As individual personalities, we all subconsciously seek and want things that suit our ways. No matter how open we are to change, we tend to gravitate towards things that are attuned to our likes and comforts. That’s when relationship arguments begin to take hold.
Primarily because relationships require us to adjust our perspective and incorporate another person’s likes and comfort too we sometimes refuse to be accommodating or even become selfish in a relationship.
It is normal to fight everyday in a relationship but in the end of the day it depends on how you are handling relationship arguments. Respectful fighting is fine but if the fight turns ugly or if you start stonewalling your partner then the after taste of such fights are truly bitter.
Related Reading: 12 Reasons Arguments In A Relationship Can Be Healthy
What Causes Arguments In A Relationship?
Relationship arguments can start for a variety of reasons. They can arise from deep-rooted conflicts which have gone unaddressed or mere annoyances that are starting to get on one’s nerves.
Sometimes they even behave like wildfires. One thing leads to another and every repressed issue or grievance begins to manifest itself. This can lead to a long series of heated discussions and blame-games. Here’s is a roundup of what cause arguments in a relationship:
- Disagreements over issues big and small, ranging from which movie to watch to having a baby
- Lack of understanding of the other person’s wishes and needs
- Differences in opinion and a lack of acceptance of the same
- Unclear communication causing deep-seated misunderstandings
- Feelings of neglect leading to a sense of abandonment
- Having high expectations from each other and not be able to live up to them
- Misreading each other’s actions and feelings
- Repressed feelings of jealousy leading to intolerance
- Annoyance arising from a person’s habits and behaviours
- Lack of appreciation of each other’s efforts
Sometimes, even a rough day at your workplace or a fight with a parent can translate into an argument with your partner. When one is anguished, it is easy to displace one’s anger to unrelated things. This sets off a chain reaction.
One time, I had been having a rough week owing to some disagreements with my friends.
When my partner tried to ask me about it, I could not express myself clearly and started hollering at him for absolutely no reason.
Eventually, he got upset too. We started bringing up a month’s worth of issues that we had been facing with each other. It is important to address issues that have been bothering you personally or you are facing as a couple to avoid spilling them untidily all over the place.
Related Reading: Why Do Fights Become More Important Than Relationships?
Is it normal to have arguments in a relationship?
Fights with your partner can leave you wondering is it normal to have arguments in a relationship? Yes, it is an absolutely normal thing that all couples experience at various points in their relationships. But constant arguing in a relationship can turn out to be problematic.
Relationship arguments arise when one is unable to fit external opinions or actions into their expectations and requirements. But this inconsistency should not cause great alarm. Since we are bound to have individual characteristics, these basic inconsistencies will continue to exist.
As long as they are not repetitive and are not causing deep-seated anxiety, intolerance and other issues, these can be easily worked out.
Some surveys have suggested that 44% of married couples have claimed that arguing and fighting helps them keep their relationship afloat and healthy. They are also more likely to continue staying together because they are practising greater communication.
Scientific research suggests that conflict and arguing if practised rationally can be conducive to sustaining romantic relationships.
However, fighting all the time constant arguing in a relationship is a little worrisome but not invincible.
To handle arguments in a relationship one should practice love, a willingness to share what’s bothering you and good listening skills to do away with aimlessly hurling hurtful words towards each other.
Don’t fret, because arguments in a relationship are only natural as long as you kiss and makeup later.
Related Reading: 8 fights every couple will have at some point in their relationship
11 Relationship Arguments That Spell Doom For Your Bond
Conflicts can have many causes. Owing to our different lifestyles and expectations, frequent clashes are organic, and to an extent, understandable. Relationship arguments will exist perpetually. The way two partners choose to respond or deal with them determines what kind of track they might lead the couple on.
There are a few common contentious issues that can slip into your relationships now and then. Then, there are issues that can become detrimental to your togetherness. The latter, naturally, are red flags to steer clear of.
To help you do that, here are 11 such relationship arguments that can spell doom for your bond:
1. Money can lead to arguments in a relationship
Money greatly determines one’s activities and steers livelihoods. Whether you are in a relationship where you share your money or not, disagreements regarding the outflow of cash can often arise.
One person must not dominate all the money matters and a joint decision should be taken regarding major expenses.
Individual requirements should also be considered so that both partners can spend equally on their needs and wants. If one person is not good with money, the other should ensure that they are monitoring and keeping a check on their finances and splitting the finances sensibly. Keep it close but keep that balance.
2. “I don’t like your friends!” is a cause for trouble
When you are in a relationship, you might not share the same friend circle. We connect and resonate with different kinds of people. It is not necessary to vibe with your partner’s friends. Arguments in a relationship can come up when one partner disapproves of another’s friends.
Spending too much time with them and inviting them to your place might aggravate your partner even further. It can seem a little unfair at first and even leave a partner feeling that the other is being selfish in the relationship.
One of the partners might have to compromise in this case. It is better to have an open conversation and resolve it rather than fighting all the time.
3. Differences over a desire for children can lead to constant arguing in a relationship
This is a major life-changing decision, and if not discussed correctly, it can lead to constant arguing in a relationship. A baby adds a horde of responsibilities to your life and it will only work out when both partners are equally invested.
A rash decision will only lead to more arguments. Each partner’s readiness to have children needs to be evaluated before acting on this desire. Even if both are not equally ready, it is important to accept that and the other person’s wishes.
4. Parents and family can be a tricky topic to handle
Just like friends, your partner is not obligated to love everything about your family. This can lead to multiple behavioral conflicts and relationship arguments. Your partner might avoid meeting them which can make things difficult for you.
Some people just don’t get along but you can encourage your partner to maintain a decent amount of respect and concern. Moreover, they will eventually recognize who is truly important to you and adjust their behavior accordingly. They might even appreciate your core family values.
Related Reading: The Top 3 Reasons Why A Couple Fights About The Same Things
5. Unhealthy remarks can trigger relationship arguments
Some amount of constructive criticism is necessary to give a good push to your partner but one should be wary of their boundaries, in this case emotional boundaries.
Saying too much or being unduly harsh can negatively impact your partner’s self-image and worth. Rude comments on their actions, body or habits can hurt their feelings deeply.
This can lead them to harbor a defensive attitude. They might start negatively attacking you back to even the game. Be careful with your words and apologize when necessary to steer away from fighting all the time.
6. Sexual incompatibility can become a sore point between couples
Lack of sexual compatibility can lead to very uncomfortable intimate experiences. By not conveying your needs and discomforts properly, you might stop enjoying sex and perhaps even refrain from it completely.
This confusion can anger your partner and they might start arguing with you. Stonewalling or giving your partner the silent treatment will also make them feel neglected.
Avoid these relationship arguments by sharing what you like and dislike and arrive at a middle ground that works for both of you.
7. Moral inconsistencies can lead to arguing early in a relationship
Just like our personalities, our moralities can also differ in various extents. Most people value their morals highly. When these values don’t align, it can lead to angry outburst and arguing early in a relationship.
A vegan friend of mine dated a non-vegetarian man once. She was unable to accept his food choices and kept condemning his preferences. This led to frequent arguments at home and even in restaurants. Eventually, she convinced herself that she just had to get used to it. Keeping an open mind and accepting your partner as they are is key to not being selfish in a relationship.
8. Distinct future plans can drive a wedge between couples
Some people take their futures and their careers very seriously. Others just like to tread lightly and see where the tide takes them. Picturing different futures and having different expectations from your lives can be a problem that leads to constant arguing in a relationship.
You might want to live in other cities or try things that your partner might not want to.
If your futures do not align the way you have been expecting them to, it can cause unrest and discontentment. You may even begin to question where your relationship is headed. When you discuss these questions and life scenarios, try to adhere to the rules of respectful fighting. Stay calm and be open to making a few sacrifices.
9. Not spending enough time together can drive you apart
Being too busy or spending too much time apart can make your partner feel ignored. They might suppress these feelings and reveal them in tiny and unnecessary arguments about trivial things.
This is one major reason for conflicts and arguing early in a relationship. All you can do is recognize when they are feeling this way and show that you are consciously trying to find more time for each other.
10. Irksome habits may become a reason for fighting all the time
Your partner might have some habits that you find extremely annoying. Things like snoring, drinking, being clumsy or being too particular – can start getting on your nerves over time.
Some of these habits may be difficult to ignore than others. Instead of jumping the gun and angrily confronting them, rationally tell them what has been bothering you and why.
They probably dislike a lot of your habits too and are patiently seeking a good time to confront you too.
11. A lost spark can be a root cause of relationship arguments
Many times, due to busy schedules, lack of intimacy and lack of conversation, you might notice the charm from your relationship slowly slipping away. It is only natural and can be revived by doing interesting activities together and being more receptive.
Sometimes, the frustration from this distance can lead to many unnecessary relationship arguments. You might even blame each other for some trivial occurrences. Avoid falling into this trap. Reflect on what you can do about it instead.
Related Reading: A few differences is what spices up a relationship!
How Do You Avoid Arguments In A Relationship?
Given the damaging potential of constant bickering and fighting, it is natural to wonder how do you avoid arguments in a relationship. You can turn arguments into helpful conversations by taking a step back to assess the situation.
Is your partner actually the root cause of the problem? In most cases, that is not true. Stop viewing your partner as the complete problem. Incorporate the situational aspects into account as well.
To handle arguments in a relationship well be conscious of how you present your arguments and learn the right conflict resolution strategies. Screaming or using an accusing tone can make your partner feel attacked and cornered. Keep your tone and tenor in check to avoid making the conversation unpleasant and hurtful.
When you are having a rough and challenging day, watch out and make sure that you are not displacing the frustration from your day onto your partner’s actions.
This misperception can confuse your partner and lead to further relationship arguments. Reflect on your individual problems and analyze which ones you are attributing to your relationship or throwing on to your partner.
When your partner expresses their concerns, be open to listening and accepting their rationale.
Even when they criticize you and your actions, listen respectfully and explain yourself calmly. Most importantly, be willing to bend slightly in some cases and change yourself too. If you have been struggling to handle arguments in a relationship, you can consider couple’s counselling to figure out where the problem lies. Our online counsellors are only a click away.
When you are constantly arguing in a relationship and you cannot resolve the fight and sometimes the fights turn verbally and physically abusive, that’s unhealthy arguing in a relationship.
When couples argue a lot it means they are not on the same page, they cannot resolve the issues and there is serious communication gap. This lack of communication gives a spurt to these arguments.
You can schedule communication exercises and ensure that you are making an effort to communicate fruitfully. Unplug your gadgets and take out time to spend with each other, that will take care of a lot of your communication problems.
When one person gets an upper hand in the argument and pins down their partner with their views it’s unfair fighting. If you are dating a lawyer you might get into unfair fighting because they will always know how to argue better.