“I get confused, I never know where I stand. And then you smile, and hold my hand.
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you” – Dusty Springfield, “Spooky”
When you don’t know where you stand in your relationship and receive mixed signals from the person you love, love can definitely seem crazy and even a little bit annoying. One day you’re all over each other and can’t get enough of the other person. The next you’re barely texting, let alone feeling cared for. This will only leave you wondering what your spooky little boy/girl is up to. Mustering up the courage of asking serious relationship questions seems like an impossible proposition when you don’t even know what to ask.
But alas, you know the only way out of this conundrum is to sit down and have that conversation. To make sure you don’t go about blabbering complete nonsense that scares your partner away, we’ve listed out 28 serious relationship questions to ask when you want to know where you stand and ascertain where your relationship is going.
28 Serious Relationship Questions To Know Where You Stand
A “we need to talk” message will only send the person who receives it into panic and on their way to the first flight to Venezuela. When you don’t approach asking serious relationship questions the right way, the conversation might be over before it even starts.
You also want to make sure your question warrants a reasonable response. If you fail to ask the right things, you’ll only receive a response that doesn’t do you any good. Stuttering and mumbling while asking something like “so…are we like, legit?” will only yield answers that are just as inefficient.
Any of the serious relationship questions listed below should make sure that doesn’t happen. Questions like these can initiate a constructive conversation about defining the relationship. When everyone’s on the same page about things, you’ll move one step closer toward a healthy relationship. This set of true relationship questions will do just the trick. Let’s get right into them:
1. “Do you like/love me?”
Yes, we’d advise you to hit them with a big one right off the bat. There’s no point beating around the bush. Ask your significant other if they’re truly in love with you. Of course, change the wording based on how far along you are in the relationship and if you’ve said the ‘L’ word yet or not. Granted, a relationship cannot solely survive on love. But without love, a relationship doesn’t exist in the first place. We all know that.
2. “Do you want to be in a committed relationship with me?”
You’ll see these questions are very direct, getting straight to the point. Asking clear and concise questions will give you useful answers in return. Ask your partner if they actually want a future with you, and whether this is a serious or just a casual relationship to them. There’s nothing worse than investing time and money in a relationship, only to find out you never meant much to this person anyway.
Get this out of the way as soon as possible, so you can know if uploading a picture with your “bae” on Instagram is worth it or not. This is especially one of the serious long-distance relationship questions. Maybe you two have been texting for a few months while you’re spread across different cities. It might be time now to ask, whether this textationship is going to materialize into anything real.
Related Reading: 33 Questions To Ask Your Significant Other To Know Them Better
3. “What does the future of this relationship look like to you?”
Whether they want a future or not is different from how they think this relationship will eventually pan out. Asking serious relationship questions such as this one will help you determine what exactly your partner thinks of your relationship and how much they value it.
Love, time and effort will all be for nothing if your so-called “other half” doesn’t believe in the relationship. So this is one of the serious relationship questions to ask him or her and decide whether they really are your “other half” or not.
4. “Are we exclusive?”
Serious long-distance relationship questions like these can help make things easier. Don’t assume exclusivity just because you two have been talking for months. What exclusive dating means to a guy could be different than what you’re expecting. If you want exclusivity, or even if you prefer not to be exclusive, have a conversation about it as soon as possible.
You don’t want anyone to feel cheated or wronged in the relationship. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, ask your partner if you can trust them as well.
5. “Do you believe in me/Do you respect me?”
This is one of the serious relationship questions for couples that you should not miss. Simply put, there is no relationship without respect. By asking this serious relationship question, you’ll know exactly what your partner thinks of you. Make sure you encourage honesty since it will only help both of you.
If you’re not respected in your relationship, you will constantly be undermined. Your decisions and input will not be valued. That makes for a very damaging, and at times, toxic relationship.
6. “Do you trust me?”
Need serious relationship questions to ask her to see if she’s in this as much as you are? Then this can be a great place to start. It’s always a good idea to ask this since it’ll help you decipher if your partner has trust issues or not. If they can honestly say they trust you, at least you now have concrete proof.
Through this question, you’ll also be able to figure out whether any trust issues need to be worked on. You’ll also hopefully catch them before they cause a problem. Out of the many things that make a successful relationship work, trust is among the most important.
7. “Do you like my personality?”
You know this relationship won’t last if your partner is solely attracted to you sexually. This makes for a good serious relationship question to ask a boy since guys can sometimes misconstrue sexual attraction for love. They might instantly say yes, but really ask your partner to think about it.
Do they like you for who you are? Or just because you’re always dressed in the latest fashion? You can try to notice the signs he doesn’t like you but asking your partner flat out will just save you time and possibly heartbreak. So add this to your list of serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend.
8. “Is this relationship making you happy?”
This question might make your partner realize they haven’t thought about happiness in a while either. Checking up on each other about mutual happiness is often overlooked. If they realize the relationship isn’t making them happy, then you know there’s something you both have to work on.
Ask your partner how frequently they’re happy with you, and whether the thought of you fills them with joy or anxiety. Mutual attraction is not enough to keep a relationship afloat. Both partners should also bring each other joy.
9. “How do you view sex in this relationship?”
This is perhaps right up there as one of the most serious relationship questions for couples to ask. Making sure you’re both on the same page about having or not having sex is of utmost importance. Figure out what you two would prefer when it comes to sex, how often you’d like to have sex.
You could even have a conversation about how you’d like to approach sex. Birth control measures, positions, kinks, etc. It’s always helpful to know how to turn your partner on whenever you want *wink wink*. It could also be a great way of keeping the spark alive in a relationship.
10. “Is there something I do that upsets you?”
You could have a small quirk that your partner finds annoying. Maybe you chew too loudly, maybe you talk too softly, or perhaps the playful hitting can sometimes feel too rough. That’s why you must think of this as one of the more important serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Your partner might feel these things are too small to bring up, so when you ask, it’ll give them an opportunity to discuss it with you. This way, you’ll get to know your partner a bit more and see how they view you.
Related Reading: 85 Get To Know Me Questions To Connect – New 2021 List
11. “What’s something you can’t look past?”
God forbid, you lose your job. Is unemployment a dealbreaker for your partner? Maybe you suddenly stop being interested in that thing you two initially bonded over. Does that spell doom for the relationship? Ask your partner what their dealbreakers are. It is one of the most crucial serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend or your girlfriend. Maybe you’re already on the verge of one.
12. “Do you have jealousy/insecurity issues?”
You may think your relationship is going well based on some of the answers you’ve received to questions from this list. But if they have extreme jealousy issues, you should know that trust will always be a problem. Asking serious relationship questions like these early on will tell you all you need to know about the things you need to work on.
13. “Do you think something about this relationship needs to change?”
This is a great serious relationship question to ask her if you have noticed she’s been rather unhappy in the relationship lately. Chances are she may already have made observations about what’s amiss in the relationship but is waiting for an opportunity to bring them up.
So when you give her an open invitation, this conversation is the only one you’ll need to know where you stand in your relationship and what might be going wrong.
14. “Are you attracted to someone else?”
Asking serious relationship questions such as this one may not be easy, but is still necessary. If you two are just getting to know each other, this serious relationship question can tell you the state of mind your partner is in and just how much they value you. If they’re finding it hard to move on from an ex or have a crush on someone else, that’s a conversation you two need to address before things get too serious.
It’s natural to have a mild crush on someone while you’re in a relationship. But an obsessive crush could pose problems for your existing relationship. Reconnecting with an ex out of the blue is bound to raise questions if you’re in a relationship.
15. “Financially speaking, where do you want to be in the future?”
The response to this question will tell you if your future goals align and if you’re each other’s vision for the future. For instance, did they mention they want to buy a house, but you were nowhere in the picture? Ask why that’s the case. And if the answer is along the lines of “I’m fine living paycheck to paycheck”, maybe consider robbing a bank for all your luxurious hobbies (we’re kidding, don’t rob a bank!).
16. “What do you think of my parents and friends?”
“Oh, I absolutely hate them, I was just wondering when you’d ask!” Yikes, that’s a problem! Your significant other having a problem with your friends and family doesn’t translate completely into them having a problem with you, but it’s still a substantial issue you’ll need to deal with.
See how they behave around your friends and if they can make the effort to “tolerate” them if they’ve told you they’re not fond of your friends. Knowing some tips for introducing your SO to your parents will come in handy but you can’t rely solely on them to make sure they get along well.
17. “Is there something in the relationship that you wish never changes?”
This is an important one of the serious relationship questions to ask him since it will clearly tell you what your boyfriend values most about the relationship. The answer could surprise you and be something like “I love the walks we take together”. Who knew he just loved the walks with you that much?
It will help you decode the things you should hold dear in your relationship. The more you know about what works in your relationship, the more of it you can give to him.
18. “How do you communicate your anger?”
Understanding how they fight is extremely important. If they decide to run out of the bedroom the minute things get rough, you should know if that’s their go-to response or if something is off. Not just with fights, but figuring out how they communicate love and joy will help you in the long run.
19. “Do you have any prejudices?”
Do they have any disturbing views? Is your partner sexist? Racist? These seem like far-fetched accusations when you’re in love with a person, but you’ve got to figure out if there are any disturbing prejudices inside your partner’s mind. If you do find any questionable opinions, now comes the contemplation of whether those prejudices might one day be unleashed on you. You might not even see signs of an abusive relationship until it’s too late.
20. “Am I your best friend?”
You’d want the person you’re in a relationship with to be able to tell you just about everything on their mind, right? You’d want them to have fun with you, and actually want to spend time with you. Being best friends with your significant other makes all of this organically possible.
It shouldn’t feel like there’s a communication barrier between you two. Only when you are best friends can you talk about absolutely everything, which makes this one of the important serious relationship questions to ask him or her.
21. “How important am I in your life?”
This question is a big one. It questions commitment and the value you hold in this person’s life. You have a right to know where you stand in their life and just how important you are to them. Be careful with this question though, you don’t want to ask this too often and seem like a clingy partner.
22. “Do you see me in your five year plans?”
Even if we may not have concrete ideas panned out, we certainly do visualize what the future may look like. Now coming to serious relationship questions such as this one, we have to tell you that this one is pretty big. It’s also very direct, which is perfect if you’re looking for clarity if they are dating for marriage or see you as a potential life partner.
A long discussion might probably follow this question. But do know that a question like this can make or break your relationship. So ask this one only if you’re ready for whatever the answer may be.
23. “Do you see us having kids in the future?”
Or a less pressurizing way of putting this question would be: “Do you want kids, ever?” If you’re someone who is nearing that age when they want to have children or are now receptive to the thought of it, it’s time to let your partner in on those plans too. This is one of the serious relationship questions for couples as it majorly determines where your relationship may or may not go from that point.
24. “Is there something you still have not forgiven me for?”
Say you two have gone through a rough patch earlier on in the year where you were constantly having serious relationship arguments. Or that you’ve been in an on-and-off relationship for a while now. Maybe there are a few wrongdoings, misunderstandings or hurtful words in your relationship history.
In this case, it might be nice to bring up those past incidents in this indirect manner. If you think there’s some residual anger still festering at their end, it might be nice to bring it up and ask them if everything is really okay between the two of you.
25. “Would you move cities for me?”
Another major one! This is also one of the more serious long-distance relationship questions. Perhaps you two have been long-distancing for a while and now you’re hoping to settle down with your partner. Having spent years flying across to see each other on Thanksgiving breaks, it’s time that you two now get into a live-in relationship. So how does one bring that up?
If you think it’s time that one of you moves for the other person, use this question to start that conversation. This way, you’ll know if they are ready or not and what the next plan of action for you may be.
Related Reading: 5 tips to keep erotic spark alive in long term relationship
26. “Do you believe in open-relationships?”
When it comes to serious relationship questions to ask her or him, don’t leave this one out. Open relationships are a new trend where couples stay committed to their primary partner but with their consent, choose to venture out and start other short-term relationships. Whether you’re pro or anti open-relationships, it is always nice to get an idea of where your partner stands on this issue.
27. “Do you think I’m your soulmate?”
We do advise that you pop such serious relationship questions only when the two of you have been dating or have known each other a long time. If you think your partner might be your soulmate, why not ask them if they think the same about you too. This is one of the serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend when you’re convinced that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
28. “What is your take on infidelity?”
Such serious relationship questions to ask her/him might freak your partner out a little bit so try to put it across as kindly as you can. Assure them that you’re not asking this question because of some cheater’s guilt or because you suspect them of having cheated but because this is just one of those conversations that couples should have.
Who knows, this might even get your partner to open up about some past stories of when they were cheated on or anything else along those lines. This conversation isn’t necessarily coming from somewhere. It’s just good and always helpful to know your partner’s take on such things.
Getting some clarity on where you stand in your relationship can take a load off your shoulders. Even if unfavorable answers have led you to doubt the solidness of your relationship, at least you now have a better idea of how to go about this relationship and what you should or should not expect.
Floating about in a label-less relationship, hoping for the best, will result in heartbreak. Don’t wait for disaster to strike, ask the tough serious relationship questions and figure out if your relationship is all you thought it to be.