All relationships have their problems. Through the struggles and travails, at times you may want to seek wisdom from people around you who have been through something similar. When you have nowhere to go and no idea what to do, taking relationship advice from someone might be an option.
Rita has been going through a rough patch with her husband Sanjay. They fight about everything from chores to children’s responsibilities to what to eat for dinner. Rita loves Sanjay dearly but often calls up her friend Aashna to take because she thinks Aashna always has the best relationship advice. Her friend is a few years older than her and always looks out for Rita in the best way possible.
Relationship advice for men is different from relationship advice for women. Not everything can have the same perspective or be measured by the same yardstick. Luckily, if you have a good group of family and friends, you might just sail through.
Best Relationship Advice By Family And Friends
In India, people can’t stay out of other people’s lives. There are good and bad sides to this. It can be irritating to know that your friends and family are constantly interested in knowing about how you treat each other, who earns more, when a baby is on its way, etc.
Sometimes, married couples or even the ones who are dating, get upset about their relationship always being put under the microscope. The good side of this is that those who are genuinely concerned will come forward to share their wisdom on making your bond everlasting. They will help you do away with relationship arguments and create a better relationship.
Here are some words of wisdom and relationship advice for couples that friends and family give in India:
1. Let go and compromise
“Marriage is all about compromise,” says Arya. She says that her mother always told her to be ready to make compromises and adjustments with her husband to be able to have a loving and affectionate relationship. While most people may think that only women must compromise, they are wrong. One must know that this is not only relationship advice for women. Men should understand this as well.
My best friend from Mumbai, Abhishek says “Compromise is from both sides. I have learned to compromise because in my family there are 18 people living under the same roof. Living in a joint family, it is only natural that everyone, including the men, needs to compromise. So, I have been culturally trained to do the same in my marriage.” We are in a progressive time period, where men and women both have to make equal adjustments/compromises.
Yet another close friend of mine, Swati mentions, “My mother always told me that after I get married I should be able to let go of certain things.” It is letting go and making adjustments that make any relationship last. This is the most important relationship advice for women, according to her.
2. Learn as you go along
Abhishek, my best friend explains, “There has never been a plan or an algorithm. My family told me that I should be able to tackle things in my marriage as they come along. Making a master plan would be useless. So here I am happily married, taking one day at a time. My wife and I gel very well because of this”.
This by far is the best relationship advice for men. Men undergo a lot of pressure for planning for the future when it comes to marriage and creating the perfect life for a woman. You cannot have everything planned in a relationship.
There always needs to be some spontaneity and impulsiveness to keep the spark alive. Breaking patterns and routines is another factor associated with this advice which works wonders, some say.
Related Reading: Our secrets to marriage and happily ever after
3. What’s ours is ours, but what’s mine is mine
A colleague named Sujoy shared this with me. “It’s very unlike any Indian family value and yet it’s the need for today’s fast-paced and progressive landscape,” he says. When asked about what advice his parents and family gave him, he answers, “My father told me to set aside some money as ‘ours’ (my wife and mine) and also told me that apart from that I must have my own savings and investments.”
This is particularly important relationship advice for women so that they can always have financial independence and are not prone to relying on a man for everything. As much as it may be inconvenient, you can always keep some money aside to support yourself, whether you’re a man or a woman.
He adds, “My mother also mentioned that once I get married, I should have control over expenses and that my wife and I should only plan for things that we can easily afford. She said that if we only kept working hard, we would reach the destination earlier than others but miss out on the journey. This family relationship advice may sound a tad selfish but is important in the long run.”
Related Reading: 50 Rainy Day Date Ideas To Feel Close To Each Other
4. Spend time with each other
My sister-in-law’s grandmother told her that she should grab every possible opportunity to be with her husband, i.e. my brother. She still remembers how her granny pushed my brother to go along with her to a supermarket for grocery shopping.
She laughs and adds, “He has never even entered a shop to buy eggs, and there we were spending time together, grocery shopping. But it helped. It gave us our time. Especially after having two daughters, we were not able to spend time as much.” Given that this relationship advice for women comes from a lady who has the wisdom from her experiences of her life of 80+ years, it’s pretty spot on.
5. Learn to shut up at the right time
“When one person is angry and fighting, the other one should keep quiet,” says Rahul. He explains that his friend got a divorce because of anger management issues, adding that it is best to keep shut when your partner’s temper is at a boiling hot temperature. This is an important conflict resolution strategy.
Once their temper has cooled down, either you can forget about it or discuss it logically. Very often when your partner is angry, they will be overpowered by emotions. If the other person can think rationally and keep quiet at that moment, there could be an end to the fight.
Rahul says, “My friend has given me the best relationship advice for men. He told me to learn from his mistakes, rather than going through that ordeal myself.”
In most western countries where the culture is individualistic, the focus is on “I” more than “us”, and hence the incidence of separations and divorce is also high. Luckily, we have a support system in India that guides us through the ups and downs of a marriage/relationship. Whether it is relationship advice for women to be better wives or relationship advice for men to be attentive and understanding, we are lucky for such wonderful family and friends.
Absolutely! Our friends know us really well. Sometimes even better than we know ourselves. It is always nice to get their perspective but remember to still make your own decisions at the end of the day.
Yes, it is. Our close ones know us very well. Moreover, they have very different and interesting experiences that can make our perspective even richer.
You can go to anyone who you trust has the best intentions at heart for you. Anyone that you confide in, consider respectable and know that they care about you, is someone you can take advice from. You can also try relationship counseling if your issues are more complex.