How To Channel Your Anger And Jealousy Into Motivation

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Updated On: July 13, 2022
jealousy in relationships
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Do you want to know how to channel anger that always seems to arise in you? Everyone has felt jolts of anger and jealousy some time or the other. While it is widely acknowledged that anger and jealousy are one of the most negative emotions we grapple with, sometimes it is beyond us to denounce them. From anger and jealousy in relationships to rivalry among coworkers or even siblings, this sentiment takes its roots and shapes even in our adult lives. But there are constructive ways to deal with the same. You can learn how to turn anger into motivation.

Jealousy and anger have the potential to wreak havoc when it manifests in romantic relationships unless you can find a way to channel them constructively. In this article, we’re going to look at how to channel anger and jealousy so that you don’t hurt those around you, those you love, and those who love you.

5 Reasons For Anger And Jealousy In Relationships

It is not uncommon for romantic partners to grapple with feelings of jealousy and anger. Whether you feel angry or jealous of your partner or for them, this all-consuming emotion can be one of the signs of an unhealthy relationship. To be able to counter it effectively, you first need to understand the reasons for relationship jealousy and anger. Only then will you be able to understand the ways to channel your anger and jealousy, because the first step in healing is acknowledgment.

When you comprehend the real triggers behind this issue, you are better equipped to deal with an angry or jealous partner. You’re also able to better understand your own feelings of anger and jealousy for that matter. If you’re wondering how to turn anger into motivation, you first need to know where it stems from. Here are some of the top reasons for anger and jealousy in relationships:

1. Your own vulnerabilities

Often, anger and jealousy in relationships are a manifestation of a person’s own vulnerabilities. It is likely that a person who displays these tendencies has had traumatic experiences in the past. The experiences can give birth to latent problems, which in turn, can become a root cause of anger and jealousy and you might find yourself dealing with an insecure boyfriend or girlfriend. In such cases where direct rage is provoked at every little thing, things are likely to go downhill very quickly.

If you want to break free from this negativity, don’t hesitate to share your vulnerabilities with your partner. When they recognize and embrace these vulnerabilities, your relationship will be stronger for it. Thus, channeling anger also means that you let in your partner on your secrets and vulnerabilities so that the useless energy can be put to better use, i.e. building your relationship.

relationship jealousy - Your own vulnerabilities
Turning jealousy into motivation by embracing your vulnerabilities

2. Low self-esteem

Why is my partner so angry and jealous all the time? Why can’t I help feeling anger and jealousy? If either of these questions is common in your relationship, you may need to objectively assess the affected person’s sense of self. A poor self-image or low self-esteem are common triggers for anger and jealousy in relationships. When a person doesn’t feel confident or attractive, they may find it hard to believe that their partner loves and values them. This constant sense of doubt can become a source of anger and jealousy.

One of the better ways to channel your anger in such cases is to work on improving yourself to the extent that you have a better sense of self-esteem. By overcoming your emotions of insufficiency towards yourself, you’ll be able to successfully overcome your low self-esteem and put that anger and jealousy to better use.

Related Reading: Is Your Jealous Boyfriend Being Possessive And Controlling?

3. Unrealistic expectations

If a person expects their partner’s life to revolve around them and them alone, the perceived failure to live up to the expectations can become a trigger for relationship jealousy. In such situations, the onus of course correction also falls on the angry and jealous partner. Having realistic expectations will ensure you have a healthy relationship. Cases, where direct rage is invoked on every little on a frequent basis, are bound to end up hurting both partners in the end.

If you’re concerned about how to channel your anger into motivation, you need to reassess your expectations. It is vital to keep reminding yourself that you and your partner cannot spend every waking moment together and that all their decisions and life choices cannot be centered around you. Try channeling anger and jealousy that keeps arising into improving yourself rather than making your partner’s life difficult.

4. Over-protectiveness

Assuming the role of your partner’s protector can also be one of the reasons for anger and jealousy in relationships. You operate from a place where you think that your partner is not equipped to handle complex situations or you don’t trust them to do the right thing when situations get tricky. In such cases, understanding how to channel anger and jealousy into understanding that your partner needs space is crucial.

turn jealousy into motivation - Over-protectiveness
Over-protectiveness can cause relationship jealousy

5. Competition

A sense of competition or rivalry can also cause people to become jealous of their partners. This is most common in cases where both partners are coworkers or from the same profession. One person’s growth can leave the other grappling with a sense of inadequacy. This is one of the most common reasons for anger and jealousy in relationships. You have to realize that your partner is an individual with their own life, insecurities, and feelings, and trying to compare yourself with them negates both your individualities.

How To Turn Jealousy Into Motivation?

Jealousy and anger in relationships can hurt both partners grievously unless you can find a way of using relationship jealousy and anger as motivation. Here are 10 effective tips on ways to channel your anger and jealousy and turn them into motivating factors:

1. Accepting that you’re jealous

She may have landed a promotion or his business may be booming while you’re struggling to keep your job. Or it may be that your partner has a thriving social life while you have no real friends – there can be several reasons for jealousy and anger in relationships.

Accepting what you are feeling is the first step toward making progress in the right direction. Relationship work starts when one realizes and accepts where they are lacking. Only then can they work on themselves and understand how to channel anger and jealousy that keeps arising in them.

relationship motivaton - Accepting that you're jealous
Accept that you might be part of the problem

2. Process your feelings

Get to the root of the emotion. You may be experiencing jealousy because your partner has achieved what you have been aiming for, for a long time. Or because they make you feel inadequate. Perhaps, even due to your own inner demons. If you’re intent on using relationship jealousy as motivation, you have to do the hard work of processing and embracing your feelings.

Related Reading: 12 Signs Of A Control Freak – Can You Identify With Them?

3. Reassure yourself that you can get there

More often than not jealousy is not about the thing your partner has achieved or the traits they possess but the feelings you experienced because of these things. So, how to turn jealousy into motivation? By reminding yourself that there is enough room and a unique place in this world for each one of us.

Knowing that you can achieve what you set your heart on can be an immensely empowering and motivating feeling. Relationship motivation is about making life for the two of you better, but it starts with your individual effort.

4. Credit your partner for their hard work

The only way of feeling motivated by your partner’s success is to give them credit for their talent and hard work. If your partner achieved a career milestone, find it in your heart to be genuinely happy and proud of them instead of bringing them down with derogatory comments like ‘your boss must really like you’ or ‘you really know how to please your boss’.

There are many ways to show someone you care and if you want to alter your relationship, you must be more mindful of how you treat your partner. Instead of being jealous and bringing them down, have pride in your partner and stand by their side.

5. Focus on your abilities

Everyone is good at something. So focus on your own strengths rather than seething with jealousy over your partner’s abilities and skillsets. The essence of how to turn jealousy into motivation is about channelizing a negative emotion to yield a positive outcome.

What better way to do that than working on enhancing your abilities. This will help improve your self-confidence and boost your morale. Spend time working on yourself and becoming a better person.

6. Embark on a path of self-improvement

The silver lining about relationship jealousy is that it can shine a light on what you really want. Instead of ranting and talking ill of your significant other, use this realization to embark on a path of self-improvement. This will shift your focus from a negative feeling to a positive one. There we go!

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7. Follow their lead

How to turn jealousy into motivation? Start by accepting that your partner may actually be better than you at certain things and that is the reason behind their success, popularity or personality. But that does not mean that you are not good enough for them. You still fit like a glove in their life and you should be happy for that.

So, take this relationship motivation to follow their lead and emulate their way of doing things to improve upon yourself and improve your relationship. Life is all about finding people worth caring for and constantly learning from them.

8. Transform jealousy in relationships into admiration

Of course, this is easier said than done. When you are consumed with feelings of jealousy, it is hard to see anything positive in the other person, let alone admire them. But once you manage to overcome that, you’ll be able to see what drove your partner to achieve their goals. Turning jealousy into admiration is the best approach for feeling motivated by your partner’s success.

9. Look at their flaws

How does looking at your partner’s flaws help in using relationship jealousy as motivation, you ask? Well, because it helps you acknowledge that they too have their share of shortcomings and limitations. However, the idea here is not to be critical in your approach.

You should try to take an empathetic view of their vulnerabilities to embrace your own.

Related Reading: Where Love Dwells, Jealousy Follows?

10. Celebrate the little successes you have

Getting disheartened with a minor glitch in your path is a sure shot way to crash and land, and this can worsen jealousy in relationships. Instead, focus on the little successes you have and celebrate them with your partner. This will help you stay motivated and reinforce the idea that you and your partner are a team for both of you.

Using relationship jealousy as motivation can help free you from the clutches of an all-consuming, gnawing negative emotion and repair the damage caused to your bond with your partner.


1. How do you turn jealousy into inspiration?

To turn jealousy into relationship motivation and inspiration, you have to recognize where the problem is stemming from. After that, you need to have a positive mindset and try to feel happy for your partner and work diligently toward improving your own self-esteem.

2. How can I help my partner overcome jealousy?

By talking to them. It is very important to let your partner know that you will always be there for them and that you love them sincerely. This will reassure them and make them feel more secure.

3. How can I train my brain to not be jealous?

Spend more time understanding and working on yourself. Do not worry about others and their lives. Use your energies to deal with your own emotions, relationships and hobbies. It is very important to be self-aware and have realistic goals to avoid being jealous and insecure of others.

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