Falling in love feels great. But are you falling in love too fast? It’s hard not to be seduced by the perks that come with falling in love – long hours of talking, endless texting, and weekend getaways. The passion is real. You always talk, and it feels like they’re the one. Before you know it, you are knee-deep in love with a man or a woman you’ve known only for a few weeks. And then boom, the relationship falls apart as fast as it bloomed. Then you move on, and soon you are falling in love again.
If you see this pattern in yourself, maybe you should ask yourself, “Did I fall in love too fast?” As ecstatic as it might feel to be in love, are you savoring the process of falling in love, or are you rushing into it too fast? If you are wondering how fast you can fall in love, here’s a clue. The average time to fall in love can be around 88 days for men and 134 days for women before they say those three magic words, according to research done by YouGov for eHarmony.
Is there even a thing like falling in love too fast? Yes, there is. Is falling for someone too fast even possible? Yes, it is. The trouble is that this concept is normalized by pop culture to such an extent that most people don’t even realize they’re rushing into love. Case in point, the hugely successful Disney movie Frozen where Princess Anna falls in love too quickly and even decides to marry Prince Hans after seeing him only once. But the consequences of falling in love too fast are never too good. That’s also shown in the film.
What Is The Average Time To Fall In Love?
Sounds like a rhetorical question but have you wondered how long it takes to fall in love? Movies often show the protagonists falling in love in the blink of an eye, but the reality is a bit different. So how fast can you fall in love? Facts about love tell us that falling in love too quickly has physical and psychological aspects to it. You can blame it on chemical concoctions your brain creates or it could be a result of your attachment style rooted in childhood experiences and traumas.
Typically, a crush lasts 4 months but if you still feel attracted to a person after that, then it has turned into love. Do you ask yourself, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?”? One of the reasons could be having sex with the person you’re attracted to. Sexual intimacy can speed along the process of falling in love, thanks to feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin released upon reaching an orgasms.
In the aforementioned research, 43% of men said they had sex within a month of their relationship while 36% of women said they took longer. Another interesting finding in the survey was that the average time for falling in love for people in the age group of 18-24 years was far more. At least, they took much longer to hold hands and kiss.
Related Reading: The Difference Between Making Love And Having Sex
Are You Falling In Love Too Fast?
“Did I fall in love too fast?” “Am I falling in love too easily?” Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” “Am I falling in love too fast?” If these questions have been on your mind for whatever reason, it helps to take cognizance of your attachment patterns. Perhaps, you are in a hurry to get into a relationship because being on your own is too uncomfortable. That in itself is a big red flag that should tell you that the path you’re on only leads to pain and hurt.
If you’re someone who falls in love too fast and, each time, it is as profound as the first love, you could be somewhat of a serial monogamist. Rushing into love should never be the idea; the idea is to let love evolve organically. Even so, many people find themselves trapped in this vicious cycle and there might be many reasons why you are the type of person who falls in love too fast.
It seems you can’t help yourself despite knowing that you have to deal with frequent breakups and the accompanying heartbreak. If you find yourself in this category, this might be a good reason to pause and ask yourself, “Do I fall in love too fast?” To help you get a better understanding of your situation, here are some pointers to figuring out if you are a person who is falling in love too quickly.
1. You are constantly connected
You communicate with your romantic interest day in and day out. You are constantly messaging, sending cute texts about how much you miss him or her, even though it’s been just a few hours since you saw them. Then you top it up with long drawn-out telephone conversations. And you feel good about it.
Later, you spend hours analyzing texts. It seems your whole focus is on the relationship and them. And space? What space, you ask? If you find yourself head over heels in love with someone you just met, then you are probably falling in love too easily and need to slow down a bit.
2. Falling in love too fast – You feel good
Being in love kicks off the dopamine changes in the brain. The oxytocin, famously known as the love chemical, plays an important role in human behavior including sexual arousal, trust, and romantic attachment. That’s why after sex, you feel relaxed, cuddly, and vulnerable with this person. And with this confidence comes great love. It’s a no-brainer why many of us keep falling in love too quickly. We feel great and on top of the world and don’t we all like being there?
3. Spending time together has a whole new meaning
Sleeping over at their place has become the new normal. Even if it’s someone you matched with on a dating app. Perhaps, you meet your current date through one of the many alternative dating sites to Tinder, and the few nights you spend together have made you believe in eternal romance.
You are already picturing a house, a garden, and kids with someone you just met via a dating app and ended up sleeping with. Don’t be surprised when the relationship fizzles out and you find yourself lamenting, “Why do I fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt?” You can see that you are falling in love too fast after a breakup but you can’t stop yourself.
4. Your friends and family take a backseat
People falling in love too fast usually devote their energy and time to one person, while their family and friends get blurred in the background. You even start being clingy, which may irritate your romantic interest. Instead of slowly building a happy relationship, you might end up pushing your partner away.
It’s important to be mindful of others’ personal space, including your partner’s. Giving each other space is very important to establish healthy boundaries in relationships. Ask yourself, have you been meeting your lover every night of the week but have ignored messages and missed calls from your friends? If you are alienating close ones (which is not a great thing to do) to spend time with your partner, it’s because you are busy falling in love too hard, too fast.
Of course, you are excited and would like to spend every waking hour with your partner but be realistic. Spending every waking (and, in this case, sleeping) moment together isn’t the way to build a lasting bond with a romantic interest. A healthy relationship is one that has room for a wider circle of good friends and supportive family for both partners.
5. You are on a rebound
You have had a breakup and been hurt, and this new person walks in and you feel relieved and at peace instantly. Love? No, not really. It is your need to feel an emotional connection and support. You want that assurance that you are not alone anymore. You are rushing things because you do not want to be alone. You are in a rebound relationship.
In other words, you are falling in love when you are emotionally unstable. After a breakup, people feel vulnerable. This is the time to be more careful. Have a fling, if that makes you happy, but don’t think of getting into any serious relationship while you are still emotionally hurt.
Is love a circle for you? Do you find that you are fleeing from one end of a relationship to the beginning of another? Do you find that falling in love very early in a new relationship is a natural thing for you? If you are answering yes to these questions, then know that people generally feel the need for self-gratification after a breakup from a past relationship. Sometimes, even though it is supposed to be a rebound relationship, you end up falling in love.
If tragedy hits, the circle continues. You keep repeating the pattern, you keep falling in love too fast after a breakup. If you are in a place of self-reflection and are wondering, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” ,we hope these reasons listed below help you slow down and take stock of your relationship before diving in.
6. Haven’t seen their other side but you are okay with it
You feel secure around them, even though you might not have seen them angry or sad, or drunk. Basically, you haven’t seen them at their worst. Your perspective of love is based solely on how you see them. You can be setting yourself up for hurt later if their other side is not quite what you had imagined. Try to build emotional intimacy and get to know your partner better before you start making lofty plans about the future.
Related Reading: 20 Ways To Make Your Husband Fall In Love With You Again
8 Reasons You Should Slow Down If You Are Falling In Love Too Fast
You already know the answer to how fast can you fall in love as well as the average time to fall in love. So, before you fall in love too fast and start obsessing about the labels in the relationship, take a breather. A relationship moving too quickly can burn out fast. So before you fall in love too quickly, madly, and deeply, consider the possibility that not every romantic connection translates into a happily ever after, some just run their course and fizzle out. Consider the following reasons to slow down, if you are beginning to admit to yourself, “I fall in love too fast”:
1. You don’t know the person
There may be something called love at first sight or knowing you have found the one soon after you set your eyes on them, but these things rarely happen. For most of us, falling in love is a process that takes time. Time that is spent in getting to know the other person better. The things they like and do not like, their food choices, and whether they like traveling or not. Knowing how much of their personality matches with yours is a strong indication of whether both of you have a happy future together. So, slow down and take time to get to know the person after a date, sex, or the first big fight in your relationship.
2. You might be committing to something you might not want
Does she like men chasing her? Does he believe in monogamy? Are you looking for an Edward-Bella kind of eternal love? Is marriage even on the cards? Falling in love too fast before knowing what your partner wants is setting yourself up for heartbreak. Try slowing down until you know that both of you want the same things.
Similarly, try to take things slow if you are falling in love when you are emotionally unstable. If you are in a vulnerable place emotionally, you might think you are in love just because of the temporary comfort your partner’s good side brings you. In the long run, it may lead to another breakup and more pain for you. It is a vicious cycle of love and pain and it is up to you to break the pattern by slowing down instead of falling in love too easily.
3. You might lose touch with yourself
Not painted a canvas in a month? Haven’t been reading much? Haven’t met your friends of late? Haven’t seen your family in a while? Devoting all your attention to one person can make you lose touch with who you are. You want to be an original, not a copy of your present lover. After all, your relationship with yourself is the most important.
In fact, when you continue to have a full life outside of your relationship, your partner will love and respect you even more. Learn to love yourself. Your partner will see that you are very much your own person with your own mind, interests, and circle of good friends. They will understand that they need to win your love and attention. When you learn how not to fall in love too fast, you give the other person a chance to make an effort to win you over. That goes a long way in ensuring that they don’t take you for granted.
4. They might not feel the same about you
Falling in love too fast does not guarantee that the other person also feels the same about you. Wearing your heart on your sleeve leaves you exposed and vulnerable and gives them the upper hand. You might be wooing them but they might not feel as invested in the relationship as you. They might be uncomfortable with reciprocating your love, which might lead to friction between you. Or worse, you might be exploited in every way. Your partner might not be the man or woman you think they are.
5. You may lack emotional compatibility
Love is more of an emotional connection than a sexual one. Just because there is spark and passion in an equation does not mean that there will be emotional compatibility too. Your partner might not be comfortable expressing love the way you want them to. This might create a rift in the relationship in the future. So, pay attention to your emotional needs when choosing a partner because you don’t want to keep falling in love with someone who cannot meet your needs or reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity.
6. You might be settling for less
“Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” If you’re finally beginning to see a pattern and are grappling with this question, some deeper introspection may be warranted. Perhaps, you struggle with insecure attachment style and tend to get too needy and clingy in a romantic connection too quickly. Or it could be one of the signs of low self-esteem in a relationship. These two underlying triggers for falling in love too fast aren’t mutually exclusive, and are often interconnected.
Whatever the reason, owing to some underlying issues that you’re yet aware of, you could be settling for just about anyone willing to offer you crumbs of love and attention. Even when you know they don’t deserve it, you might continue giving them second (or 100th) chances to treat you the way you deserve to be. But in the process, you may be shutting down the possibility of meeting someone new who could be perfect for you and who loves and values you for who you are.
7. You miss out on the gentle experience of falling in love
There are subtle moments in a relationship where you look at your partner and think, “I am a lucky SOB to have this amazing man by my side” or “I want our kids to have her eyes”. Moments like these hit you with the reality that you have fallen in love. Take time to savor these moments. Love is not supposed to make you fall. It should instead let you float a few inches above the ground, securely tethered to your safety net (your partner). The average time to fall in love allows you to cherish this experience. By now, you are well equipped to recognize the signs of falling in love too fast.
Related Reading: Top 3 Things To ‘Do’ And ‘Not Do’ When You Are In A Relationship
8. Be realistic
Okay, hear us out. You admit to yourself that you keep falling in love too fast. The breakups are equally fast and furious. You are tired and emotionally drained. This might be a good time to step back and avoid dating for some time. Falling in love when you are emotionally weak or unstable can bring you more unhappiness.
Instead, spend your time and money on yourself. Treat yourself to the company of good friends and family. Treat yourself to a fabulous meal and a day at the spa. Take a walk in a forest and soak in the quiet and peace. All these wonderful emotions that you seek in another person by falling in love too quickly can be experienced just as easily by doing the things that make you happy. Remember, don’t settle for less. Think about it. When you go shopping for your home, do you settle for the first chair you see in a store? No. Instead, you try out the other chairs to see what you are more comfortable with. The same applies to people.
What Is The Psychology Of Falling In Love Too Fast?
Some people have a tendency to fall in love too fast, too easily and too often. This tendency is known as emophilia. There are several reasons why people fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt. It could be the reward factor that draws them toward love. However, people with anxious dispositions also fall in love quickly. In this case, they are motivated by the avoidance of negative emotions like fear and anxiety.
If you are primed to fall in love too quickly, you will find yourself easily turned on by people who have Machiavellian, narcissist, and even psychopathic tendencies – known as the Dark Triad traits. For example, when you don’t know a narcissist well, their inflated self-views might make them appear friendly and confident. In the long haul, you will find yourself alone and ignored by your partner who is more concerned with their looks than your happiness.
People high on emophilia tend to be attracted to people with the Dark Triad traits. They are also attracted to just about any personality type. They are basically in love with the idea of being in love. Unfortunately, their love of being in love makes them especially prone to fall for the wrong kind of people.
If you think you have emophilia tendencies, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It just means you are vulnerable to falling in love too fast and most probably with the wrong person. The first step is to take our quiz on how to know if someone is right. If you are still undecided, then another good idea is to vet your partner. Bring along a trusted friend or family member who can offer a sound, unbiased opinion on whether a person you’re falling in love with is worth the emotional labor and investment.
How To Stop Falling In Love Too Fast
“I fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt.” “How do I stop myself from falling in love so fast?” If you can relate to a few of the above-mentioned signs of falling in love too easily, then such thoughts might have crossed your mind at some point. Falling for someone too fast is quite easy but to stop doing the same can be hard. But hey, it’s hard, not impossible. Here are a few ways you can stop yourself from falling in love too fast:
1. Think about whether you are a good match
When you feel like you are falling in love too easily, take a step back and think about whether you’re a good match. Think about whether you’re compatible with each other. Observe the person’s behavior, personality traits, and likes and dislikes. People have a tendency to overlook a person’s flaws when they are falling in love too fast. Don’t make that mistake. Ask yourself if you’re getting emotionally involved way too fast.
Make note of the person’s shortcomings and negative behavior patterns and look into your own as well. Check how similar or different your habits, hobbies, interests, opinions, and beliefs are. Will it be able to survive the different stages of a long-term relationship? Will it work in the long run? Take all these factors into consideration before you start imagining a fairy tale life with them.
2. Focus on yourself and your goals
Falling for someone too fast can make you lose sight of your personal and professional goals. Try to avoid that. Remind yourself that you’re an independent individual, who has an identity of their own. Remind yourself that you are complete on your own and that you can live your life by yourself just fine. You don’t need someone to make you feel complete or happy. You can do that for yourself. You are emotionally independent. At the same time, focus on your dreams, goals, and ambition.
Related Reading: 8 Signs From The Universe That Love Is Coming Your Way
3. Limit contact
This is crucial if you want to stop falling in love with every guy you meet or every girl who gives you a second glance. You need to distract yourself from thinking about them. An effective way to do that is to limit contact with this person you seem to have fallen in love with. Avoid spending too much time with them. Limit phone calls, conversations over text, and social media bonding. Create healthy boundaries and avoid meeting the person as much as you can. Control your urge to stalk them on social media or flirt with them.
4. Spend time with friends
Spending time with friends and loved ones is an effective way to prevent yourself from falling in love too fast. Friends can act as a reality check and stop you from doing something drastic. Tell them about how you feel for this person and ask them for their honest opinion. Your friends know you the best. They’ll be able to tell you whether you’re falling for someone too fast or whether you have unrealistic expectations from this person or relationship. Plus, they’ll help you recharge yourself by being your strongest support system.
It’s natural to want to love and be loved by someone. But, love can also cause you to make poor decisions and leave you with the “I fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt” feeling. Love is a beautiful and powerful emotion, which is why you need to be careful about falling in love too fast. You never know, it might just end up being an infatuation or a whirlwind romance that leads you nowhere. You need to make sure you’re truly in love with the person and not with the idea of falling in love with someone. We hope the above tips help.
Yes. If you are falling in love too fast, then you will not know if it’s infatuation or true love. You will not know if you are physically, emotionally, and mentally compatible or connected. You will plunge into a relationship with someone you hardly know without evaluating the pros and cons and might regret your decision later.
Love at first sight is, sometimes, a real thing. Some people do fall in love very quickly but that’s not applicable to everyone. It may be normal but that doesn’t mean it is always the right thing to happen to someone because you never know whether it’s genuine, true love or just another infatuation.
There is an average time to fall in love. For women, it is 134 days and, for men, it’s 88 days according to an YouGov survey. The sensible thing to do is slow down and know the person better, check how mentally and physically in tune you are and if you are on the same page about your values and aspirations.
A person who falls in love too fast is called a serial monogamist. Someone who falls in love too fast is, in all probability, infatuated and not truly in love. It does take some time to realize you are madly in love with someone.