After he had retired, my father went into an uneasy depression. His whole self-image and identity was tied to the work he did for the past 58 years and suddenly it was all gone. He found himself in his native hometown and he had no clue what to do with all the free time. Also, his children had flown the nest; too much solitude and not much to do. He was lucky to have a devoted wife who looked after all his needs – but he still needed to occupy those 8 hours a day – he missed work. He was too old to pick up farming and too shy to start something new. So here are some pointers to what could be done after the children have found their own work and left the comfort of their homes.
Strategies For A Meaningful Transition
Table of Contents
1. Come to terms with life changes
For many women their bodies indicate a clear change through the onset of menopause. Dealing with that change is in itself a huge challenge for some. Along with this the body begins to show signs of wear and tear, mood swings and loneliness hits you hard. Now that the children have left home or are otherwise engaged in starting their own families, you seem to have too much time and too little to do. Men too have to deal with age-related diseases or conditions that debilitate them. Sometimes, along with the kids sex also seems to have flown the nest.
2. Learn new skills
I have been requested to teach many retired folks how to meditate. When one calms the mind, new ideas take shape and meaningful activities come to the fore. I know several aged couples who sign up for yoga and Gita classes and hold satsang or bhajans at their homes. This brings like-minded people together and a feeling of fulfillment as a result. Not to mention the invigorating social contact that it brings with it. Others learn how to grow a small kitchen garden or learn to paint, or join a music group. The most common is the crochet, knitting or quilting groups that you can join. Of course the Internet and webcam opportunities to be able to communicate with your kids, is also a fine skill to learn.
Related Reading: Signs Of Loneliness In A Relationship And How To Cope
3. Go green
With the awareness of global changes in farming and the indiscriminate use of pesticides many have opted to go green. People with even a small patch of land resort to growing fruits and vegetables using organic methods. This can also become a secondary source of income and bring about closeness in the community through sharing of the produce. Growing flowers also bring a great deal of joy and beauty into your life. Spas and Ayurveda, can help with a healthy lifestyle.
Related Reading: Here is how to cope with the empty nest syndrome when your children leave home
4. Work towards returning to the society
Many senior citizens work actively in the area of social work. This may be recycling of garbage, cleanliness of the locality, or even regulating unauthorised buildings and constructions in your area. If you are motivated enough, even maintaining your neighborhood parks or public toilets is a great way to give back to the society. I know of an 87 year old citizen, who constantly attends meetings with the local bodies and contributes towards ideas and policies that will benefit society. In Bangalore Jayanagar, there are scores of elderly gentlemen, who gather at a park and quietly discuss, share jokes or sing together.
5. Finding yourself – Return to the teenager you once were
Again this seems to be a woman thing. I know a lot of women who find themselves occupied suitably. working part-time to earn some pocket money and many who start their own business, making and selling soaps or spices or opening a small boutique. Whatever they feel they have missed out over the past decades, seems to beckon them, and a new energy takes over making for content and confident elders. I know of a couple of 60 year olds who joined a western dancing class, learnt to jive, waltz and do the cha-cha. They are enjoying their free time whilst keeping fit too. This has encouraged a lot of hotels to have a senior citizens ball night, when all the retro music is played and oldies have a blast dancing through the night.
“The empty nest isn’t a void, it’s a canvas for your dreams. Embrace the change and paint a vibrant new chapter in your life.”
6. Rekindle love or find a new one
If you have an adventurous bent of mind or are lonely and need companionship, or if you are widowed and are ready to mingle, then these forums can help you find a friend. Whether it evolves into a new found love or not, it is worth the try. Or you could work on your current relationship, dust the cobwebs, do new things together and rekindle love once again. Either way it is a win-win for all concerned. Being suitably occupied keeps you healthy, and has a decent prospect for sunset or silver years without being a miserable burden on your family.
Filling the Empty Nest: A Guide for Retired Parents
The transition to an empty nest can be a challenging yet liberating time for Indian parents.
It’s a time to rediscover passions, explore new interests, and embark on fulfilling endeavors. Embracing this new chapter can be filled with joy and personal growth. By redefining your life, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful existence that extends beyond your role as a parent. This is a time to invest in yourself, nurture your relationships, and pursue the dreams that may have been put on hold. It’s a chance to create a life that is uniquely yours, filled with purpose and happiness.
- Rediscovering passions and hobbies: Encourage exploration of interests that may have been neglected during working years.
- Volunteering and community involvement: Finding fulfillment in giving back to society.
- Travel and adventure: Exploring new places and cultures to expand horizons.
- Staying active and healthy: Engaging in physical activities to maintain well-being.
- Continuing education and learning: Pursuing new knowledge and skills.
- Social connections and relationships: Strengthening bonds with friends and family.
- Part-time work or consulting: Staying engaged in a professional capacity.
- Creative outlets and expression: Exploring artistic pursuits like writing, painting, or music.
- Mentoring and coaching: Sharing knowledge and experience with younger generations.
- Spiritual and personal growth: Deepening self-awareness and finding meaning in life.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How can I cope with the emotional impact of an empty nest?
There are various strategies to cope, such as reconnecting with your partner, exploring new hobbies, and staying connected with your children. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can also be beneficial.
2. Is it normal to feel a sense of loss of identity after my children leave?
Yes, it’s common for parents to feel a shift in their identity as their role as a primary caregiver changes. It’s important to rediscover your passions and interests to create a new sense of purpose.
3. How can I support my partner as we both adjust to the empty nest?
Communicate openly, be patient and understanding, and make an effort to spend quality time together. Consider trying new activities together or planning a trip.
4. When should I seek professional help if I’m struggling with the empty nest?
If you’re experiencing persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or depression, or if it’s impacting your daily life, seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial. Take the first step towards a fulfilling new chapter in your life. Reach out to a counselor today.
In Summary
As the nest empties and your children embark on their own journeys, remember that this isn’t an ending, but a new beginning. Embrace the opportunity to rediscover yourself, nurture your passions, and create a fulfilling life that is uniquely yours. Remember, a symbol of your love and dedication as a parent. It signifies that you’ve raised capable and independent individuals who are ready to make their mark on the world. So, let go of the worries and anxieties, and embrace this new phase of life with open arms.
It is not a void to be filled, but a canvas upon which you can paint your own dreams and aspirations. With courage, optimism, and a willingness to embrace change, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful life that will bring you joy, satisfaction, and a renewed sense of purpose. So, spread your wings and soar, dear parents! The sky is the limit.
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It is natural to kinda feel that NOW WHAT? Of course these steps are wonderful but to all grandchildren out there love your grandparents and make them fell it like whenever you meet them. PEACE