Falling in love feels great. But are you falling in love too fast? It’s hard not to be seduced by the perks that come with falling in love – long, passionate hours of talking, endless texting and weekend getaways. The passion is real. You always talk, and he feels like the one. Before you know it, you are knee-deep in love with a man or a woman you know only for a few weeks. And then boom! The relationship falls apart as fast as it bloomed. Then you move on, and soon you are falling in love again. If you see this pattern in yourself, maybe you should ask yourself, “Do I fall in love too fast?”
As ecstatic as it might feel to be in love, are you savoring the process of falling in love or are you rushing into it too fast? If you are wondering how fast can you fall in love? Here’s a clue. The average time to fall in love can be around 88 days for men and 134 days for women, before they say those three magic words, says a research done by YouGov for eHarmony.
Is there even a thing like falling in love too fast? Yes, there is. If you look at the hugely successful Disney movie Frozen, then you will know that a person can fall in love too quickly and even decide to get married after seeing a person only once, as Princess Anna does. But the consequences of falling in love too fast are never too good. That’s also shown in the film.
What Is The Average Time To Fall In Love?
Sounds like a rhetorical question but have you wondered how long does it take to fall in love? Movie heroes and heroines fall in love in the blink of an eye, but the reality is a bit different. So how fast can you fall in love? If you look at these facts about love, then you will see that falling in love too quickly has physical and psychological aspects to it. You can blame it on chemical concoctions your brain creates or it could be your genes acting up as well. A crush lasts for 4 months but if you still feel attracted after that then it has turned into love.
Related Reading: The Difference Between Making Love And Having Sex
Do you ask yourself, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” One of the reasons is, if you are having sex with your partner, chances are that the falling in love part will come sooner than expected. The orgasms you have and the dopamine, serotonin and other feel good hormones all hasten the process of falling in love quickly.
In the same survey 43% men said they had sex within a month of their relationship while 36% women said they took longer. Another interesting find in the survey was the average time for falling in love for people in the age group of 18-24 was far more. At least they definitely took much longer to hold hands and kiss. Another interesting find in the survey was the average time for falling in love for people in the age group of 18-24 was far more. At least they definitely took much longer to hold hands and kiss.
Are You Falling In Love Too Fast?
Rushing into love is not the idea; the idea is to let love evolve organically. Maybe you are in a hurry to get into a relationship, but rushing into one will only cause you pain and hurt. Soon you find yourself asking the question, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” You are not alone. In fact, you might even have a friend who falls in love too fast and each time it is as profound as their first love. A person who falls in love easily is called a serial monogamist.
If you are exhibiting these signs, you are indeed falling in love too fast. By now we have told you what’s the average time of falling in love, if you are doing things earlier then that, then you know you are rushing love. There might be many reasons why you are the type of person who falls in love too fast. It seems you can’t help yourself despite knowing that you have to deal with frequent breakups and the accompanying heartbreak. If you find yourself in this category, this might be a good reason to pause and ask yourself, “Do I fall in love too fast?” To help you get a better understanding of your situation, here are some pointers to figuring out if you are a person who is falling in love too quickly.
1. You are constantly connected
Day in and day out, you communicate with each other. You are constantly texting, sending cute messages about how much you miss him, even though it’s been just a few hours. You send IMs, then there are the telephone conversations, you name it, you are doing it. And you feel good about it. Later on, you spend hours analyzing texts. It seems your whole focus is on the relationship and on him. And space, you ask? What space? If within a few weeks you find yourself head over heels in love with someone you just met, then you are probably falling in love too quickly and need to slow down a bit.
2. You feel good
Being in love kicks off the dopamine changes in the brain. The oxytocin, famously known as the love chemical, plays an important role in human behavior including sexual arousal, trust and romantic attachment That’s why after sex, you feel relaxed, cuddly and that you can trust this person. And with confidence comes great love. It’s a no brainer why many of us keep falling in love too quickly. We feel great and on top of the world and don’t we all like being there?
3. Spending time together has a whole new meaning
Sleeping over at their place has become the new normal. Even if it’s someone you matched with on Tinder. Perhaps, you are not the Tinder type, but still enjoy using dating apps. Sure enough, you meet your current date via one of the many alternative dating sites to Tinder. And the few nights you spend together have made you believe in eternal romance. You are already picturing a house, a garden and kids with someone you just met via a dating app and ended up sleeping together. Don’t be surprised when the relationship fizzles out and you find yourself on the hunt again for your next love interest. You can see that you are falling in love too fast after a breakup, but you can’t stop yourself. Don’t worry, we have some pointers to help you slow down if you are falling in love too fast.
4. Your friends and family take a backseat
People falling in love too fast usually devote their energy and time to one person, while their family and friends get blurred in the background. You are even being totally clingy and your partner is getting irritated. Instead of a happy relationship you might end up pushing your partner away. Be mindful of a person’s space including your partner’s. Giving each other space is very important to establishing healthy boundaries in relationships.
Ask yourself, have you been meeting your lover every night of the week but have hidden messages and missed calls from your friends? If you are alienating close ones (which is not a great thing to do) to spend time with your partner, it’s because you are busy falling in love too hard, too fast. Of course, you are excited and would like to spend every waking hour with your partner, but be realistic. He too needs his space and he has his own friends and family. A healthy relationship reflects a wider circle of good friends and supportive family.
5. You are on a rebound
You have had a breakup and have been hurt, and this new person walks in and you feel relieved and at peace instantly. Love? No, not really. It is your need to get that emotional support, that connection and that feeling that you are not alone anymore. You are rushing things because you do not want to be alone. You are in a rebound relationship. In other words, you are falling in love when you are emotionally unstable. After any emotional breakup, people feel vulnerable. This is the time to be more careful, than careless. Have a fling if that makes you happy, but don’t think of any serious relationships while you are still emotionally hurt.
6. Haven’t seen their other side but you are okay with it
You feel secure around them, even though you might not have seen them angry or sad, or drunk. Your perspective of love is based solely on how you see them. You can be setting yourself up for hurt later, if their other side is not quite what you had imagined. Try and build emotional intimacy as a way of getting to know your partner better. Is love a circle for you? Do you find that you are fleeing from one end of a relationship to the beginning of another? Do you find that falling in love very early in a new relationship is a natural thing for you?
If you are answering yes to these questions then know that people generally feel the need for self-gratification after a breakup from a past relationship. Sometimes, even though it is supposed to be a rebound relationship, you end up falling in love. If tragedy hits, the circle continues. You keep repeating the pattern, you keep falling in love too fast after a breakup. If you are in a place of self-reflection and are wondering, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” we hope these reasons listed below help you slow down and take stock of your relationship before diving in.
8 Reasons You Should Slow Down If You Are Falling In Love Too Fast
You already know the answer to your query, how fast can you fall in love? So, before you fall in love too fast and start obsessing about the labels in the relationship, take a breather. For love to last there should be an average time to fall in love. A relationship moving too quickly can burn out fast. So before you madly, deeply fall in love too quickly, consider the possibility of slowing down and letting the link run its course. Consider these few things especially if you are the type of person admitting to themselves that `I fall in love too fast’.
1. You don’t know the person
There might a something called ‘love at first sight’ or knowing you have found the one for you in such a short time, but those things rarely happen. For most of us, falling in love is a process that takes time. Time that is spent in getting to know the other person better. The things they like and do not like, their food choices, whether they like traveling or not. Knowing how much of their personality matches with yours is a strong indication of whether you both have a happy future together. So slow down and take time to get to know the person after the date, after the sex, after a relationship big fight.
Related Reading: Top 3 Things To ‘Do’ And ‘Not Do’ When You Are In A Relationship
2. You might be committing to something you might not want
Does she like men chasing her? Does he like monogamy? Are you looking for an Edward-Bella kind of eternal love? Is marriage even on the cards? Falling in love too fast before knowing what your partner wants is setting yourself up for heartbreak. Try slowing down until you know you both want the same thing.
Similarly, if you are falling in love when you are emotionally unstable. It is a particularly emotional time for you and you might think you are in love just because of the temporary comfort of your partner’s good side. In the long run, it can only lead to another breakup and more pain for you. It is a vicious cycle of love and pain and it is up to you to break the pattern by slowing down.
3. You might lose touch with yourself
Spending too much time with one another can make you forget the things you actually like. Not painted a canvas in a month? Haven’t been reading much? Haven’t met your friends of late? Devoting all your attention to one person can make you lose touch with who you are. You want to be an original, not a copy of your present lover.
In fact, when you continue to take interest in your life other than your man, he will love and respect you even more. He will see that you are very much your own person with your own mind, your own interests and your own circle of good friends. He will understand that he needs to win your love and attention. And men like to impress. So the idea is try not to fall in love too fast or you will miss out on the game of the chase.
4. They might not feel the same about you
Falling in love too fast does not guarantee that your partner feels the same about you. Wearing your heart on your sleeves leaves you exposed and vulnerable, and your partner gets the upper hand. You might be wooing them but they might not feel as involved as you feel about the relationship. They might not be comfortable with not being able to reciprocate your love which might lead to some tensions. Or worse, you are open for exploitation in every way. Your partner might not be the man or woman you think they are.
5. Your emotional compatibility might not match
Love is more of an emotional connection than a sexual one. Just because he can make you orgasm, does not mean your passion compatibility matches. Your partner might not be too emotionally free to express love in the way you want them to. That might create rifts in the relationship in the future. So pay attention to your emotional state and wellbeing because you don’t want to keep falling in love when you are emotionally unstable.
6. You might be settling for less
Are you asking yourself, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” It could be thanks to the happy hormones. All the dopamine, oxytocin and orgasms might cloud your judgment, and if you mistake lust for love, you might be paying for less than. If you are someone who keeps falling in love too quickly, you would be ready to overlook their wrong side, just because your brain is a hot crock pot of love drugs. You might be giving them more shots at proving their worth for you which should not be the case. There might be another person out there more perfect for you that you are turning a blind eye to.
Related Reading: 8 Signs From The Universe That Love Is Coming Your Way
7. You will miss out on the gentle falling in love
There are subtle moments in a relationship where you look at your partner and think, “I am a lucky SOB to have this amazing man by my side” or “I want our kids to have her eyes”. Moments like these hit you with the reality that you have fallen in love. Take time to savor these moments. Love is not supposed to make you fall. It should instead let you float a few inches above the ground, securely tethered to your safety net (your partner). There should be an average time to fall in love. And by now you are well equipped to recognize the signs of falling in love too quickly.
8. Be realistic
Okay, hear me out. You admit to yourself that you keep falling in love too fast. The breakups are equally fast and furious. You are tired and emotionally drained. This might be a good time to step back and avoid dating for sometime. Falling in love when you are emotionally unstable can bring you more unhappiness.
Instead spend your time and money on yourself. Treat yourself to the company of good friends and family. Treat yourself to a fabulous meal and a day at the spa. Take a walk in a forest and soak in the quiet and peace. All these wonderful emotions that you seek in another person by falling in love too quickly, you can just as easily find doing the things that make you happy. Remember, don’t settle for less. Think about it. When you go shopping for your home, do you settle for the first chair you see in a store? No. Instead try out the other chairs to see what you are more comfortable with. The same applies to people.
What is the psychology of falling in love too fast?
Some people have a tendency to fall in love too fast, too easily and too often. This tendency is known as emophilia. There are several reasons why some people have the tendency of falling in love too quickly. It could be the reward factor that draws them toward love. However, people with anxious dispositions also fall in love quickly. In this case, they are motivated by the avoidance of negative emotions like fear and anxiety.
If you are primed to fall in love too quickly, you will find yourself easily turned on by people who have Machiavellian, narcissist and even psychopathic tendencies – known as the Dark Triad traits. For example, when you don’t know a narcissist well, their inflated self-views might make them appear friendly and confident. In the long haul, you will find yourself alone and ignored by your partner who is more concerned by their looks than your happiness.
People high in emophilia tend to be attracted to people with Dark Triad traits. Findings, however, reveal that they are also attracted to just about any personality type. Unfortunately, their love of being in love makes them especially prone to fall for the wrong kind of personalities.
If you think you have emophilia tendencies, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It just means you are vulnerable to falling in love too fast and most probably with the wrong person. The first step is take our quiz on how to know if someone is right. If you are still undecided, then another good idea is to vet your partner. Bring along a trusted friend or family member who can offer a second opinion should you be thinking about marriage.
Yes, if you are falling in love too fast then you will not know if it’s infatuation or true love. You will not know if you are physically compatible, or mentally connected and plunge into the relationship. You might regret that later.
Love at first sight is sometimes a real thing. Some people do fall in love very quickly but that’s not applicable to everyone.
There is an average time to fall in love. For women it is 134 days and for men it’s 88 days according to an YouGov survey. The sensible thing to do is slow down and know the person better, check how mentally and physically in tune you are and if you are on the same page about your values and aspirations.
A person who falls in love too fast is called a serial monogamist. Someone who falls in love too fast is in all probability infatuated and not truly in love. It does take some time to realize you are madly in love with someone.