“I get confused, I never know where I stand. And then you smile, and hold my hand.
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you” – Dusty Springfield, “Spooky”
When you don’t know where you stand in your relationship and receive mixed signals, love can definitely seem crazy. One day you’re all over each other, the next you’re barely texting. This will only leave you wondering what your spooky little boy/girl is up to. Mustering up the courage to ask serious relationship questions seems like an impossible proposition when you don’t even know what to ask!
But alas, you know the only way out of this is to sit down and have that conversation. To make sure you don’t go about blabbering complete nonsense that scares your partner away, we’ve listed out the 21 serious relationship questions to ask when you want to know where you stand.
21 Serious Relationship Questions To Know Where You Stand
A “we need to talk” message will only send the person who receives it into panic and on their way to the first flight to Venezuela. When you don’t approach asking serious relationship questions in the right way, the conversation might be over before it even starts.
You also want to make sure your question warrants a reasonable answer in response. If you fail to ask the right things, you’ll only receive a response that doesn’t do you any good. Stuttering and mumbling while asking something like “so…are we like, legit?” will only yield answers that are just as inefficient.
Any of the serious relationship questions listed below should make sure that doesn’t happen. Questions like these can initiate a constructive conversation about defining the relationship. When everyone’s on the same page about things, you’ll move one step closer towards a healthy relationship. This set of true relationship questions will do just the trick. Let’s get right into them:
1. “Do you like/love me?”
Yes, we’d advise you to hit them with a big one right off the bat. There’s no point beating around the bush. Ask your significant other if they’re truly in love with you. Of course, change the wording based on how far along you are in the relationship and if you’ve said the ‘L’ word yet or not.
Granted, a relationship cannot solely survive on love. But without love, a relationship doesn’t exist in the first place.
Related reading: 33 Questions To Ask Your Significant Other To Know Them Better
2. “Do you want to be in a committed relationship with me?”
You’ll see these questions are very direct, getting straight to the point. Asking clear and concise questions will give you useful answers in return. Ask your partner if they actually want a future with you, whether this is a serious or just a casual relationship to them.
There’s nothing worse than investing time and money in a relationship, only to find out you never meant much to this person anyway. Get this out of the way as soon as possible, so you can know if uploading a picture with your “bae” on Instagram is worth it or not.
3. “What does the future of this relationship look like to you?”
Whether they want a future or not is different from how they think this relationship will eventually pan out. This serious relationship question will help you determine what exactly your partner thinks of your relationship and how much they respect the relationship.
Love, time and effort will all be for nothing if your so-called “other half” doesn’t believe in the relationship.
4. “Are we exclusive?”
Serious long-distance relationship questions like these can help make things easier. Don’t assume exclusivity just because you two meet every other day and are in a relationship without labels. What exclusive dating means to a guy could be different than what you’re expecting.
If you want exclusivity, or even if you prefer not to be exclusive, have a conversation about it as soon as possible. You don’t want anyone to feel cheated or wronged in the relationship. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, ask your partner if you can trust them as well.
5. “Do you believe in me/Do you respect me?”
Simply put, there is no relationship without respect. By asking this serious relationship question, you’ll know exactly what your partner thinks of you. Make sure you encourage honesty since it will only help both of you.
If you’re not respected in your relationship, you will constantly be undermined. Your decisions and input will not be valued. That makes for a very damaging, and at times, toxic relationship.
6. “Do you trust me?”
It’s always a good idea to ask this since it’ll help you decipher if your partner has trust issues or not. If they can honestly say they trust you, at least you now have concrete proof. Through this question, you’ll also be able to figure out whether any trust issues need to be worked on. You’ll also hopefully catch them before they cause a problem. Out of the many things that make a successful relationship work, trust is among the most important aspects.
7. “Do you like my personality?”
You know this relationship won’t last if your partner is solely attracted to you sexually. This makes for a good serious relationship question to ask a boy since guys can sometimes misconstrue sexual attraction for love.
They might abruptly say yes, but really ask your partner to think about it. Do they like you for who you are? Or just because you’re always dressed in the latest fashion? You can try to notice the signs he doesn’t like you but asking your partner flat out will just save you time and possibly heartbreak.
8. “Is this relationship making you happy?”
This question might make your partner realize they haven’t thought about happiness in a while either. Checking up on each other about mutual happiness is often overlooked. If they realize the relationship isn’t making them happier, then you know there’s something you both have to work on.
Ask your partner if they’re happy, and how frequently they’re happy. If the thought of you fills them with joy or anxiety.
9. “How do you view sex in this relationship?”
This is perhaps right up there as one of the most serious relationship questions to ask. Making sure you’re both on the same page about having or not having sex is of utmost importance. Figure out what you two would prefer when it comes to sex, how often you’d like to have or not have sex.
You could even have a conversation about how you’d like to approach sex. Birth control measures, positions, kinks, etc. It’s always helpful to know how to turn your partner on whenever you want *wink wink*. It could also be a great way of keeping the spark alive in a relationship.
10. “Is there something I do that upsets you?”
You could have a small quirk that your partner finds annoying. Maybe you chew too loud, maybe you talk too softly, or perhaps the playful hitting can sometimes feel too rough.
Your partner might feel these things are too small to bring up, so when you ask it’ll give them an opportunity to discuss it with you. This way, you’ll get to know your partner a bit more and see how they view you.
Related reading: 85 Get To Know Me Questions To Connect – New 2021 List
11. “What’s something you can’t look past?”
God forbid, you lose your job. Is unemployment a dealbreaker for your partner? Maybe you suddenly stop being interested in that thing you two initially bonded over. Does that spell doom for the relationship? Ask your partner what their dealbreakers are. Maybe you’re already on the verge of one!
12. “Do you have jealousy/insecurity issues?”
You may think your relationship is going well based on some of the answers you’ve received to questions from this list. But if they have extreme jealousy issues, you should know that trust will always be a problem. Asking serious relationship questions like these early on will tell you all you need to know about the things you need to work on.
13. “Do you think something about this relationship needs to change?”
This is a great serious relationship question to ask a girl. More often than not, she’s already made observations about the relationship but is waiting for an opportunity to bring them up. When you give her an open invitation, this conversation is the only one you’ll need to know where you stand in your relationship.
14. “Are you attracted to someone else?”
If you two are just getting to know each other, this serious relationship question can tell you the state of mind your partner is in and just how much they value you. If they’re finding it hard to move on from an ex or have a crush on someone else, that’s a conversation you two need to address before things get too serious.
It’s natural to have a mild crush on someone while you’re in a relationship. But an obsessive crush could pose problems for your existing relationship. Reconnecting with an ex out of the blue is bound to raise questions if you’re in a relationship.
15. “Financially speaking, where do you want to be in the future?”
The response to this question will tell you if your future goals align and if you’re a part of each other’s future goals. For instance, did they mention they want to buy a house, but you were nowhere in the picture? Ask why that’s the case.
And if the answer is along the lines of “I’m fine living paycheck to paycheck”, maybe consider robbing a bank for all your luxurious hobbies (we’re kidding, don’t rob a bank!).
16. “What do you think of my parents and friends?”
“Oh, I absolutely hate them, I was just wondering when you’d ask!” Yikes, that’s a problem! Your significant other having a problem with your friends and family doesn’t translate completely into them having a problem with you, but it’s still a substantial issue you’ll need to deal with.
See how they behave around your friends and if they can make the effort to “tolerate” them if they’ve told you they’re not fond of your friends. Knowing some tips for introducing your SO to your parents will come in handy but you wouldn’t want to solely rely on them.
17. “Is there something in the relationship that you wish never changes?”
This is an important serious relationship question since it will clearly tell you what your lover values most about the relationship. The answer could surprise you and be something like “I love the walks we take together”. Who knew they loved the walks that much?
It will help you decode the things you should hold dear in your relationship. The more you know about what works in your relationship, the more of it you can give.
18. “How do you communicate your anger?”
Understanding how they fight is extremely important. If they decide to run out of the bedroom the minute things get rough, you should know if that’s their go-to response or if something is off. Not just with fights, but figuring out how they communicate love and joy will help you in the long run.
19. “Do you have any prejudices?”
Do they have any disturbing views? Is your partner sexist? Racist? These seem like far-fetched accusations when you’re in love with this person, but you’ve got to figure out if there are any disturbing prejudices inside your partner’s mind. If you do find any questionable opinions, now comes the contemplation of whether those prejudices might one day be unleashed on you. You might not even see signs of an abusive relationship until it’s too late.
20. “Am I your best friend?”
You’d want the person you’re in a relationship with to be able to tell you just about everything on their mind, right? You’d want them to have fun with you, and actually want to spend time with you. Being best friends with your significant other makes all of this organically possible.
It shouldn’t feel like there’s a communication barrier between you two. Only when you are best friends can you talk about absolutely everything.
21. “How important am I in your life?”
Our final question is a big one. It questions commitment and the value you hold in this person’s life. You have a right to know where you stand in their life and just how important you are to them. Be careful with this question though, you don’t want to ask this too often and seem clingy!
Getting some clarity on where you stand in your relationship can take a load off your shoulders. Even if unfavourable answers have led you to doubt the solidness of your relationship, at least you now have a better idea of how to go about this relationship.
Floating about in a label-less relationship, hoping for the best, will result in heartbreak. Don’t wait for disaster to strike, ask the tough questions and figure out if your relationship is all you thought it to be.