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Here’s what sexual liberation does NOT mean

Freedom without boundaries is a lost cause.
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Social and sexual restrictions in India

When I was a teenager some 40 years ago, I would peep from behind a window curtain, for a glance of my first crush – an NDA cadet on his once-a-month visit home. I never dared to speak to him or even acknowledge his existence or express that I liked him. That is how socially and sexually restricted we were.

The youth of today not only have all the freedom they desire but also the technology to assist this openness in society. With the Internet, Facebook, SMS, Instagram, mobiles and Tinder a new universe of possibilities has emerged; of information, exploration and freedom to be your own sexual person.

I have a classmate who looks at his teenage children and wistfully wishes he were born in this era, because of the degree of free-will this generation enjoys. Once my son, in Std. 9 accosted me a little sheepishly and said, “because of the freedom you have given us, we are still virgins.” He claimed that all his friends had already indulged in sexual adventures. So I gave him some tips on what he could do and not do. Here are some:

1. Never force yourself on any girl, however eager she seems

Every party has some girls who have had too much to drink or smoke and seems very keen on having sex. And usually they drag a friend or two; it seems like too great an opportunity to miss out on. Under the influence there are many things girls may want to do and then regret after the hangover the next day. Then the allegations fly out and you will look foolish and definitely regret your premature decisions for the night before.

Passonate love make : Image source

2. Never be a party to any deceptive move

Not all boys and girls may have liberal parents and when they see girls are drinking, some rather pervert boy may challenge you to spike a girl’s drink to have her completely at your mercy. This is not only criminal it is a really sad way to express your sexual freedom. As soon as they were teenagers, I encouraged my children to bring their love interests home and would take my car out and go for a Café Coffee Day break, to give them some privacy. This not only made them free from falling for the wrong “mate” but they also did not need to sneak around to find a safe place for their romantic antics! That way I also got to meet their current crush. They have never taken my liberal nature for granted.

Read more: You do not understand consent – if you do even one of the following things
Read more: In the wake of the recent rape cases, I am often confused as a mother of a young boy

3. Never have unprotected sex

In my days we were petrified about pre-marital sex, not because the opportunity did not present itself, but because the huge danger of getting pregnant was monstrous. There was no iPill then, and it was so embarrassing for young people to ask for condoms at a chemist’s store. Now my son nonchalantly tosses a packet of his fave condoms into my shopping basket at Health n Glow. My daughter is more reticent and has stuck to just one mate so I guess she has it all sorted. The dangers of pregnancy may be slim now but STDs are hovering in the horizon and most may have treatments in the present time, yet is a hell to go through. Hence the importance of protection cannot be emphasised any less.

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4. Abuse and violence is a NO-NO

The media, movies, and books like Fifty Shades of Grey seem to promote abusive sex and violent alternate sexual preferences and I cannot tolerate this attitude. Of course that the partner is consenting and enjoys it is all-fine – but safe word or not it is a dangerous game to play. It can, not only be fatal in some cases but can result in strong mental and emotional damage.

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5. Don’t cheat on your current partner

A lot of people are pro-infidelity and as such I do not disagree, if the person has a low quotient of personal values they may go ahead and do so, but it is like a greedy person who wants to have the cake and eat it too. If you have found that there is great disconnect with your current partner at many levels then you must have the courage to break up and move on. Staying in relationship for the comforts it offers you while slyly enjoy sex outside of it is plain mean. Not only are you cheating on your partner you are taking away their power to decide whether they should stay with you or not.

Sexual freedom is a great feature for the youth today, but like all good things an excess of anything can be harmful and painful. It is important for each of us to develop a moral compass and decide where to draw the line. Freedom is not enjoyable if you don’t know your boundaries.

Here’s how to teach your sons not to rape

When it comes to women’s safety, what are some of the steps we need to take at an individual and societal level?

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