It is not easy being a single woman, especially when you’re nearing your mid- 30’s and still show no signs of ‘settling down’ as they call it. But women who don’t want kids despite being married are the ones who take the real brunt of society’s remarks and judgments.
As a single woman myself, there is a quote that resonates with me: “Just because you have a womb doesn’t mean you need to bear a child, only as much as a person with vocal cords needs to be a singer.” Society has certain boxes for women and if you don’t happen to tick any of them, you invite a lot of wraths.
Nowadays, women, being more career conscious, are delaying motherhood or simply opting out of it. And boy, society ensures they hear no end of it. I, for one, don’t want to have children and experience the magic of motherhood. How much am I going to be judged for my decision?
6 Responses To Women Who Don’t Want Children
Motherhood is not womanhood, it is merely one aspect of it, and being judgemental of women who don’t want kids is not anyone’s right. Like every other lifestyle choice, the decision to be child-free should be respected. Why is it that men don’t have to go through the same intensity of pressure over embracing fatherhood? Isn’t parenting a two-person job?
Women are used to societal expectations but don’t let these expectations become a duty for you to fulfill. I am not ready to be a mom and I constantly have to explain to everyone why I don’t want to have kids despite being 30. I have my reasons, but they’re never enough.
People don’t want to understand what it’s like for married couples to not have kids. They refuse to accept that childfree couples can be happy. These are some of the reactions I get when I say I don’t want to have children:
1. Who will look after you in old age?
Well, it is too far off to think about it now, honestly. But some kids turn out to be total jerks and abandon their old parents when they need them the most. We read plenty of stories of how senior citizens have been abandoned by their children on the streets or outside hospitals. So no, this is not a reason to have children. Besides, a child is not an insurance policy that you can encash in your old age to live off comfortably.
Related Reading: Had to sport a fake pregnancy bump, thanks to our society
2. You become a woman only once you embrace motherhood
Get real. Like I said before, motherhood is merely one aspect of womanhood and does not validate your existence as a woman. This statement is disparaging to a lot of trans-gendered women or women battling fertility disorders. Being a mother has got nothing to do with giving birth.
3. Don’t you want to continue the family name?
When I tell people the reasons why I don’t want kids, they get appalled and try to ‘educate’ me of my responsibilities to carry forward the family name. Why exactly should I do that? So what if my family tree ends after me?
Surely that won’t cause an apocalypse. I would rather donate all my belongings to a charity, where they will be put to better use. This practice has corrupted the very essence of being a mother. You don’t need to give others reasons to be a childfree couple, just do what’s best for you.
4. You will feel lonely seeing all your friends with kids
No, thanks! I chose a different career than most of my friends and I am happy getting paid peanuts for it. My passion comes first and in no way causes me to envy those with better jobs than I. If anything, my friends should feel envious of me for not having kids to look after or not putting my career on hold to have a child.
Related Reading: My wife does not want children, but I do
5. You were a kid once, too
Well, I certainly was a kid once, but that was not my choice. My choice here is that I don’t want children. I want to continue being a child and have fun when I want without getting weighed down by the responsibilities that come with being a mom. Personally, I think I’d make a terrible mom and I’m okay with that!
6. It’s a different feeling you get when you hold a child
I feel extremely happy to the point of being delirious whenever I hold a small puppy or a kitten in my hands. So, no, I don’t regret not birthing a child and damaging my private parts just to hold a newborn and experience ‘the feeling.’
I was in a relationship for five years and it was a serious relationship. But, I had made it clear to the guy that I don’t want to have kids. Maybe, that is why he was bitter to me for a long time. But I didn’t want to stand in the way of his having a family, so we both moved on.
We had some good times and bad times, but my not wanting to bear a child was the clincher for him. He mocked me often that I refused to grow up and take responsibility. In retrospect, I think he may have been right, but the word ‘permanent’ scares me. That’s why I don’t even want tattoos, leave alone a baby.
I had my life figured out. At 15 I knew I wanted to be an entertainment and lifestyle writer and the second thing I knew was that I never wanted to be a mother. I am no 16-year-old girl now who says, “Marriage is so uncool, I hate them kids.”
I am 29, and I have made an informed choice about getting married only to a guy I connect on a deeper level with and someone who knows how to respect a woman and understands women who don’t want kids want to focus on their career or other life goals.
It is fine with me if someone else chooses motherhood because I like to respect the choices women make for themselves. I expect the same from people around me as well, but alas, no one knows when we will get to see that day.
Absolutely not! If you’re not ready to be a mother, it’s actually better to embrace that fact rather than being a bad parent.
They think you’re detrimental to society. They believe the sole purpose of a woman is motherhood and all their other goals are irrelevant.
Just be honest. Tell them the idea of motherhood doesn’t appeal to you and you’re focusing on other projects that will better you as a person.