Romantic relationships can be hard to navigate, especially in the beginning when you’re too consumed by the heady rush of love and still finding a rhythm to your togetherness A lot of us, albeit unwittingly, err on the side of being too clingy or needy. However, you need to recognise that tendency and shake it off because being clingy in a relationship can often prove to be the fastest way to sabotage it.
What Causes Clinginess In A Relationship
The way people handle romantic relationships is often an extension of certain dormant personality traits and tendencies that even they may not be aware of. That’s why some of us consistently make sound choices in our relationships while others go from one hot mess to the next. One key parameter to judge a person’s ability to handle relationships well is how they deal with the dichotomy of intimacy and personal space.
If the thought of your partner needing some personal space raises your hackles and makes you clingy on to them even harder, an inherent sense of insecurity may be to blame. If we analyse what causes clinginess in a relationship closely, it becomes apparent that our attachment styles as adults are governed by our earliest memories of the relationship we shared with our parents.
Consequently, anyone who grew up feeling unloved and unappreciated by their very first caregivers will be riddled with deep-seated insecurities and a fear of abandonment. Clingy behaviour stems from these underlying emotional inadequacies. Being clingy in a relationship only pushes the other partner away, and a person is caught in a vicious circle of desire and loss. This further fuels their needy and clingy tendencies.
Signs That You’re Being Clingy In A Relationship
The person displaying needy tendencies fails to grasp the clingy relationship meaning objectively. Here are 10 classic signs that you’re being clingy in a relationship:
- You obsess over where are they and why aren’t they responding if there is a slight delay in communication from there side.
- Not hearing from them for a few hours send you in panic mode. You assume that they’re either in a life-threatening situation or have left you.
- Even the thought of your partner going out and having fun without you leaves you fuming.
- You pry on them, ask a lot of questions, investigate their whereabouts, and then, confirm their account from a secondary source.
- If not satisfied with their responses, you won’t think twice before ‘casually’ swinging by their office or favourite hang-out just to be sure.
- You have cut out all your friends and other relationships from your life. You devote all your time and attention to your partner.
- Their interests and hobbies become yours too. You begin to lose your individuality.
- Checking your partner’s phone, email and social media accounts is the ‘normal’ in your relationship.
- You want to tag along with them no matter where they’re going.
- You resent the other close relationships your partner has, be it with their friends, co-workers or even siblings and parents.
7 Ways Being Clingy In A Relationship Can Sabotage Your Love Life
Being an overbearing partner cannot take you far in a relationship. At some point, your needy and clingy ways will leave your significant exhausted. They might call it quits, no matter how much they love. Here are 7 ways being clingy in a relationship can sabotage your love life:
1. It can make your partner question your compatibility
Acting needy and clingy is an expression of insecurity that can make your partner doubt if you’re both compatible enough to sustain a long-term relationship. Even the strongest relationships are shaken by these patterns. This exposes you to the risk of being abandoned by a loved one yet again.
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2. Your partner may suffer a loss of self-esteem
Your repeated questions, investigations and surprise checks send out a clear message to your partner that you don’t trust them. Having to justify and explain themself at every step of the way can be detrimental to your partner’s self-esteem. You may feel guilty about your behaviour and try to redeem yourself after being clingy but the damage has been done.
3. Clinginess is repulsive
Being clingy and trying to hold on harder to a partner often pushes them farther away. Clingy behaviour is like trying to grip sand. The hard you hold, the faster it slips out from your hand. When your needy and clingy behaviour becomes a repetitive pattern, even your sweetest gestures will fail to thaw the ice. This is because your partner lives with the constant realisation that you don’t trust them and begins to see your overtures as a mere facade.
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4. Your partner may stop choosing to love you
Falling in love might be spontaneous, but staying in love is a choice you make every day. The choice to stay or leave is always open in a relationship, and two people make their bond stronger by choosing to stay together, day after day. However, by being clingy in a relationship, you give your partner a valid reason to reconsider that choice.
5. Your worst nightmare may come true Jinx it
A person can be pushed over the edge if their loyalties are being tested and questioned repeatedly. They may cross the line of faithfulness. While there is no excuse for infidelity in a relationship if your partner ends up cheating on you and then blames it on your constant nagging, it is your worst nightmare coming true. This can deal a serious blow to the relationship that most couples don’t recover from.
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6. Jealousy is disastrous for a relationship
Clingy behaviour stems out of insecurity but it can soon develop into jealousy, and that can be disastrous for a relationship. Jealousy is an irrational emotion and can make you say and do regrettable things. You can feel compelled to show ownership over a partner due to these negative emotions. These tendencies can sound the death knell for your relationship if not dealt with effectively and swiftly.
7. Distance creeps in your relationship
When one partner being clingy in a relationship, they can make the other feel smothered with attention. Your partner can become distant because of this need to be cooped up together and constantly be in each other’s face. They may decide to let the relationship go just to have some breathing space.
Learn To Let Go Of Your Clinginess
A relationship is based on trust and love. Having an insecure thought and being insecure are two vastly different things. The latter can make the relationship a hostile, unhappy beast. So, acknowledge that your needy and clingy behaviour is problematic, have an honest conversation about it with your partner, get the help you need to let go of this burden of the past.