The “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz is here to clear all your doubts about the buzzword ‘gaslighting’. Have you watched the Netflix series, You? The toxic protagonist, Joe, keeps stalking and manipulating the female characters in the series, to an extent that they start doubting their own sanity. He lies, dismisses their feelings, emotionally projects, and uses their emotions against them.
Just like in the series, there is nothing more hazardous than abuse going unnoticed in a relationship. Nine times out of ten, emotional abuse gets out of hand before it is identified and stopped. Chances are, even if you can’t put a finger on a partner’s emotionally manipulative and abusive ways, you’ve got an inkling that something is amiss. Perhaps, it has got you wondering, “Am I being gaslighted by my partner?” And if that is the case, how can you confirm your intuition?
You’re in the right place because we’ve got your back with this “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz designed by consultant psychologist Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), who is a gender and relationship management expert. We’re exploring the different facets of gaslighting, along with their implications for you. Let’s begin by defining gaslighting – it is an extreme form of manipulation that falls under psychological abuse.
Being gaslighted can make an individual question their perceptive and cognitive faculties, driving them to intense self-doubt. Needless to say, gaslighting is best spotted at its preliminary stages. Take the “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz with an open mind for an evenhanded assessment of your situation. The first step toward healing is acceptance. Here we go!
The Ultimate “Am I Being Gaslighting?” Quiz Designed By Experts
A reader from Minnesota wrote, “Am I being gaslighted or am I crazy? My boyfriend has been unhappy with me for a while. I kept thinking it was me, that I was not enough… But a few instances have made me realize that he guilts me for absolutely everything. Am I being gaslighted by my boyfriend? How can I get a sense of what exactly is going on? And more importantly, should I even worry about this?”
The first problem associated with gaslighting is that people undermine its impact. Jaseena explains, “Gaslighting is not taken as seriously as it should be because it is often masked as love, concern, and care. People don’t realize that there is an abusive mechanism in place. Maybe they have seen this behavior growing up and it has been normalized for them. Or maybe they ignore gaslighting because they think it reflects patience or tolerance on their end.”
And hence, gaslighting spirals, impacting all spheres of the individual’s life. To prevent this in yours, educate yourself on manipulation disguised as romance. The best way to begin is by taking this “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz. Our format is quite simple – we have 10 multiple-choice questions. You choose the answer most relevant to your situation. Once you finish, there’s an analysis given on the basis of your most chosen option. We spot the pattern you’ve been struggling with. Here’s the quiz that will answer this difficult question that’s been troubling you – Am I being gaslighted by my spouse/partner?
Instructions On Taking The “Am I Being Gaslighted?” Quiz
- This quiz has 10 questions and will approximately take 7 minutes
- Please read the questions of the gaslighting test carefully
- Be very honest with yourself when you take the “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz
- This quiz holds true for friendships, familial relationships, and even coworkers
- Don’t treat this quiz as the only litmus test
- Seek help from a licensed therapist as gaslighting is a form of abuse
1. Do you find yourself experiencing guilt and/or making gestures of an apology to them?
A. YES! All the time
B. Yes, but not always
C. No, I don’t know what you’re talking about
2. If you voice a complaint to your partner, how are they most likely to respond?
A. “You’re being too sensitive.”
B. “What’s the need to complain? There’s much to be grateful for.”
C. “We should talk about this in depth, tell me more.”
3. Do you second-guess your perspective because your partner believes something else to be the truth?
A. Yes, I’m almost always confused about my version of events
B. Yes, I occasionally doubt my perspective
C. No, I’m fairly confident in the way I see things
4. When your partner makes a mistake, do they assume responsibility for their behavior?
A. No, they never admit they’re at fault
B. No, they usually rationalize their behavior
C. Yes, they take accountability for their actions
5. Are your discussions and arguments one-sided, with your partner assuming they’re right?
A. Yes, they automatically think I’m wrong and don’t let me speak
B. Yes, it takes them a lot of time to see my perspective
C. No, they’re open to my views
6. How often does your partner use gaslighting phrases like, “Look what you made me do” or “This is happening because of you”?
A. Very frequently; I’m always made to assume responsibility for their behavior
B. Occasionally; I’m sometimes blamed when things go wrong
C. Never; I am not responsible for their choices
7. Are you told to ‘stop’ being insecure/dramatic/sensitive when you point out a misgiving?
A. Absolutely; I am told that the problem lies with how I feel
B. Occasionally; I am dismissed by my partner
C. Never; my feelings are not invalidated
Related Reading: Responding To Gaslighting – 9 Realistic Tips
8. Does your partner exhibit a pattern of constantly criticizing you?
A. Yes, I often feel like I am not good enough
B. Yes, I’m sporadically subjected to unwarranted remarks
C. No, the criticism is always constructive (when given)
9. Have you begun doubting your capabilities more and more these days?
A. Yes, I’m very uncertain of myself. What if I’m doing things wrong?
B. Yes, my self-esteem has taken a few minor hits
C. No, I’m confident of my capabilities
10. And finally, here’s a situation: Your partner bailed on a dinner with your parents at the last minute, citing work reasons. You knew for a fact that their meeting could’ve waited. When you confront them about the same, how do they react?
A. They blame you for not understanding what they’re going through at work and tell you how unsupportive you are
B. Your partner guilts you for not being sympathetic enough to their situation and give a pseudo-apology
C. They apologize and give you an honest answer which explains their absence
Results – Am I Being Gaslighted By My Partner?
We bet the “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz gave you some serious food for thought. But now it’s time to cast all doubt away as you proceed to the results. We’re cruising straight into which stage of gaslighting you’re at and what it entails. Am I being gaslighted by my wife, you ask? Is my husband gaslighting me, you might wonder. Or is my girlfriend/boyfriend/long-term partner a gaslighter? Here comes the analysis of the “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz.
1. If you chose mostly As
If the question “Was I gaslighted?” has been bothering you, your instincts were not wrong after all. You’ve got a problem on your hands – you’re being gaslighted in a severe and toxic manner. Your partner is using various tactics to manipulate you (e.g. gaslighting phrases) and this is already taking a toll on your well-being. If this hasn’t already commenced, Jaseena explains what will happen in the near future:
“The person who is gaslighted feels worthless and confused. They will start questioning reality as they perceive it and their self-worth will naturally suffer. And to add to all of this, they’ll be frustrated with the situation, their partner, and the relationship. There will be an acute realization that feeling this way is not normal – but what exactly will they do about it? Here begins a vicious cycle that feeds into their negative state of mind.”
Related Reading: 9 Common Narcissist Gaslighting Examples We Hope You Never Hear
Gaslighting has a domino effect on a person’s life. If you’re already experiencing disillusionment and defeat, things will only go further downhill with every passing day. But at least you’re aware of what’s happening; you were wise to take the “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz. When you kept asking your friends, “Was I gaslighted?”, it came from a place of self-awareness.
So, getting straight As might make your parents proud when it’s a school exam, but in this gaslighting test, your result calls for some introspection. In such cases, stay close to people who remind you how worthy and deserving you are. Also, meditate and exercise to calm your mind. We hope this quiz has given you a reality check. You can stop with the denial and gather the courage to call your partner out or even leave them.
2. If you chose mostly Bs
While your relationship does not qualify as toxic, the preliminary signs of gaslighting are very clearly visible. You are just in time for some damage control. Jaseena explains, “Watch out for two warning signs – self-doubt and taking accountability for mistakes that aren’t your own. They are harbingers of gaslighting in the relationship. Although the frequency or intensity of such instances might be less, you do have a cause for concern.”
Firstly, kudos for picking up on these subtle signs of gaslighting. It’s truly remarkable that you noticed them and are alert about your relationship’s health. It’s not too late to work on things and heal from unhealthy situations. A little help and some open communication should help you break this pattern and steer your relationship toward healthier territory.
Keep in mind that research says that a gaslighter would try to break your introspective mirror so that you end up doubting yourself. Gaslighters use tactics like denial, misdirection, contraction, and lying. So, if you see early signs of questioning your own sanity, start working on it with your partner because it can turn toxic.
If the question, “Am I being gaslighted or am I crazy?”, keeps reappearing in your head in the near future, bring it to your partner’s notice. The root of this issue is your partner’s need to control or gain power over you. Working with a licensed therapist can help them immensely.
3. If you chose mostly Cs
You don’t have anything to worry about if you mostly got Cs in the “Am I being gaslighted?” quiz. Your relationship is healthy and well-functioning and possesses all the must-have qualities which make life bliss. Your answers seem to suggest that there are no instances of disrespect or abusive tendencies in the relationship. The two of you are mature about handling conflict and navigating the curveballs life throws at you. May there be love and laughter in your bond always.
But there is no harm in keeping a list handy, just in case. Here are some examples of gaslighting phrases to make it easier for you to answer the question, “Am I gaslighting or being gaslighted?”
- “You are always making a big deal out of things. It’s not even that big a problem.”
- “You are a psycho. You are always imagining things.”
- “Your problems are not real. Stop being so dramatic.”
- “You don’t give enough in this relationship. I’m the only one who cares.”
- “I’m not dealing with your drama again. You are neurotic.”
- “We talked about this. Don’t you remember?”
- “If only you would ever pay attention…”
- “You never listen to a word I say.”
- “I have to keep repeating myself since you can’t remember anything.”
- “You can’t even take a simple joke.”
- “I criticize you because I love you.”
- “You are always overthinking.”
- “I find it impossible to deal with someone who doesn’t trust me.”
- “You need to learn to communicate better.”
- “You are always irrational.”
If your answers were mostly Cs, you can heave a sigh of relief and relax. You aren’t being gaslighted by your partner. On the other hand, if your answers were As and Bs, seeking professional help can do you a world of good. If you’re looking for help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you. Many couples have emerged from emotionally abusive relationships with the aid of a mental health expert.