Ah, boyfriends! Those cute humans can stir your soul with the depth of their emotions one day and pull a disappearing act the other. They can spoil you with their affection, and leave you mad with their antics. You will find yourself nodding along to this if your boyfriend is distant all of a sudden. More so, if you have been in a relationship that has been as steady as a rock.
Was your relationship doing well when one day, your boyfriend appeared to be a little distant? Then he started pulling away, showing less interest in the relationship. You panic and wonder, “My boyfriend is distant but says nothing is wrong. What could be the reason? What should I do now?” Well, to begin with, you can scroll down to read these tips that we have for you in order to handle the situation more effectively.
Why Is My Boyfriend Distant?
While it is not possible to read your boyfriend’s mind (how we wish it were!), you can certainly try to understand why your boyfriend is acting weird and distant. You might be too alarmed and distressed by this pulling away act. It is normal to even feel abandoned under such circumstances.
So first things first – do not take the onus for everything that happens in your relationship. Don’t think of yourself as the culprit. There could be other reasons your boyfriend is distant. When a guy slows down communication, it need not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. So when you feel distant from your boyfriend, attempt to pin down the reasons. Some of the common ones are:
- Mental detox: He needs some space. Your guy might be stuck in a rut. Workload, stifling family, deadlines, failure in life, or a general feeling of discontent – any or all of these might be stripping away his peace. Your boyfriend is acting weird and distant because he is going through a mental detox
- Fears/insecurities: When he becomes distant and cold, he could actually be preventing his relationship fears and insecurities from surfacing. Overwhelmed by his feelings, he might have crawled back into his cocoon
- Mental health issues: Mental health conditions can often play spoilsports in our lives. When your boyfriend is distant but still texts or, alternatively, your boyfriend takes forever to text back, it could be his health that’s preventing him from communicating regularly
- Commitment phobia: Your boyfriend is distant but doesn’t want to break up because he has commitment issues. He loves you and yet is afraid of committing to you
Related Reading: 9 Signs Of Commitment Issues And 5 Ways To Deal With It
My Boyfriend Is Distant But Says Nothing Is Wrong – What To Do
Avoid jumping to any conclusion based on assumptions. Trust him (and your gut feeling) when you see your boyfriend is distant but doesn’t want to break up. And no, when your boyfriend is acting weird and distant, it need not mean that he is ghosting you. Without crashing your sanity, take a new route and steer the situation deftly. Follow some of these handy tips when you feel distant from your boyfriend:
1. Determine – Is your boyfriend distant or are ‘you’ feeling distant?
There is a thin line between the two. Read the fine print. Consider this – you begin your day texting him ‘good morning’ and asking him to catch up in the evening over a cup of coffee.
- Did he leave your message on seen without replying?
- Or, did his reply come in too late to go for the coffee date which made you go “Ugh, my boyfriend takes forever to text back! Why is he getting increasingly distant from me?”
Is he trying to burn the bridges and sever all communication? Or he is genuinely too busy to meet you? Why was ‘not trusting him’ your first reaction? Are you the one who’s emotionally distant from him? Analyzing the situation with a calm and composed mind will take many of your worries off your plate.
2. Give him the space he needs
When a guy slows down communication, he might be craving some space. Anxiety and apprehensions stemming from an apparent loss of freedom can trigger the pulling away act.
22-year-old Kelly and her boyfriend Rob, 21, are madly in love with each other. They catch up every day, either in the park, on their way to college, or at the local farmer’s market. This daily ritual, though decided by them both, made Rob miss the fun and revelries of his boys’ night outs. He gradually started caspering her; he would reply to her texts regularly but would hardly ever meet up.
Her boyfriend is distant but still texts her. What do you think went wrong here?
- Is Rob calling it quits with Kelly?
- Is Kelly being too clingy and demanding in the relationship by insisting on meeting up every day?
- Is it that Rob needs some personal space and so, he is distant but still texts?
Needless to say, the last option seems the most logical. What Rob could have done here is have a mature conversation with Kelly. They could have set their expectations mutually, instead of Rob hurting his partner’s feelings by not being forthcoming.
3. Reassure him of your love
When he becomes distant and cold, you can trace the root cause and work on it. He might be going through a lot that is leaving him mentally exhausted.
A Reddit user talked about her boyfriend becoming distant after losing his job during the pandemic. She says, “I let him know I’m here when and if he needs to talk to me. I think seeing other people’s relationships feeds my insecurities but I have to remind myself that once we get to a period of more stability it will feel better…I just know that he needs me to hang on.”
Sometimes, the simplest of words can soothe an aching heart. A simple gesture of lending your shoulder to lean on does the trick.
Related Reading: 18 Things To Say To Reassure Your Boyfriend About Your Relationship
My Boyfriend Acting Distant But Says He Loves Me – What To Do
Boyfriend acting distant but says he loves me – this might sound like an oxymoron, but it does stand true when it comes to relationships. Your boyfriend might not have anything against you, yet it feels like he’s pulled away a little.
When does a turtle retreat into its shell? When it feels threatened, insecure, or when it wants to rest for a while. Consider your boyfriend to be in the same situation. He is withdrawing into his cocoon because either he is fighting his insecurities in the relationship or he is emotionally drained and is in need of some mental peace. But the good news is that there are a few things you can do to help him come out of his cocoon:
4. Spice up your relationship
Relationships can get monotonous and routined. Boredom trickles in through crevices and sooner than you realize, you find your love boat sinking. When he becomes distant and cold, you know he is looking for an anchor to hold this boat steadfast.
- Rekindle the romance: Throw in some romance, add a dash of fun, shake things up with the zest of love (and lust!), spice it up with activities, and give your relationship a nice mix
- Reassure with your presence: The widening gap between you two might leave you wondering, “What to text a guy who has gone quiet? He won’t talk to me at all!” Such scenarios don’t call for a full-length conversation. The remedy is your reassuring presence. Send him a text that will make him smile, reminding him of your soothing presence in his life
- Go on dates: A Reddit user observes that this happens when couples “are not going on exciting dates anymore and trying new things together. The spark of excitement has left and the honeymoon phase is coming to an end.” The solution? The user adds, “You solve this by lighting the spark again and going on dates and doing things you have not done before.”
5. Spend quiet time together
When a guy slows down communication, some quiet can comfort him. Silence can be the most eloquent expression of feelings. In a study conducted by the National Library of Medicine, it was found that silence had positive effects on individuals under observation. It was found that silence and quietude can significantly increase relaxation and improve mood states. To quote from the study, “Exposure to silence can be effective in therapeutic and educational contexts to promote relaxation and well-being.”
A person who is distant but still texts needs the solace of a conversation without indulging too much in one. Even though he is shying away from a discussion, he seeks comfort through texts.
My close friend Nick, who is also my neighbor, has been in a relationship with Kayne for 10 months. During one of our 4 a.m. conversations, he spoke about Kayne, “My boyfriend is distant but says nothing is wrong. Apparently, he loves me and doesn’t want to break up. But I just don’t get it – he is distant but still texts.” The agony aunt in me thus advised:
- Quality time love language: Spend quality time together, devoid of all distractions. A still and calm aura can help him express what he is going through. Even if he doesn’t, don’t rush him into opening up
- Stay in touch via texts: Considering that he is distant but still texts, it can be gathered that texting is his comfort zone. Try to maximize on that. Still wondering what to text a guy who has gone quiet? Take a cue from our list of 23 things to text when the conversation dies
6. Stay sane and happy
This is the most important one in the rulebook – work toward your sanity and happiness. Do not compromise on self-love. Instead of getting embroiled in the cat-and-mouse chase, adapt to the situation. Overanalyzing it will trap you in an infinite loop.
- Indulge in a hobby: Take your time off. Do what you enjoy the most. Hang in there until your partner decides to take a U-turn toward you. Take that pottery class you’ve always wanted to. Learn to play a musical instrument. The idea is to keep yourself creatively occupied
- Positive affirmations: Guard yourself against negativity. Put an end to those nagging thoughts. Stay motivated with relationship affirmations that exude positivity
- Love yourself: Pamper yourself with love till your partner returns. You deserve all the love and care, as much as your boyfriend does. Take care of your well-being and happiness
Related Reading: How To Love Yourself – 21 Self Love Tips
Boyfriend Is Distant But Still Texts
Your boyfriend might be distancing himself from you, probably taking his time off, yet keeping in touch through texts. There could be valid reasons for this; reasons other than him considering breaking up with you. Insecurities and experiences from the past often creep up to haunt the present, casting its dark shadow over the existing relationships.
- Old wounds: I once found myself wondering, “My boyfriend is distant but says nothing is wrong. Is this a red flag?” Although he stopped texting me first, he did reply to me. As it turned out, a chance encounter with his ex left his past wounds reopened. His retraction was a defense mechanism against the emotional injuries
- Insecurity: Another instance was my fortuitous encounter with my ex, which again led my boyfriend, Carl, to retract with no explanation. Even though both my ex and I had moved on in our respective lives, Carl seemed disturbed by this friendly happenstance. Insecurity got the better of him, leaving him bewildered. Hence, he pulled away as a means to process his feelings
- Solution: The solution to both the above scenarios is communication. Talking and expressing oneself to iron out the creases is the remedy to the problem. A Reddit user highlights the significance of communication– “If your partner is struggling with stress or mental health issues or anything else that may be bothering them, communicating with them about it can help you figure out what you need to do to help them, even if it means giving them more space than you think they needed.”
Is Your Boyfriend Distant Or Are You Overthinking?
Overthinking can ruin your relationship more than you can ever imagine. Overthinking is like quicksand, the moment you step into it, you get sucked in. Try finding answers to the following questions before jumping to conclusions:
- Is your boyfriend really distant or is it your love-lorn mind playing games with you?
- Is he genuinely busy and maybe feeling anxious/insecure?
- Is it a momentary distance or one with a lasting impact?
- Is he severing all ties with you or are the communication channels open?
- Is he cheating or are you overthinking?
There is a difference between a comma and a full stop – while the latter signifies an ending, the former denotes a break or a pause. Identify which one is applicable to your relationship.
- Your boyfriend might be distant because he needs space or is feeling overwhelmed.
- Any of his past insecurities might be haunting him.
- Cut him some slack and give him space.
- Reassure him of your love.
- Effectively communicate and understand him better.
Avoid falling into the maze of overanalysis. Instead of offering a way out, it can lead you to dead ends, wrong turns, and unknown destinations. Having a boyfriend who is distant does sound worrying. But there could be valid reasons that triggered this behavior. Trace the reasons and troubleshoot the problem. There is always a silver lining waiting to be stumbled upon.
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