11 Expert Tips To Stop Being Obsessed With Someone

how to stop being obsessed with someone

No matter what pop culture says, having somebody live in your head ‘rent-free’ is not cool. Obsession can spiral in a short span, causing manifold problems for the obsessed individual as well as their object of admiration. Having conversations about this subject is becoming more important by the moment in our fast-paced, digital era which unknowingly fuels addictive behavior. So, what are the signs of fixation? And how to stop being obsessed with someone?

We’re discussing the different facets of obsession with insights from psychologist Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couples counseling. A mental health professional is the best person to guide you through this tumultuous phase in your life. We appreciate the first step you have taken by acknowledging your obsession – healing begins with acceptance. 

Let’s embark on this journey of knowledge and recovery. While a few things might be difficult to come to terms with, do read till the end. We promise to make it worth your while as you learn how to stop being obsessed with someone. 

Signs Of Being Obsessed With Someone

Before we talk about how to stop being obsessed with someone, it’s essential to understand what obsession means. It is characterized by some hallmark behavior patterns and thought processes. Nandita explains, “There are a few preliminary signs one can watch out for. It all begins with the amount of time you invest in thinking about them or being with them. These thoughts are very intrusive and hamper your health – they affect the way you eat, drink, sleep, and work. It’s best to be mindful of the warning signs of obsession.”

And how true is that? Educating yourself about the psychology behind obsession is vital – it prevents you from slipping into unhealthy patterns. Let’s take a quick look at these signs before we discuss how to stop being obsessed with someone:

1. Jealousy and controlling behavior

Which among us has not become a green-eyed monster once in our life? While jealousy is a natural feeling, obsession makes one act on it in unnatural ways. For instance, the object of your admiration is speaking to a person of the opposite gender. You will immediately perceive a threat and imagine the very worst scenarios. Moreover, if the individual is known to you, you will try and control their actions as far as possible. You won’t know how to deal with jealousy in the relationship.

Driven by a need to keep them to yourself, you will breach healthy boundaries, disrupt their life, and destroy your psychological equilibrium. This might manifest in small ways initially – provoking them against other people or spreading a rumor. But with time, this can take an ugly turn with you forbidding them to speak to others. In a nutshell, intense jealousy and a need to control the other’s life is one of the biggest signs of being obsessed with someone. 

2. Stalking and monitoring activity

With the widespread use of social media, people get obsessed with things easily; feeding into your worst tendencies, the internet is a boon for your addiction. This leaves more and more people asking, “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?” Nandita says, “Monitoring someone is so easy these days – their location, activity, photos, etc. are a click away. These reinforce obsessive thoughts and don’t let the person break away from the cycle. Virtual stalking is not to be taken lightly with regard to obsession.”

If you find a spike in your Instagram or Facebook activity, don’t be too surprised. These are the most accessible avenues for information on the individual you like. To confirm whether you are obsessed with someone, keep an eye on your cyber patterns. They will reveal all you need to know. Besides the virtual setting, obsession can even trigger more overt stalking activities like following people around or trying to talk to them incessantly. 

Related Reading: Is Limerence Toxic Love? 7 Signs That Say So

3. Intense emotional impact

Virginia Woolf wrote, “All extremes of feeling are allied with madness.” Obsession tends to adversely impact your emotional health. Your emotional state gets linked to the other person’s actions. If they dismiss you in a group setting, you sulk for the next few days. If they happen to send a text, you are jubilant at their attempt to communicate. When your happiness relies on somebody else completely, it is a recipe for disaster. 

The key problem of obsession is that it makes you lose control of yourself. If you notice your mood changing as per your interest’s behavior toward you, be on high alert – this is extremely inadvisable. Your emotional health goes for a toss in such a situation. Needless to say, obsession can dynamite your well-being. You forget how to love yourself independently. Keep reading to find out how to stop being obsessed with someone.

4. Constant attempts at communication 

Did you bombard them with texts? Or make up an excuse to see them by yourself? You just can’t wait to see them, can you? I hope you realize how unhealthy (and uncomfortable) this is. A big sign of obsession, constant attempts at communication are harmful to both the propagator and the receiver. 

Nandita explains, “When someone is on your mind constantly, you can’t function optimally. You try and contact them or find ways to be with them. When this doesn’t happen, when they don’t meet your expectations, a lot of frustration arises. But they aren’t obliged to fulfill your hopes or keep you happy.” A great way of understanding this sign is recalling the popular web show You. Joe Goldberg is a shining example of a liking gone too far. 

We hope this has helped you self-assess. Are you exhibiting any of these symptoms? Well, you can rest assured now – the next segment does some serious troubleshooting and gives you 11 (yes, 11!) tips on how to stop being obsessed with someone. Some of them are bound to click with you. Get ready to detox your mind with these phenomenal guidelines.

why am I obsessed with someone I barely know
Constant attempts at communication are a dead giveaway of obsession

How To Stop Being Obsessed With Someone – 11 Expert Tips

Now that you’ve grasped the meaning of obsession, we can proceed toward the damage control section. There’s one question on our minds: How to stop being obsessed with someone?’ As you read through these ways of recovery, remember that there’s no ticking clock in place – you can implement them at your own pace and time. Healing is rarely linear and never neat. There’s no pressure to check these items off a to-do list. 

Don’t approach these mechanisms from a place of intense self-hatred. Hold the intention of wanting to get better for yourself. Shift the priority from another individual to yourself. Then, take a look at these 11 ways that teach you how to stop being obsessed with someone:

1. Set aside those rose-tinted glasses and take them off the pedestal

When you are obsessed with someone, there is a two-pronged tendency to glorify and romanticize the individual in question. They become flawless in your mind’s eye and you get a little starstruck. Their mistakes are rationalized to a large extent because they’ve become an invincible god. You don’t stand any criticism against them. 

Hence, a good way to stop being obsessed with someone is by viewing them from an objective lens. See them as mere mortals who err like the rest of us. Are they rude to waiters or cashiers? Do they have anger issues? Or are they addicted to social media? Concentrating on their flaws will help you perceive them on an equal footing.

2. How can you stop being obsessed with someone? Look into your emotional baggage

Nandita says, “Obsession is a reflection of deeper problems within yourself. It becomes easy to overcome obsessive thoughts when you take stock of your emotional baggage. It could be a case of low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, or past experiences. The root of your obsession lies elsewhere and it is imperative to introspect and find out what it is.”

Instead of directing your energy toward someone who isn’t reciprocating your feelings, look within and figure out where things are going wrong. No one places undue importance on other people for no reason – try and answer the ‘why’ of your obsession. Sit by yourself and look at your behavior patterns or tendencies. Conducting a self-assessment through the red flags of obsession is a wise step forward.

3. Maintain physical and virtual distance 

A reader from Milwaukee wrote, “He was a classmate since middle school but we only knew each other from afar. I had always been into him big time. When I ran into him at a café years later, I realized I’d never really gotten over the crush. In the coming weeks, I stalked his Instagram, located his place of work, and frequented the café to run into him. Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?”

Like we’ve said before, obsession has become easier in our tech-savvy world. Steering clear of the individual’s online accounts is a wise choice. It prevents you from having recurring thoughts, making rash choices, or acting on your obsession. Isn’t this why people say you should block your ex? You can’t stop being obsessed with someone unless you put some distance between you two.

4. Rely on your social circle 

Your friends and family can contribute to your recovery significantly when you are trying to stop being obsessed with someone. Nandita explains, “Talking to your close ones always helps. Speak your heart out to a friend or parent. Let them console you while simultaneously providing rational feedback. Being around them will give you a sense of security and comfort. A good reminder that there are other things in life besides the person of interest.”

Furthermore, you will be receptive to the advice given by a loved friend or family member. Your guard will be lowered and you might actually see the point they are trying to make. Have a heart-to-heart conversation and tell them what the real problem is. They will be your rock as you navigate these stormy seas. For all the committed individuals reading, this is also how to stop being obsessive in a relationship.

Related Reading: 5 Causes, 13 Signs Of One-Sided Relationships And What To Do About Them

5. Channel your energy elsewhere

There are so many things one can do with one’s time – take up a new hobby, learn a new language, meet new people, level up at work, exercise, and so on. You ought to change the course of your energy and direct it toward activities that make you grow. If something doesn’t make you a better person, don’t do it. 

If you get obsessed with things easily, use it to your advantage. Concentrate on becoming the best version of yourself. This will accomplish two things. Firstly, you’ll be occupied with something other than your object of affection. And secondly, as you explore new areas and things, you will become more centered on yourself. After all, there are so many awesome perks of being single! Do you see what we’re saying? 

6. How to stop being obsessed with someone? Seek professional help

The best way forward is therapy; it is less of a helping hand and more of a guiding one. Since an obsession is a dysfunctional thought process, breaking away from it is difficult. A mental health professional can show you the correct path in this tumultuous time. Because if not treated at the onset, obsession might lead to severe depression, anxiety, or personality disorders.

Nandita says, “Counseling or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be quite helpful. The therapist helps you identify your obsession and where it comes from. Slowly, you work on the areas together. The professional gives you a few techniques you can adopt. If you keep at it steadily, you will overcome it.” You can get professional help at Bonobology; we have a panel of licensed therapists and counselors who can help you get an even-handed assessment of your situation.

7. Be kind to yourself

This is a very important thing to remember. While you try and get over your obsession, there might be relapses and other moments of weakness. Don’t direct negative commentary at yourself or be extra critical of your actions. It is okay to make mistakes as long as you try to rectify them. Cut yourself some slack as you’re trying to stop being obsessed with someone you like. 

No one ever got better while hating themselves. Nandita says, “Don’t lose hope. You will emerge from this phase in your life even if the prospect seems bleak right now. Go easy on yourself and be persistent in your efforts.” The answer to ‘can you stop being obsessed with someone’ is always a ‘yes’.  

n banner

8. Practice mindfulness through meditation or journaling 

Being at peace with yourself is integral to healing. Practicing yoga or journaling can help you gain clarity within. And it doesn’t have to be these two strictly, there are many more options at your disposal like art therapy or creating music. Anything that helps you strike that inner balance is important. How to stop being obsessed with someone, you ask? Create your own ritual and stick to it for a month. This is how you can stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.

These days, we’ve got journals that ask one question every day (like ‘what are you most grateful for’ or ‘what do you want to tell your parents’). These questions give you a lot of food for thought and make you more self-aware. They will lead you to answer a very crucial question – why am I obsessed with someone I barely know? As Socrates wisely said, ‘Know thyself.’

9. Use grounding techniques

How can you stop being obsessed with someone when you can’t help but think of them all the time? That’s the thing about obsession, it leads you down the rabbit hole of recurring thought processes. And escaping from them is the first thing you should do. Shifting focus from the imaginary to the real is a great tactic. Grounding techniques help you be present in the moment, in the here and now.  

When you find yourself thinking about the other person, pick up a few objects near you and feel their texture, weight, and temperature. Look at the color of the objects and the function they serve. You can also put your hands in the water and bring yourself to focus on the sensation. Other techniques include savoring food, stretching, listening to your surroundings, and deep breathing.

Related Reading: 8 Sensible Ways To Deal With Rejection In Love

10. Change your environment

Our surroundings are a reflection of ourselves. Getting a change of scenery can be helpful to calm your mind and hit refresh on the system. Take a vacation or visit someone in another city. If nothing, spend a substantial amount of time in a new location like a gym or library or park. Stay over at a friend’s place for a few days and revel in the newness of things. 

You could also try and change the décor of your house by painting a wall or hanging up a few photographs. This will give you a fun project as well as a much-needed change. We just want you to introduce some sort of novelty in your routine. For this is how to stop being obsessed with someone. 

11. Think rationally to stop being obsessed with someone you like

Nandita says, “Your logical thinking gets distorted when you’re in an obsessive cycle. So strive to regain that rationality. Be concerned with practical matters and questions. Ask yourself how sustainable this is. Is that other person interested in you? What kind of a person are they? Is your life going for a toss in this process? What is going to come out of it?”

Once you see the sheer irrationality (and potential to cause damage) of your obsessive love and clingy affairs, it will be easier to move on from it. Think critically to avoid emotion-driven decisions. You won’t stalk them online for three hours if you know how harmful blue light is for your eyes. If you want to know how to stop being obsessive in a relationship, scrutinize it from a third-person perspective.

Here we come to the end of this wonderful list. You now know how to stop being obsessed with someone who doesn’t like you. Hard work, time, patience, and perseverance will bear fruit and you will never complain that you get obsessed with things or people easily.

22 Tips To Forget Someone You Loved Once

What Does It Mean When Someone Ignores You?

Heal A Broken Heart With These 15 Tips From Experts

Tags:

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website.