A lot of women seem to feel that husbands lose interest in them after a few years into a marriage. The passion dies out, the care fades away, and the romance flies out of the window. Husbands appear emotionally distant, and communication is limited to what needs to be done or fixed. Routine engulfs a relationship, so much so that couples end up passing each other by in the hall or the kitchen without as much as a slight smile and eye contact.
Does this sound familiar?
Do your eyes swell up with tears as you reminisce your good old days when you were newly married?
Then what happened?
Let’s explore and discuss.
What do husbands want from their wives?
Marriage is all fun and sex and happy till the initial few years. But marriages do not stay like this forever. To keep a marriage healthy, strong and full of love and vibrant requires a lot of work; hard work at that.
Most couples take marriage for granted; they do not tend to woo each other anymore, or appreciate their spouses. As responsibilities take the best of life, couples drift away. Add a baby or two to the equation and you have your disaster recipe almost ready. Your physical appearance changes, your priorities change and YOU change. This is not what a husband wants.
A husband wants a woman who still feels for him the way she used to. Someone who would pass by with a sexy wink or flirt with a sensual remark. Men like women who keep themselves happy, but they do not want to be responsible for it all the time. When a wife keeps on accusing her husband of not giving enough time or not trying to make her happy, he withdraws from her.
As a wife, and as a woman, you can still save your relationship if you understand why your spouse does not touch you as often. If any of the below reasons fit the bill, then you know what to do.
Related reading: The top 3 reasons why couples keep fighting about the same things
8 reasons husbands lose interest in their wives
Chances are, his lost interest can be revived provided you identify the problem and work on it. Marriage is an everyday effort, much like raising a baby. You have to nurture it, care for it, and show love every day to get to the finish line with each other happy and satisfied.
1. You make him responsible for your happiness, ALWAYS
You may say, “He has to think about what makes me happy and do that!”
But this is not true. You yourself are responsible for your happiness, and depending on your husband for making you happy all the time will only put undue pressure on him and he will slowly withdraw. The secret to a man’s desire is keeping yourself happy – and when a man /feels his wife is happy, he feels strong and powerful. This in turn manifests itself into a desire.
2. You no longer take care of how you look
Age, baby, lifestyle, responsibility, stress – everything changes the way you look. You might have put on a lot of weight, or haven’t had a pedicure in months. You no longer dress well or put on make-up. You are always in a pyjama and a loose t-shirt with baby-food stains. Rings a bell?
Come on, who would desire for a woman who has lost herself in the process of rearing a family?
Taking care of a family is a big, big job, but in the process, do not ignore yourself. Look good, feel good and good will happen.
3. When you talk, there is more cribbing and less talking
It’s a Saturday evening. The kids are asleep. You decide to have a drink or two. And you have time to talk.
What do you talk about?
In-laws and how they have been mean to you all this time? Tensions at work? A friend is on a vacation while you are just attending to the kids? Did you consider talking about your next vacation plan? Or ask your husband about how things are going at work? When do you get to cook together again? Or the economy maybe?
Cribbing and complaining all the time, the precious time that you get together will only make your husband avoid any conversation with you.
4. You never appreciate anything he does
All humans long for appreciation every once in a while. While women are more vocal and may seek out compliments on their own, men are not so open with their emotions. Lack of expression does not translate into lack of emotions.
It is vital that you keep on appreciating small things your husband does. Thank him for making your life easy in his own little ways. Pass him a few thank you notes here and there. Appreciate him for being there for you.
5. You constantly nag him
Men are lazy. Well, most are. That’s a trait – and you cannot change it. But when you continuously nag him, he becomes stubborn. Nagging damages a relationship and it never works. Expressing your disappointment and negative emotions through nagging only harbours resentment.
Instead, trust your husband and motivate him to do things he is supposed to.
Related reading: 12 Reasons why men have extramarital affairs
6. You have fun at his expense in front of friends or relatives
If you are guilty of making fun of your husband when his friends or relatives visit you, then do not blame him for being emotionally detached from you. Airing your husband’s faults or flaws in public, and then saying you ‘didn’t actually mean it’ can be more hurtful than you think.
It can be humiliating for your husband when you (playfully) put him down and mock him in front of his friends or relatives. Taking cheap shots at him will only make him distant and withdrawn from you.
7. You have CHANGED your priorities
Well-behaved, well-dressed kids. A spick-and-span, clean and tidy house. A cake in the oven.
If that is all you think and talk about, then my friend, who in the world will be interested in you? If you are one of those women who prioritise children and a clean house over some quality time with your husband, then I feel sorry for you.
And no, I am not talking about leaving your kids unattended or making a garage in the house. You just need to know where to draw the line.
8. You both are leading stressful work lives
Professional tensions have taken over our personal spaces. Work commitments outweigh our promises to self and family. You are working 24X7, you are stressed, your colleague is most likely to get the promotion this year too, and you cut a sorry figure.
Enough to send any man or woman into a panic attack. It is very important to be clear about your work and work expectations to survive in this highly competitive world with a sane mind. Support each other through tough times and see the magic work.
Start with finding your own happiness with you, the rest will follow.