While office affairs have always been a reality whether reported and caught or not, the essential nature of it has changed in recent times. But the signs that your husband is cheating will always be the same. Earlier the most common type of office infidelity was between male bosses and females who were lower-ranking employees, or even the other way around the recent trend is affairs between coworkers!
Have you heard of the term work spouse? It is about two people of the opposite sex who spend most of their working hours together and almost behave like a married couple. They may even show subtle overtones of intimacy and affection but it is mostly non-romantic. From conversations about work, they move on to discussing personal and family issues and before they know it they start talking about their marital relationship with each other.
The intent may be innocent, perhaps they want the other sex to give them advice regarding their spouse, get the other gender’s perspective but very often this very closeness leads to them developing feelings for each other. In many cases, it is a matter of time before the affection turns into romantic engagement and even though they may not really want to be in an affair, they end up in one. Affairs in the workplace are a reality and far more common than you may be aware of. People find comfort and a sympathetic ear in their co-workers and that sharing just develops into deeper feelings.
Think about it while their spouse doesn’t dress up for them, their co-workers do, while they feel that they are taken for granted by their spouse they feel cared for and appreciated in the eyes of their colleagues. And then there is the excitement of this new closeness, a person who comes like a fresh breeze.
They convince themselves that at the most this will be an emotional affair and that they will not cross the Lakshman Rekha, but how and when they end up doing so, even they do not realise or have control over. This is the biggest issue with two people working in close proximity, they end up having an affair. There are signs that your partner is cheating at work with a colleague. We will help you identify them here.
How common are affairs in the workplace?
Office affairs are more common than you think. Have you ever noticed someone spending a little too much time at the copier or the tea station or that brush of hand which was happening way too often? You must have seen the smile exchange which came out of nowhere, or how a colleague offered to cover up for another or maybe two co-workers hanging out at the parking lot more than necessary. Those are all little telltale signs of either an affair or a relationship that is heading into one. The workplace is the hotbed for extramarital affairs today.
The long stretch of working hours, business tours, projects which require teamwork, and constant interaction become the breeding grounds of temptation for both men and women. Add to that, the boredom that usually creeps up in a marriage, the stress that comes from the rat race and the tediousness of routine that one must follow because the kids need to be sent to school and the kitchen fires need burning and you have the right mix for an extramarital affair. Monogamy is difficult to follow and having a work partner of the opposite sex especially if she is attractive is like keeping the fire and fuel closer than one should. Some of the reasons as to why people indulge in workplace affairs are:
- To be ahead of the rat race, people put extra time and effort to stay ahead or get that promotion above others. Naturally, time is a limited commodity, and they find themselves more and more distant from the family as they become a unit. Even though this is a situation of the man’s own making he feels left out, feels lonely and turns to his colleagues for support and understanding. ‘I just feel like I am ATM and not really wanted for anything else other than for the money I bring home‘, a line often used and sympathized with could very well be the beginning of an office affair.
- Spouses often feel under-appreciated in a long term marriage. The couples take each other for granted, stop all gestures of expressing love or doing little things for each other. In fact, if anything they get even more annoyed with them on the smallest of mistakes because, how could the partner have not known!’ Couples married for a good 5 to 10 years and more are usually quick to point out flaws but do not acknowledge the sweet things done for each other. And then they look for this very same thing outside and what better place than with a colleague they have known and are comfortable with. ‘Married couples fail to give each other time due to the increase in both personal and professional responsibilities. Since they forget to spend valuable and intimate time together, they try to find love and acceptance in the workplace.
- Working in close proximity with each other, inhaling each other’s fragrance that they have out for the day, sharing each other’s lunch, and having tea and coffee together gives those small moments of joy in the otherwise stressful work environment. This means that the co-workers become each other’s source of happiness and that fosters an emotional bond. Akhila wrote to us, ‘We were just friends…until we weren’t’.
- Any extramarital affair is free from the little annoyances and stress that often accompanies a marriage. Fights over who will lock the main door at nights, who will attend the PTM (if both partners are working), who will take an off from work if the hired help doesn’t turn up. And then there are issues of budgeting, in-laws, which couple friends to associate more with, etc.
Related reading: Why I continue to stay married to my cheating husband
Statistics and facts related to office affairs
To better understand why workplace affairs are so ordinary these days, let us take a quick look at some of the workplace affairs statistics.
- 36% of people confess that they have an affair with their co-worker
- 35% of people confess that they indulge in infidelity when they go on business trips. (https://www.trustify.info/blog/infidelity-statistics-2017)
- Some research shows that around 60% of affairs usually begin in the workplace. (https://www.creditdonkey.com/infidelity-statistics.html)
- The office is one of the top 6 places along with the gym and social media, etc. where affairs generally start. (http://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/2017/05/04/6-most-common-places-where-affairs-start.html)
- Since more women are becoming a part of the workforce, workplace romances are increasing. (https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/cheating-and-infidelity/stats-about-infidelity.html)
- The Internet and technology have made it possible for people engaged in workplace affairs to be in touch even outside the workplace
Office affairs are on the rise and perhaps will continue to do so.
How do office affairs begin?
Curious how does this all happen? Follow these snippets!
- It begins with two colleagues of the opposite sex (if we take the heterosexual couples) who interact with each other on matters relating to work only.
- From speaking about things relating to work, they start exchanging other snippets, what happened at home that morning, their favourite meal, how they like their coffee and tea. They become friends.
- As some months pass the relationship becomes a little more than just friendship. They start flirting with each other, take care of each other’s likes and dislikes, perhaps even dress up in the other’s favourite colours. Here are some signs of micro-cheating in case you can identify with them.
- They start sharing personal information especially about each other’s spouse or partners! ‘My wife thinks my sense of humour is lame’. ‘My husband forgot our love anniversary and it really hurt’. Even deeper serious issues, ‘her SMS to me revealed my husband’s extramarital affair’
- Ultimately, the emotional support turns into physical intimacy and the affair begins. That’s when the signs are clear that your partner is cheating at work with a colleague.
Is your husband having an affair in office?
Having dinner alone again for the fifth time this week? Is your husband working those extra hours at work saying he has no choice? Does he take his phone to the bathroom every time? Is he taking care to be fitter, more invested in his appearance, sprays himself with perfume more than usual? Is it just about impressing his boss or is he into a colleague and cheating on you? Be wise and figure out the truth smartly! Learn to read the signs that your husband is cheating which we often ignore.
Next time your husband says he has to work late at night urgently, you can drop by the office to have dinner with him. If he is at the office you can let this be your surprise dinner date. But if he is not there, you have some digging to do. Don’t panic we will handle it together either ways.
Related reading: Does an emotional affair count as ‘cheating’?
Try to overhear the conversation he has with his woman colleague. Is it simply work-related or is their noticeable chemistry between the two of them? Be alert, dig deeper sooner or later you will catch something.
15 Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair At The Office
Before you can conclude that your husband is having an affair with a co-worker, you have to check for the signs that your husband is cheating at work. Some subtle signs are mentioned below. You might think that he will not break your trust, maybe he doesn’t want to, but we do not know the ways of the heart and the compulsions one feels in these matters.
1. He is happy to spend time at work than at home
This means he happily accepts extra hours of work and comes home late at night. He seems super excited to go to work in the morning and does not complain about the long hours of work. Is it true, that he likes the work that he is doing or is it just pretense to hide his secret work affair? Learn to observe these little signs. Does he come back from work fresh rather than tired?
Does he quickly finish off his meal with you, waits for you to sleep before he starts chilling on his phone? This is an absolute sign your husband is having an affair.
2. He rarely has time to have a meaningful conversation with you
Apart from spending too much time at work, he will even stop having deep serious conversations with you. When you spend alone time with him, you will notice that he will bring up some work-related issues and avoid such discussions completely. He may fear that you will ask him a question and will see through his lies. Notice, his words may say, “Nothing’s going on between us” but check for his shoulders, are they tense? Is his face flushed? What he says and what you see may be two very different things. Learn to read the signs. Your tense shoulders, flushed face or the bead of sweat forming on your brow will be broadcasting another message.
3. He is never okay with the idea of you visiting his office
He keeps telling you not to visit his office, that his boss will not appreciate it or he is extremely busy at work. Even if you land up at his workplace to surprise him, he seems uncomfortable and gets irritated with you. This is typical cheating in the workplace sign.
4. He does not share work-related stuff with you anymore
At the start of your relationship, your husband shared work-related gossip, issues, and achievements. He spoke about bis bosses, colleagues the jokes they made. How a certain XYZ was not great or how the boss picked on ABC. But now, he seems distant and avoids sharing work-related matters. If yes, then something is probably amiss. Your partner is cheating at work with a colleague.
5. He pays too much attention to his looks
Is your husband putting in that extra effort, both time and energy in his appearance? Is he hitting the gym and constantly obsesses over that flab around his tummy and that he needs to get rid of? Is he spending more time at the salon getting that new beard? He wants no crease on his shirts, makes sure his shoes shine? When he suddenly gets a new trendy haircut, wears attractive clothes and applies new expensive perfume for work, then you should probably see this as a sign.
6. He showers you with too much love
All of a sudden, your husband has started showering you with way more attention and love. He gets you little gifts (maybe he is buying two of the same stuff) is romantic in bed and praises everything about you.
This may be a sign of guilt or it could be simply that he is happy with this other new relationship and when you are happy you want to make the others around you happy too! This is a clear sign he is cheating on you and it could be a co-worker.
7. He complains about household responsibilities
Does your husband feel irritated about even the basic household responsibilities? Perhaps he dislikes wasting the time he has to in assisting you in the household chores or visiting the family? If your answer to these two questions is yes, then he has probably become tempted to indulge in infidelity.
Related Reading: Watch Out For These 10 Signs Of Cheaters Guilt
8. He does not take you to work events
Since he is having an office affair, he will not take you to work events in which you might bump into his affair partner. So, even if you are invited, he will make some excuse or another to stop you from accompanying him.
9. There is a drastic change in his attitude
You will notice that he will suddenly seem extremely confident and at ease with himself due to the affair with an attractive co-worker. He will smile more in the mirror and will be more decisive around the home as well.
Related reading: Signs your husband is having an affair
10. You find women related things in his belongings
Check for the feminine fragrance in his shirt, or maybe any strand of hair. Even lipstick marks. Maybe some bills that indicate his recent purchase details. Alternatively, you may find things in his belongings that is not yours. Normally lovers like to keep mementos, try to look for that odd thing, perhaps a receipt from a cafe, a wine cork. If you confront him with it, he will get defensive, maybe put the blame back on you that you are overly suspicious, but be calm and ask him the details of the things you have recovered.
11. He seems very inattentive
He becomes forgetful and is often inattentive. You may have to repeat what you have just said. Does he seem distracted when you talk to him? Just nods but you know he is not really listening, this is a sign that his mind is occupied with thoughts of the affair partner.
12. He talks about a particular woman co-worker obsessively
He will probably start talking about a particular woman co-worker daily. He will tell you about her great personality traits, her work achievements and will keep praising her without releasing that he is doing it. His eyes will have that twinkle which you will have to catch before he consciously wipes it off. Know that he is crazy about her enough, so much so that he cannot see how weird this is. He is in awe of her and constantly thinking about her. Also, see his expression when he is on his mobile, does he smile involuntarily? Here is a piece on what you can do if you think a woman is flirting with your husband at work.
13. Countless business trips become a part of his schedule
Every week, he will tell you that he has to go on a business trip that weekend. The frequency of these trips will increase, maybe just a one-night thing too. Unless he has a job which requires travelling continuously, you can be sure that he is using business trips to spend time with the affair partner.
14. You hardly know any of his work colleagues
Except for the woman colleague, he keeps mentioning, again and again, you do not know any of his other work colleagues. He does not want you to meet his other colleagues who might spill the beans in front of you. There are chances your husband is having an emotional affair in the workplace.
Related Reading: 6 people on what they learnt about themselves after they cheated
15. Arguments with him become extremely dramatic
Now, since he has a new person in his life in the form of an attractive co-worker, you will not be a priority for him. So, he will keep arguing with you and criticizing you. Arguments between the two of you will become extremely dramatic and ultimately, the blame falls on you.
How can workplace affairs be troublesome?
Workplace affairs can complicate your marital relationship terribly, at times beyond repair. Your spouse will feel cheated and have serious trust issues. Children suffer as the couple relationships plummet. More often than not the cheated-on partner goes into a deep depression. The professional life can go for a toss too, workplace affairs can destroy one’s reputation completely professionally. We got a query where this person wrote to us asking about how to move on from a relationship at the workplace.
Besides, think of the other stuff. People will find out and talk about it for years. You, your family and the affair partner’s spouse will become their real-life soap opera. You will be judged by friends, family and almost every other person you know. Your marriage may end in a separation or divorce.
If you catch your husband red-handed, you have two options. End things or work with him to resolve it and save your marriage. If you pick the latter option, then you have to confront him and ensure that he cuts off all ties with that affair partner. Make him change his job/workplace, if possible. However, if your husband does not improve, then it is better to get rid of such a relationship which hampers your peace of mind.
If you are unfortunately the one at the receiving end please use our professional service here. You may not realize but you could be in depression or feeling uncontrollable rage. Our experts will help you get your life and marriage back on track. Good luck!