10 Signs You Are In A Truly Stable Relationship (Even If You Feel Otherwise)

For most people, stable relationships and lots of love are the ultimate romantic goals. Having a solid foundation with a firm ground under your feet, knowing exactly where you stand with each other — What’s not to love, right? But what is the meaning of stability in a relationship?

There are, of course, overt signs. You’ve both pledged to be faithful even through a rough patch, and you stick to it. You have a common vision of the future and you know you want to be together long-term. But sometimes, we feel like we’re on shaky ground with our relationship, even if there’s really nothing to worry about.

We all have our tough times, insecurities, and past baggage that creep insidiously into our present love affairs. And even if all is well and you’re in a committed relationship, you find ways to start doubting if things really are as strong as they seem. You might also start wondering if your relationship is stable or not. If it is truly your safe space?

With such questions to address, we decided to seek expert help. Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), who specializes in separation and divorce counseling, shares some insights into how stability in a relationship evolves, signs of a stable relationship, and tips on how to build one.

What Makes A Stable Relationship?

“To build secure and stable relationships, you need high levels of trust and respect in a healthy way,” Shazia says. “In some relationships, there are intense levels of love and passion, but respect and trust are in short supply. This mostly indicates a lack of stability in a relationship.

“It’s tough to sustain or stabilize a bond on passion alone. In fact, that can make for a tumultuous relationship. To cement a bond, there needs to be mutual respect and a deep, innate sense of trust in each other. Maybe it sounds like a stable but boring relationship, but that’s how stability is born.”

Why Is Stability Important In A Relationship?

“Stability is important in every aspect of our lives. It’s how we feel safe and grounded. In a relationship, stability is a lifelong need. A lack of stability and belonging in a relationship can affect other areas of our lives. If you’re constantly worrying about being insecure in your relationship, it’s difficult to focus on work or social life. If a relationship is stable, it often forms the foundation of a successful life with better vision and focus,” explains Shazia. To put it in perspective, stability in a relationship is crucial because:

• It creates a comforting routine in a world of uncertainties
• Security in a romantic relationship brings joy and confidence to other areas of life
• Knowing your partner always has your back keeps you from constantly questioning the relationship
• The knowledge that you’re loved and cared for is a basic human need. For one partner, the lack of it may lead to insecurity, anxiety, and other issues that mark an unstable relationship

10 Signs You Are In A Truly Stable Relationship

There’s no magic formula to being one of the happy couples or to build a firm relationship, nor are there easy answers to discovering the meaning of stability in a relationship. But if you’re feeling a little shaky, it’s okay to explore these feelings and question your relationship a little. Here are some signs to look out for if you’re seeking the reassurance of being in a steady and comfortable relationship:

1. There’s an innate sense of safety

There’s nothing quite like knowing that you’re safe with that one person. Your secrets, your anxieties, and your deepest, most authentic self are secure in their keeping. The fact that you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs, the fact that there are days you spray yourself with too much cologne because you haven’t had time to shower, the fact that you are still recovering from certain traumas – A solid relationship is one where all of this is not only known and kept safe but celebrated. This is how the relationship evolves. 

To build a firm marriage or relationship, it’s important that two partners are not constantly walking on eggshells in their relationship. The two people involved should feel safe enough to be honest, be themselves, and be vulnerable.

2. You each have your own space and healthy boundaries

Healthy relationship boundaries are the hallmark of a stable and committed relationship. It’s also integral for the stability and security in relationships that each partner has their own space – physical and emotional – to grow and evolve as individuals.

So much of pop culture tells us that true love is all about being together as much as possible, constantly overcome with passionate feelings for your significant other. Now, all that’s nice to read about in a Gothic romance novel or watch on Netflix, but in real life, you need your space.

Related Reading: 9 Ways To Be Independent In A Romantic Relationship

3. There’s a sense of belonging and focus on the relationship

I’m all for going into relationships with plenty of logic and good sense. No matter how prosaic it sounds, it’s important that you fit in terms of geography, ideas of fidelity, financial planning, and so on.

Apart from this, though, there is that feeling that it’s just right. Call it chemistry, call it a spark, a twin flame or a soulmate. Sometimes, when you know, you just know. And you’re both determined to make things work and be together no matter the cost.

4. Both partners take equal responsibility for the relationship

“I’ve had a series of unstable relationships where I was the only one taking responsibility for our couplehood. I was making decisions, with no input from my partner. I mean, I was the only one who saw it as something that was serious and needed to be constantly nourished, something that needed to be built and strengthened,” says Sabrina, 31, a digital marketing executive.

Love, lust, and liking come in many forms – Polyamory, open relationships, one-night stands, and so on. But if you’ve both decided upon a long-term relationship, it’s up to both of you to keep the love engine running. You can do so by:

• Collaborating on decisions about how to spend time together, and figuring out common goals and future plans. This shows commitment to creating a joint path
• Dividing household tasks fairly and work together to maintain the space you share. Equal effort fosters a balanced connection
• Scheduling talks to assess relationship satisfaction. Both voices matter, and active participation keeps the partnership strong

5. You’re always working toward a common goal, as equals

A shared vision for your relationship and the willingness to work toward it is definitely one of the signs of a stable relationship. These could be things such as:

• Where you want to live in the next five years?
• How do you want to raise your children?
• How would you go about sharing household chores?

Related Reading: Marriage Counseling: 15 Goals That Should Be Addressed, Says Therapist

It could also be things such as being better partners to one another by being better listeners, respecting each other’s points of view, or agreeing to get therapy together to work through your issues. 

6. In stable relationships, you have the tough conversations

What do stability and security in relationships look like? It’s certainly not all sweet nothings and roses. There will be rough patches, and there will come a tough time where you’ll need to talk about it. It’s easier to talk about the good stuff, of course, but it’s the tough stuff you really need to be able to talk through because you’ll constantly be tempted to sweep it under the rug. 

Talk about things that bother you. If you’re not enjoying physical intimacy or if you think you need a little time apart, voice those concerns. Even if it’s something that could potentially cause a crack in your relationship, have faith and put it out there. When conflicts arise in a secure relationship, both partners address them calmly and constructively rather than letting emotions escalate to the point where one person runs away from the conversation. 

7. You’re kind to each other

Passion is nothing without compassion for the other partner, and we often forget this in romantic relationships. A popular myth seems to be that kindness is great but makes for a stable and boring relationship. But kindness takes many forms and isn’t necessarily an absence of passion.

Related Reading: 9 Things That Happen When A Man Is Vulnerable With A Woman

So, what does kindness look like in a relationship?

• It is lifting each other when you’ve had a bad day
• It’s knowing each other’s vulnerabilities and consciously taking care to never exploit them or engage in name calling
• It’s being nice to each other’s family and friends, even if you can’t stand them and your teeth are gritted the entire time

8. Neither of you is obsessed with being right all the time

Oh, the deliciousness of being right and getting to say “I told you so” and looking smugly superior for days afterward. A perfect ingredient for unstable relationships. However, if you’re wondering what a solid relationship looks like, you need to tone down the constant need to be right.

“It’s taken 10 long years, but my partner and I finally figured that while healthy arguments would remain a fixture in our relationship, we also needed to learn to let things go. Sometimes, the need to nurture your love becomes more important than being right. Also, most of the time we’re too tired to keep hammering away at something. Now, we always find the best way to insert humor into our daily lives, turning even the simplest moments into laughter riot,” laughs Caroline, 35, a paralegal from Los Angeles.

9. You anticipate and take care of each other’s needs in a stable relationship

Appreciating that your significant other has their own needs is important in a rock solid relationship. Taking the time to know them deeply enough that you know their needs, and can take care of them, is a whole other step. Remember that you are both on the same team. 

Related Reading: 10 Signs You’re In A Committed Relationship

How to have a stable relationship? It’s all about keeping the following in mind:

• Take the time to listen and understand what they need, physically and emotionally
• What are their needs in terms of physical intimacy? 
• What are they saying, and what aren’t they saying? 
• How do you make them feel comfortable enough to share their needs with you?

10. You’re invested in each other’s lives

When you’re in a firm relationship, you take on a whole other human and a whole other life. Not that you’re responsible for every aspect of their lives, but you are invested in the relationship. And that means being invested in their lives outside of the relationship.

Genuine interest in a partner’s work life and knowing details about their family life symbolize committed and stable relationships. When a man says he wants stability, or a woman for that matter, we’re all looking for someone who will see us wholly and want to know everything about us (without judgment).

How Do You Maintain A Stable Relationship – 3 Tips

We’ve talked about the signs of a stable relationship. But how do you maintain that elusive stability? Shazia shares some tips on sustaining a stable and committed relationship:

1. Agree to disagree

A nearly fail-safe answer to the question of how to have stable relationships is to agree to disagree. We’ve talked about getting over the need to be right all the time; this is a step ahead. This also helps to diffuse conflict before it blows out of proportion. 

You’re not going to agree on everything anyway, not even in the healthiest, most loving of relationships. And honestly, why would you want a relationship where you’re an echo of one another with no differing opinions? Agree to disagree, appreciate that people have different points of view, let go of the past and be happy.

Wondering how to do that? Well, start off by:

• Creating a safe zone where both can freely express their opinions without fear of judgment or argument. Acknowledge each other’s perspectives without aiming to change minds
• Paying full attention when your partner speaks. Validate their feelings, even if you disagree. Show empathy and understanding, reinforcing emotional connection
• Focusing on shared values and goals. Emphasize what unites you rather than divides you. Agree to prioritize love over differences, nurturing your bond

2. Maintain your integrity

This is something that is usually lacking in unstable relationships and is important in a committed relationship or any aspect of living. Be honest with yourself and have your peace of mind as much as possible. Hold on to your feelings and beliefs, but be open to change and new ideas.

You can maintain your integrity by:

• Having healthy communication, which includes speaking openly and truthfully with your partner. Address concerns and share feelings without hiding or manipulating them
• Upholding your personal principles and beliefs, even if challenged. Be consistent in your actions and decisions, showcasing integrity and earning admiration
• Setting and honoring boundaries that align with your values. Show respect for your partner’s boundaries as well

Being true to yourself makes you a stronger person and a better partner. If you’re stable and steady in your own person, you’ll be able to better create and maintain a happy and solid relationship.

Related Reading: The Idea Of Solo Travel For Women To Maintain Freedom

3. Give each other space to breathe

Even the best of relationships can become overwhelming, and everyone needs a little time apart to alleviate the lack of stability in a relationship. Letting a partner just be is one of the best things you can do to maintain the scales of balance in a relationship.

When a man says he wants stability, and especially when a woman says so, no one is advocating being joined at the hip 24/7.  Here’s how you can give space to each other:

• Encourage your individual hobbies and interests. Spend time apart to nurture personal growth and maintain a sense of independence
• Plan regular moments for self-reflection and relaxation. Have date nights planned in advance. This ensures both partners have dedicated space to recharge without guilt
• Communicate openly about the need for space. Express feelings without blame, emphasizing that personal time enhances the relationship’s vitality

Together and apart, nourish yourself outside of your relationship so you can pour yourself into your coupledom, too.

Building a dependable relationship is tough, sustaining it is even harder. With our increasingly busy lives and the blurred boundaries of fidelity in modern relationships, the definition of stability itself often comes into question. 

Ultimately, whatever form your love takes, it needs to bring you peace of mind. There’s no point in working on a partnership that’s constantly stressing you out and giving you grief. So, if you’re mostly at peace with yourself and your bond, you probably have a joyful and steady relationship.

This post was updated in August 2023.

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