“I get confused, I never know where I stand / And then you smile, and hold my hand / Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you” – Dusty Springfield, Spooky.
When you don’t know where you stand in your relationship and receive mixed signals from the person you love, love can definitely seem crazy and even a little bit annoying. One day you’re all over each other and can’t get enough of the other person. The next you’re barely texting, let alone feeling cared for. This will only leave you wondering what your spooky little boy/girl is up to. Mustering up the courage of asking serious relationship questions seems like an impossible proposition when you don’t even know what to ask.
But alas, you know the only way out of this conundrum is to sit down and have that conversation. To make sure you don’t go about blabbering complete nonsense that scares your partner away, we’ve listed out 35 serious relationship questions to ask when you want to know where you stand and ascertain where your relationship is going.
35 Serious Relationship Questions To Know Where You Stand
A “we need to talk” message will only send the person who receives it into panic and on their way to the first flight to Venezuela. When you don’t approach asking serious relationship questions the right way, the conversation might be over before it even starts.
You also want to make sure your question warrants a reasonable response. If you fail to ask the right things, you’ll only receive a response that doesn’t do you any good. Stuttering and mumbling while asking something like, “So…are we like, legit?”, will yield answers that are just as inefficient.
The serious relationship questions listed below will help make sure that doesn’t happen. Questions like these can initiate a constructive conversation about defining the relationship. When everyone’s on the same page about things, you’ll move one step closer to a healthy relationship. Let’s get right into them, but one by one.
Serious Relationship Questions To Ask Him
Let us break these questions a bit and then look at them one by one. The questions may mean much more depending on who you ask them and what is your reasoning behind it. Take, for example, a question like “Do you respect me?” It is often observed that men are socially trained to look at their female partner in a patronizing way attempting to be their knight in shining armor.
In that case, it seems more important to hear from a male partner how he differentiates love from respect. The question seems slightly more impactful and important when posed by a girl to her partner. (This is not to say that the opposite is not true.) Regardless, let us first look at a few questions to ask your boyfriend to see if he is serious about you.
1. “Do you want to be in a committed relationship with me?”
You’ll see these questions are very direct, getting straight to the point. Asking clear and concise questions will give you useful answers in return. Ask your partner if they actually want a future with you, and whether this is a serious or just a casual relationship to them. There’s nothing worse than investing time and energy in a relationship only to find out you never meant much to this person anyway.
Get this out of the way as soon as possible, so you can know if uploading a picture with your “bae” on Instagram is worth it or not. This is especially one of the important serious long-distance relationship questions. Maybe you two have been texting for a few months while you’re spread across different cities. It might be a good idea to ask whether this textationship is going to materialize into anything real.
2. “Are we exclusive?”
Serious long-distance relationship questions like these can help make things easier. Don’t assume exclusivity just because you two have been talking for months. What exclusive dating means to a guy could be different than what you’re expecting. If you want exclusivity, or even if you prefer not to be exclusive, have a conversation about it as soon as possible.
You don’t want anyone to feel cheated or wronged in the relationship. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, ask your partner if you can trust them as well.
Related Reading: 33 Questions To Ask Your Significant Other To Know Them Better
3. “Do you like my personality?”
You know a relationship won’t last if your partner is solely attracted to you sexually. This makes for a good serious relationship question to ask a boy since guys can sometimes misconstrue sexual attraction for love. They might instantly say yes, but really ask your partner to think about it.
Do they like you for who you are? Or just because you’re always dressed in the latest fashion? You can try to notice the signs he doesn’t like you but asking your partner flat out will just save you time and possibly heartbreak. So add this to your list of serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend.
4. “Do you trust me?”
Need serious relationship questions to ask him to see if he’s in this as much as you are? Then this can be a great place to start. It’s always a good idea to ask this since it’ll help you decipher if your partner has trust issues or not. If they can honestly say they trust you, at least you will have something concrete to assuage whatever doubts or inhibitions are swirling around in your head.
Through this question, you’ll also be able to figure out whether any trust issues need to be worked on. You’ll also hopefully catch them before they cause a problem. Out of the many things that make a successful relationship work, trust is among the most important.
5. “Do you have jealousy/insecurity issues?”
You may think your relationship is going well based on some of the answers you’ve received to questions from this list. But if they have extreme jealousy issues, you should know that trust will always be a problem. Asking serious relationship questions like these early on will tell you all you need to know about the things you need to work on.
6. “How do you communicate your anger?”
Understanding how they fight is extremely important. If they decide to run out of the bedroom the minute things get rough, you should know whether it’s their go-to response or if something is off. Not just anger, but figuring out how they communicate love and joy will also help you in the long run.
7. “Do you think I’m your soulmate?”
We do advise that you pop such serious relationship questions only when the two of you have been dating or have known each other a long time. If you think you might have found your soulmate in your partner, why not ask them if they think the same about you too? This is one of the serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend when you’re convinced that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
8. Do you have any unfulfilled fantasies?
You might think this does not look like a question to ask your boyfriend to see if he is serious about you. It rather looks like a fun relationship question. But a boy will not share his unfulfilled fantasies or other such extremely personal thoughts if he weren’t seriously invested in the relationship and trusted you.
Knowing your partner’s desires and fantasies is knowing their most inner and hidden self. We are sure this question is going to take you both down the rabbit hole you wish you could stay burrowed in forever. Thank us later.
Serious Relationship Questions To Ask Her
The same questions that are meant for him will definitely work for her as well. But they may fetch different answers, touch different nerves, and be affected by differing outlooks men and women have due to their interaction with society based on their gender. Do not shy from asking each other these real relationship questions, irrespective of whether they are meant just for him or her. Even so, here are a few peculiar ones that may mean much more when you pose them to your girlfriend:
9. “Do you believe in me/Do you respect me?”
This is one of the serious relationship questions for couples that you should not miss. Simply put, there is no relationship without respect. By asking this serious relationship question, you’ll know exactly what your partner thinks of you. Make sure you encourage honesty since it will only help both of you. If you’re not respected in your relationship, you will constantly be undermined. Your decisions and input will not be valued. That makes for a very damaging, and at times, toxic relationship.
10. “Do you think something about this relationship needs to change?”
This is a great serious relationship question to ask her if you have noticed she’s been rather unhappy in the relationship lately. Chances are she may already have made observations about what’s amiss in the relationship but is waiting for an opportunity to bring them up. So when you give her an open invitation, this conversation is the only one you’ll need to know where you stand in your relationship and what might be going wrong.
11. “What do you think of my parents and friends?”
“Oh, I absolutely hate them, I was just wondering when you’d ask!” Yikes, that’s a problem! Your significant other having a problem with your friends and family doesn’t translate completely into them having a problem with you but it’s still a substantial issue you’ll need to deal with.
See how they behave around your friends and if they can make the effort to “tolerate” them if they’ve told you they’re not fond of your friends. Knowing some tips for introducing your SO to your parents can come in handy but you can’t rely solely on them to make sure they get along well.
12. “Am I your best friend?”
You’d want the person you’re in a relationship with to be able to tell you just about everything on their mind, right? You’d want them to have fun with you, and actually want to spend time with you. Being best friends with your significant other makes all of this organically possible.
It shouldn’t feel like there’s a communication barrier between you two. Only when you are best friends can you talk about absolutely everything, which makes this one of the important serious relationship questions to ask her (or him).
13. What’s the most traumatic/difficult thing you had to go through?
Before we meet our partners, they have had this complex life of their own that we can never be a part of. Talking about your partner’s past may bring you two closer like never before. You may also find a renewed sense of respect and appreciation for their tenacity.
When we talk about the past, we tend to focus more on each other’s love life. But ask this more far-reaching question to your girlfriend to help you get yourself to walk in her shoes, and get to know what makes her who she is. This is how you can be more empathetic in your relationship.
14. “Is there something in the relationship that you wish never changes?”
This is one of the important serious relationship questions to ask her since it will clearly tell you what your girlfriend values most about the relationship. The answer could surprise you if she says something like “I love the walks we take together”. Who knew she loved the walks with you that much?
It will help you decode the things you should hold dear in your relationship. The more you know about what works in your relationship, the more of it you can give to her.
15. Do you feel loved and cared for?
Ask your girl this real relationship question to see if your admiration and love are reaching her. We often communicate our love in the way we understand it best. In case the conversation leads to a response that you weren’t expecting, it might help to learn each other’s love language.
For example, you might be very sincerely showing her affection by bringing her gifts, when all she needs from you is physical touch, or quality time, or words of appreciation. This question will help make sure your efforts are not in vain.
16. Which adventure of ours do you cherish the most?
Talking about understanding each other’s love languages, ask your girlfriend these questions to get to know what kinds of experiences she enjoys most. This question will not only help you in making future surprise plans for her, but the trip down memory lane will also add an element of warmth to your conversation and help you both open up for more difficult questions.
Serious Relationship Questions For Couples
A couple needs to be in harmony to be able to build and sustain a healthy mature relationship. Real relationship questions can help you both find alignment with each other. The following questions will help you understand how synchronous your understanding of your relationship is and what the future holds for you.
17. “What does the future of this relationship look like to you?”
Whether they want a future or not is different from how they think this relationship will eventually pan out. Asking serious relationship questions such as this one will help you determine what exactly your partner thinks of your relationship and how much they value it.
Love, time and effort will all be for nothing if your so-called “other half” doesn’t believe in the relationship. So this is one of the serious relationship questions to ask him or her and decide whether they really are your “other half” or not.
18. “Is this relationship making you happy?”
This question might make your partner realize they haven’t thought about happiness in a while either. Checking up on each other about mutual happiness is often overlooked. If they realize the relationship isn’t making them happy, then you know there’s something you both have to work on.
Ask your partner how frequently they’re happy with you, and whether the thought of you fills them with joy or anxiety. Mutual attraction is not enough to keep a relationship afloat. Partners should also bring each other joy.
19. “Is there something I do that upsets you?”
You could have a small quirk that your partner finds annoying. Maybe you chew too loudly, maybe you talk too softly, or perhaps the playful hitting can sometimes feel too rough. That’s why you must think of this as one of the more important serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Your partner might feel these things are too small to bring up, so when you ask, it’ll give them an opportunity to discuss it with you. This way, you’ll get to know your partner a bit more and see how they view you.
20. “What’s something you can’t look past?”
God forbid, you lose your job. Is unemployment a deal breaker for your partner? Maybe you suddenly stop being interested in that thing you two initially bonded over. Does that spell doom for the relationship? Ask your partner what their relationship deal breakers are. It is one of the most crucial serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend or your girlfriend. Maybe you’re already on the verge of one.
21. “Is there something you still have not forgiven me for?”
Say you two have gone through a rough patch earlier on in the year where you were constantly having serious relationship arguments. Or that you’ve been in an on-and-off relationship for a while now. Maybe there are a few wrongdoings, misunderstandings or hurtful words in your relationship history.
In that case, this question might help you address those past incidents. If you think there’s some residual anger still festering at their end, it might be nice to bring it up and ask them if everything is really okay between the two of you.
Related Reading: 85 Get To Know Me Questions To Connect – New 2021 List
22. “Do you have any prejudices?”
Do they have any disturbing views? Is your partner sexist? Racist? These seem like far-fetched accusations when you’re in love with a person but you’ve got to figure out if there are any disturbing prejudices inside your partner’s mind. If you do find any questionable opinions, now comes the contemplation of whether those prejudices might one day be unleashed on you. You might not even see signs of an abusive relationship until it’s too late.
23. “How important am I in your life?”
This question is a big one. It questions commitment and the value you hold in this person’s life. You have a right to know where you stand in their life and just how important you are to them. Be careful with this question though, you don’t want to ask this too often and seem like a clingy partner.
24. “Do you see me in your five year plans?”
Even if we may not have concrete ideas panned out, we certainly do visualize what the future may look like. Now coming to serious relationship questions such as this one, we have to tell you that this one is pretty big. It’s also very direct, which is perfect if you’re looking for clarity about whether they are dating for marriage or see you as a potential life partner.
A long discussion might probably follow this question. But do know that a question like this can make or break your relationship. So ask this one only if you’re ready for whatever the answer may be.
25. What do you feel about living together before marriage?
Your relationship may be far from the marriage conversation but you can always pose this one as one of the questions to ask to know “just in case” or as a part of an intellectual conversation. This question is another one that helps you see how your values match, morally speaking, and how important it is to know your partner before making the marriage commitment.
If the conversation goes well, you can use this as a springboard to ask each other what should be the rules of a live-in relationship should you ever consider your future. Moreover, your partner’s reaction will help you gauge where they stand with regard to the M word.
Important Serious Relationship Questions
Finally, let us look at the most important set of questions that will test the very core of the relationship. You might find them overwhelming and they may even scare you off, coaxing you to put off the process. But we can assure you that once you get past them successfully, you will have a much clearer idea of where your relationship stands and whether it is worth it.
26. “Do you like/love me?”
Yes, we’d advise you to hit them with a big one right off the bat. There’s no point beating around the bush. Ask your significant other if they’re truly in love with you. Of course, change the wording based on how far along you are in the relationship and if you’ve said the ‘L’ word yet or not. Granted, a relationship cannot solely survive on love. But without love, a relationship doesn’t exist in the first place. We all know that.
27. “How do you view sex in this relationship?”
This is perhaps right up there as one of the most serious relationship questions for couples to ask. Making sure you’re both on the same page about having or not having sex is of utmost importance. Figure out what you two would prefer when it comes to sex, how often you’d like to have sex.
You could even have a conversation about how you’d like to approach sex. Birth control measures, positions, kinks, etc. It’s always helpful to know how to turn your partner on whenever you want *wink wink*. It could also be a great way of keeping the spark alive in a relationship.
28. “Are you attracted to someone else?”
Asking serious relationship questions such as this one may not be easy but is still necessary. If you two are just getting to know each other, this serious relationship question can tell you the state of mind your partner is in and just how much they value you. If they’re finding it hard to move on from an ex or have a crush on someone else, that’s a conversation you two need to address before things get too serious.
It’s not unusual to have a mild crush on someone while you’re in a relationship. But an obsessive crush could pose problems for your existing relationship. Reconnecting with an ex out of the blue is also bound to raise questions if you’re in a relationship.
29. “Financially speaking, where do you want to be in the future?”
The response to this question will tell you if your future goals align and if you share each other’s vision for the future. For instance, did they mention they want to buy a house, but you were nowhere in the picture? Ask why that’s the case. And if the answer is along the lines of “I’m fine living paycheck to paycheck”, maybe consider robbing a bank for all your luxurious hobbies (we’re kidding, don’t rob a bank!).
30. How do you like to spend your money?
Understanding each other’s relationship with money is crucial to a life together free of financial stress. A lack of similar financial values and understanding of the use of money creates friction in relationships. The kind of friction that is very difficult to recover from. Considering one has to deal with money every day for every little thing, it can become a source of chronic conflict in a relationship.
For example, what if you enjoy staying in luxurious hotels on your vacation, but your partner thinks it’s a waste of money and wants to spend money on shopping instead? Do you both like to stay indoors and party at home, or do you enjoy throwing lavish parties for friends? How do you feel about charity? Finance questions are the most important questions to ask to know where you stand.
31. “Do you see us having kids in the future?”
Or a less pressurizing way of putting this question could be: “Do you want kids, ever?” You could even consider asking their opinion on the “childfree by choice” movement. If you’re someone who is nearing that age when you want to have children or are now receptive to the thought of it, it’s time to let your partner in on those plans too. This is one of the serious relationship questions for couples as it majorly determines where your relationship may or may not go from that point.
32. When and where do you want to retire?
Talking about each other’s retirement plans, or at least a vision of it, will help you be on the same page about your future. Fret not, if your plans do not match. Retirement is most probably way into the future and neither of you may have a clear idea of what you want. Nevertheless, approaching this question together may help you discuss what retirement means to each of you, and what it looks like.
33. “Would you move cities for me?”
Another major one! This is also one of the more serious long-distance relationship questions to ask to know where you stand. Perhaps you two have been long-distancing for a while and are hoping to settle down with your partner. Having spent years flying across to see each other on Thanksgiving breaks, it’s time that you two now get into a live-in relationship. So how does one bring that up?
If you think it’s time that one of you moves for the other person, use this question to start that conversation. You could discuss long-distance relationship problems and their solutions. This way, you’ll know if they are ready or not and what the next plan of action for you may be.
34. “Do you believe in open-relationships?”
When it comes to serious relationship questions to ask her or him, don’t leave this one out. Open relationships are a new trend where couples stay committed to their primary partner but with their consent, choose to venture out and start other short-term relationships. Whether you’re pro or anti open relationships, it is always nice to get an idea of where your partner stands on this issue.
35. “What is your take on infidelity?”
Such serious relationship questions to ask her/him might freak your partner out a little bit so try to put it across as kindly as you can. Assure them that you’re not asking this question because of some cheater’s guilt or because you suspect them of having cheated but because this is just one of those conversations that couples should have.
Who knows, this might even get your partner to open up about some past stories of when they were cheated on or anything else along those lines. This conversation isn’t necessarily coming from somewhere. It’s just good and always helpful to know your partner’s take on such things.
Getting some clarity on where you stand in your relationship can take a load off your shoulders. Even if unfavorable answers have led you to doubt the solidness of your relationship, at least you now have a better idea of how to go about this relationship and what you should or should not expect. Floating about in a label-less relationship, hoping for the best, will result in heartbreak. Don’t wait for disaster to strike, ask the tough serious relationship questions and figure out if your relationship is all you thought it to be.