How Can You Tell If Your Fiancé Is Cheating? 15 Signs To Look Out For

Infidelity | | , Editor-in-Chief
How Can You Tell If Your Fiancé Is Cheating

How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? This isn’t typically a question you expect to be grappling with when you’re engaged to the man of your dreams. There you are neck-deep in planning mode, scouring venues, looking for dresses, finalizing décor and menu, but something begins to feel off.

Perhaps, your fiancé doesn’t seem as invested in your shared future as he used to be. Or, there is an emotional distance in the relationship. Or maybe, you can’t quite put a finger on why but your gut instinct is telling you, you’re dealing with a cheating fiancé. This unshakable feeling can bring you to a strong crossroads.

On the one hand, there are all your hopes and dreams. On the other, the abject reality of your fiancé cheating on you. No matter how hard you try, you can’t walk down the rosy road unless you have gotten to the bottom of your suspicions. To that end, we bring this lowdown on the red flags of cheating your fiancé may be displaying.

How Can You Tell If Your Fiancé Is Cheating — Pay Attention To These 15 Signs

“My fiancé is cheating on me.” This is a realization that sets you up for a world of pain and hurt. The fact that the man you loved, respected, and trusted so deeply that you wanted to spend your life with him chose to betray you can be a shattering blow that can leave you feeling upended. On the other hand, being accused of infidelity when innocent can be extremely hurtful for your partner and can seriously dent your relationship.

That’s why it’s critical to be doubly sure of what it is you’re dealing with before confronting your fiancé and straight up asking, “Are you cheating on me?” So, how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating on you? We bring you 15 signs that will confirm or assuage your suspicions with near certainty:

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1. There are times you can’t reach your fiancé

Unexplained absence is the first warning sign of cheating in relationships. While you and your partner don’t have to (and shouldn’t) be joined at the hip at all times, in a serious relationship that is headed for marriage, it’s only natural to be in touch throughout the day.

However, if suddenly, there are times you can’t reach your fiancé or don’t know of their whereabouts, it could be an indicator of your fiancé cheating on you. The red flags of cheating in this can be:

  • Having no idea about where your fiancé is
  • Being unable to reach them on the phone
  • Your partner ignoring inquiries about their whereabouts
  • This behavior becomes a pattern that repeats cyclically

2. His schedule has become unpredictable

A fiancé cheating on you would need to clear up time in their schedule for their transgressions. That would require a change in their schedule. Now, if your fiancé were to go out at the same time every week to meet his affair partner, it would raise questions.

To avoid that, your cheating partner may want to mix things up. The best way of doing that is to keep his schedule unpredictable. If your fiancé’s day went like clockwork in the past but now you just don’t know what his schedule would look like, it could be a cover for spending time with his affair partner. This is one of the oldest cheating techniques to avoid getting caught. Here is what an unpredictable schedule may look like:

  • Putting in late nights at work
  • Making impromptu plans with friends
  • ‘Forgetting’ to tell you about a weekend engagement till the last minute
  • Crashing at a friend’s place after a night of partying
  • Going missing without a reasonable explanation

Related Reading: Is He Cheating Or Am I Paranoid? 11 Things To Think Over!

3. A cheating fiancé may seem irritable

How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? Remember, cheating in relationships takes a toll not just on the betrayed partner but also on the betrayer. After all, it’s not easy to balance two relationships or sleep around on the sly while keeping the appearance of a happy relationship with the primary partner. This may make a cheating fiancé irritable.

This rather subtle shift is what led my friend Mandy to the “my fiancé is cheating on me” realization. Her fiancé, Jake, has been a cool-headed, Zen guy for as long as we’ve known him. However, just weeks into their engagement, he started snapping at Mandy often and seemed irritable whenever he was around her.

The behavior didn’t make sense to her at all. So, she started digging around and discovered that Jake had been having an affair with a coworker since before their engagement. She dumped her cheating fiancé promptly. While the road to recovery from this grueling heartbreak was tough, Mandy says she is better off without him.

4. Inexplicable changes in your sex life

Different people can offer different answers to what is cheating in a relationship. However, if there is one form of cheating that remains absolutely unambiguous it is sexual infidelity. If your partner has been sleeping with someone else, it will reflect in the changes in your sex life. These can include,

  • A decreased interest in sex
  • A heightened sex drive
  • A change in sexual behaviors wants, and desires

If there are no other factors to explain these changes, the way your partner behaves in your intimate moments could amount to physical signs of infidelity.

5. A changed relationship with the phone points to your fiancé cheating on you

fiancé cheating
Suspicious phone behavior is a sign of cheating

It’s no secret that in this day and age, one doesn’t have to step out of their home to cheat on a partner. A smartphone and internet connectivity is all it takes to carry out a full-blown affair right under your nose. A fiancé cheating on you will invariably use his phone to stay connected to his affair partner and this will lead to some unmistakable cell phone cheating signs.

If you’re wondering how to catch your partner cheating, pay attention to the changes in phone habits. Here are a few tell-tale indicators to look out for:

  • Changing the phone password often or password-protecting certain apps
  • Keeping the phone face down
  • Keeping the phone angled away from you
  • Spending way too much time texting
  • Stepping out to attend certain phone calls
  • Spending an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom with the phone

6. Evasive body language is among the physical signs of infidelity

A cheating partner will be wary of getting caught and this will reflect in their body language around you, especially when they see you after a rendezvous with their affair partner/person they’re cheating with. Since you know your fiancé well, it should be hard to spot these physical signs of infidelity:

  • Not making eye contact
  • Avoiding hugging you
  • Shying away from greeting you with a kiss
  • Being shifty and on edge

These behaviors may prompt you to ask, “Are you cheating on me?” However, I recommend that you wait until you’ve figured out how to prove infidelity before you have that conversation.

Related Reading: 15 Signs He Is Fantasizing About Someone Else

7. Your fiancé seems emotionally distant

No matter how slick the cheating methods, infidelity invariably takes a toll on the emotional intimacy between a couple. An unfaithful partner will not be able to connect with you the same way he did before. If you are wondering, how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating, pay attention to the emotional connection between you two.

If your fiancé has suddenly started acting emotionally distant and aloof, it is one of the clearest red flags of cheating. A Reddit user who was pregnant when she found out that her fiancé had been cheating on her also experienced this emotional distance in her relationship. “I noticed he was first off like two weeks ago after we came home from my friend’s place after hanging out. He seemed distant but I just chalked it up to him being tired, but then he continued to be a little distant.

“When I got into our home the kitchen hadn’t been cleaned from what was obviously a romantic dinner and when I got to the bedroom the sheets were a mess and a woman’s lingerie was on the floor by the door. And his pants and their shoes were in the hallway very obviously hastily taken off on the way to our shared bedroom, our shared bed, our shared everything, and OUR sacred place.”

Infographic on How Can You Tell If Your Fiancé Is Cheating
15 signs your fiancé is cheating on you

8. Fun and banter seem to have vanished from your relationship

The toll of a partner’s cheating methods is felt deeply in the dynamics of the relationship. If your fiancé is cheating on you, he will struggle to connect with you like before. As a result, you may notice that fun and banter in the relationship seem to be depleting. Here is what it may look like:

  • He doesn’t laugh the same way when you crack a running inside joke
  • Those days when you’d have pillow fights and then peel over with laughter are a thing of the past
  • He doesn’t fight with you over the last slice of pizza or the remote
  • There are no pillow talks about everything and nothing
  • You don’t spend lazy weekend afternoons joking, laughing and talking

Instead, perhaps, your fiancé now spends all his time on his phone or mindlessly binge-watching stuff on the internet. Even when you try to engage with him, you’re met with disinterest or a hostile attitude.

Related Reading: Online Affairs Reshaping The Idea of Fidelity In Modern Marriage

9. His finances don’t add up

At a time when you’re planning a wedding, it’s only natural that you’d both save up and direct resources toward the big day and your life together. However, if your fiancé’s finances begin to look shaky without any apparent reason, it could be one of the undeniable red flags of cheating.

After all, infidelity costs money — booking hotel rooms, going out on dates, buying presents, and so on. So if you’re wondering how to catch your partner cheating, paying attention to his finances may be a good starting point. Here is what to look out for:

  • Frequent cash withdrawals
  • Bank statement
  • Credit cards or bank accounts kept hidden from you
  • Dipping into savings to meet expenses

10. He starts needing a lot of personal space

How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? A sudden need for space is among the behaviors that signal infidelity. If your fiancé has a new romantic interest, he’d want to spend more and more time with her — such is the nature of a blooming romance. The only way he can do that is by being away from you. That’s why, a sudden need for space in the relationship. Now, there is nothing wrong with needing personal space but if your partner suddenly requires too much of it, it’s a cause for concern.

My cousin, Ishika, who moved to Boston to live with the man she was engaged to learned this the hard way. “Amay was a doting partner for as long as we were in a long-distance relationship and could only spend a couple of weeks together at a time. Despite the distance and the different time zones, he made an effort to stay connected. We’d have virtual dates, call each other several times a day, and text as often as possible.

“However, after I moved in, his attitude changed completely. He’d get annoyed by the things he once found adorable and constantly told me to leave him alone. It felt bizarre at first, but now that I know my fiancé is cheating on me and has a parallel relationship going with a married woman he can’t be with, it’s all starting to make so much sense,” she says.

Related Reading: 13 Uncommon Signs of Cheating People Wish They Hadn’t Ignored

11. Your fiancé gets defensive if asked questions about their changed behavior

Picture this: Determined to figure out how to prove infidelity and get your fiancé to admit to his cheating ways, you decide to ask him questions about the changes you have been noticing in his behavior. However, you just cannot manage to get a straight answer from him. Instead, he gets defensive and responds with counter-questions like,

  • Why is that important?
  • Why do you want to know?
  • Why are we talking about it now?
  • Do you not trust me?
  • We’re getting married. Is this the level of trust you have in me?

Gaslighting a partner into thinking that they’re crazy to even suspect infidelity is one of the classic cheating techniques used to get away with one’s transgressions. If your fiancé resorts to it, they may not just be guilty of cheating but also manipulating you.

12. Criticism and judgment have replaced love and affection in your relationship

cheating fiance
His attitude toward you will change

How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating, you wonder? Forget looking for sneaky cheating techniques or tangible proof, you can pick up the scent of infidelity in your relationship from your partner’s attitude toward you.

  • Has your loving and affectionate fiancé suddenly become critical of you?
  • Does he find faults with everything you do?
  • Do you find it hard to recall when was the last time he appreciated something you did?
  • Is he always making snide remarks about your appearance, career, and life choices?

This shift in his attitude could be because he has fallen into the comparison trap. Just like a child enamored by a new toy, perhaps, he, too, is so taken by his new romantic interest that everything you do pales in comparison.

13. He doesn’t talk about the future as enthusiastically

The “my fiancé is cheating on me” realization may begin to dawn on you if along with other signs, he no longer seems excited by the prospect of your shared future together. If your fiancé has another sexual partner or is emotionally invested in someone else, it’s only natural that the idea of spending his life with you won’t bring him joy.

Remember the widely popular interview clip from then Prince Charles and Princess Diana’s engagement interview. In response to the reporter’s question Charles says, “Whatever ‘in love’ means.” Well, we all know how that panned out and why. When there is another woman in your fiancé’s life, it’s no wonder the idea of a future with you will make him feel trapped or stifled rather than enthusiastic and joyous.

Related Reading: Gut Feeling He’s Cheating, No Proof? 31 Signs Your Instincts Are On Point

14. He is not as excited about the wedding as you

If you have been wondering, “How can you tell if your fiancé is cheating?”, notice how he talks about your upcoming wedding. If the burden of planning the entire thing has fallen squarely on your shoulders and your fiancé couldn’t be any more bothered by the details than he’d be if he were attending a stranger’s wedding, there is a distinct possibility that he has checked out emotionally.

The presence of another woman is one of the most plausible explanations as to why a man who proposed to you would suddenly seem so uninterested in his upcoming nuptials.

15. You feel he is second-guessing his decision to marry you

Cheating in relationships alters the couples’ connection at a very fundamental level. In light of it, it’d be no surprise if your cheating fiancé begins to rethink marrying you. He may,

  • Float the idea of postponing the wedding
  • Make innuendos about the futility of marriage
  • Ask you if you feel ready to get married
  • Say he doesn’t feel ready for marriage

Yes, this could be the result of pre-wedding jitters. But when accompanied by other signs your fiancé is cheating on you, this is a pretty solid indicator that your suspicions might be true.

on cheating

How To Deal With A Fiancé Cheating On You

If you can relate to all or most of the signs listed above, there is no point racking your brains over how to catch your partner cheating. While you may not have any substantive proof, these signs all but confirm your suspicions. I’m sorry that you find yourself in this position because there is no easy way out of this. Coming to terms with the fact that your fiancé has been cheating on you can be heartbreaking, devastating, and absolutely crushing.

Upon discovering that her fiancé was cheating on her with her best friend, a Reddit user had this to say: “Even thinking about it my heart is breaking, I feel like I’ve been gaslit for years and I feel like I’m going crazy, We get married in a week from now and I feel like I’ve been wasting my time and I don’t know what to do.”

Related Reading: 12 Excuses To Cheat Men Usually Come Up With

I can imagine you share her agony and confusion about where to go from here. To help you make sense of your confounding emotions, here are a few tips on dealing with a fiancé cheating on you:

  • Gather proof: First of all, no matter how relatable you find these signs of a cheating fiancé, don’t go by just these or your gut feeling. Even if both are spot-on, it gives your fiancé a chance to gaslight you and get away with his transgressions. So, before you do anything else, gather tangible proof of his infidelity
  • Have a conversation: Once you have proof, go ahead and ask the question you’ve been dying to: are you cheating on me? Give your fiancé a chance to explain himself and put forth his side. As hard as it may be, listen patiently and talk calmly. If you need to, take some time to process the blow of being cheated on before you confront your fiancé. No good can come of a conversation if tempers are flaring and you’re both just yelling and screaming at one another
  • Decide what you want: Based on the nature of the infidelity, your fiancé’s response upon being confronted, your emotional and financial state, and any other relevant factors, decide whether you want to stay and give your cheating fiancé another chance or move on
  • Seek help: Irrespective of what you decide, you will need help to work through the emotional turmoil of being cheated on. I strongly recommend seeking professional help. Depending on whether you choose to stay with your fiancé or part ways, this can be either couples therapy or individual counseling. A skilled mental health professional can help you acknowledge your emotional wounds and deal with them the right way. If you’re considering getting help, Bonobology’s counseling services are here for you
  • Focus on healing and self-care: To recover from the trauma of being cheated on, you need to prioritize yourself. Above all else, focus on healing and practice self-care. This can be in the form of journaling, exploring new hobbies, following your passions, or learning to put yourself and your needs first

Key Pointers

  • Your fiancé cheating on you is devastating but if you feel something is off, it’s worth looking into
  • So, how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating? Physical and emotional unavailability, lack of interest in the wedding and your life together, and changes in patterns of sexual intimacy are some signs to look out for
  • If you spot the signs of a cheating fiancé, dig deeper and amass some tangible proof before confronting him
  • Recovering from the blow of infidelity isn’t easy. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do next
  • Whatever you decide, make sure to prioritize self-care and healing. Consider getting professional help to work through your emotional wounds

I hope you now have adequate insight into how can you tell if your fiancé is cheating on you and what to do if your worst fears come true. Dealing with the blow of infidelity is never easy but you can get through it. Just take it one day at a time.

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