Everyone has felt jolts of jealousy sometime or the other. While it is widely acknowledged that jealousy is one of the most damning negative emotion we grapple with, sometimes it is beyond us to denounce it. From jealousy in relationships to rivalry among coworkers or even sibling, this sentiment takes its roots and shapes even in our adult lives. Its potential to wreak havoc is most profound when jealousy manifests in romantic relationships unless you can find a way to turn it into motivation.
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5 Reasons For Jealousy In Relationships
It is not uncommon for romantic partners to grapple with feeling of jealousy. Whether you feel jealous of your partner or for them, this all-consuming emotion can be damaging to a relationship. To be able to counter it effectively, you first need to understand the reasons for jealousy in relationships. When you comprehend the real triggers behind this issue, you are better equipped to deal with a jealous partner or your own feelings of jealousy. Here are some of the top reasons for jealousy in relationships:
1. Your own vulnerabilities
Often times, jealousy in relationships is a manifestation of a person’s own vulnerabilities. It is likely that a person who displays these tendencies has had traumatic experiences in their past. The experiences can give birth to latent insecurities, which in turn, can become a root cause of jealousy. If you want to break free from this negativity, don’t hesitate to share your vulnerabilities with your partner.
When they recognise and embrace these vulnerabilities, your relationship will be stronger for it.
2. Low self-esteem
Why is my partner so jealous? Or why can’t I help feeling jealous? If these are common refrains in your relationship, you may need to objectively assess affected person’s sense of self. A poor self-image or low self-esteem are common triggers for jealousy in relationships. When a person doesn’t feel confident or attractive, they may find it hard to believe that their partner loves and values them. This constant sense of doubt can become a source of jealousy.
3. Unrealistic expectations
If a person expects their partner’s life to revolve around them and them alone, their perceived failure to live up to the expectations can become a trigger for jealousy in relationships. In such situations, the onus of course correction also falls on the jealous partner. It is vital to keep reminding yourself that you and your partner cannot spend every waking moment together and that all their decisions and life-choices cannot be centred around you.
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Assuming the role of your partner’s protector can also be one of the reasons for jealousy in relationships. You operate from a place where you think that your partner is not equipped to handle complex situations or you don’t trust them to do the right thing when situations get tricky.
A sense of competition or rivalry can also cause people to become jealous of their partners. This is most common in cases where both partners are coworkers or from the same profession. One person’s growth can feel the other grappling with a sense of inadequacy. This can be one of the common reasons for jealousy in relationships.
How To Turn Jealousy Into Motivation?
Jealousy in relationships can hurt both partners grievously unless you can find a way of using relationship jealousy as motivation. Here are 10 effective tips on how to turn jealousy into motivation:
1. Accepting that you’re jealous
She may have landed a promoted or his business may be booming while you’re struggling to keep your job or your partner may have a thriving social life while you have no real friends – there can be myriad reasons for jealousy in relationships.
Accepting what you are feeling is the first step toward making progress in the right direction.
2. Process your feelings
Get to the root of the emotion. You may be experiencing jealousy because your partner has achieved what you have been aiming for, for a long time. Or because they make you feel inadequate. Perhaps, even due to your own inner demons. If you’re intent on using relationship jealousy as motivation, you have to do the hard work of processing and embracing your feelings.
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3. Reassure yourself that you can get there
More often than not jealousy is not about the thing your partner has achieved or the traits they possess but the feeling they experience because of these things. So, how to turn jealousy into motivation? By reminding yourself that there is enough room and a unique place in this world for each one of us.
Knowing that you can achieve what you set your heart on can be an immensely empowering and motivating feeling.
4. Credit your partner for their hard work
The only way of feeling motivated by your partner’s success is to give them credit for their talent and hard work. If your partner achieved a career milestone, find it in your heart to be genuinely happy and proud of them instead of bringing them down with derogatory comments like ‘your boss must really like you’ or ‘you really know how to please your boss’.
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5. Focus on your abilities
Everyone is good at something. So focus on your own strengths rather than seething with jealousy over your partner’s abilities and skillsets. The essence of using relationship jealousy as motivation is to channelise a negative emotion to yield a positive outcome. What better way to do that than working on enhancing your abilities.
This will help improve your self-confidence and boost your morale.
6. Embark on a path of self-improvement
The silver lining about jealousy in relationships is that it can shine a light on what you really want. Instead of ranting and talking ill of your significant other, use this realisation to embark on a path of self-improvement. This will shift your focus from a negative feeling to a positive one.
7. Follow their lead
How to turn jealousy into motivation? Start by accepting that your partner may actually be better than you at certain things and that is the reason behind their success, popularity or personality. So, follow their lead and emulate their way of doing things to improve upon yourself.
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8. Transform jealousy in relationships into admiration
Of course, this is easier said than done. When you are consumed with feelings of jealousy, it is hard to see anything positive in the other person, let alone admire them. But once you manage to overcome that, you’ll be able to see what drove your partner to achieve their goals. Turning jealousy in admiration is the best approach for feeling motivated by your partner’s success.
9. Look at their flaws
How does looking at your partner’s flaws help in using relationship jealousy as motivation, you ask? Well, because it helps you acknowledge that they too have their share of shortcomings and limitations. However, the idea here is not to be critical in your approach.
You should try to take an empathetic view of their vulnerabilities to embrace your own.
10. Celebrate the little successes you have
Getting disheartened with a minor glitch in your path is a sure shot way to crash and land, and this can worsen jealousy in relationships. Instead, focus on the little successes you have and celebrate them with your partner. This will help you stay motivated and reinforce the idea that you and your partner are a team for both of you.
Using relationship jealousy as motivation can help free you from the clutches of an all-consuming, gnawing negative emotion and repair the damage caused to your bond with your partner.