At some point, everyone has felt that something is missing in their love life. Something usually needs to be done to revive a relationship once the people in it don’t feel the same way about each other anymore. The initial closeness and passion felt at the beginning of the courtship dwindle. These are all normal milestones and part and parcel of any lengthy relationship.
Let’s be honest; it’s challenging to maintain the same strength of feelings after months and years have passed. But if there’s mutual love and you both genuinely respect each other, all is not lost. There are ways to revive love in a relationship; you just need to ensure that both of you are committed to making things work.
Is It Possible To Revive A Relationship?
According to psychologist Nandita Rambhia, who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couple’s counseling, reviving a relationship is possible. “If it is a committed relationship and you have been together for a sufficient time, it’s important to give it your best shot. It’s very easy to give up. But then you will lose out on the advantages of a long-term, healthy relationship.”
She continues, “If you want to find ways to revive a dying relationship – and this is important – both partners must be committed to trying to make it work. If not, it can result in a relationship beyond repair. I’m not saying it won’t work, but it would be wonderful if both partners put in the effort.”
According to a study, these four factors contribute to the state of love: connection, respect, trust, and attraction. If one of them weakens, it affects the other factors too. The study says, “The stronger the presence of all factors, the higher the intensity (of love) and the lower, the weaker the intensity of love … As conditions change, and these factors become present, love is achieved, and if they die, it fades.”
There are ways to bring back those heady early days of tearing each other’s clothes off and spending hours discussing anything and everything. But this will require a concentrated effort to choose love over everything else. Choose kindness and empathy daily. Giving each other the space to love and grow can lead to a completely different type of bond. Are you ready to take the chance and revive a dead relationship?
14 Tips To Revive A Relationship And Get The Spark Back
Ups and downs will still come and go, but your attachment and intimacy can reach new, surprising levels if you follow these tips. If you feel that you and your partner could do with a shake-up and add some much-needed buzz back into your stale love life, let’s look at how couples can revive the spark and recreate relationship satisfaction.
1. Find out what is missing
Nandita states, “The first thing is to be able to communicate well with each other. Then, return to a communication zone where you share in a non-judgemental fashion.” She suggests that you ask yourselves the following questions to analyze what areas you want to work on:
- Improve your communication and figure out what each one of you wants from the relationship
- Why has the spark died down? Is there a loss of physical touch or a lack of emotional connection?
- Is there a situation of relationship polarity? Do you want one thing and your partner another?
- Are you less interested in your partner? Is monotony setting in?
- Are you not putting enough effort into the relationship for it to move at a particular pace?
- If you are stuck on a plateau, is something lacking? Or do you need to defuse any conflict?
Related Reading: Best Ways To Rekindle Romance In A Relationship
2. Say thank you
Very often, in a broken relationship, it’s easy to take each other for granted. One of the easiest ways to counter this is to take the time out to practice being grateful to each other and for each other. Say thank you more often, but also be more aware of what your partner does for you. And verbally appreciate each of these efforts. Having gratitude as your guiding force will also do wonders for the overall quality of your life.
3. Date nights are mandatory
Moving in together, getting married, having full-time jobs, being parents – where is the time to feel romantic and “in the mood?” This is where mandatory date nights come in. Planning to spend quality time together “away from it all” often adds a little excitement to your week. The hope is that a romantic dinner a deux can see your feelings of intimacy grow that will reflect in your sex life as well.
4. Learn something new
An excellent way to combat boredom and monotony in a relationship is to do something new as a couple. It could be a hobby, a class, or even an activity you would have never considered. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zones can stimulate adrenaline and oxytocin, creating new feelings of excitement and closeness with your partner. According to a Reddit user, what helps reignite the flames of a dying romance is “trying new things and finding new interests together; repetition is usually what kills relationships.” Some easy ideas include:
- Trying a new sport
- Joining a dance or fitness class
- Learning a language or a complex game together
- Cooking a new dish together
- Volunteering together for a charity
- Camping or trekking
- Plan an overnight trip together but to a place neither of you would have regularly chosen
Who remembers their first kiss? A promise of a new relationship with all its excitement and romance? Making kissing a regular habit helps recreate some of that initial passion.
In addition, a study found that kissing can help build a healthy relationship by releasing the happy hormones of oxytocin and serotonin in the body. These, in turn, lower feelings of stress and anxiety and increase the bonding experience with your significant other. While kissing can lead to greater sexual intimacy, it’s important not to put that extra pressure on the act. Let all things move along naturally without force or expectations.
Related Reading: 10 Health Benefits Of Kissing
6. Up your flirting game to revive your relationship
If the idea of kissing and sex feels too large a leap for you, you have every right to take things slower. Baby steps such as a flirtatious gesture, a sexy text, or even a little love note left in your spouse’s lunch box can let your partner know you are thinking of them and would prevent things from getting boring.
7. One thing at a time
You might feel that there’s too much water under the bridge and that there is no point in reviving a dying relationship. According to a popular Reddit thread, infidelity is the one transgression that is almost impossible to forgive, but even that can be overcome if both parties are willing to move one.
Moral of the story? Just change one thing. That’s the basic ground rule. No one needs to tackle all the pain points in one go. Small efforts and little things lead to significant changes.
- If your main complaint is poor communication, keep aside your phones during dinner time and try to talk to each other
- If your sex life has turned predictable, try some sexy lingerie or a night out in a hotel for a change
- If the arguments just don’t stop, give yourselves some time out before things get ugly
8. A little self-love hurt no one
Don’t underestimate the power of self-pleasure. Learning about what turns you on will make it easier to show your partner what works in bed and what doesn’t. Many women, especially, have trouble expressing their needs and desires. As per a study, exploring your sexuality and embracing it can be empowering for both partners in the long run and an excellent way to revive a relationship sexually.
9. Play a game
Turn it into a game if you find asking for what you want difficult. Every week, one partner gets to choose what the couple has to do. It could be a request for a daily cuddle session, a walk together after dinner, or a sweet and romantic gesture every day. The details are up to each of you. The anticipation and the surprise factor can slowly become a welcome habit in your daily life.
10. Take a stroll down memory lane
Reliving your love story can bring back feelings of closeness and commitment. Think back to spending time in the place where you first met each other.
- How did it happen?
- Who declared their feelings first?
- Can you visit the spot of your first date?
- Look through old pictures, reread love letters, and listen to ‘your’ song
This is more about remembering why you fell in love in the first place. Then, focus on these feelings to rekindle feelings in a relationship.
11. Go old school
By this, we mean put your phone down and look at each other when you talk. Distractions are aplenty, and modern relationships are suffering. Treat your time together as precious and give it the respect it deserves. These gestures are non-negotiable when trying to rekindle the romance.
12. Small gestures mean big things when you wish to save your relationship
We asked Nandita: What’s the smallest change you can make to rekindle old feelings of togetherness? She said, “Any relationship over some time can get stale. Both partners need to work hard. By this, I mean both partners must put in their best effort to make the other feel special again. They could:
- Dress up nicely
- Make dinner
- Plan a date
- Buy a small gift
- Create a thoughtful gesture
Just put a little effort into the relationship. That would be a great start.”
13. Go away
In the early days of your courtship, you wanted to spend every waking moment together. Don’t expect the same intensity months or years down the line. It’s simply not natural. We are here to tell you that taking a break and doing things alone can be a great way to rekindle your relationship with your husband/wife/partner and connect with them on a deeper level.
Even if it is just an evening off with your friends or a spa date on your own, schedule that me-time asap. Doing things on your own creates the opportunity to develop your own personality and happiness so you can contribute to the relationship from a place of equality. It might even help you to miss your partner, and hey, it also gives both of you new things to talk about.
14. Learn to let go
For any couple looking to rekindle the spark, Nandita insists on one last piece of advice that is corroborated by a Medical News Today article too. She says, “The best way to rekindle the romance in a long-term relationship: try not to live in the past. Don’t hold on to old grudges. What is done is done. You both need to look toward the future. Do not keep score. “I did this, but you didn’t.” – no more of that because it is one of the relationship red flags.
“In a relationship, there will always be periods of inequality, but in the larger picture, things get evened out. It’s essential in your journey to expand your emotional intelligence and grow together toward a common goal. To look forward to new experiences together. This will create a concrete bond and a nurturing, safe space for both of you.”
When Should You Seek Help?
There are some clear signs in a relationship when things are not progressing smoothly. A trained psychologist or couple’s counselor can help many couples recover lost feelings and express their emotions in new, healthy ways. Regular sessions from a mental health professional are recommended if:
- You both always argue about the same things. Even if a fight starts for different reasons, it still comes back to the same old resentments
- Simple misunderstandings or relationship arguments escalate quickly into full-blown fights
- Both partners (or even one) are dissatisfied with their relationship
- Your mental health is suffering
- Either partner feels rejected
- The lack of communication becomes a real issue
- You feel like you are constantly taking a step backward in your relationship
- No matter what you do, you can’t move past the hurt and anger
- Feeling that your relationship has become stale or monotonous is normal. It’s not a reason to give up but rather a sign that both partners need to work toward rekindling that lost spark
- This works best if both partners want to work toward building intimacy and commitment
- However, if only one person puts in the hard work, it can lead to anger and resentment in a relationship
- All relationships need regular ‘maintenance.’ Treat your relationship like a muscle that needs to be exercised daily to promote longevity by expressing gratitude, flirting with one another, trying and learning new things, talking without distractions, etc.
As psychologist Jui Pimple reiterates, “We all need to revive our relationship after certain time intervals, as things never stay the same as they were during the initial stage of a relationship. But once you realize this, taking steps to get back can help a couple come closer again. You’ll be able to enjoy life together again.” You will never know if it is worth the effort unless you give it your best shot and try to save a relationship on the verge of breaking up.