What is real love? Does true love exist? Is love real? These questions, along with a hundred others, are quite normal if you are new to the “falling in love phase” or confused about your current relationship. The concept of true love is nothing short of science fiction. Realists may say love cannot be studied or understood but the writer in me has always been curious about love and the act of being loyal toward one person.
Love is an emotional bond that is formed when we focus more on giving than receiving. It is pretty fragile. If handled recklessly, it can damage even the strongest of us all. How do you know when love is real? It varies for different relationships, for people with different personalities at different circumstances, but there are a few common elements that can help you know whether what you’re experiencing is true love or not.
10 Facts To Know If It’s Your True Love Or Not
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True love is magical, but sometimes you wrap yourself in it so much that you start losing your identity. All you do is cater to your significant other’s needs and then all you become is their “other half”. True love isn’t finding yourself in another person while losing your persona and individuality.
So, then how do you know if your love is real? Read these ten facts to find out:
1. They become your best friend
Is love real is in itself a mystery. It is never how we expect it, neither the process of falling in love nor the journey of being in it. True love isn’t just about laughs and giggles or kisses and long walks on the beach. It’s about the little things that bring out true love in a relationship.
It is the intimacy of sharing both good and bad sides, the ugliest and silliest sides of yourselves. Revealing only your best qualities won’t help you in the long run. Is it really love if you have a mask on around your significant other? Showing your bad side isn’t a sign of being weak. It is a subtle and indirect way of saying you trust your partner.
How do you know when love is real? When you don’t have to tell them you are feeling low because they already know. Finding a friend and lover in the same person won’t make you question true love’s integrity. A friend knows every fiber of your being. If there is any shred of doubt in sharing the deepest thoughts of your mind, then they might not be the right one for you.
2. True love exists in comfortable silences
Our brain runs out of things to talk about at one point or another, naturally. Sometimes silence is relaxing and rejuvenating. Is it really love if silence hangs in the air awkwardly or sits in the room like an elephant you both see and ignore?
Does true love exist? It does. It exists in the silence between two lovers. You come home from a long day at work and all you want is some silent time with your partner, where you both can be at ease and just enjoy each other’s presence.
A healthy relationship is one where you can spend quality time with each other without feeling the pressure to fill it to the brim with exciting conversations. Herein lies the answer to how do you know when love is real. When sharing moments of silence with your partner becomes a healthy and soothing part of your relationship.
3. How do you know love is real?
Respect garners true love. The presence of love in a relationship is always determined by how your significant other treats you. Do they give you the respect you deserve? Respect acts as a catalyst to keep any relationship moving, smoothly. True love accepts your bad qualities as much as it accepts your good traits. Love is real when you know it is selfless love and not selfish love.
When you have respect for the person you chose to be in a relationship with, you learn to accept their beauty and flaws. True love in a relationship comes from acceptance. You both learn to adjust to each other’s ways and come up with a compromise that you can live with. If you respect your partner, you wouldn’t do things to hurt them, be it lying, manipulation, emotional or physical cheating.
4. True love doesn’t gaslight you
One thing you don’t ever want your partner to do is gaslighting. Gaslighting in relationships is a form of mental manipulation to gain control over another person. If they are your true love, they won’t make you question your sanity.
True love will never make you doubt yourself to a point where you start believing it’s true and begin questioning your reality. They will never be dismissive of your feelings. They will not dominate the conversation when you are having a conflict. True love will never manipulate you or exploit your sanity.
Related Reading: Am I In Love Or Infatuated | Solving The Dilemma
5. Your relationship is based on equality
Is love real? The answer to this question can be found in the intricacies of your relationship dynamics. A relationship doesn’t work on power and control. It works on equality and effort. Do they decide what you do on weekends? Do they decide when to have sex? Is it really love if they tell you to behave a certain way such as wearing modest clothes or being the skivvy of the house that you both share?
If your answer to these questions is yes, then it isn’t true love. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship where you both give each other the leverage to be who you are and who you want to be.
6. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy
Emotional intimacy is proximity characterized by mutual vulnerability and shared trust. True love in a relationship has emotional intimacy where couples build and maintain trust, communication, dependability, a sense of security and a safety net of love and a lifetime of support.
Choosing to trust each other without a tinge of doubt, with every fiber of your being is emotional intimacy. Asking the right questions to build emotional intimacy, letting them in on your deepest darkest secrets, your weaknesses, desires, ambitions, goals and whatnot. Them reciprocating everything you are put into the relationship is real love.
7. Being supportive of goals and ambitions
Love isn’t real if they focus and prioritize their goals over yours. Are they paralyzing you with doubts and fears by showing potential obstacles to stop you from pursuing your passion and dreams? That’s a big red flag.
If they are encouraging you to follow your dreams, if they ask you to ignore these obstacles and assure you they would be by your side at all times, then you can stop asking is love real. It sure is if they actively participate in the attainment of your goals.
8. Is love real? It is if it brings you peace
Is love real? Love has no physical existence that we can point at and say yes, love is real. It is subjective. True love is giving. It is awakening and it will fill you with a sense of calmness as if you are sitting by the ocean 24×7 and listening to the sound of waves.
We all crave a peaceful loving relationship where just our partner’s presence is enough to bring a sense of tranquility inside you and around you. Eventually, the honeymoon phase will simmer down and you begin to see the real sides of each other. When that evokes a sense of calm familiarity, you will know it is real love.
9. True love in a relationship isn’t damaged by conflict
Squabbles and fights are natural in every relationship. The trick isn’t in going back to your normal selves after a fight, it’s how you fight while being your normal selves. True love exists in the amiability and kindness they show you during a fight, and after.
True love addresses resentment amicably. If your partner is holding onto the anger and being stubborn even after a genuine, heartfelt apology, they aren’t the right one for you. Forgiveness is important if you want the relationship to last.
Related Reading: Are You Falling In Love Too Fast? 8 Reasons You Should Slow Down
10. In true love, you just know that they are the one
The person you are in love with may not share your interests or have everything in common with you, but they will respect your differences and partake in your activities. You know it’s true love if they talk about having a future with you.
It isn’t love if they compare you with their previous lovers, whether in good aspects or negative aspects. They aren’t over their ex yet. If they tell you how their relationship used to be or how you should be more like their ex, walk away right that instant. You deserve so much better. These are all red flags that will leave you questioning, “Does true love exist?” and learn to watch out for such red flags in a relationship.
Mostly it’s the little things. The thought of them not being around aches your soul. The pure bliss of waking up next to them and finding solace in their arms. Your true love will want to protect you and the relationship. Actions speak louder than words. If they say they love you but their actions speak otherwise, it is not real love. A relationship is like a river. You should let it flow naturally. Controlling it isn’t true love. When you connect on a deeper level, it is real love.
Is love real? Yes, it is and you can experience true love more than once. Always be kind in loving someone. It cannot get simpler than that. Some come from bad experiences, which turn them hostile and negative toward love. Be mindful of their past experiences and never engage in a tit for tat mentality. If you hurt them because they hurt you, it is not true love.
The right one for you is out there. Don’t lose hope yet. And the next time you find yourself wondering is love real, know that it is. Except that different people have different and odd ways of choosing and showing love.
One of the major signs from a man is selfless love. There will never be an “I” factor. It will always be “we” or “us”. You will know it is real love when he isn’t afraid to show you off to his friends and family. He will be there for you in your good and bad times. He’d be confident about your relationship and include you in all the decision-making processes. You will know his love is real when he isn’t afraid to be vulnerable around you. He shows you his weaknesses as well as his strengths.
A real relationship is one in which both partners can give each other the best of themselves. If they make genuine emotional investments in the relationship, it is real. True love may come with its shares of ups and downs. What makes a relationship real and meaningful is how two people give and receive empathy, compassion, loyalty, intimacy and everything white, blue and gray of your characters.
Love is love. True and pure are just synonyms of one another. As long as your love for each other increases with time, it is real love. You will know love is real as long as you are both willing to compromise and let go of little conflicts. Both true love and pure love are far-flung from egoistic and self-centered people. If a person is headstrong and unbending, they possibly cannot offer true love. Kindness always wins, in life and in love.