A lot of women seem to feel that husbands lose interest in them after a few years of marriage. The passion dies out, the care fades away, and the romance flies out of the window. Husbands appear emotionally distant, and communication is limited to what needs to be done or fixed. Routine takes over all aspects of a relationship, so much so that couples end up passing each other by in the hall or the kitchen without as much as a slight smile and eye contact.
We know of a couple that has been married for over 14 years and realized that they don’t converse about anything other than their kids or house maintenance. The wife shared that they basically began to live as roommates with common goals. She read through their chat and could not remember the last time they texted each other because they missed each other.
Does this sound familiar?
Do your eyes swell up with tears as you reminisce your good old days when you were newly married and couldn’t keep your hands off of each other?
Then what happened? Why do husbands lose interest in their wives? And what can you do when your husband loses interest in you?
Let’s explore and discuss.
What Do Husbands Want From Their Wives?
Marriage is all fun and sex is amazing for the initial few years. But marriages do not stay like this forever and the initial honeymoon phase wears out. To keep a marriage healthy, strong and full of love and vibrance requires a lot of work; hard work at that.
Related reading: The top 3 reasons why couples keep fighting about the same things
Most couples take marriage for granted; they do not tend to woo each other anymore or appreciate their spouses. As responsibilities take increase, couples drift away. Add a baby or two to the equation and you have your disaster recipe almost ready. Your physical appearance changes, your priorities change and YOU change. This is not what a husband wants.
A husband wants a woman who still feels excited at the idea of spending time with him the way she used to. Someone who would occasionally pass him a sexy wink or flirt with a sensual remark.
Men like women who keep themselves happy, but they do not want to be responsible for it all the time.
When a wife keeps on accusing her husband of not giving enough attention and time or not trying to make her happy, he withdraws from her. The excitement and romance of a relationship cannot be intense forever so you must ensure that you are getting fulfillment from your personal social and professional life. If you are not content with your life you will find ways to blame your husband and enter a vicious cycle of negativity.
As a wife, and as a woman, you can still save your relationship if you understand why your spouse does not touch you as often. If any of the below reasons fit the bill, then you know what to do.
8 Reasons Husbands Lose Interest In Their Wives
Chances are, his lost interest can be revived provided you identify the problem and work on it. Marriage is an everyday effort, much like raising a baby. You have to nurture it, care for it, and show love every day to get to the finish line with each other happy and satisfied.
1. You make him responsible for your happiness, ALWAYS
You may say, “He has to think about what makes me happy and do that!”
But this is not true. You are responsible for your happiness, and being dependent on your husband for ensuring your happiness all the time will only put undue pressure on him and he will slowly withdraw. The secret to a happy marriage is keeping yourself happy – and when a man feels his wife is happy, he feels strong and powerful. This, in turn, manifests itself into a desire.
2. You no longer take care of how you look
Age, baby, lifestyle, responsibility, stress – everything changes the way you look. You might have
It is not uncommon for women to gain weight post marriage and not invest as much in your physical appearance. Women often look at themselves in the mirror and don’t recognize themselves anymore. Take out some time in your schedule to treat yourself to a spa day or indulge in some retail therapy and buy yourself a flattering outfit or new make-up. Taking time for yourself does not make you a selfish homemaker or a bad mother. If anything, it makes you a good one!
3. When you talk, there is more cribbing and less talking
It’s Saturday evening. The kids are asleep. You decide to have a drink or two. And you have time to talk.
What do you talk about?
In-laws and how they have been mean to you all this time? Tension and conflict at work? A friend is on a vacation while you are just busy attending to the kids? Did you consider taking a walk down memory lane and talking about the good times you have had together? Or your next vacation plan? Or ask your husband about how things are going at work? When do you get to cook together again? Or the economy maybe?
Cribbing and complaining during the precious time that you get together will only make your husband avoid any conversation with you. Your husband will lose interest in you and slowly being to tear away at the foundation of your marriage. Your partner must look forward to talking to you and it should not feel like a chore.
Related Reading: 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic
4. You never appreciate anything he does
All humans long for appreciation every once in a while. While women are more vocal and may seek out compliments on their own, men are not so open with their emotions. Lack of expression does not translate into a lack of emotions.
You must keep on appreciating the small things your husband does. Thank him for making your life easy in his little ways. Pass him a few thank you notes here and there. Appreciate him for being there for you.
A recently divorced woman, who left her husband for being indifferent, shared her regrets with us. After a few years of marriage her husband had stopped making grand romantic gestures like surprising her with expensive gifts or luxurious holidays but this did not mean he did not care for her or love her. In her new single life, she says she misses the way her husband would always worry whether she made it home or not. She misses the way he pampered her when she was not feeling well or the way he listened to her rant when she was angry. Learn from her and don’t ignore the small gestures that make your marriage a happy one.
Remember, there are many ways to bring back the romance in your marriage.
5. You constantly nag him
Men are lazy. Well, most are. That’s a trait – and you cannot change it. But when you continuously nag him, he becomes stubborn. Nagging damages a relationship and it never works. Expressing your disappointment and negative emotions through nagging only harbours resentment. As a result, he might shun you or lose interest in you.
Instead, trust your husband and motivate him to do things he is supposed to. If you are criticizing him then make sure it is done in a constructive manner and you are sharing ways he can improve his behavior. Do not get angry and say hurtful things. You also must remember to be able to take any feedback your husband gives you positively.
Related reading: 12 Reasons why men have extramarital affairs
6. You have fun at his expense in front of friends or relatives
If you are guilty of making fun of your husband when his friends or relatives visit you, then do not blame him for being emotionally detached from you. Airing your husband’s faults or flaws in public, and then saying you ‘didn’t mean it’ can be more hurtful than you think. Playful teasing is one thing and being mean about his insecurities is another.
It can be humiliating for your husband when you put him down and mock him in front of his friends or relatives. Taking cheap shots at him will only make him distant and withdrawn from you. This will also discourage him from sharing his vulnerabilities with you in the future and will ruin the intimacy of your marriage.
7. You have CHANGED your priorities
Well-behaved, well-dressed kids. A spick-and-span, clean and tidy house. A cake in the oven.
If that is all you think and talk about, then my friend, you are not the woman your husband married! If you are one of those women who prioritise children and a clean house over some quality time with your husband, then you might be making a mistake. Life is about creating a balance. Your marriage is as important as the well-being of the kids and you must give this some time too.
And no, I am not talking about leaving your kids unattended or making a garage in the house. You just need to know where to draw the line and have the right priorities for a successful long-term marriage.
Related Reading: 13 Things To Do When Your Husband Ignores You
8. You both are leading stressful work lives
Professional tension is bound to seep into your home and take over your personal life. Work commitment can sometimes outweigh our promises to self and family. You are working 24X7, you are stressed, your colleague is most likely to get the promotion this year too, and you cut a sorry figure.
Enough to send any man or woman into a panic attack. It is very important to be clear about your work and work expectations to survive in this highly competitive world with a sane mind. Support each other through tough times and see the magic work. If you don’t then both of you will lose interest in each other and drift apart.
Start with finding your happiness with you, the rest will follow.
What to do when your husband loses interest in you?
Give him the space that he needs but at the same time try to be attentive. Find time to enjoy yourself and don’t keep nagging and cribbing. Be his partner in everything he does and try to develop an interest in the things he likes like tennis and cricket. You can win his heart by making him happy as well. There are times because of the pressures of life you might feel he has lost interest in you but that could be just a temporary phase. When he gives you renewed attention bask in it. There are ways you can make your husband fall in love with you again.