A relationship out of balance
Have you ever felt like you’re somehow giving more in a relationship than your partner? No relationship is completely balanced when it comes to love, however it’s an uncomfortable feeling when it strikes you that there could be an imbalance.
What if you’re the one who doesn’t reciprocate the amount of love your partner has for you? How do you reach this realisation?
Here are a few signs that might suggest that you love your partner less than they love you.
Not a positive feeling
This is not the kind of positive feeling when you find your partner’s behaviour cute or amusing. When your partner tells you I love you for the nth time in a day, loudly with a big kiss following the whole thing, and you just feel tired of the expression. You say I love you back, out of habit and you realise this.[restrict]
All the guilt
As soon as you realise that you are the one who loves ‘less’ in a relationship the guilt machine roars into work. You feel guilty for everything. You feel like you’re not being honest with your partner. You feel guilty for not feeling the amount of love that matches theirs. You feel like you’re going to ruin something good that’s going on for you and you’re also afraid of breaking your partner’s heart
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When you’re unable to love your partner as much as they do, you start doubting yourself. You start doubting your ability to love. You also start doubting whether you deserve this much love or not. The idea that you must reciprocate equally and the guilt of not being able to do so, makes you turn on yourself. At times you even start hating yourself and this becomes destructive for the relationship.
The pulling away
We all feel like we know the best way to deal with something like this. It’s true and unfortunate. When you feel guilty and doubt yourself, you start pulling yourself away from your partner. You think you’re doing this to protect them but it just ends up confusing them.
Thinking that you don’t deserve as much love as they’re giving you, makes you act out. You start subconsciously, and sometimes purposefully distancing yourself from them. You try to explain it away by saying that it’s for their own good. The truth is you aren’t ready to have the conversation that needs to be had. No judgment here, it’s a difficult one, but you have to be honest with your partner about these things.
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In some cases, however, you try harder. You end up being extra present in the relationship. You come on too strong and this confuses your partner further. You also know that this is a front and all that loving is not genuine but you’re trying your best. This dishonesty starts to eat you away from the inside and believe it or not your partner notices the change.
Honesty is the right thing to do
There’s no easy way to do this, but you have to. You have to be honest with your partner because that’s the right thing to do. You can hold on just a bit longer out of fear of the breakup but you have to tell them the truth. This can go two ways, you guys either break up or try extra hard to work things out.
Vulnerability can be empowering
Here’s the funny thing about the latter option, sometimes, just sometimes, you end up falling in love with them completely. You have always wanted to, but the honesty that you bring to the table changes the way you looked at relationships. That becomes the thing that you bond over.
Having honest conversations is difficult
We all hate vulnerability, but if we allow it, it can be our greatest power. It can start real conversations about real emotions with our partners instead of just pretense. Also once you are honest, you don’t have to hide all the guilt, shame and lies that you were otherwise hiding. It’s a difficult hurdle to go through, but sometimes you both can be two adults who look at the problem and try like hell to solve it. This doesn’t happen always. But when it does, you somehow in a skewed way, end up finding the balance you were looking for all along.