Having a relationship with an introvert has a lot of pros and cons. But remember, there are pros and cons to everything. There is no rule as to whether it is easier to date an introvert or an extrovert. It all comes down to whose personality fits like a glove on your hand and who makes your heart flutter.
An introvert can be a coy personality who takes time to open up to other people. But don’t get things mixed up and assume they do not have a personality at all. This personality type just takes their time understanding the lay of the land in any social situation before jumping into it.
Rebecca has been dating Andrew for nine years now. Andrew being an introvert, Rebecca enjoys pulling his leg often but also knows when to give him his space. Their relationship is truly perfect on most days but they have their tussles since Rebecca is a complete extrovert. Dating an introvert man is not always easy for her but she knows how to work around it.
Tips For Dating An Introvert
Quiet and reserved, this personality type takes a while before they can charm a room. Having a relationship with an introvert is easy-peasy because they actually have a very understanding and perceptive side to them. They do not express too much but they process everything and are highly intelligent.
If you think your partner is an introvert and if you are dating a shy guy, that can truly be awesome for you. However, here are some things that you should try to keep in mind when dealing with them. Here are some tips for dating an introvert!
1. Do not push them
Being an introvert is their personality type meaning that this is inherently who they are. They did not choose to be this way or decide on it. Most importantly, there is no right or wrong when it comes to personality types. If you are an extrovert and dealing with an introvert partner, remember to never push them out of their comfort zone.
If they do not want to jump into a pool at a party or are shy about discussing their job with your family, learn these cues and know when to back off. Making them uncomfortable will only agitate them and make them feel like they are not good enough for you. Being a relationship with an introvert means you might have to pay extra attention to their likes and dislikes.
Rebecca initially used to try to get Andrew to dance a lot at the parties they were in college. Andrew did enjoy dancing but he was not comfortable around a group of people he did not know. Eventually, Rebecca understood and let him pick a corner of the room with a drink because she knew he was happier that way.
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2. They take time to articulate their feelings
While introverts are highly perceptive of themselves and people around themselves, they lack in expressing the same. An introvert finds it very difficult to find the right words to express their thoughts. This can result in a lot of texting anxiety and they also may not be the best texters.
Andrew makes an effort to say cute things to Rebecca even after nine years of dating. He is not big on grand gestures but he will sometimes slip her a short and sweet note in her lunch or send her a cute GIF when she is at work. Since Rebecca knows Andrew so well, this introvert relationship does not bother her at all because she knows he loves her.
3. ‘Newness’ scares them
It is not that introverts do not like change. They are very well adjusting, but it takes a great deal of time for them to do so. A new group of friends will especially throw them off because that is double trouble for them. Being in a relationship with an introvert means that you should try not to throw big things at them.
When having a relationship with an introvert, do not expect them to go out with your giant circle of friends on the third date or take unplanned road trips with you. Introverts are fun, yes, but their comfort zone is a bit smaller than that of extroverts.
Rebecca took a while to learn to respect Andrew’s boundaries. He used to never want to sleepover at her house in their initial months of dating. She found this really frustrating. Was it new relationship anxiety? Probably not, because it was just Andrew being his introverted self.
4. They worry more often
One of the tips for dating an introvert is knowing that there is a lot going on in their heads. But they will never show it to you. So when you are having a relationship with an introvert, it kind of becomes your job to pick up on the cues. Introverts are adorable that way. They will act like nothing is happening to them even though the world could be crashing down inside their minds.
They do not necessarily repress their feelings but small things do affect them to a large extent. Andrew’s personality type makes him the same way. He gets frisky or scared at the tiniest triggers and leaves it up to Rebecca to figure him out. Having dated so long, she understands him too well now and knows exactly when he needs her.
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5. They like their time alone
This is probably the most characteristic trait of introverts. They are deeply introspective and are very confident and happy in spending time by themselves. They do not need noise, company or loud energy to make them feel complete.
When being in a relationship with an introvert, remember that they are going to want their alone time a lot. They take their space seriously and actually need it more than they want it. Do not be a clingy girlfriend and throw them off.
Rebecca knows exactly when to stop asking Andrew too many questions about a day and let him recline on her couch with his laptop. He could be working or watching YouTube videos – it does not matter. She knows she is dating an introvert man and thus backs off at the appropriate moment. That is his spot and his personal time. Rebecca does not mess with it.
6. Listen to them too
Introverts are known to be great listeners. They do not just listen well but they are also attentive and can offer fabulous advice. What we often forget when dating an introvert is that even though they may talk less than you, they need to be heard too.
When Andrew wants to be heard, Rebecca makes a conscious effort to ask him the right questions. The key is to not be too intrusive but take your time and progress into the conversation. She is often surprised because on many days, Andrew has a lot to say to her.
They hardly ever tell you their problems themselves so the onus is on you to get them to open up when being in a relationship with an introvert. Introverts feel like they will bother the other person by oversharing but as a partner, you must make them realize that they can trust you completely.
7. Be extra conscious when fighting
During fights, extroverts have a tendency to become extremely defensive and berserk. Introverts often move in a different way. They internalise things much more and can eventually start brooding instead of expressing their anger.
While these things may happen in the heat of the moment, being in a relationship with an introvert calls for you to be extra sensitive in these times. There are many communication hacks with introverts that you should try with them. Do not let them wallow and spiral into self-doubt or self-pity. Introverts find it very easy to blame themselves or repress anger which can express itself in unhealthy ways later on.
Having a relationship with an introvert is not tough and neither does it require too much work. All it takes is an extra dollop of care and concern on your end because they are terrible at asking for it. Even when they do not show it, remember that they love you and are also doing everything to match their steps with yours.