Why is communication important in a relationship? Well, for starters, if the two of you are unable to convey your feelings to one another, what exactly are you going to work toward? To nurture a bond and create a lasting connection, one has to feel a strong sense of hold and a sense of closeness. Without healthy communication which eventually leads to good understanding – you might be left misconstruing, misunderstanding or even lacking the knowledge of many things.
Not every conversation has to be scintillating or epiphanic. Sometimes merely listening to your partner well enough over some tea and biscuits is enough to understand them and their needs a little better. Communication involves listening as well as expressing. To truly have a good marriage or a relationship – as a partner, you must ensure that you master both.
However, sometimes we get so caught up in the game of ego and anger that we lose sight of prioritizing the important things like good communication. And when we are finally old and feeling distant in a relationship, we think of how we could have done things differently. Sadly, by then, it is already too late. Read the following story to understand how stubbornness to not communicate well with your partner might befall a strain in your relationship.
The Importance Of Communication In A Relationship
Having a woman as the domestic help or to help out with chores becomes really essential when you are handling two kids at home. My sister was born 5 years after me and taking care of me was really strenuous for my mother. And so Bimala Maasi was introduced to us as a caretaker.
She was a widow in her late 50s when I first met her. She became a full-time domestic helper for us. She was very soft-spoken and I liked her immensely. Soon she was our confidante and I used to love spending time with her. It was as easy as spending time with close friends. She took care of me but was also a very good cook and gradually my mother and Maasi became very good friends. My mother started discussing everything with her, even her problems with my father.
My parents did not practice good communication in a relationship
My father was a teacher and used to take extra classes in batches. Every morning before going to school he would take 3 batches of an hour each, then 4 batches after school. So he was always busy with his students. He wasn’t a bad father, as he always took care of the entire family but he had no time. This was the problem my mother discussed with Bimala Maasi time and again. Maasi used to empathize with her. Because of spending so much time apart, my parents lacked the good communication in a relationship that a couple should ideally have.
He’d come home late at night, eat dinner and go straight to bed. He would never ask my mother how she was doing and after a point, even my mother only fulfilled the basic role of a wife for him and nothing else. It was almost like a domestic partnership without any feelings. She was so busy with me and my sister that she stopped paying attention to my father. Even Bimala Maasi’s entry into our lives made her grow even more distant from my father. She stopped bothering to find an answer to the ‘how to talk to your partner?’ question. It was like she was done trying with him.
My mother grew even more distant from my father
Gradually, Bimala Maasi and my mother bonded so well that my mother stopped cribbing about my father being so busy. To talk to your partner, you need willingness on both sides. Since that was clearly lacking in her marriage, she found friendship in Bimala Maasi. They would chat about anything and everything for hours, just like a husband and wife usually do. They had similar shopping habits and would often go out with my sister and I. The four of us had become a team; fun and laughter was the only thing we knew.
Over the years, as I grew up, Maasi wanted to leave our work and our house, as she had purchased a plot of land and built a house. Her son, who grew up in the village with relatives, was now earning as well. So after much persuasion, my father let her go and move on in her life. My mother was not happy, but agreed, as after all Maasi was nearing 65.
Even after she left, she used to come every day in the morning when her son went to work and stay with us the whole day. The fun continued still and we were all like one big family. One day she didn’t come to our place and my mother was frantic. In the evening Maasi’s son showed up to tell us that her gas stove had burst and she was in the hospital.
We rushed to the hospital to check on her but were not allowed to meet her. A day later, our lovely Maasi passed away because of the complications caused by the accident. I had never seen my mother cry in such a manner. Even when my maternal grandma had passed away, she did not yell and squeal so much. Bimala Maasi was truly no less than a sister to her. She was crying uncontrollably and saying, “Who will I talk to now?”
Talk To Your Partner
That entire incident was a turning point for me. It changed my understanding of romantic partnerships and why is communication important in a relationship. I understood the meaning of a communication bond between individuals that day. My mother, from then on, became a woman of very words. Sharing feelings with your partner, to talk to your partner openly is something everyone yearns for. She never had that connection with my father.
And as time passed, she also became hard of hearing. She would talk with my sister and I only if she had to vent. My father was, as usual, busy and an emotionally distant spouse as well.
In 2004, when my father retired, all of a sudden things changed, as he was no longer busy and had much more free time. I thought this is the time my parents will finally have more time to give each other and will understand the importance of communication in a relationship. He then took to talking with my mother to pass the time.
But the tables had turned. By now my mother was least interested to talk, as she was happy with her own life and found solace in other things. And since she had developed a hearing problem, my father had to repeat himself many times to make her understand, which took the charm out of the conversation.
The craving to talk with her partner had died in my mother, while it had just started for my father. He had finally started indulging in those relationship talks you should have and was trying to be a better husband. But she didn’t even know how to talk to her partner. My mother had become inverted within herself and preferred to stay that way.
My mother never behaved ill with my father or vice-versa, but there was a deep communication gap between the two of them. In the past, when my mother wore a new saree and looked for a compliment, it was Maasi and me who were there to give it, rather than my father. Their marriage had none of the relationship qualities that a good marriage should possess.
Today, when my father compliments her even without her asking or brings up other things couples should talk about, he has to compensate for his past errors by repeating the compliment at least three times to make her understand and make her believe it. I sometimes play the mediator, as my mother seems to lip-read my speech better than my father’s.
Try talking to your partner now, before it’s too late and you no longer can because the tide has already passed.
Absolutely not. Then it is only a relationship in name and not in essence. There are many things couples should talk about, understand and work out between themselves if they want to keep each other happy.
Good communication is not only about sharing feelings with a partner. It is about being receptive to their emotions and gauging their needs from the same. What good is hearing them out when you do not take it seriously?
As often as you can. There are plenty of reasons why is communication important in a relationship. It is the very foundation of any kind of romantic partnership or marriage. Listening to your partner well and being honest about your own feelings is key to creating a happy life with your partner.