You really wanted a spouse you had dreamed about. Finally, your dream comes true, and the relationship materialises. You succeed in getting the perfect man.
But slowly you start realising that your perfect man is no more perfect and it seems those sunny days are turning into dark nights full of high tides. You are unable to figure out any significant cause and most of the times end up blaming your partner.
It’s a universal truth that people are different and everybody cannot be compatible. Some relationships just blossom and some are bound to fail. Nothing can be done to change them. Some of them can’t be saved but many of them can, just by directing our insight inwards and seeing the potholes.
Let’s find out what are those mistakes which women commit in a relationship.
1. Stop acting like his mom
In order to keep your spouse happy, you go all out to make him happy and satisfy him.
You cook for him, you do his laundry, you keep the place spick and span. You try to please him and serve everything on a platter. And you over pamper your partner like a baby, assuming he would like it all.
Suddenly, you start realising you are living his life and not yours. You wait for him to come home from work. It reaches a point that suddenly you feel distressed and burned out. That is the point you will reach, if you keep acting like his mom.
What you need to do is sit back and relax, stop being a robot for him. Let him come forward and ask you for things. Men sometimes like doing chores with their partners. Let that moment come. A man loves to have a soul mate who can complement him in every way. If you keep on acting like his mom, he will gradually lose all interest and might shift his attention to someone else.
Related reading: 10 ways to make your husband feel wanted
2. Trying to change your partner
When women make it a point that if their partner loves them they can at least change themselves “So what? it’s not a big deal..!!” But don’t forget you have loved him for what he is and trying to change him can lead to resentment. When you start becoming critical of your spouse they feel you don’t really love them. For example, you don’t like the shirt he is wearing, the way he carries himself, find defects in his personality, etc. This generally happens when you stop taking stock of your shortcomings and just notice flaws in him. Also, as a result he will also become critical of you and start seeing the negative side of you.
Now, here you have to sit down and weigh your own shortcomings and what he lacks too.
Sit down and discuss it. If you really want him, this crisis can be overcome.
3. Expecting your partner to be a mind reader
Another blatant blunder is expecting your partner to read your mind and know what you want. This is the most serious mistake women make in a relationship. Never assume that your partner has got a super power or magic trick that he can read what you feel or want. It’s always better that you communicate very openly and talk your heart. Without open communication no relationship can flourish. Although effective communication is a skill, learning it is worth it to save your relationship.
4. Over analysing
Why is he not responding? He has no time for me, He doesn’t love me anymore or what made him behave in this way?
Relax girl!! You are taking it too forward and renting too much of space to garbage. Women tend to replay every single thing over and over again. Sometimes making mountains out of nothing. It is unhealthy and non productive for your relationship. It’s better that you ask instead of playing a mental movie inside your head. Get over this habit as soon as possible. Stop playing emotional detective.
5. Lack of communication
Take a situation where you go out for dinner. You are talking and he is just not there. He is unresponsive or just not listening. It is one-way communication.
You feel unwanted and have a bad time with him. If this kind of situation keeps repeating, do not start thinking about the reasons for it on your own. TALK to him. He may be feeling troubled at work. Maybe the new boss is the cause of it. Maybe he is in financial trouble or a thousand other reasons. Sitting down and discussing his problem may help him to start trusting you.
He would find you to be the person who he can talk with and discuss things. When time comes for intimate conversation, guys clam up, offer a few grunts and expect women to magically understand what’s going on. A relationship in which there is understanding and trust lasts forever.
Related reading: Reasons why Indian men do not communicate their feelings
Your man comes back late from his job. This can be due to be an additional load upon him or maybe he is working hard for his promotion. You start to suspect him and become paranoid. Start calling him when he is busy or just in the middle of a meeting.
Even at home the cookie starts to crumble as he becomes detached due to his feeling burnt out.
You reason that he is having an affair.
The home front also goes bad as you start confronting him about extramarital affairs without any rhyme or reason.
The best thing for you is to give him some space and stop nagging for everything. Remember, domination and over possessiveness is not love, it is either abuse or insecurity.
Don’t forget this lecture as soon as you walk out from here.
Don’t waste your life and relationships by pondering about what, how and where your spouse is and what he is doing.
Trust Breeds Trust and Faith Breeds Faith.Published in