Falling in love feels great. And is it falling in love too fast? Well, that’s even better, isn’t it? It’s hard not to be seduced by the perks that come along with it – long, passionate hours of talking, endless texting and weekend getaways. The passion is real. You talk always, and he feels like the one.
Before you know it, you are knee-deep in love with a man or a woman you know only for three months. And then boom! The relationship falls apart as fast as it blossomed.
As ecstatic as it might feel to be in love but are you savouring the process of falling in love or are you rushing into it too fast?
What is the average time to fall in love?
Sounds like a rhetorical question but have you ever wondered how long it takes to fall in love? Movie heroes fall in love in the blink of an eye, but the reality is a bit different.
According to a study by the Journal of Social Psychology, men take about three months to say the three magical words. Women, true to their nature, take about 134 days to fess up to their feelings. If you are having sex with this person, chances are the falling in love part will come sooner than expected. The orgasms you have and the dopamine, serotonin and other “feel good” hormones all hasten the process of falling in love.
Are you falling in love too fast?
Rushing in love is not the idea; the idea is to let love evolve organically. Maybe you are in a hurry to get into a relationship, but rushing in one will only cause you pain and hurt. And at times, regret. If you are exhibiting these signs, you are falling in love too fast.
1. You are constantly connected
Day in and day out, you communicate with each other. Texting, IMs, telephone conversations, you name it – you are doing it. And you feel good about it. You are also into analysing texts. And space, you ask? What space?
2. You feel good
Being in love kicks off the dopamine changes in the brain. The oxytocin, famously known as the love chemical fills the mind with trust and respect, especially after sex. You feel you trust this person. And with confidence comes great love.
3. Spending time together has a whole new meaning
Sleeping over at their place has become the new normal. Even if it’s someone you matched with on Tinder and few nights together have made you believe in eternal romance.
Related reading: 8 Signs From the Universe that Love Is Coming Your Way
4. Your friends and family take a backseat
People falling in love too fast usually devote their energy and time to one person, while their family and friends get blurred in the background. Have you been meeting your bae every night of the week but have hidden messages and missed calls from your friends? If you are alienating close ones (which is not a great thing to do) to spend time with your beau, it’s because you are busy falling in love too hard, too fast.
5. You are in a rebound
You have had a breakup and have been hurt, and this new person walks in and you feel relieved and at peace instantly. Love? No, not really. It is your need to get that emotional support, that connection and that feeling that you are not alone anymore. You are rushing things because you do not want to be alone. You are in a rebound relationship.
6. Haven’t seen their other side yet but you are okay with it
You feel secure around them, even though you might not have yet seen them angry or sad, or drunk. Your perspective of love for them is based solely on how you see them. You can be setting yourself up for hurt later if their other side is not quite what you had imagined.
Is love a circle for you? – Are you fleeting from one end of a relationship to the beginning of another? Consciously falling in love very early in a new relationship is a natural thing for you? People generally feel the need for self-gratification after a breakup from a past relationship, and even though a relationship is supposed to be a rebound, you end up falling in love. If tragedy hits, the circle continues.
8 Reasons you should slow down if you are falling in love too fast
Before you fall in love too soon and start obsessing about the labels in the relationship, take a breather. A relationship moving too quickly can burn out fast. So before you madly, deeply fall in love, consider the possibility of slowing down and letting the link run its course. Consider these few things first.
1. You don’t know the person
There might a something called ‘love at first sight’ or knowing you have found the one for you in such a short time, but those things rarely happen. You only know the real reasons to love someone over a more extended period. Slow down and take time to get to know the person after the date, after the sex, after a big fight.
2. You might be committing to something you might not want
Does she like men chasing her? Does he like monogamy? Are you looking for an Edward-Bella kind of eternal love? Is marriage even on the cards? Falling in love too fast before knowing what your partner wants is setting yourself up for heartbreak. Try slowing down until you know you both want the same thing.
3. You might lose touch with yourself
Spending too much time with one another can make you forget the things you actually like. Not painting a canvas in a month? Haven’t been reading much? Devoting all your attention to one person can make you lose touch with who you are. You want to be an original, not a copy of your present lover.
4. They might not feel the same about you
Falling in love too fast does not guarantee that your bae feels the same for you. Wearing your heart on your sleeves leaves you exposed and vulnerable, and your boo gets the upper hand. They might not be comfortable with not being able to reciprocate your love which might lead to some tensions. Or worse, you are open for exploitation in every way. Your boo might not be the man you think he is.
5. Your emotional compatibility might not match
Love is more of an emotional connection than a sexual one. Just because he can make you orgasm, does not mean your passionate compatibility matches. Your boo might not be too emotionally free to express love in the way you want them to. That might create rifts in the relationship in the future.
6. You might be settling for less
All the dopamine, oxytocin and orgasms might cloud your judgement, and you mistake lust for love, you might be paying for less than. You would be ready to overlook their wrong side, just because your brain is a hot cock pot of love drugs. You might be giving them more shots at proving their worth for you which should not be the case. There might be another person out there more perfect for you that you are turning a blind eye to.
Related reading: Top 3 things to ‘do’ and ‘not do’ when you are in a relationship
7. You will miss out on the gentle falling in love
There are subtle moments in a relationship where you look at your boo and think, “I am a lucky SOB to have this amazing man by my side” or “I want our kids to have her eyes”. Moments like these hit you with the reality that you have fallen in love. Take time to savour these moments. Love is not supposed to make you fall. It should instead let you float a few inches above the ground, securely tethered to your safety net (your boo).
8. Because SRK says so
Okay, hear me out.
Hum Kitni Qursiyan Dekhte Hain Koyi Ek Lene Se Pehle… Phir Apna Life Partner Choose Karne Se Pehle Options Dekhne Main Kya Problem Hai1?
SRK’s pearls of wisdom from Dear Zindagi sums up exactly why you should slow down while falling in love. The chair analogy in the movie refers to a thunder-fast exclusivity we give to relationships. Do not settle for the first chair you see in a store. Instead, try out the other chairs to see what you are more comfortable with. The same applies to people.
Scary as all these sounds, don’t shy away from love altogether. Practice patience in love, letting your bae express their feelings first.
Exclusivity is thrilling for you, but that might be all that takes for a relationship to crash and burn.