We have been in a relationship for years now. We were in love before but now it is just starting to feel like a relationship of convenience. It breaks my heart that it has come to this. Even though on the surface we seem like the perfect couple, there is something that we are missing from fulfilling this relationship wholeheartedly.
I know her inside out – her passions, likes and dislikes, her favorite color, when to shut up, when not to shut up, how to cheer her up, how not to piss her off, her need for reassurance, her stand on various topics, her goals and means she’d embrace to fulfill them, everything. I’ve dated her for so long, I could write a book on her.
She loves me as much, or even more, but she doesn’t seem to know too much about ME. Of course, she knows how to handle me and my mood swings, when to shut up and when not to, but she doesn’t really seem to care about other things I thought she’d be interested in – the people I’m friends with, my travel plans, my ambitions in life, my career decisions. She sure listens to me when I talk about these, but she doesn’t really have a strong opinion about any of these. I’m starting to feel like I have too much space.
Relationship Of Convenience: Comfortable In A Relationship But Not In Love
We know each other’s insecurities and annoying habits – and the topics that make each of us uncomfortable. So how do we deal with these problems? By avoiding them! We don’t seem to fight lately because inconvenient topics are never brought up, objections are never raised… all in the name of taking space.
We have grown as individuals, becoming more open and more empathetic and more kind, but with individual maturity, the maturity of our relationship seems to be stalling. That, I believe, is one of the major relationships of convenience signs. Both of us have just been running away from the realities of our relationship – the lack of time, lack of sexual satisfaction, lack of meaningful conversations about a life we’d want to build for ‘us’.
I feel that if we break up tomorrow, I won’t be that hurt because I know we would still be in touch as friends, everything would still be the same except the sex. It is true. We are comfortable in a relationship but not in love.
We are in a companionship vs relationship conundrum
She feels it’s fine to continue with the relationship because there isn’t a good enough reason for a breakup. Everything is going fine superficially and is perfect on the surface. Our relationship convenience makes her want to go on with this farcical love. We meet almost every day, talk, discuss work, discuss certain people, dine out, have a good sex life… but these are not good enough reasons to continue putting up with each other. What’s missing then? Love?
We still love each other – or so we tell ourselves and each other. The very thought of being away from her for a few months makes me sad, the thought of not sharing a piece of news with her makes me restless, the thought of not meeting her makes me crave her. But does that mean I’m in love?
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I have come to a stage where I’m fine with her flirting with someone else, she’s fine with me doing it – but that’s perfectly normal, isn’t it? Isn’t that how new-age couples are supposed to be… give each other enough ‘space’ right? Again that same old word, which seems to be ruining my relationship.
But sadly, I don’t get that uncomfortable feeling I once used to when I thought of my love having fun with someone else, even her falling in love with someone else. And so, I might as well fall in love with someone else while continuing with this relationship of convenience… I would still love her. Would that be considered being unfaithful or am I just getting comfortable with the idea of polyamory?
There Has To Be A Difference Between Love And Convenience
There is a weird limbo here and I don’t know how to pull ourselves out of it. But the real question that comes now, is do I even want to? Our relationship is at a stage where I can tell her how I feel, not over-sickening social media apps, but during a proper one-on-one, either snuggling in bed or over dinner. It might be difficult for me to explain. To make her realize that I’m not questioning our love or ungrateful for the kind of space in a relationship she’s given me.
Related Reading: How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend
Tell her I’m happy in the relationship but feel taken for granted and there needs to be a difference between love and convenience that I just don’t see anymore. I want to ask her for help. Reassure her that it’s not my love for her that is in limbo, but the relationship that is withering.
Tell her I adore her and respect her but there is something missing. Ask her whether she feels the same. Suggest taking a break to ensure that we’re not just together because it’s easy in this relationship of convenience. Figure out whether it’s life that’s been moving too quickly or our relationship. And do all of this only once I’ve figured out exactly what it is that is making things so off. The only question is – do I even want to?
Being convenient to someone or being in a relationship of convenience to someone is just letting someone depend on you because it’s easy for them and not because they care about you. They respect you but they do not love you in the way that you think they do.
If they only give you attention when they need you, shower affection based on their own terms and are never around when you need them.