You’ve just met someone at work or in college or some event and instantly been attracted to them. You may or may not have spoken to them briefly but feel a deep connection almost immediately. Soon enough, you find yourself constantly thinking about them. It feels like you just can’t get them out of your mind and you don’t know why. It leaves you wondering, “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?”
You’ve spoken to the person for just a few minutes. They aren’t a part of your daily life or social circle. You aren’t in constant contact with them. In fact, you don’t even know them on a personal level. Yet, you have developed positive feelings and just can’t seem to put an end to these obsessive thoughts about someone you barely know. “Why is this happening?,” you wonder. Well, this article offers unique insights into the same and might help answer your question. Let’s understand the reasons behind this unhealthy obsession with someone you barely know and find out ways to overcome these obsessive feelings.
10 Reasons You’re Obsessed With Someone You Barely Know
Obsessive feelings can be all-consuming and dangerous for one’s mental health. Being obsessed with a celebrity or a distinguished personality is a different thing. But exhibiting obsessive tendencies for someone you barely know can really affect your everyday life, causing you to develop abnormal patterns and feelings.
According to a recent study, obsessive thoughts are also one of the symptoms of erotomania, a delusional disorder which makes you believe that the other person is in love with you. There are many factors responsible for such obsessive thoughts. Here are 10 reasons you’re obsessed with someone you barely know:
1. You are using them as a distraction from your current life situation
Are you asking yourself, “Why am I obsessed with a guy I’ve never talked to?” Are you wondering, “Why am I obsessed with someone I don’t even like?” Well, there’s a good chance that you’re trying to distract yourself from your current situation in life. There could be many factors contributing to these obsessive feelings:
- You’re unhappy with your current relationship status or the person you’re dating
- You’ve been feeling lonely and thinking about this person gives you comfort and solace
- You’ve been going through a tough patch at work or on a personal level and need a distraction from those negative emotions
- Fantasizing about this person is your way of coping with the problems in your life
In all such cases, thinking about them makes you feel happy. It may seem like the answer to all your problems, but it isn’t, because you’re escaping your reality. You probably feel like there’s something missing or lacking in your own life. You start obsessing about this person because it fills that void. It’s called escapism and is one of the top reasons why you’re obsessed with someone you barely know.
Related Reading: Lovesickness — What Is It, Signs, And How To Cope
2. You are drawn to their personality
Another answer to the question “Why are you obsessed with someone you barely know?” could be that you are attracted to this person’s distinct personality traits. There’s a certain mystery to them. They may be wise beyond their years or they have a unique insight or perspective on life that makes you feel drawn to them. You can never guess what’s on their mind, which makes you feel like you want to figure them out and know them better. Their aloofness intrigues you, making you want full access to their innermost thoughts and feelings.
3. You have an unhealthy obsession
This might be a little tricky to understand. Obsession is defined as constantly thinking about someone or something in a way that is toxic and unhealthy for you. But the problem is that you aren’t able to stop yourself from having these obsessive thoughts. So, the reason behind you being obsessed with someone you barely know could be that you are suffering from an unhealthy obsession. You are obsessed with them to the point that you lose track of your real life.
A 2018 study by The International Journal of Indian Psychology states that obsession occurs when a person gets “engrossed and lost either in the joy or the sorrow of the relationship.” It can happen in “irrelevant relationships” as well as among those who do not live together or have insecure thoughts about a person. A few signs of such abnormal patterns of behavior could be:
- Constantly stalking them on social media
- Wanting to know everything about them
- Yearning to talk to them
- Wanting attention from them
- Wanting to spend time with them
These are indicators of an unhealthy obsession and of something being wrong in your life. If you can relate to this, know that such obsessive tendencies might make you feel better now but will eventually make it harder for you to feel happy again.
Your happiness depends on you and should come from within you and not from someone else. Even if you did get into a romantic relationship with this specific person and see all your love possibilities come true, you would probably exhibit unhealthy behavior patterns because of your fear of losing them.
Related Reading: How To Say Goodbye To Someone You Love
4. You have an anxious attachment style
If you’re familiar with attachment styles, you would know that there are four kinds – secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. If you have an anxious attachment style, you are likely to feel insecure about your value or position in your partner’s life. Your emotional state might affect their whole existence. And that is a risky thing to deal with because it often lays the foundation for an unhealthy or toxic relationship that might not last long.
A study by Science Direct claimed that an insecure or anxious attachment style plays a significant role in people developing an obsessive love style. You might wonder what it means to have an anxious attachment style or other attachment issues that make you feel insecure and unsafe. Well, in such cases, you may:
- Feel safe and comfortable with this person
- Want to be around them all the time
- Want to know everything about them, which is why you constantly check their social media profiles or keep in touch with them via text messages
- Be jealous of other people who might be interested in this person
It is hard to deal with an anxious attachment style or attachment disorders, but it is possible if you consciously try to work on yourself and figure out what makes you happy. You can also seek professional help for the right guidance. That will help you build healthier relationships in the future.
5. You are very lonely
You might wonder why you are so obsessed with a celebrity or experience obsessive thoughts about someone you barely know. Well, one possible reason could be your sense of loneliness. When someone feels lonely, they tend to look for a connection or rely on another person to fill that void, feel alive, and make themselves happy. While it’s normal to feel lonely at times, it is not healthy to be obsessed with an object or person to deal with the loneliness.
A Reddit user says, “That usually comes from feeling empty when you’re on your own and looking to another person to be your source of power, happiness, and salvation. I’ve had the same thing in the past and I had to learn to be completely comfortable being alone by discovering who I am and what I enjoy in life. If you feel incomplete, you’ll always be desperately looking for someone else to complete you.”
Related Reading: Ideal Relationship – What Is It, Signs And Tips To Maintain
6. You are prone to codependency
Codependency is an unhealthy emotional or psychological reliance on a partner or someone you barely know, to the extent that you feel jealous and possessive of them and want to be in constant contact with them. If you’re asking yourself, “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?,” it is likely that you are prone to codependency.
This can be a difficult situation to be in, because it makes you feel insecure. In such cases, you become clingy, jealous, and over-possessive. Such unhealthy behaviors can thus lead you down the wrong path and affect your future relationships. You can be drawn to people who might create a lot of chaos and drama in your life.
7. You felt an instant connection with them
Obsessive thoughts about a person you barely know can also be caused due to the feeling of an instant and strong connection with them. Picture this: you meet this person for the first time and hit it off immediately. Your conversations just don’t end and you begin to feel like you’ve always known this person. You feel like you share a special bond with them. They seem like your soulmate or twin flame. You just can’t stop thinking about them.
In your heart, you probably feel that this person is the one for you. However, the real deal is that you hardly know them. This kind of unhealthy obsession doesn’t make sense and might make it really difficult for you to think rationally about your feelings toward this person. In such a situation, it is imperative that you take a step back and think logically about the matter, especially when your feelings aren’t reciprocated.
8. You like the idea of them, not the person
Another reason why you’re experiencing obsessive thoughts could be that you like the idea of the person but not the person. Sometimes, people tend to romantically idealize a person they hardly know and start thinking obsessively about them. They create a false image of that person in their head based on the headspace they are in.
It is possible that you’re going through a tough patch or you’re lonely or there’s some kind of void in your life that you’re trying to fill. So, you end up filling that void by falling in love with the potential idea of this person, instead of their real persona. Your obsession makes you idealize unavailable people. You project your idea of a perfect partner onto them. However, when the bubble bursts and reality hits, you’re going to feel nothing but disappointment.
According to this Reddit user, “Finding out they are not the person you think they are in your head was best way for me , to get over someone who I’ve been obsessing over 3 years and even went to therapy, but most effective way was to find out that the person was not like I imagined at all.”
Related Reading: 13 Warning Signs Of Being Obsessed With Someone
9. You find them physically and sexually attractive
This is one of the most common answers to the question “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?” A 2017 study stated that obsessive love can also be explained by chemistry, attraction, and lust. So, you’ve gone on your first date with this person and you find them physically or sexually attractive. There’s a high possibility that they’re on your mind all the time. Finding a sexual connection with someone is rare. It generates happy sensations, makes you feel excited, and possibly lost in your fantasies about this person, making you think about them obsessively .
10. They feel familiar
Sometimes, we feel attracted to a specific person because they remind us of someone else. There is a sense of familiarity, which makes us feel like we already know and understand them. This could be the case with you too. Maybe, this person reminds you of an ex, a high-school sweetheart, a family member, or a friend you were close to. Their behavior pattern or personality type is familiar, making you feel the same love you once shared with someone, which is why you are attracted to this person and think about them obsessively. Similarity or familiarity makes things easier, which is probably why you feel a connection with them.
We hope the above reasons offer some clarity on why you’re obsessed with someone you barely know. Encountering a new person who uplifts us, presents new challenges, and provides inspiration can be an immensely exhilarating experience. But being fixated on them to the extent that all other spheres of your life are affected is unhealthy. Once you are able to understand this, you can work on getting rid of the obsessive thoughts.
How Do I Stop Being Obsessed With Someone I Barely Know?
So, now you may be asking yourself, “How do I stop being obsessed with someone I don’t even like?” or “Is there a way to stop being obsessed with a guy I’ve never talked to?” Well, it’s pretty much established that being obsessed with a celebrity or someone you barely know or have talked to isn’t going to get you anywhere. This is why you need to learn how to control your obsessions or put an end to them. Otherwise, it is going to affect your daily life and lead to serious mental health issues.
Now that you’ve got the answers to your burning question, “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?,” let’s discuss how you can end the fixation. If you’ve reached this point, it means that you’ve already realized the negative impact of your obsessive thoughts on the other aspects of your life. This is a good sign. Acknowledgement of the problem is important if you want to figure out how to fix it. Well, these tips might help:
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1. Try to live in the moment
“How do I deal with being obsessed with someone I don’t even like?” Well, If you’ve been asking yourself this question, then one tip would be to keep yourself in tune with reality. Try to live in the moment instead of giving yourself constant reassurance that obsessively thinking about this person makes you happy.
Practice mindfulness and meditation because it will help you focus on the moment and enjoy the reality that is around you instead of the one that is in your head. It will engage your senses and teach you to deal with unwanted thoughts.
2. Get professional help
Another way to deal with obsessive thoughts is to get help from a professional counselor. Therapy can be genuinely helpful in dealing with an obsessive love disorder. Sometimes, an outsider can help you put your thoughts in perspective, look at the situation objectively, and offer unique insights that you probably didn’t think of before.
They can help you figure out the underlying cause of your obsessive thoughts and provide guidance on how to deal with them. If you are stuck in a similar situation and are looking for help, Bonobology’s panel of experienced and licensed therapists is only a click away.
3. Practice self-care and self-love
Being selfish here means putting your own needs before those of someone else’s. Learn to take care of yourself and make yourself happy instead of spending time thinking about this specific person you’re obsessed with. Find ways to date yourself. Once you start to think about yourself, you won’t be desperate for their attention. It’ll also help you slowly get rid of obsessive thoughts.
When we devote all our energy to fixating on a relationship or on an individual, we often find ourselves lacking in energy that’s required to focus on our own needs. So, why not fixate on yourself instead of someone else? Try to stop feeding your brain and heart the idea that thinking about this person makes you feel better. Here are a few tips:
- Work on your confidence and self-esteem
- Try a new hobby
- Practice mindfulness
- Focus on what makes you happy
Your happiness depends on you, not on someone else. And it definitely does not depend on someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Learn to actively practice self-love and self-care. This Reddit user says, “I started going out to eat by myself, going to see movies by myself, going for long walks by myself…it felt weird at first but it was extremely comforting after a while, I realized I didn’t need someone in my company because I was good enough company all in itself. After I realized this, the behavior I felt and typically acted on after meeting someone I was interested in, stopped.”
Related Reading: Obsessive Love And Clingy Affairs – Early Signs And Dealing With It
4. Cut off contact
One of the best ways to stop being obsessed with someone you barely know is to distance yourself from them. It might seem scary, but try to establish a no-contact rule with the person you’ve been obsessing about. No calls, messages, or social media. It’ll give you some perspective on how life can be for you without them. And you may realize that it’s okay to not think about them all the time and that you don’t need them in your life at all.
A Reddit user advises, “Stop looking at her social media pages. In fact, block them. Find something to focus on instead of her. Definitely keep getting help. If you are in school, focus on your school work. Join a club, go to church, or try something new to fill your time.”
5. Inculcate new habits
Another way to stop being obsessed with someone you barely know or haven’t even talked to is to get into a routine and inculcate new habits or passions. Yoga, art, sports, travel, work, friends – it could be anything as long as it distracts you from your obsessive thoughts and gives your mind something new to focus on. It will encourage you to move on from a one-sided affair. You will be able to look forward instead of obsessing over something that is not even real.
- Obsessive feelings can be all-consuming and dangerous for one’s mental health
- Loneliness, physical or sexual attraction, a sense of familiarity, and codependency are a few reasons why you’re obsessed with someone you barely know
- You may have felt an instant connection with them or were drawn to their personality, and that may have made you exhibit obsessive tendencies
- You can work on your obsessive thoughts by acknowledging them and being mindful of them
- Practice meditation, cut off contact, develop new habits, or seek professional help to get rid of such abnormal patterns
We all fall into the trap of developing a crush on someone we barely know. It can be frustrating and disheartening when our thoughts become consumed by someone we have limited knowledge of or have recently met. While it’s natural to think about others, we mustn’t let such thoughts control our lives. Processing change and personal growth can be challenging. Your mind will require time to sort through these emotions and thoughts. Gradually, you will be able to regain control and work on letting them go.
It is normal to be infatuated or attracted to someone you barely know. But harboring obsessive thoughts about them or fixating on a specific person to the extent of disrupting your daily routine is unhealthy and toxic.
Obsession can be mistaken for love at times. However, it is important to know that the two are separate feelings. When you’re in love, you think about the welfare of the other person. You are caring and supportive. An obsession makes you take steps that are usually the result of anxiety caused by such obsessive thoughts.