In the modern era of dating, thinking about marriage with someone you have just started dating is not as common. For people who recently got into a relationship, it is a point of concern when a guy talks about marriage too soon. What, then, are men supposed to do? And more importantly, how do you deal with a partner who is eager to jump into matrimony minutes after knowing you?
Balance, as is the rule of the universe, is the key to everything, especially in relationships. If you are with a man who is talking about marriage early in the relationship, then this was written just for you. Keep reading to know what to do in such a situation.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Talk About Marriage?
Is this question living rent-free in your mind? The moment you enter a monogamous, committed relationship, a part of your brain gets activated which jumps directly to the wedding altar. However, you cannot discuss marriage too soon, but you also can’t wait for an eternity to discuss it either. How soon, then, is it too soon to discuss happily ever after with your partner?
Marriage is a long-term commitment. It is not just an institution constructed by society but an agreement between two people to spend and share their lives for the foreseeable future. When and if you decide to get married, it should be with someone you not only love but also like.
When to talk about marriage in a serious relationship is a thought that troubles many people. While there is no correct solution to it, in a realistic and practical world, you should wait until you get to know the person completely. The first date is obviously (obviously!) too soon to talk about marriage. So is the 100th date if both of you are not compatible or feel the relationship taking a toxic turn.
A college roommate faced a similar situation. One evening, she came home after a date and shared her experience. She said, “We just met and he wants to marry me!” She was scared of the intensity with which the guy was approaching the relation
This brings us to the most important point: It is too soon to talk about marriage in a relationship if both of you are not on the same page. When a guy talks about marriage too soon, he is probably already mentally prepared or is not thinking right. In either scenario, it is alright to feel hesitation if you are not prepared to take the next step.
Still confused? Fear not, we got you. We have prepared a comprehensive list of 9 things you can do when your partner starts talking about marriage early in the relationship.
9 Things You Can Do When A Guy Talks About Marriage Too Soon
Some people are more comfortable with the notion of marriage than others and get into a relationship with the objective of finding a partner they can spend their life with. Hence, if the intent has been established beforehand, there is nothing wrong when a guy talks about marriage too soon in a relationship. The definition of ‘too soon’ can be subjective though, and hence, it is only considered normal if he approaches the topic of marriage within a reasonable time frame of your relationship. However, if you think it is too soon for you to start planning your wedding, here are 9 things you should do if you feel you are talking about marriage early in the relationship:
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1. Analyze your relationship with your partner
Before you frantically call your friends and tell them that “He wants to marry me after 2 months of dating!”, analyze where you both stand in the relationship. What is the nature of your relationship?
Are you both in it for the long haul? Is this a casual fling or is it a serious relationship for you? How long have you known each other? How much do you know about him? Once you know what being with this person means to you, you will have some clarity to have a conversation with him.
2. Have a conversation with your partner
When a guy talks about marriage too soon, do not, I repeat, do not get scared and ghost him. It would not have been easy for him to approach you with a marriage proposal. Before jumping to any conclusion, sit down and have a conversation with your partner.
As mentioned before, when to talk about marriage in a relationship can be subjective. Ask him why he wants to get married to you. You must have an honest conversation with your partner before you make any decisions.
Jennifer, 27, was proposed to only after 6 months of dating. She says, “At first, I thought, why is my boyfriend talking about marriage already? It scared me and I didn’t know what to do. So I sat him down and talked to him about why he wanted to marry me. Turns out, since he was much older than me, he was prepared to settle down and saw me as the right life partner.”
3. Figure out if you want marriage at all
Marriage is not for everyone. It is okay to not be prepared for marriage at a particular moment or have a plan to get married at a later stage. However, it is important to ask yourself what you want. When a guy talks about marriage too soon, you might get overwhelmed and confused. So, it is important to have a conversation with yourself too. If you are having relationship doubts, the best advice sometimes comes from talking to yourself.
4. Be completely honest
The guy you are dating probably doesn’t know when to talk about marriage in a relationship. However, if you are sure that you are not prepared to have that conversation, be honest with your partner and let him know about your feelings on the topic.
Be forthright about your intent, choices, and preferences. Do not give him false hopes if you are not comfortable with the topic of marriage too soon in the relationship. Instead, tell him everything clearly, and if he respects your boundaries, he will most likely be understanding about it.
5. Ask him to take it slow
You are nowhere close to your first relationship anniversary and he is already planning the honeymoon? It might be too soon to talk about marriage in a relationship when you have been together for only a few months. But if you see yourself getting married to this person, yet are not prepared to have that conversation, make a mutual decision to keep the relationship at a pace that is comfortable for the both of you.
It is better to let him know the intensity that you prefer and when it is getting too much. That way, you can both be happy together without feeling that one person is coming on too strong. It will also help you to analyze where you both stand in the relationship and enable you to come on the same page.
6. Remove physical intimacy from the equation
None of us like to think that we are dating a man who is with us for a physical reason. However, when a guy talks about marriage too soon in a relationship, one of the reasons could be his need for physical intimacy.
If you have decided not to have a physical relationship before marriage, it is possible that the guy simply wants to marry you because he is eager to get you between the sheets. Take this fact into consideration and if you feel his reason to marry you stems from the desire to fulfill his primal urge, then stand your ground and refuse with a firm no.
7. Talk to people you trust
Talking about marriage early in the relationship can be a red flag because the intentions of the man might be suspicious. If you still do not have clarity on what to do and talking to your partner does not help, have a conversation with people whom you trust. Sometimes, a third perspective can help you see things clearly. Maybe it is not too soon to talk about marriage in a relationship and you are feeling that way because of personal reasons. People you can rely on can help you see the situation clearly and guide you too.
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8. Understand if you have commitment issues
Why is my boyfriend talking about marriage? Maybe because you both have been together for two years and he is ready, but two years is too soon for you. If marriage or the commitment attached to it is scary for you, then maybe the guy is not talking about marriage too soon, you are just not prepared for it. In such a scenario, you need to be self-aware and do right by both of you. Analyze your commitment issues before you jump the gun on calling off the relationship.
9. Put an end to the relationship
When a guy talks about marriage too soon in a relationship but you are not ready for it, it is better to call it quits. Clearly, both of you have different goals in life and are not on the same page in the relationship. If he is prepared to wait and keep aside the question of marriage, then great! But if he is convinced about getting married and you are not, then maybe you should spare him the hurt and break up.
In conclusion, we will leave you with just one thought: Marriage is completely subjective. Even if you have been with your partner for a long time, it doesn’t mean you are prepared to get married. Stay true to yourself and be honest with your partner.
When a guy starts talking about marriage too soon in a relationship, it can be a red flag, especially if you hardly know each other. The intensity of the relationship can take a toxic turn in the future.
There is no right answer to this. However, marriage should only be considered once you have seen both the good and the bad in a person, and know and love each other completely.
Most couples start talking about marriage after one or two years of being together. That is ample time to understand each other and assess if both of them want the same things from life.