One of the main causes of a divorce in India is adultery or an extramarital affair. But then what happens when it is committed with the consent of the other partner?
A porn addiction
Vandana and Suresh have been married for over 20 years now. They are both natives of Pune. Suresh is a businessman and Vandana a teacher. They have a very active sex life compared to most Indian couples. In the initial days of their marriage they took to porn movies as a stimulant for sex. It reached a point where Vandana needed to watch porn to have an orgasm. She had become addicted to porn. She watched pornography every time she was alone at home and masturbated daily. This worked excellently in the marriage, as she was always ready for sex.
They had a great bonding because they freely expressed everything to each other, which included their sexual desires and fantasies. After five years of marriage, Suresh expressed his desire to have sex outside marriage. Vandana was totally opposed to it but Suresh was persistent. Vandana didn’t want to shake the harmony in her marriage but she couldn’t accept another woman so easily. Suresh was very clear that he wanted only sex outside and not emotions.
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Finding a solution
“I feared he would philander and cheat on me if I didn’t comply with this desire. I found my own solution to the matter, and told him I will let him have sex with other women before my eyes. I’d started doing this for my husband but now I have come to like it. It gives me a lot more to explore in my own sex life. Suresh is on his guard. He never smooches the other woman nor do they have oral sex. These are very intimate moments that he and I have. These acts are only with me,” said Vandana. Now, this arrangement has been going on for years for them and they together have a very active sex life.
“Suresh had told me many times that he wishes that I have sex with other men, but I cannot wrap my head around this. Whenever Suresh has sex with other women I admire them and this gives me a high. Later Suresh and I end up having very intimate sex. During sex with other women, I notice that only his body functions and never his heart. I see the passionate look on Suresh’s face only for me. Multiple sexual partnerships could be some kind of fantasy for him, I believe. In these many years we have never had to discuss emotional infidelity, as he has never repeated a sex partner,” continued Vandana.
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A fantasy is just a fantasy
Sexual fantasies are normal and this doesn’t mean you are dissatisfied with your spouse. A fantasy is just a fantasy; just like you fancy bigger homes but that doesn’t mean you dislike your home. Fantasies are escapism from reality and nothing more.
“I have no idea why Suresh wanted to have sex outside marriage despite us having had a fantastic sex life. What I appreciate about him is that he told me his desire to sleep with other women rather than doing it discreetly.
“Most men I know in the family and outside the family have sex outside marriage without the knowledge of their wives.”
It was not easy for me to accept another woman in bed with him but now after sometime I have accepted it whole-heartedly. When we go out of the country I even choose the partner he should have. I like to see him in bed with different nationalities now. I have begun enjoying this voyeurism a lot, as it is a mental turn on,” Vandana explains.
A stimulating option
Vandana has no guilt about her current fantasy and desire. She said that over years the porn had become monotonous. So this real-life act before her eyes was giving her more stimulation. Vandana only observes and she doesn’t participate while her husband has sex with other women. It is a mental workout, as it gets her past her jealousy and makes her perform well. She isn’t troubled by the issue at all nor does she want a solution. “This is sex with consensus. I don’t think it’s a bad idea, so allowing my husband to have sex with other women and loving to watch him releases surmountable sexual tension that has accumulated,” Vandana says.
There is no ‘one size fit all’ formula in marriage. Different strokes for different folks; every couple has different fantasies, desires, values, attractions, morals. If the couple mutually agrees upon the ethics and moral values then it’s consensus sex. It is up to the couples to communicate and decide how they wish to work their marriage into happiness.