Experiencing a rut in marriage is all too common. The passion dies out, the care fades away, the romance flies out of the window, and communication is limited to what needs to be done or fixed. Predictability takes over all aspects of a relationship, so much so that couples pass each other in the hall or the kitchen without so much as a smile and eye contact. When the emotional distance begins to widen, you may find yourself wondering, “Why is my husband not interested in me anymore?”
Does this sound familiar? Do your eyes swell up with tears as you reminisce about your old days when you were newly married and couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Do you often wonder what happened? Why does a man lose interest in his wife? When that happens, what can you do to remedy the situation? Let’s explore and discuss the signs and reasons for a man losing interest in his wife and what can be done to salvage the relationship once it reaches this stage.
Signs Of Husband Not Interested In Wife
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Marriage is all fun and sex in the honeymoon phase and it feels amazing to share your life with the person you love. However, it doesn’t always stay this way. Not without conscious and sustained effort from both spouses, anyway. As a result, the emotional connection between you and your spouse may start withering away, leaving you with a niggling “husband not interested in me” feeling.
It could be because you have been noticing that your husband doesn’t want sex, doesn’t want to communicate, or doesn’t like spending time with you. Any such gut instinct about the state of your relationship warrants further investigation because more often than not this sense of something being amiss in your relationship is not unfounded — even if you can’t put a finger on the exact issue. These tell-tale signs of husband not interested in wife may help you ascertain how accurate your instincts are:
- Your husband doesn’t seem interested in talking to you
- He no longer expresses his needs, wants, and desires
- And is neglectful of yours
- He is not affectionate toward you
- Your husband doesn’t want sex or intimacy of any type, leaving you feeling, “My husband isn’t attracted to me”
- He is in a more committed relationship with his phone than you
- He prefers to spend his free time with his friends or doing his own thing, and you are never invited to be a part of any of it
- You can no longer count on him
- Expressions of love and appreciation have become non-existent in your relationship
- Instead, your husband is always critical of everything you say or do
8 Reasons Husbands Lose Interest In Their Wives
It can be disconcerting to be able to relate to the signs of husband not interested in wife. When that happens, you may find yourself wondering, “Why does a husband lose interest in his wife?” It is also not unusual to lose hope when you can’t shake off the “my husband shows no interest in me” feeling. That’s what happened to my friend, Margaret, who is an HR professional and a mother of two.
She often rued, “My husband has lost interest in me. We no longer just sit and talk to each other like we used to. He doesn’t seem interested in doing things with me. While he is a great father to our children, he has become the quintessential emotionally distant my spouse. Of course, this has impacted the intimacy between us. Why is my husband not interested in me sexually and emotionally anymore?”
When this became a recurring conversation, I suggested that she had a better chance of finding the answers if she spoke to her husband about the troubles brewing in their marriage rather than just vent to her friends. When she did, it turned out that her husband had receded into a shell because he often found Margaret to be too preoccupied with work, parenting, and domestic responsibilities or too mentally spent at the end of the day to be able to really connect with him.
As you can see, a husband’s lack of interest in his wife is not without reason. So if you’re wondering, “Why is my husband not interested in me?”, or want to an answer to, “How can I make my husband want me?”, begin by understanding what has brought on this shift. To that end, here are 8 key reasons behind men losing interest in their wives:
Related Reading: 13 Things To Do When Your Husband Ignores You
1. You make him responsible for your happiness
“Why has my husband lost interest in me?” If you find yourself asking this question often, think long and hard about the weight of your expectations in the relationship. Has your husband become the center of your universe? Do you want to be the center of his?
When your husband constantly feels like he’s responsible for your happiness and finds that you’re often disappointed, sad, or upset with him, no matter how much effort he puts into the relationship, he may begin to disinvest emotionally. You may begin to notice “my husband shows no interest in me” signs such as,
- Lack of communication
- Ignoring your calls
- Needing more personal space than ever before
- Not prioritizing spending quality time with you
The secret to a happy marriage is realizing that while your partner can enrich your life, they (or no one else, for that matter) can be responsible for your happiness. That onus falls on you. Once you learn how to keep yourself happy, it will reflect in the quality of your husband as well. Who knew that the answer to how to keep your husband interested would entail having a better relationship with yourself?
2. You no longer take care of how you look
Why does a man lose interest in a woman? More specifically, if you’re wondering, “Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?”, the answer may lie in the way you look, feel, and portray yourself. You might have stopped taking care of yourself completely and that could, in turn, be taking a toll on how much he desires you.
Factors like age, children, professional and personal responsibilities, and stress can make it harder for you to focus on yourself like you did when you were single or dating your now-husband. Even though beauty and your self-worth are never skin deep, the way you look — and in turn, feel about yourself — impacts the dynamic of your relationship with your husband.
You may not realize it but perhaps having gained weight post-marriage or the messy buns and pajamas you basically live in have impacted your sense of self, and you feel self-conscious about your body. This is bound to translate into the way you connect with your husband. So, if you’re concerned because your husband doesn’t want sex or connect with you emotionally, investing in some TLC might help improve things between you.
3. You complain more and talk less
It’s Saturday evening. The kids are asleep. You decide to have a drink or two. And you have time to talk. What do you discuss? How mean your in-laws have been to you? Tension and conflict at work? Complaining about how a friend is on vacation while you are trapped by responsibilities?
If that’s the case, you have the answer to, “Why has my husband lost interest in me?” To reverse the situation and reignite his interest, consider taking a walk down memory lane and talking about the good times you have had together the next time you both have some “we” time. Instead of complaining about how monotonous your life has become, plan your next vacation.
Ask your husband about how things are going at work. Perhaps, cook together or talk about the economy or discuss geopolitics. Or, you know, instead of worrying that your husband doesn’t want sex, why not take the lead and seduce him?
Related Reading: 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic
4. You don’t appreciate the things he does for you
Why does a man lose interest in his wife? The reason can be as simple as him getting tired of trying to do his best yet never feeling like his efforts are good enough. All humans long for appreciation every once in a while. If you pick on your husband for the things he gets wrong but never appreciate the things he does for you, he may stop making an effort altogether. This is perhaps why you’re left wondering, “Why is my husband not interested in me?”
To prevent this lack of interest from escalating to the point where it spells doom for your marriage, introspect and see if this is where you’ve been lacking. If so, learn how to appreciate your husband. Thank him for making your life easy in his own ways. Pass him a few ‘thank you’ notes here and there.
A recently divorced woman, who left her husband for being indifferent, shared her regrets with Bonobology. After a few years of marriage, her husband had stopped making grand romantic gestures like surprising her with expensive gifts or luxurious holidays but this did not mean he did not care for her or love her.
In her new single life, she says she misses the way her husband would always worry whether she made it home or not. She misses the way he pampered her when she was not feeling well or the way he listened to her rant when she was angry. Don’t ignore the small gestures just because they don’t align with your idea of making an effort in a relationship. For all you know, these gestures could be the key to making your marriage a happy one.
5. You constantly nag him
Why does a man lose interest in his wife? Constant nagging in the relationship could be to blame. If your husband doesn’t do things the way you expect him to, resorting to nagging isn’t going to effect change for the better. Instead, the exhaustion of dealing with a nagging wife will likely cause your husband to resent you, and he may begin to pull away from you. Now, we’re not saying that this means your husband shouldn’t share your load.
But instead of pushing him to do things a certain way or at a specific time, create enough room and space in your marriage to facilitate him to contribute to the marriage a way he deems fit. Don’t hold your spouse to the idea of how you expect things to be done, let him show you what his idea of support in a marriage is. Take it from there.
It’s all right if he is a lousy cook or cannot do the dishes well. Perhaps, he makes it a point to spend his Sunday morning running errands to make sure you have everything you need to go through the week smoothly. So, appreciate that. If you need to bring his attention to areas he needs to work on, do it constructively. Otherwise, you may notice signs of husband not interested in wife. For example, he may avoid talking to you because he knows another snide remark is on its way.
Related Reading: 30 Compliments For Men That Make Them Happy
6. You have fun at his expense in front of friends or relatives
Why does a man lose interest in a woman? One common reason behind this can be feeling dispected in the relationship. If you make light of your partner’s flaws and shortcomings in front of others, you can hardly blame him for the lack of emotional connection in your marriage. Airing your husband’s flaws in public, and then backing it up with statements like “Relax, it’s just a joke” or “I didn’t mean it” can be more harmful to your bond than you think.
Playful teasing is one thing, being mean about his insecurities quite another. It can be humiliating for your husband when you put him down and mock him in front of friends or family. Taking cheap shots at him will only make him distant and withdrawn from you. This will also discourage him from sharing his vulnerabilities with you in the future and will ruin the intimacy of your marriage. This emotional distance can manifest in myriad ways.
For instance, if you often wonder, “Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?”, the answer could well be because he feels disrespected and undervalued in this connection. To salvage your bond, you have to prioritize respect in the relationship.
7. Your priorities have changed
Well-behaved, well-dressed kids. A spick-and-span, clean and tidy house. A cake in the oven. Meetings. Deadlines. Promotion. Managing the domestic and professional responsibilities, and striking the right work-life balance can indeed be tricky. However, if these things are all you think and talk about, you may be unwittingly pushing your husband away.
While you’re here lamenting, “My husband doesn’t want to be intimate with me”, or wondering, “Why has my husband lost interest in me?”, perhaps, your spouse feels equally heartbroken about having slipped so far down your priorities. Life is about creating a balance. Your marriage is as important as the well-being of the kids. You just need to get your priorities for a successful long-term marriage in order.
8. You both are leading stressful work lives
Why does a man lose interest in his wife? One of the reasons is that in pursuit of their professional goals, spouses can often become out of sync with each other. Professional tensions can seep into your home and take over your personal life. Work commitment can sometimes outweigh the promises you make to yourself and your loved ones.
These unkept promises and dashed hopes can add up over time and take a toll on your bond with your partner. To be able to tide over such rough patches, it’s imperative that both partners are honest with and supportive of each other. Otherwise, the risk of drifting apart is very real.
How Can I Make My Husband Want Me? 5 Tips
Now that you know the answer to the question, “Why is my husband not interested in me?”, the next order of business is figuring out whether it’s possible to revive your bond even when marriage seems to have hit rock bottom and if so, how. Well, first the good news: as long as there is love and respect in the relationship and your marriage isn’t marred by toxicity, abuse, or manipulation, it is possible to work through your issues.
However, it will take consistent effort and a strong intent from both partners to find a way to each other. Don’t let thoughts like, “My husband isn’t attracted to me” or “My husband doesn’t want to be intimate with me” dishearten you. Instead, shift focus to, “How can I make my husband want me again?” Try the following tips to mend your bond with your husband:
1. Talk to your husband to identify the issue
If your husband has been distant and uninterested in you, don’t assume that it’s because he is dissatisfied with your sex life and start looking for an answer to, “How can I please my husband in bed?” Instead, make an earnest effort to get to the root of the issue, and the best way to do that is by having an open and honest conversation with your husband.
- Does he feel you’re in an unhappy marriage?
- Does he feel unheard?
- Are his needs not being met?
- Is he angry/upset/stressed because of something?
Once you ascertain the issue that is pushing your husband away from you, you’ll be able to tackle it better. So, if you’re wondering how to keep your husband interested in you, the first order of business is to understand his perspective on the situation through open communication.
2. Work on your issues together
How can I make my husband want me, you wonder? Well, once you’ve identified what underlying issue that is making your spouse lose interest in you, it’s time to make an earnest effort to address it. You’ve got to jump in with both feet, invest in your marriage like you did when you first started this journey, and work together as a team. Working in sync toward a common goal of making your marriage better can help cement your bond with your husband. In the long run, it will help alleviate concerns like “my husband isn’t attracted to me”.
Related Reading: 9 Proven Benefits Of Counseling – Don’t Suffer In Silence
3. If you don’t make headway on your own, try therapy
If the conversations you have with each other turn into arguments and you’re unable to pinpoint the reason why your husband is no longer interested in you, perhaps marriage counseling can help. When a professional marriage counselor is involved, you’ll be able to pinpoint the problems, and identify the negative patterns you both display, and you’ll know exactly what you need to do to work on the issues.
Therapy offers a safe space to constructively discuss issues and work through them under professional guidance. The rest, of course, depends on you. If you think you need help to save your marriage, Bonobology’s counseling services are at your disposal from the comfort of your home.
4. Work on strengthening your relationship
The signs of husband not interested in wife can worsen over time, and his lack of interest in you and the relationship can threaten your future together. To be able to salvage your bond, you need to start from the basics and work on strengthening your relationship. If your husband is not interested, try taking the lead and show him how much he means to you. Here are a few things you can try:
- Plan date nights, starting with once every two weeks, and then make it a weekly feature
- Ask your husband to take post-dinner walks and use this time to talk to each other about your day
- Make it a point to spend some time cuddling with your husband before you fall asleep
- Make it a habit to say ‘thank you’, ‘please’, and ‘I love you’ often
5. Try things out in the bedroom
If your husband’s disconnect has left you grappling with the question, “Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?”, the solution may, once again, lie in taking matters into your hands.
- Take the lead in the bedroom
- Bring out the sexy lingerie that has been gathering dust since your honeymoon (or buy sexier ones)
- Try out a new sexual position
- Experiment with toys and accessories
Key Pointers
- ”Why is my husband not interested in me?” can be a disconcerting question to contend with
- You know you have to when you begin to see signs like a decline in communication and emotional connection, neglect, loss of intimacy, and increased criticism and judgment
- From feeling unheard, unappreciated, and disrespected to being nagged incessantly and not made to feel like a priority, there can be many reasons why a man would lose interest in his wife
- You can remedy this situation and revive your relationship by practicing open communication, identifying and resolving the underlying issues, seeking professional help, and working on strengthening emotional and sexual intimacy
Watching your partner slowly drift apart from you is a sort of pain that leaves you incapable of deciding your next move. When confusion has a firm grip on you, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Have honest conversations with your partner, and let them know that you’re willing to give it all that it takes to ride it out with them till the end.
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My husband & I have been together for over 25 years. I still think he is the sexiest man i have ever seen & he s 18 years my senior. He is always worn out when he gets off work. He works hard. But i try to let him know everyday how much i appriciate him & all he does for me. I don’t work cause he likes to be taken care of, i pull off his boots, fix his plate at supper bring him whatever he wants when he sots watching tv. I love taking care of him, because he spoils me rotten. Whatever i want, i get. We had some distant times raising our kids, there just wasn’t enough of either one of us to get to us.but we both worked did housework & took care of the kids. Now they are grown & its just us again. We have always been committed to our life and family. And id do anything to make him happy, i think he would do the same for me. We have always said when we were not getting what we needed.
Whenever im feeling like im doing it all & getting nothing back, i try to remember to stop.. and put myself in his shoe with that same feeling. Then i usually feel pretty ashammed for feeling that way. And when i tell him how i felt & what i realized it seems to renew him, because i saw him & how he was feeling without him having to tell me. So whenever you feel like you are giving all & getting nothing back, take a time out to put yourself in their shoes, cause they probably feel that way too. It can make all the difference in 5he world.