessively
This is reason enough for you to constantly think, “My husband’s coworker likes him and I think they are on the brink of an affair”. He will probably start talking about a particular woman coworker daily. He will tell you about her great personality traits, and her work achievements and will keep praising her without releasing that he is doing it. His eyes will have that twinkle that you will have to catch before he consciously wipes it off.
Know that he is crazy about her enough, so much so that he cannot see how weird this is. He is in awe of her and constantly thinking about her. Also, see his expression when he is on his mobile, does he smile involuntarily? These are some of the early workplace affairs signs. Perhaps, he is smitten with her and there is a mutual spark but it hasn’t led to a full-blown affair yet. That’s why it’s crucial to spot these signs of a potential affair with a coworker to nip it in the bud.
13. Countless business trips become a part of his schedule
Every week, he will tell you that he has to go on a business trip that weekend. The frequency of these trips will increase, and he may even start taking overnight work trips. Unless he has a job that requires frequent traveling, you need to look into the details of these work trips and find all the signs your husband is cheating with a coworker.
There is a good chance that all his work trips have the same destination – a cozy hotel room where he spends time with his affair partner. Quiz him a bit on his business trips and why he needs to go so often. Don’t worry about his reaction or hold yourself back fearing that he will get irritated. You’re dealing with the most obvious signs your husband is cheating on you with a coworker, now is not the time to look the other way.
14. You hardly know any of his work colleagues
Except for the woman colleague he keeps mentioning, again and again, you do not know any of his other work colleagues. He no longer invites his colleagues home or plans outings with them. He clearly does not want you to meet his other colleagues who might spill the beans in front of you about his affair with coworker that is so well known to everyone else in the office.
Perhaps, he has been socializing with them like he used to, only now his affair partner gets to accompany him to these meet-and-greets instead of you. There is a good chance that this clear divide between his personal and professional life is a premeditated attempt to keep his affair with a coworker under wraps.
Related Reading: Watch Out For These 10 Signs Of Cheaters Guilt
15. Arguments with him become extremely dramatic
Now, since he has a new person in his life in the form of an attractive coworker, you will not be a priority for him. So, he will keep arguing with you and criticizing you. Arguments in your relationship become extremely dramatic and spell doom for your future together. No matter what the issue at hand, ultimately, the blame falls on you.
These are signs your husband is cheating on you with a coworker. He is emotionally invested in someone else and that new connection is pushing him away from you. Try as he may, he just cannot be with you the way he used to because that spot in his heart and mind has been reclaimed by someone else.
How can workplace affairs be troublesome?
Workplace affairs can complicate your marital relationship terribly, at times beyond repair. Your spouse will feel cheated and have serious trust issues. Children suffer as the couple’s relationship plummets. More often than not the cheated-on partner goes into a deep depression. On the other hand, the professional life of the cheating partner can go for a toss. Workplace affairs can destroy one’s reputation completely professionally. And it’s hard to move on from such massive things.
Besides, think of the other stuff. People will find out and talk about it for years. You, your family, and the affair partner’s spouse will become their real-life soap opera. You will be judged by friends, family, and almost every other person you know. Your marriage may end in a separation or divorce.
If you catch your husband red-handed, you have two options. End things or work with him to resolve them and save your marriage. If you pick the latter option, then you have to confront him and ensure that he cuts off all ties with that affair partner. Make him change his job/workplace, if possible. However, if your husband does not improve, then it is better to get rid of such a relationship that hampers your peace of mind.
You can and should opt for counseling. You may not realize but you could be in depression or feeling uncontrollable rage. Our experts will help you get your life and marriage back on track. Good luck!
If he is suddenly taking care to dress up at work, using oodles of perfume, and stopping you from dropping in at the office or attending office parties, chances are he is cheating on you with a coworker.
He could be talking about this new girl at the workplace often and then suddenly he could stop talking about her. He avoids answering when you ask about her. This is a sign he fancies his colleague.
He could be thinking about that. But when one gets into an extramarital affair it’s not like he plans and gets into it. It just happens. Maybe an emotional affair first which moves into a physical one.
Friendships are okay but keep a tab. Do you notice her flirting with your husband? Keep a watch on the happenings at work and make your husband aware that you are not approving of the proximity. That would keep him careful.