Relationships 101

How to deal with a clingy boyfriend?

If you think being clingy is only a girl's thing, you are wrong.

Do you think only girls can be clingy in a relationship? Well, you are absolutely wrong, because nowadays boys tend to be equally needy and clingy in relationships. Of course, it is good to be emotional, needy and mushy at times, but only to the extent that it is bearable. If it goes beyond the tolerance level of a person it can create distance in the relationship and ultimately endanger it. Being possessive and obsessed with someone only makes the relationship difficult to survive. Respecting each other’s privacy and space is really important to build a long-lasting relationship and for making each moment spent together more memorable.

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You will not even know when your perfect partner turns into a clingy boyfriend. He must have been someone who re-instilled your faith in the dating process and helped you believe in true love. But once in the relationship, do you feel suffocated and keep thinking to yourself, “Why is my boyfriend clingy and needy all of a sudden?” If yes, then going through this article will surely help you deal with your needy boyfriend.

Why does a person become clingy?

Adults who are in a romantic relationship fall into either of the two categories of attachment style-

  1. First is the ‘secure attachment style’ in which they value each other’s personal space and time. They do not feel devastated with the thought of being away from their partners for long periods of time. This attachment style becomes the basis of secure and healthy relationships
  2. Second is ‘insecure attachment style’ in which a person falls into either of these two types-
    1. Anxiously attached is someone who is too dependant on the partner and is constantly anxious that the partner will leave him/her
    2. Someone who avoids attachment and thus remains emotionally detached from the partner. The insecure attachment style gives rise to messy and unhealthy relationships

A person who becomes clingy basically falls into the category of anxiously attached, because he/she continuously needs support and closeness from the partner, which eventually creates conflict and distance in the relationship.

Reasons a person may exhibit clingy behaviour are-

  • The person might have low levels of self-esteem
  • He/she might fear abandonment
  • Stresses and strains of modern day life make the person needy emotionally and physically
  • The person might exhibit high levels of insecurity and jealousy
  • He/she remains highly self-conscious at all times
  • The person might have unresolved childhood issues
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Signs your partner is clingy

Confused as to what is too clingy in a relationship? Do not worry, as here are some signs that will help you identify your clingy partner immediately.

  1. Constantly checks on you: The first sign is when your partner continuously contacts you via phone calls or desperate text messages when you are away. At the start of the relationship, it might be very pleasing to have someone who cares for you and keeps tabs on you. However, over time if you feel that your partner is constantly interested in what you are doing the entire day and keeps calling you or texting you for every little piece of information, then take it as a caution
  2. He gets mini heart attacks if you do not reply on time: In case you fail to respond on time to the clingy guy text messages and calls, then it might happen that your partner gets panic attacks and gets nervous regarding your whereabouts. Well, this behaviour is absolutely not normal if it is repeated several times. So make sure to heed the warning signals on time
  3. Your social media profiles get his undivided attention: This means that your needy boyfriend will be found visiting your social media profiles at all times. He will either ask you too many questions in relation to some posts or will keep liking old photos and videos that you had uploaded weeks ago. He might even have problems with you befriending or chatting with another person on social media
  4. Your partner needs to be in touch with you, literally: Whether you are in public or alone with your partner, you will notice that he will keep looking for ways to be in touch with you constantly. Even while sleeping, you will find him cuddling you aggressively. This might become uncomfortable for you in the long run
  5. He hates plans made by you that leave him out: Each and every time you plan an outing with your close friends or relatives, do you find your boyfriend making excuses to stop you or does he plan to tag along? If yes, then this is one of the clingy boyfriend signs, because he will hate plans that leave him out and make him worry about what you are doing without him

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  6. Your partner distances himself from his friends: The thought of spending time away from you can actually make the clingy boyfriend very anxious. As a result, he will obviously prefer spending all his spare time with you instead of his friends. This is unhealthy, because he will distance himself from his friends and in the process end up being all alone and more needy
  7. He gives up his own hobbies and interests too: Did you get attracted to your boyfriend because of the unique hobbies and interest he pursued? Well and good, but if you notice him giving up his own hobbies and interests once you’re in the relationship, then something is wrong for sure. He will probably pursue hobbies and interests you cherish to feel secure and happy in the relationship
  8. Your partner fails to express his opinions: It is very important for the survival of a healthy relationship that both partners express themselves honestly. However, a clingy boyfriend will make your perspective his own perspective and fail to express himself frankly, because you will be the centre of his world and he does not want to drive you away
  9. He is just too friendly with your relatives or friends: Well, obviously you want your boyfriend to be close with your relatives and friends. But you must always take it slow. If you find your partner texting your best friend or planning outings with your relatives behind your back, then it means he is taking it too fast and is becoming clingy

Smart and sensible tips to deal with a clingy boyfriend

Dealing with a clingy boyfriend can be very daunting and some of you might prefer breaking up. However, you must be understanding and try to work things out and use breaking up as the last resort. Below are certain tips to handle a clingy boyfriend:

  • Communicate with each other as much as possible: Until and unless you take a step forward and give him a helping hand, you will not be able to deal with your needy boyfriend. Listen to his grievances and insecurities. Once you listen to him, make sure you put forward your opinion as well in a polite and loving manner. Communicating with each other is essential to clear misunderstandings and for building a truthful relationship
  • Reconsider the feelings you have for him: If you think your boyfriend is clingy, then it means that something is going wrong in the relationship. The problem might not be with him but with you. You might not be as invested in the relationship as he is and thus find him too needy. So take a step back and see whether you really do like him or not
  • Assert yourself in a firm but nice way: It is essential that you take a stand and assert yourself as and when required. If you need time on your own or want to spend the day with your friends apart from your boyfriend, then make sure you tell him that nicely but firmly. Be diplomatic when you have to turn him down and make him realise that your personal time is important
  • Shower him with reasonable love and care: Your boyfriend will become clingy if he thinks you love him less and might run off to another person. So why not defuse his anxiousness and give him reasonable love and care? Assure him that he is the one for you and he does not have to keep tabs on you all day long. Compliment him and appreciate him to let him know he is important in your life
  • Ensure that your boyfriend spends time with his friends: Encourage your boyfriend to go and spend time with his friends or invite his friends over for a night out at your place. All this will help him reconnect with his friends and thus lessen his clinginess

Understanding your clingy boyfriend should be a priority, because you know he is clingy because of his love for you. Sometimes even you might have been clingy with him, right? So deal with him lovingly and help your relationship succeed. Good luck!

Reference Source.

Here’s how being clingy can kill your relationship

How to break up with a guy nicely?

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