Staying in love is not easy
When in love the energy is high, give and take is at its peak and the after-glow of love is evident everywhere. As we bask in the joy and sunshine of love, compassion and contentment we do not realise that it takes concerted effort on both the man and the woman’s part to keep it alive. The 5 most corrosive elements of a deteriorating bond are distancing, rudeness, complacency, public shaming and critical behavior
1. Ignoring his words, calls or delaying response
This seems like an innocuous fault and we don’t even realise that this causes great rift in any relationship. Children and pets also react badly to this phenomenon called ‘distancing’. The husband tries to talk to you or the child is tugging at your dress or your cat is caressing your legs, but you fail to respond, or pretend not to have heard. If it seems like a silly flaw to you, be warned you may be pushing your loved ones away.
2. Displaying greater regard, delight and warmth to others
Many couples engage in this petty and childish behavior especially after a fight. If your spouse is mature enough, he will realise that your actions are harmless. You may never know when the tipping point is reached if you continue to fawn over others while ignoring him. It can be pretty dangerous unless you don’t care it can take a turn for the worse.
3. Rude or critical behaviour in the presence of others
Criticising seems to be a common bad habit that some folks develop. Whether you are man or woman, one must remember to state a negative point just once and especially with children, do so only if you have 3 nice things to say to them. A nag makes for a terrible spouse or parent. If you don’t mend your ways soon loved ones will make themselves scarce as soon as you go on a tirade. It would be nice to remember to change your strategy if people do not listen to you. The near-fatal mistake is to be nagging in front of other people; it will push away love and respect, from your loved one as well as outsiders.
4. Refusing intimacy on flimsy premises
Many women choose the “I have a headache” tactic to avoid intimacy. While it is perfectly plausible when genuine, you will push away love and eventually he will tire of your avoidance patterns. Figure out a middle path to understand his sexual needs, and if your need is just to cuddle or play, you need to talk. One must not use sex as leverage to get even with your partner. Women use their girly wiles constantly and nearly everywhere, from the cop, to the male teacher, to the neighbour, so don’t deprive your loved one, who will drift away if you make it a habit.
5. Not participating in it fully even when you do
If you give in to sex, but watch TV as he goes down on you or just go through the motions, making it obvious you aren’t that interested and doing it because he asked, he will feel used and unloved. The same is true if it is the man who is being lazy or using his partner. Not being interested in the spouse’s satisfaction, orgasm or happiness is the stepping-stone to a disaster about to happen.
Loving and nurturing loving relationships is not difficult but it needs constant tending, so make sure there are lots of smiles, laughter, hugs and kisses going around in the family. Avoid anger, silences, sulking and dramas. When ‘tender loving care’ is the motto in a family, everyone automatically goes on the happiness autopilot.