A lot of women seem to feel that their husbands lose interest in them after a few years of marriage. The passion dies out, the care fades away, and the romance flies out of the window. Husbands appear emotionally distant, and communication is limited to what needs to be done or fixed. Routine takes over all aspects of a relationship, so much so that couples end up passing each other by in the hall or the kitchen without as much as a slight smile and eye contact.
We know of a couple that has been married for over 14 years and realized that they don’t converse about anything other than their kids or house maintenance. The wife shared that they basically began to live as roommates with common goals. She read through their chat and could not remember the last time they texted each other because they missed each other.
Does this sound familiar? Do your eyes swell up with tears as you reminisce about your old days when you were newly married and couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Do you often wonder what happened? Why do husbands lose interest in their wives? And what can you do when your husband loses interest in you? Why a man loses interest in a woman? Let’s explore and discuss why does a man lose interest in his wife and what you can do to salvage your bond after reaching this stage in your marriage.
What Do Husbands Want From Their Wives?
Marriage is all fun and sex is amazing for the initial few years. But marriages do not stay like this forever when the initial honeymoon phase wears out. Not without conscious and sustained effort from both spouses, anyway. If the “My husband shows no interest in me” realization has set in, it is an indication that either one or both of you have stopped making adequate effort to nurture your bond.
To keep a marriage healthy, strong, and full of love and vibrancy requires a lot of work; hard work at that. Most couples take marriage for granted; they no longer woo each other or value their spouses. As responsibilities increase, couples drift apart and things like, “I have no desire for my husband,” or “My husband never touches me.” What to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate? start to cross your mind.
Add a baby or two to the equation and you have your disaster recipe nearly ready. Your physical appearance changes, your priorities change, and you change. The hormonal flux that you go through post-childbirth, coupled with sleepless nights and increased responsibilities can bring you to a point where your husband wants a divorce after baby. This can be perplexing, given that you’d expect that a baby would bind you together and bring you together.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. The question remains: why does a man lose interest in his wife? The truth is, if the connection is placed on the back burner for too long, a man loses interest in a woman.
A husband wants a woman who still feels excited at the idea of spending time with him the way she used to. Someone who would occasionally pass him a sexy wink or flirt with her spouse with a sensual remark. Men like women who keep themselves happy, but they do not want to be responsible for it all the time. Moreover, the lack of sex in a relationship can make men unhappy as well.
When a wife keeps accusing her husband of not giving enough attention and time or not trying to make her happy, he withdraws from her. The excitement and romance of a relationship cannot last forever, so you must ensure that you are getting fulfillment from your personal, social, and professional life.
Also, another possible answer to the question, “Why husband lose interest in his wife?” can be because of what your relationship with yourself is like at the moment. If you are not content with your life, you will find ways to blame your husband and enter a vicious cycle of negativity. As a wife and woman, you can still save your relationship if you understand why your spouse does not get intimate with you as often.
Related Reading: 13 Things To Do When Your Husband Ignores You
8 Reasons Husbands Lose Interest In Their Wives
Trying to answer “Why does a husband lose interest in his wife?” can leave you perplexed for days on end, but it’s important to understand that there will be signs your husband is losing interest. Margaret, a working professional, and mother of two, often rued, “My husband has lost interest in me. We no longer just sit and talk to each other like we used to. He doesn’t seem interested in doing things with me. While he is a great father to our children, I feel more emotionally distant from my spouse every day.”
It is not unusual to lose hope when you can’t shake off the “my husband shows no interest in me” feeling. Don’t lose heart. Chances are his lost interest can be revived provided you identify the problem and work on it.
Once a guy loses interest can you get it back? Yes, you can. Marriage is an everyday effort, much like raising a baby. You have to nurture it, care for it and show love every day to get to the finish line with each other happy and satisfied. That process begins with understanding why does a man lose interest in his wife. Here are 8 key reasons behind men losing interest in their wives:
1. You make him responsible for your happiness
You may say, “He has to think about what makes me happy and do that!” But this is not true. You are responsible for your own happiness, and being dependent on your husband to ensure your happiness all the time will only put undue pressure on him, and he will slowly withdraw.
“Why has my husband lost interest in me?” If you find yourself asking this question often, think long and hard about the weight of your expectations in the relationship. Has your husband become the center of your universe? Do you want to be the center of his?
When he constantly feels like he’s responsible for your happiness as well as his own, you’ll start to see him do all the cliched things a man does when he starts to lose interest. He won’t converse as much, he might ignore your calls, and he’ll seek a bit more personal space than he ever did before.
The secret to a happy marriage is keeping yourself happy – and when a man feels his wife is happy, he feels strong and powerful. This, in turn, manifests itself into a desire. There are many ways to seek satisfaction and fulfillment from other sources. Take online classes, invest more in yourself professionally, or reconnect with old friends.
2. You no longer take care of how you look
Why does a man lose interest in a woman? More specifically, if you’re wondering, “Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?”, the answer may lie in the way you look, feel, and portray yourself. You might have stopped taking care of yourself completely and you are in your pajamas, looking like a ghost all day. That could, in turn, be taking a toll on how much he desires you.
If he has stopped initiating anything in the bedroom for the longest time, it’s among the signs he doesn’t want you sexually. One of the most obvious reasons for that is your inability to find the time to look after yourself. Age, children, lifestyle, responsibilities, stress – everything changes the way you look. Taking care of your home and family is a big, big job, but in the process, do not ignore yourself.
Look good, feel good and good things will happen. It is not uncommon for women to gain weight post-marriage and not invest as much in their physical appearance. Women often look at themselves in the mirror and don’t recognize themselves anymore. Take out some time in your schedule to treat yourself to a spa day or indulge in some retail therapy and buy yourself a flattering outfit or new make-up. Taking time out for yourself does not make you a selfish homemaker or a bad mother. If anything, it makes you a good one.
3. When you talk, there is more cribbing and less talking
It’s Saturday evening. The kids are asleep. You decide to have a drink or two. And you have time to talk. What do you discuss? In-laws and how they have been mean to you all this time? Tension and conflict at work? Whining about how a friend is on vacation while you are just busy attending to the kids?
If that’s the case, you have the answer to “why has my husband lost interest in me” right there. To reverse the situation and reignite his interest, consider taking a walk down memory lane and talking about the good times you have had together the next time you both have some “we” time.
Instead of complaining about how monotonous your life has become, plan your next vacation. Ask your husband about how things are going at work. Perhaps, cook together or talk about the economy or discuss geopolitics. Or, you know, try to fix the lack of sex in the relationship.
Cribbing and complaining during the precious time that you get together will only make your husband avoid any conversation with you. Your husband will lose interest in you and this will slowly tear away at the foundation of your marriage. Your partner must look forward to talking to you and it should not feel like a chore. Keep that in mind.
Related Reading: 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic
4. You never appreciate anything he does
Why does a man lose interest in his wife? A lot of times, the reason can be as simple as him getting tired of trying to do his best yet never feeling like his efforts are good enough. All humans long for appreciation every once in a while. While women are more vocal and may seek out compliments on their own, men are not so open with their emotions. Lack of expression does not translate into a lack of emotions.
You must keep on appreciating the small things your husband does. Thank him for making your life easy in his little ways. Pass him a few thank you notes here and there. Appreciate him for being there for you.
A recently divorced woman, who left her husband for being indifferent, shared her regrets with us. After a few years of marriage, her husband had stopped making grand romantic gestures like surprising her with expensive gifts or luxurious holidays but this did not mean he did not care for her or love her.
In her new single life, she says she misses the way her husband would always worry whether she made it home or not. She misses the way he pampered her when she was not feeling well or the way he listened to her rant when she was angry. Don’t ignore the small gestures that make your marriage a happy one. What makes a man lose interest in his wife? When she stops appreciating his thoughtfulness. Remember, there are many ways to bring back the romance in your marriage.
5. Why husband loses interest in a wife: You constantly nag him
Men are lazy. Well, most are. That’s a trait and you cannot change it. But when you continuously nag him, he becomes stubborn. A nagging wife damages a relationship and it never works. Expressing your disappointment and negative emotions through nagging only harbors resentment. As a result, he might shun you or lose interest in you.
Instead, trust your husband and motivate him to do things he is supposed to. Or better still, create enough room and space in your marriage to facilitate him to contribute to the marriage the way he deems fit. Don’t hold your spouse to the idea of how you expect things to be done, let him show you what his idea of support in a marriage is. Take it from there.
It’s all right if he is a lousy cook or cannot do the dishes well. Perhaps, he makes it a point to spend his Sunday morning, running errands to make sure you have everything you need to go through the week smoothly. So, appreciate that instead of nagging him. If you are criticizing him, then make sure it is done in a constructive manner and you are sharing ways he can improve his behavior.
Otherwise, you may notice things a man does when he starts to lose interest. For example, he’ll avoid talking to you too often, because he knows another snide remark is on its way. So, do not get angry and say hurtful things. You also must remember to be able to take any feedback your husband gives you positively.
Related Reading: 30 Compliments For Men That Make Them Happy
6. You have fun at his expense in front of friends or relatives
If you are guilty of making fun of your husband when his friends or relatives visit you, then do not blame him for being emotionally detached from you. After poking fun of your spouse without much consideration for what he’s feeling, asking yourself, “Why does a man lose interest in a woman?” Isn’t justified, is it?
Airing your husband’s faults or flaws in public, and then saying you “didn’t mean it,” can be more hurtful than you think. Playful teasing is one thing, being mean about his insecurities is another. It can be humiliating for your husband when you put him down and mock him in front of his friends or relatives.
Taking cheap shots at him will only make him distant and withdrawn from you. This will also discourage him from sharing his vulnerabilities with you in the future and will ruin the intimacy of your marriage. This emotional distance can manifest in myriad ways.
For instance, if you often wonder, “Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?”, the answer could well be because he feels disrespected and undervalued in this connection. To salvage your bond, you have to prioritize respect in the relationship.
7. You have changed your priorities
Well-behaved, well-dressed kids. A spick-and-span, clean and tidy house. A cake in the oven. Meetings. Deadlines. Promotion. Managing the domestic and professional responsibilities, and striking the right work-life balance can indeed be tricky. However, if these things are all you think and talk about, then my friend, you are not the woman your husband married.
If you are one of those women who prioritize children and a clean house over some quality time with your husband, then you might be making a mistake. In your priorities lies the answer to “why has my husband lost interest in me?” Life is about creating a balance.
Your marriage is as important as the well-being of the kids. And no, I am not talking about leaving your kids unattended or making a garage in the house. You just need to know where to draw the line and have the right priorities for a successful long-term marriage. For example, if you’ve recently been noticing the signs he doesn’t want you sexually, it may be because he is not given the attention he wants. Ask him if that’s what is missing, and try to plan a date night together. When was the last time you did that?
8. You both are leading stressful work lives
Why does a man lose interest in his wife? One of the reasons is that in pursuit of their professional goals, spouses can often become out of sync with each other. Professional tension is bound to seep into your home and take over your personal life. Work commitment can sometimes outweigh our promises to ourselves and our families, and they can be the reason why you end up with thoughts like, “My husband doesn’t want me and that’s why I have no desire for my husband.”
You are working 24X7, you are stressed, your colleague is most likely to get the promotion this year too, and you cut a sorry figure. Enough to send any man or woman into a panic attack. It is very important to be clear about your work and work expectations to survive in this highly competitive world with a sane mind.
Support each other through tough times and see the magic work. If you don’t then both of you will lose interest in each other and drift apart. Start with finding your happiness with yourself, and the rest will follow. Who knew that the answer to, “What to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate?” Would just entail having a better relationship with yourself?
What to do when your husband loses interest in you?
Why a man loses interest in a woman? You know the answer to that by now. So, what do you do to ensure that he stays interested in you? Give him the space that he needs, but, at the same time, try to be attentive. Find time to enjoy yourself and don’t keep nagging and cribbing.
Be his partner in everything he does and try to develop an interest in the things he likes, like tennis or basketball. You can win his heart by making him happy as well. There are times because of the pressures of life you might feel he has lost interest in you but that could be just a temporary phase. When he gives you renewed attention, bask in it. There are ways you can make your husband fall in love with you again.
Once a guy loses interest can you get it back? Many women ask this question. Of course. As we said earlier, loss of interest could be just a passing phase. Don’t let worry over “my husband shows no interest in me” overpower your faith in your marriage. Hang in there and make an effort to connect with your spouse.
Related Reading: 9 Proven Benefits Of Counseling – Don’t Suffer In Silence
What To Do If Your Husband Has Lost Interest In Sex
Now that you know the answer to the question, “Why husband loses interest in wife?” you must’ve realized that with a lack of interest, comes a lack of physical intimacy in most relationships. A sexless marriage is perhaps the most alarming indicator of trouble in your marriage, and it’s one that couples wish to seek help with immediately. Justifiably so.
The signs that a man has not been sexually active are visible from miles away, often because he gets so irritable and agitated. He may start to grow resentful toward his partner, and might not want to continue cultivating it any longer. That’s exactly why addressing this issue is so important.
If you’ve been thinking things like, “Why is the husband not interested in the wife sexually?” or if he has been pondering on, “My wife has no sex drive, what can I do?” the following tips will help you figure out how to end this dry spell that has lasted a bit too long.
1. Talk about what the problem may be
Before you jump into bed with your newest lingerie, try to talk about the larger problem at hand. When there’s nothing sexual, a husband and wife can have a myriad of things that are going wrong for them. Do you feel like you’re in an unhappy marriage? Is the stress at work getting to you? Has your libido decreased with age?
Once you ascertain what the issue is through honest and judgment-free conversation, you’ll be able to tackle the root problem. Thus, the first step is to figure out why the husband is not interested in his wife sexually.
2. Work on the issues together
If you’ve followed step one and are able to identify what the issue is, you’ve now got to jump in with both feet, invest in your marriage like you did when you first started this journey and work together as a team. Only when both partners hope to incite a positive change will there be one.
If you stick with thoughts like, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad” he’s going to feel bad about ever even initiating sex. Make sure you both understand that you need to work on the issues together, and don’t hold in any thoughts that you may need to discuss.
3. If conversations lead nowhere, try therapy
If the conversations you have with each other turn into arguments and you’re unable to pinpoint the reason for the non-sexual husband and wife dynamic you’ve got going on, perhaps marriage counseling can be the thing you need. When a professional marriage counselor is involved, you’ll be able to pinpoint the problems, identify the negative patterns you both display, and you’ll know exactly what you need to do to work on the issues.
The rest, of course, depends on you. When thoughts like, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad” or “My wife has no sex drive, what can I do?” are openly communicated in therapy, you’ll be given a safe space to constructively discuss these issues. If it’s help you’re looking for, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help paint a path toward a happier marriage.
4. Work on strengthening your relationship
The signs that a man has not been sexually active include him being irritable, withdrawing from the marriage, and he may start to develop a feeling of resentment. When you tackle the core problems and work on strengthening your relationship, physical intimacy will follow.
What happens when a man is not sexually active? He may start to resent you for it, and it will naturally seem like he’s not interested anymore. Tell him that you both should work on it, try out a few new things together, be a couple instead of just parents or homeowners.
5. Try things out in the bedroom
Of course, the age-old way of working on sexual relations with your spouse is to make the sex more exciting. Most married couples experience a sort of slump in their sex life when it all becomes too routine. Down to the point where a deviation seems almost unnatural.
Try out all those deviations you’ve been seeing on the internet, and things may get more exciting. Try out a new sexual position or maybe even introduce a toy in the mix, you never know what you’ll end up loving. Pretty soon, you might not even have to worry about what happens when a man is not sexually active.
Watching your partner slowly drift apart from you is a sort of pain that leaves you incapable of deciding your next moves. When confusion has a firm grip on you, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Have honest conversations with your partner, and let them know that you’re willing to give it all that it takes to ride it out with them till the end.