Women constantly live in fear of harassment at work, on the streets, by stalkers, and the list goes on. But when the threat comes from your own home, your spouse, the trauma multiplies tenfold. Many women all over the world have spoken about their abusive husband stories, and as fellow women and well-wishers, we need to help more like them find their voice and speak up.
Abuse in marriages can be of varying kinds: physical, emotional, psychological, financial and verbal too. Physical abuse is the most apparent form of domestic violence, and even if an act of violence occurs once or very rarely, the fear of a potential attack always lingers. The victim loses all hope in the marriage, their future, and a chance at a normal life.
Story Of A Woman And Her Abusive Husband
Overcoming an abusive relationship is not a walk in the park. The victims suffer from a plethora of different problems, ranging from depression and PTSD to body image issues and constant self-deprecation. It’s important to identify the signs of abuse in the early stages and put an end to it before things spiral because before you know it, you would have been deceived to be forced to continue in the relationship.
We have heard many abusive husband stories from women belonging to all types of backgrounds. If you are going through something or know someone who is, contact a counselor immediately and seek help in taking your next step. There is hope for you, but you should know the battle is not going to be an easy one.
I tried to find people who were also going through abuse
Recently, I spent a whole night watching YouTube interviews of victims who have suffered/are suffering from physical abuse in marriages. At that time, I didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing. But I wanted to hear those who’ve had similar lives to mine.
They’ve all suffered in varying degrees and at different stages in their relationship. They all had different but equally painful abusive marriage stories to share. At the end of each conversation, the host of the show asks them, “Why would you allow all those wrong things to happen to you? Why didn’t you seek any help?”
Most of them didn’t even share their sufferings with anybody. The host asks if they were too ashamed of what happened or of themselves, or was it because they felt no one would understand them? They all replied differently, but none of them knew precisely why.
I was married before I really got to know him
I have lived a similar life myself. I married a well-educated, well-earning, only son, only after dating for 3 months. I thanked my parents for giving me a fairy-tale wedding. Sadly, it didn’t lead to a fairy-tale marriage, if there is such a term. It took me less than three months to realize that except for his degree, everything else about him was fake – his family background, lifestyle preferences, and expectations from a relationship, but most of all, VALUES.
I come from a family where women are raised to be fierce, yes, not just strong, but fierce. Now, in order to adjust in my marriage, I was expected to treat my husband as a God, and it couldn’t be any less than that or there would be ‘consequences’. I couldn’t have opinions or any ambition.
That is how it started and I began losing my voice. The sole purpose of my life was to make my husband’s life comfortable and to have all the qualities of an ideal wife. Even though I kept making all efforts to save my marriage, it wasn’t enough. Hiding scars and broken tissues while wearing a happily married face became a new routine.
Not only verbally, but my husband also abused me physically. The situation escalated quickly and I almost lost my unborn child. My world had shattered, and I didn’t know what to do. Finally, I decided to call my parents and tell them clearly, “My husband abuses me. I want a divorce.”
I decided to leave him
As I write this, it’s been more than two years since my husband and I separated. We haven’t seen each other during this time, nor has he seen his daughter. I am at my parents’ house, living in the same room where I once lived. When I came here, I spoke to no one for months, literally no words.
Then it came to showing an ‘I’m okay’ face for the sake of my child and family. But even today, I haven’t told anybody what I went through in my marriage. I come across as a strong-headed modern woman, so nobody can even imagine the horror.
After listening to all those abusive husband stories on YouTube, and thinking it over (and over) in my head, I know why I could never give voice to my feelings. I feel those things happened to me because I let them happen to me. I never set any boundaries. A wife is expected to be completely devoted to her husband and so I was. We are expected to adjust to all the adversities and do things to please our husbands, to have a ‘happy married life’ in general.
But to achieve that, I went to the extent where I was no better than a slave, perhaps worse. I feel guilty for allowing this to happen to me. And it is not just that I am blaming myself; somehow, I’ve still not accepted that those horrid things could and did really happen to me. It took me some time to understand the dynamics of abuse in a relationship.
I am not expecting any judgments, but I am hoping that at least after getting closer to understanding myself, it will now be easier to move forward, as I still feel trapped somewhere between the past and present, with little strength in me. Life is hard, but it sure is better than it used to be.