Relationships 101

15 signs your spouse takes you for granted

Look out for these red flags of being unappreciated and taken for granted by your spouse.
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Every relationship thrives on efforts the partners make. Sometimes, partners tend neither to appreciate nor to acknowledge anything you do. If your spouse fails to appreciate you or never shows it, he or she may be taking you for granted. No matter what you do, nothing seems to make a difference to your spouse.

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All you loving, kind, caring thoughts and acts go unnoticeable by your spouse. You can start to feel weary, and it can cause a blow to your self-esteem, and this is usually the first sign of being taken for granted in a marriage.

What it means when someone takes you for granted?

When someone dismisses all your efforts as ‘routine’ and does not appreciate them and treats you in a careless, thankless and indifferent manner, you can be sure you are taken for granted. In every relationship, a lot of small, seemingly insignificant acts make life easier and the relationship stronger. But if your everyday acts of kindness and care are seen as ‘duties’ or it is ‘assumed’ that you will do them anyway, it can cause a severe blow to the relationship.

Many wives approach marriage counsellors with this issue of being taken for granted. The wives claim that they have tried over the years to become connected with their husbands and to feel appreciated. But nothing has worked out, and so they are actually happy to start over with their lives and get divorced.

This should not happen to your relationship. You should never give up so soon.

15 signs your spouse takes you for granted

Those of you who have even the slightest doubt that you are being taken for granted by your spouse must go through these 15 signs. Then you must be honest with your partner about how you feel and not let this problem poison your relationship any further. Talk about your feelings and devise a way to make each other feel appreciated and valued.

1. Your spouse does not keep in touch

Your spouse is least interested in calling or texting you. Even if you try to call or text your spouse, he/she will not reply. This is just your spouse’s way of showing that he/she does not want to keep in touch with you, especially when he/she is out with friends or working in the office.

2. Your partner does not value your opinions

Instead of involving you in the decision-making process, your partner fails to include you and even rejects your opinions and advice. Your spouse probably thinks that you will just yield to his/her wishes and you do not have your own perspective and opinion about things.

Sometimes, your spouse may not even ask for your thoughts on a matter, assuming he knows ‘what you will say’.

3. Your spouse forgets relationship milestones and special occasions

You are the only one who remembers relationship milestones and special occasions like birthdays. Your spouse forgets about them and comes up with lame excuses.

Your partner’s forgetfulness can be interpreted as his/her lack of interest in the relationship.

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Related reading: 13 signs you are the selfish one in your relationship

4. Your partner avoids doing his/her share of work

In a relationship, both partners are expected to share responsibilities and support each other. But if your partner has become lazy and requests you to do his/her share of the work without even feeling guilty, then probably he/she is taking you for granted.

5. Your spouse does not give you time

During the week, your spouse can be tired because of office work and may not be able to give you much time. So you can understand that and let it go. But if even on weekends he/she avoids you and tries to come up with some excuse to leave you alone, then something is definitely wrong.

The saddest thing is that he/she will make time for everyone in his/her life except you.

6. You both hardly communicate with each other

Your partner is happy living in his/her own little world so he/she does not care about you and does not bother to talk to you. When you try to communicate with your spouse, he/she responds coldly and hardly listens to what you have to say.

This means that you both fail to communicate with each other and even when you both talk, it is nothing meaningful.

7. You are always initiating plans and vacations

Whenever you want to spend some quality time with your partner or your family, you have to initiate plans and vacations. Your spouse does not even take the trouble of helping you out. Actually, he/she is not even interested in spending time with you or the family.

You continuously have to make the efforts and it gets quite exhausting and frustrating in the end.

8. Your spouse never compliments you

Consider this scenario – you wore your spouse’s favourite dress and he/she didn’t even notice it. Even when you tell him/her that you have worn his/her favourite dress, your partner does not bother to give you a compliment. This means that every effort you make to look good or do something for your spouse goes unnoticed.

He/she remains indifferent and fails to encourage you by even saying a few words of appreciation.

9. Your partner is aggressive and fights most of the time

Your partner’s behaviour towards you is extremely aggressive and critical. Even if you commit a small mistake, it is enough to trigger an outburst in your partner. Nothing seems to make your spouse happy.

You will notice that your spouse is actually always ready to fight with you and blame you for everything that is wrong.

Related reading: Does it take tragedy to stop taking partners for granted?

10. Romance disappears from your relationship

During the honeymoon phase of your relationship, your partner must have made a lot of efforts to woo you. But now the romance has disappeared from your relationship and he/she hardly makes any effort to be romantic and make you feel special.

Romantic gestures appear to your partner as a waste of time and he/she avoids indulging in them.

11. You do not feel satisfied sexually

Your partner will probably expect you to do some sexual favours for him/her but when it is his/her chance to do the same, he/she will turn you down. You keep fulfilling your partner’s sexual desires.

However, you do not feel satisfied sexually, which means your spouse just takes you for granted.

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12. Your spouse flirts with other people in front of you

It is a very hurtful experience to notice your spouse flirting with others right in front of you. Your spouse probably takes it for granted that you will be okay with it and not be bothered by such behaviour.

13. You are no longer your partner’s priority

Friends, family members, hobbies and work are more important to your partner than you. So if he/she has to choose between these and you, your partner will always choose the former. And when he/she does that, remember your importance has been lost in your partner’s life. You have just become an option for your partner.

14. Your partner expects you to work according to his/her wishes

You are treated like a puppet by your partner. He/she wants you to work according to his/her whims and fancies. If you fail to do so, then your partner makes a big deal out of it and threatens to end the relationship.

15. Your spouse makes no effort to impress you

Gone are the days when your spouse used to dress to impress you or buy you a gift to make you happy. Now you will notice that your partner makes no effort to impress you and becomes way too comfortable around you because he/she is actually not afraid of losing you.

Being taken for granted by your spouse is not a healthy sign for your relationship. It can create indelible marks on your relationship and destroy it completely. Thus, you have to deal with this feeling of being taken for granted in an appropriate and mature manner so that the quality of your relationship can be enhanced.

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How to deal with being taken for granted by your spouse?

First of all, when you realise that you are being taken for granted by your spouse, you must talk to him/her about it and try to find a solution together. You must also learn to say no to things which make you uncomfortable and set essential boundaries in your relationship. Be nice, but also remember to be firm as and when required. It is very important that you value yourself; then only can you expect your partner to value you. Do not let anyone take advantage of you but respect and love yourself first.

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