If a romantic relationship is a plant, doubt is the routine pest that shows up uninvited and needs to be dealt with. While doubt or its slightly stronger, more annoying cousin, insecurity, are human and occur often, if not sprayed with pesticides they can kill the plant that is your relationship. How do they do that? Let’s find out.
It puts a question mark on your relationship
Insecurity, when expressed in a relationship, can make the other partner doubt their understanding of how good the relationship is. When one partner is insecure and expresses that to the other partner repeatedly, the other partner may start doubting their idea of the relationship altogether. They might wonder if they had a more rosy and faulty view of the strong bond they shared with their partner, since this insecurity seems to be suggesting otherwise.
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It makes people feel like their partner doesn’t trust them
When you tell a person that you are insecure, and start doubting them, you are making them feel like you don’t trust them. Which if you look at what you’re feeling honestly, you don’t. While doubting someone’s loyalty or wondering about such things is only natural and you mustn’t beat yourself up for that, constant repetition of it can lead to the trust being broken further in a relationship.
Clinginess is a repellent
Being clingy and trying to hold on harder to a partner you think is cheating often pushes them farther away. Clingy behaviour is like splashing on the water when you are drowning; it doesn’t help. It actually hurts your chances of floating. When you try to hold on to what you think is a partner who’s going away from you, your behaviour becomes unattractive. Anything that you would otherwise do as a sweet gesture is marred when your partner knows you don’t trust them and you’re actually insecure and thus doing this. This feeling makes the whole behaviour almost fake. This is what pushes people away.
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Doubting their choice
Falling in love might be spontaneous for most people, but they stay in love as a choice. Every relationship goes through a time when each partner knows that there’s a way out at the moment or they want to run but they stay, and it is this choice that defines most people’s love. However, when your insecurity about yourself makes you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner, it’s almost as if you’re doubting and devaluing their choice. Why would they choose to stay in the first place if you weren’t worth it? Does the fact that they chose you not make you feel special? This might not be immediately obvious, but this realisation has a big impact on people.
While jinxing someone might be blind faith, if you keep feeling insecure about your relationship, you might just get what you want. When you feel like your partner is cheating on you, or that you’re not good enough and your partner will leave you, your negative and erratic behaviour in most cases is what drives them away. You end up creating the circumstances for the end of the relationship.
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Insecurity about yourself and your relationship can develop into jealousy, and that can be disastrous for a relationship. Jealousy is irrational and can make you say and do regrettable things. Feeling possessive about your partner and showing ownership over them are two different things. Things take an ugly turn when jealousy shows up and unless dealt with leads to the death of a relationship.
Space between you
When one partner becomes clingy in a relationship out of insecurity, it often leads to them trying their hardest to be around their partner as often and for as long as they can. This can make the other person feel crowded. Relationships are living, breathing things and require time and space to function. Being cooped up together and being constantly in each other’s face can be awful. Familiarity does breed contempt and thus the lack of space may force the partners to seek more space and break up.
A relationship is based on trust and love, and it can’t survive without them. Having an insecure thought and being insecure are two vastly different things and the latter can make the relationship a hostile unhappy beast. Getting help if you feel you’re not worthy, talking to your partner frankly about your emotions and yet making sure you’re not being obsessive about it are a few solutions in such a case. Clear communication and trusting each other has to be the way forward.Published in