With people spending long hours working, it’s no surprise that deep connections and friendships develop between coworkers. It’s also not uncommon for a workplace relationship to go beyond the bounds of platonic camaraderie. When that happens, it can threaten the primary relationships of the people involved. Have you been concerned that this may be happening to you? Has your husband been acting in ways that have led you to question their commitment and faithfulness to you? If so, it can help to keep an eye out for the signs your husband is cheating with a coworker. 

Being aware of the classic workplace affairs signs can help confirm or negate your suspicions, and put you out of the misery of obsessing over whether your husband is betraying your trust, every time he leaves for work. This is important because infidelity is complex. It is also hard to pin down. After all, not all affairs involve hotel room trysts or secret vacations. 

So, how can you know for sure if your husband is having a secret affair with a coworker? And what are the next steps? Should you confront him? Should you walk away? We will explore all these questions and more. But first, let’s look at how common workplace affairs are.

How Common Are Affairs At The Workplace?

They say infidelity is a tale as old as love. Workplace affairs—whether between supervisors and subordinates or coworkers—aren’t new either. The same holds true for physical as well as emotional affairs at work. If you’re a working professional, chances are you have spotted some signs of inappropriate work relationships or even workplace affair signs at your office. Like two coworkers spending a little too much time at the copier or the coffee station. Or, finding excuses to talk to or be around each other. Though they may never openly admit to a dalliance.

If your husband has been behaving oddly or is acting in ways that make you question his faithfulness, it may not be the worst idea to dig a little deeper, given how common workplace affairs are. According to research, about 60% of affairs start at the workplace. Here are some other concerning statistics about cheating at workplace:

• The office has been reported to be one of the top 6 places, besides the gym, church, volunteer groups, and social media, where affairs start 
• In this Forbes Advisor survey, 40% of workers reported having an affair with a coworker 
• In this research, 36% of men admitted to cheating on their partners on business trips  
• In another survey, 23% of people said workplace infidelity had ended a committed relationship

So, what leads to workplace affairs? Why do they happen? For that, we need to deconstruct how affairs start with a coworker.

Related Reading: The 7 Types of Affairs and How They Affect Relationships

How do workplace affairs begin?

According to author Jessica Pryce-Jones, the average person will spend nearly 100,000 hours at work in their lifetime. Much of it with coworkers. The closeness such proximity in a demanding environment can breed has given rise to terms like ‘work spouse’.  Put simply, work spouses are coworkers who spend most of their working hours together and come to behave like a married couple. Though such connections are mostly non-romantic, sometimes, they may lead to more.

In one survey, 20% of US workers reported having romantic feelings for a work spouse. So, how does attraction develop between coworkers? Like any relationship, there is a progression when it comes to workplace affairs:  

• Initially, they may share a good work relationship. Then, in between meetings, deadlines, and work events, they may begin to discuss other stuff, like midnight haunts or date night plans 
• Over time, they may start to exchange more intimate information, indulge in some flirting, or show more signs of an inappropriate work relationship 
• All this may set the stage for micro-cheating or lead them to cross into emotional or physical intimacy, even if that wasn’t the initial intention 

That’s how affairs at the workplace start. And why? Think about it. The coworker turns up looking perfect every day and makes your spouse feel appreciated and understood. Add the excitement of the new closeness. Throw in some relationship dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, boredom, or simply, opportunity. And the ground becomes ripe for a cheating situation.

Related Reading: How Are Most Affairs Discovered — 9 Common Ways Cheaters Are Caught

15 Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair With A Coworker

In one study, people were asked about the strategies they would use to detect their partner’s infidelity. Most people said they would pay attention to changes in behavior, confront their partner, or try to confirm their whereabouts. At the same time, many were hesitant to violate their partner’s privacy outright by checking their phones, e-mails, social media, or belongings, even though that could uncover concrete evidence. 

When it comes to infidelity, it’s best not to assume the worst without reason. But you don’t want to be blindsided either. If you are looking for tell-tale signs your husband is cheating with a coworker without invading his privacy and have it backfire on you, here are some indicators to look out for:

1. He is more inclined to spend time at work

One of the first signs your husband is having an affair can be a shift in his schedule or attitude toward work, like:

• Suddenly, becoming a workaholic and working late 
• Sitting with his laptop or phone with ‘work stuff’ at all hours at home

At times, changes in schedules, like spending more time at work, working late, and taking extra work or more business trips, can be situational. They may simply indicate he likes the work he is doing. Or working on an important project. Or he wants to impress his boss ahead of a big promotion.

But if the changes are unexplained. If he’s constantly coming up with excuses for coming home late, skipping family events, or becoming unreachable for long spells. If his laptop never had a password, but now does. Or, he’s carrying his phone everywhere, which he never did. And he’s demanding more privacy. Then there may be more to it. These could be signs your husband likes a coworker and is either already having an affair with her or is close to crossing the line of fidelity.   

Related Reading: What Can You Do If Your Husband Comes Home Late Every Day?

2. New interests and attitudes could be signs he’s hooking up with a coworker

Maybe he’s not working hard all the time. Instead, he’s become decisive or self-assured. And he seems like a new person. Maybe he’s listening to genres of music he never liked before. Or, taken to new hobbies or interests, which involve time away from home. While it is normal to want to switch things up once in a while, it is advisable to pay attention if:

• He’s lost all interest in your relationship and the activities you once did together
• He tries out new things and meets new people but never with you 
• When you show interest in his new hobbies or friends, he changes the conversation a little too quickly
• Or, he tends to get defensive or act vague when you ask about the time he’s spending away from home

Maybe he’s shopping for golf clubs or checking out hiking trails because he met someone new at work or started to get close to a colleague who’s keen on those things. His newfound confidence and interests could be early tell-tale signs he’s cheating at work.

3. He is dressing to impress 

While there is nothing wrong with self-care or dressing to the nines, it may be worth looking into if it is uncharacteristic or out of the blue. It could indicate he’s trying to impress someone else or having an affair with a coworker, especially if: 

• Your husband is putting extra effort into his appearance or hitting the salon — something he’s never done before
• His taste in clothes has undergone a radical shift, or he’s become a total clotheshorse from a fashion slob
• He’s obsessing over the bit of flab around his tummy or exercising fanatically, though earlier he never got off the couch

4. He can’t stop talking about a certain female coworker 

Your husband has been raving about a female colleague lately. He’s been waxing eloquently about her work ethic or wit, or bringing her up constantly. And it’s begun to bother you a little. Perhaps, you’ve overheard them on the phone and something about their tone has got you worrying, “My husband is too friendly with a coworker.” This inappropriate friendship could be one of the warning signs your husband likes a coworker a little too much. 

Related Reading: What To Do When A Woman Is Flirting With Your Husband At Work

5. Or he’s stopped talking about his work life altogether

Maybe instead of endlessly talking about a coworker, he’s just stopped talking about the goings on in his work life. In the past, he’d tell you how he spent his time at work and shared all the gossip about his colleagues. How a certain XYZ was quite sneaky or how he picked on ABC. You knew every Tom, Dick, and Harriet at his workplace, even those you’d never met. But now: 

• He no longer talks about colleagues
• He has stopped inviting them home or planning outings with them and it almost feels like he doesn’t want you to meet them 
• He carefully shuts down all conversations about his work life or a certain coworker

This could be among the more subtle of the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else. Maybe he’s avoiding talking about work and keeping colleagues away to prevent any damning details about his transgressions from slipping through.

6. He has no interest in engaging with you

Your other half replies to your messages in monosyllables. Or, takes hours to respond. He’s uninterested in everything you say and has become aloof and withdrawn. And all the emotional or intellectual intimacy you shared has vanished. It’s time to find out why. At times, changes in communication can point to underlying issues in a marriage. But they also count among workplace affairs signs. If he’s straying, he’s probably keeping mum because he’s worried you will ask him a question and catch him in a lie. 

7. You are no longer his plus-one at work events and his office is off-limits

This is one of the more typical signs of cheating at work. Perhaps, your husband likes a coworker and doesn’t want your presence to ruin his chances of taking that connection to the next level. Or maybe, he is already in a full-fledged office affair and wants to eliminate all possibility of you bumping into his affair partner. That means: 

• He will make excuses to stop you from accompanying him to work events 
• He will keep telling you not to visit his office, saying his boss doesn’t approve of it 
• If you do surprise him at work, he will seem high-strung, uncomfortable, or downright irritable

Such behaviors are among the commonly overlooked red flags of workplace infidelity. If they are part of a larger pattern of suspicious behaviors, you need to dig deeper and you might just find enough tangible proof to confront him. 

Related Reading: How To Confront A Cheater – 11 Expert Tips

8. He complains about home life and responsibilities

From grocery shopping to doctor visits, driving the kids to school, or tucking them in bed, if he’s suddenly taking a step back from domestic responsibilities or keeps complaining about them, it indicates a clear discontentment. It may be worth finding out where this discontentment is stemming from. Could it be that his investment in his home and family is dwindling because he is emotionally invested elsewhere—perhaps, in a coworker he’s having an affair with?

9. Or he showers you with love and attention 

The reverse can just as easily be true. A cheating man may start acting like a devoted, thoughtful husband, either to assuage his cheating guilt or throw you off his scent. So, don’t let any unusual behavior, whether good or bad, slide. Take note if your husband is paying an inordinate amount of attention to you, and how! He’s bringing you flowers, planning date nights, or dropping little gifts. He’s even noticing and praising all the little things you do and trying out new moves in the bed. 

As cynical as it may sound, sudden doting, unexpected thoughtfulness, and experiments in bed can be tell-tale signs of infidelity. After all, if he is the model husband, you’d have no reason to fixate on troubling thoughts like, “I think my husband is cheating.”

10. He seems unusually distracted or stressed

Cheating involves a lot of juggling of schedules, lies, and leading a dual life, which is bound to take its toll. If your husband is having an affair with a coworker, it may reflect in his state of mind. For instance,

• He may become unusually forgetful or absentminded 
• You may find yourself repeating what you say to him because he’s often distracted 
• Even if he nods along, you know he is not really listening, though he rushes to pick up his phone the second it rings

In the absence of other personal, professional, or relationship problems, these can be signs that his mind is preoccupied with thoughts of the affair partner. Or that covering up has become a source of constant stress for him.

Related Reading: An office romance gone sour – Tina and Varun’s story | Bonobology

11. Business trips have become the norm

This is a classic, almost cliched sign of a workplace affair: he’s not just spending most of his time at work, but spending more time away from home. From overnight work trips, and business meetings on the weekends to long-distance business trips, he’s traveling more frequently. And he’s not calling or checking in like he used to. Unless his job demands all the travel or business trips, take it as a red flag, especially if you’ve spotted other things that indicate cheating.

12. He finds fault with you or shows contempt

He’s become overcritical lately and keeps pointing out all the things you are doing wrong—and that’s pretty much everything. He picks fights for no reason, being unreasonable, or storming out over trivial things. With every conversation turning into an argument, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him. 

If there is nothing else to explain these changes, then they may point to a guilty conscience. The changes in his attitude toward you can be a sign he has become emotionally invested in someone else. And he’s finding fault with you to justify his affair—the one thing most cheating partners tend to do.

13. He defends infidelity

Another subtle one among the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else is that they find ways to justify cheating in relationships. You should be concerned if:

• From criticizing infidelity, he’s switched to sympathizing with it
•  Whenever it comes up in conversation, he finds ways to explain or justify it
• Conversely, he may avoid all discussions about infidelity or get really touchy when someone frowns on work affairs or cheating men   

Related Reading: 12 Excuses To Cheat Men Usually Come Up With

14. He accuses you of cheating

You’ve given him no reason to suspect you. Yet, he’s falsely accusing you of cheating. It could be because he is feeling guilty about his own unfaithfulness, but instead of coming clean, he’s projecting his guilt onto you. If you call out his changed behavior, and he starts: 

• Hurling accusations or blame 
• Asking why you can’t trust him more
• Gaslighting, or saying you’re the reason he’s changed 

Know that people in healthy relationships do not resort to such mind games. And they could indicate he’s trying to distract you from looking more closely at them and deflect suspicion.

15. You stumble across actual evidence of cheating

The thing about secrets and lies in a relationship is that at some point, they stop adding up. Even if he’s extra cautious about covering his tracks, you may start to find concrete, like:

• Feminine fragrance or hair on his shirt when he comes back from work
• Another woman’s products in his baggage after one of his business trips
• Bills or receipts that indicate his group dinner was really a meal for two
• Unexplained cash withdrawals or credit card statements, which he’s being rather cagey about

How To Deal With Your Husband’s Workplace Affair 

Finding out your partner has strayed can be shattering. It can make you question everything—your judgment, your reality, and your worth. It can shake your confidence and fracture your willingness to trust. And it can unleash overwhelming rage, resentment, or sadness that come and go in turns. Hard as all this can be, if you come across definitive signs of infidelity, don’t let them slide. Or, wait for the affair to blow over. Sit down with your partner for a serious conversation and: 

• Talk things through: Tell him how you feel and ask for the truth. Be prepared for him to get defensive. Try and remain as objective and dispassionate as you can and give him a chance to explain himself 
• Decide if you want to end things or stay: Take your time to calm down and clear your head before you make up your mind. Speak to someone you trust like a friend or family member, or opt for counseling to get the support and clarity you need 
• Focus on the practicalities: If you’ve decided to give him another chance, figure out how you will move past this betrayal. Or, if you’ve decided to end things, focus on figuring out financial and custody arrangements
• Don’t try to teach him a lesson or opt for revenge cheating: Any satisfaction from this will be short-lived and things could even go badly for you

Related Reading: 15 Shocking Things Cheaters Say When Confronted

If he asks for a second chance and you feel inclined to:

• Ask him how he plans to work on the relationship
• Discuss if he needs to move jobs to end his affair with the coworker, or get a transfer
• If that’s not an option, ask him how he plans to keep things strictly professional at work
• Seek couples therapy to gain some perspective on the affair and guidance on how to build trust back

Final Thoughts

Is cheating a death knell for a relationship? Can a marriage survive infidelity? The answer largely depends on the spouses themselves and how they deal with it. However, it is best to walk away if work affairs are becoming a pattern and your trust is being breached over and over again.  

Does An Emotional Affair Count As ‘Cheating’?

Why It Is Important To Save Evidence Against Your Spouse Who’s Cheating On You

Can A Relationship Survive Cheating? 7 Factors That Determine The Outcome

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