“Falling in love is like getting hit by a truck and yet not being mortally wounded. Just sick to your stomach, high one minute, low the next. Starving hungry but unable to eat. Hot, cold, forever horny, full of hope and enthusiasm, with momentary depressions that wipe you out.” – this is how author Jackie Collins describes the intense emotions that engulf us when we fall in love, in her book Lucky. And it can get all the more overwhelming if you find yourself falling in love too fast.
If that sounds relatable, you may find yourself questioning, “Did I fall in love too fast?” You see, according to research by YouGov for eHarmony, the average time to fall in love can be around 88 days for men and 134 days for women. But we also talk about ‘love at first sight’, don’t we?
So, how fast can you fall in love with someone? Is falling for someone too fast even possible? Yes, it is. Let’s delve into the depths of this ‘falling in love too fast psychology’ and find out more, not just about falling in love but also about how not to fall in love.
What Is The Psychology Of Falling In Love Too Fast?
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So, do you often find yourself asking, “Why do I fall in love so easily?” Well, the ‘falling in love too fast psychology’ states that some people tend to develop romantic feelings too quickly. They fall in love too fast, too easily, and too often. Now, there’s a word for it: emophilia. There are several reasons why people fall in love easily and end up getting hurt. These include:
- A dependence on the feel-good chemicals such as dopamine that are released when you experience romantic attraction toward another person
- Insecure attachment style
- Low self-esteem
- Inability to set boundaries
Any, or a combination of, these underlying factors that make you primed to fall in love too quickly. As a result, you may find yourself easily turned on by people who have Machiavellian, narcissism, and even psychopathic tendencies, known as the Dark Triad traits.
People with emophilia are basically in love with the idea of being in love. Unfortunately, they may be vulnerable to falling in love in haste and most often with the wrong person.
Related Reading: The Difference Between Making Love And Having Sex
Are You Falling In Love Too Fast? 7 Signs You Are
Do you often ask yourself, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” Or do concerned friends and family members often ask you, “How fast can you fall in love with someone?” If yes, then maybe it speaks volumes about your attachment patterns. Perhaps, you are in a hurry to get into a relationship because being on your own is too uncomfortable. But the path you’re on only leads to pain and hurt.
Does it seem like you commit too soon into a budding relationship, despite knowing that you have to deal with frequent breakups and heartbreaks? Does the pain that follows leave you wondering “Do I fall in love too fast?” Perhaps you have no clue that the right time to fall in love is when you get to know a person. To help you gain clarity, let’s take a look at the following signs that point toward a tendency of falling in love too quickly:
1. You are constantly connected within days
One of the red flags is that you communicate with a new romantic interest day in and day out. And this is a person you’ve just met. So, here’s what this may look like:
- You are constantly messaging them and sending cute texts about how much you miss him or her, even though it’s been just a few hours since you saw them
- You top it up with long drawn-out telephone conversations
- Later, you spend hours analyzing those texts
Related Reading: 10 Signs You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone
2. You seek love to feel happy and at peace with yourself
Being in love increases the dopamine quotient in your body. Plus, oxytocin, famously known as the love chemical, also plays an important role in sexual arousal, trust, and romantic attraction. This is the reason why sex feels good and you feel relaxed, cuddly, and vulnerable with an intimate partner.
While these feelings are universal, if your dependence on them is too high, you find yourself falling in love too quickly, too often. A telling sign of this is that you seek love to feel happy and at peace. Without it, you feel unhinged and restless, almost like an addict in withdrawal.
3. You’re addicted to spending time with your love interest
Another telltale red flag of falling in love too fast is that you want to integrate your life with a love interest’s quite early on in your romantic journey. For instance, you may start sleeping over at their place even if it’s someone you’ve found on a dating app pretty recently and have been dating short term. And you are already picturing a house, a garden, and kids with them.
Don’t be surprised when the relationship fizzles out and you find yourself lamenting, “Why do I fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt?” You can see that you are falling in love too fast after a breakup but you can’t stop yourself.
Related Reading: Love Addiction: Meaning, Signs & How To Overcome It
4. Your friends and family take a backseat
People who keep falling in love too quickly usually devote their energy and time to that one person, while their family and friends get blurred in the background. Such people may even start being clingy, which may irritate their romantic interest. Instead of slowly building a happy relationship, they might end up pushing their partner away. It’s important to value personal space to set boundaries in relationships. Ask yourself:
- Have you been meeting your partner/love interest every night of the week but have ignored messages and missed calls from your best friend?
- Do you keep forgetting to do important household chores or cater to the needs of your family after falling in love with this person?
This shows you are busy falling in love too hard, too fast. This isn’t a healthy way to build a lasting bond with a romantic interest. A healthy relationship has room for a wider circle, including good friends and supportive family members, for both partners.
5. You are on a rebound
Picture this: you’ve just gone through a breakup and are nursing a broken heart. This new person walks in, and you feel relieved and at peace instantly. Love? No, not really. Falling in love too fast after a breakup indicates you’re rushing things because you don’t want to be alone. You’re probably craving a rebound relationship.
However, falling in love when you are emotionally unstable is never a good idea. Remember, if the circle of falling in love and getting hurt continues, you may keep wondering, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?”, without being able to find answers or break the pattern.
Related Reading: 12 Warning Signs Of An Emotionally Unstable Partner And How To Cope
6. You get attached even before you truly know a new partner
You get attached to a new partner and secure in their company even though you haven’t seen them angry, or sad, or drunk. Basically, you haven’t seen them at their worst. Your perspective of love is based solely on what they have revealed about themselves. This is one of the major red flags to watch out for because if you continue going down this road you’re only setting yourself up for hurt later. This is exactly how not to fall in love.
7. You’re ready to tie your lives too quickly
Most people who fall in love too fast may also end up saying “I love you” too soon. And of course, once you do, you feel excited to take the relationship to the next level, trying to merge your life with that of your partner. This is a classic sign of falling in love too quickly. In such cases, you might see yourself:
- Willing to move to your bae’s city permanently within days of meeting them
- Trying to match your work schedule with theirs too soon
- Planning to move in within days of knowing each other
Related Reading: 20 Ways To Make Your Husband Fall In Love With You Again
9 Dangers Of Falling In Love Too Fast
Before you fall in love too fast and start obsessing about the labels in the relationship, take a breath. A relationship moving too quickly can burn out fast. Before you’re in it, too quickly, madly, and deeply, consider the possibility that not every romantic connection translates into a happily ever after.
Perhaps, it is wise for you to take a step back and assess whether yours are the right reasons to fall in love with someone. If you wish to go from “I fall in love too fast” to “Why do I fall in love so easily and how do I break this pattern?”, being mindful of the following dangers of getting too emotionally invested in someone too quickly can help:
1. You don’t know the person
Yes, the concept of love at first sight exists but it rarely pans out in real life. For most of us, falling in love is a process that takes time. Time that is spent in getting to know the other person better is crucial. When in a new relationship, everything, from your bae’s job and food preferences, to their travel style, ideas on religion, finances, and children, need to be discussed, so that you know your partner well enough to make an informed decision about how well-suited you’re to one another.
If you skip these important steps, you may find yourself in trouble later. They may:
- Turn out to be narcissistic manipulators or psychopaths
- Just be concerned about physical attraction and sex
- Be broke and latching on to you for finances
- Have bad habits, such as alcoholism or drug addiction
- Have shady jobs, or be associated with criminal activities, such as drug peddling
2. You might be committing to something you might not want
When you fall in love too fast or end up saying “I love you” too early, you may be committing yourself to another person without fully understanding what you’re signing up for.
- What if your partner doesn’t believe in the concept of monogamy?
- What if they thrive on attention from other people even when in a relationship?
- What if they have a tendency to cheat?
This is a surefire way to set yourself up for heartbreak, which can be a lot harder to deal with when you’re already emotionally unstable. If you are in a vulnerable place emotionally, you might think you are in love just because of the temporary comfort your partner’s positive traits bring you.
Related Reading: How To Love Yourself In A Relationship – 21 Practical Tips
3. You might lose touch with yourself
Are you falling in love too easily with someone at the cost of forgetting to love yourself completely? Yes, it’s not uncommon. The desire to have your feelings reciprocated can make you want to be completely subsumed into your partner’s way of life, and in the process, you may lose touch with what makes you, you.
Here are some instances that indicate you may be neglecting your own needs and that falling in love hastily is affecting your individuality:
- You have given up your favorite hobby
- You have stopped going to the salon or gym
- You’ve started to neglect your work life
- You’ve stepped back from your social life
4. They might not feel the same about you
When you fall in love fast, it does not guarantee that the other person also feels the same about you. This undoubtedly sets you up for heartbreak and pain because,
- While you might be wooing them, they might not have any romantic feelings for you
- They might be uncomfortable reciprocating your love for personal reasons or because they fancy someone else
- You might be exploited in every way, when they learn about your vulnerabilities, leading to a lack of mutual respect and space
5. You may end up with no emotional compatibility
We can’t deny that love is more of an emotional connection than a sexual one. Just because there is spark and passion in an equation does not mean that there will be emotional compatibility too. Your partner might not be comfortable expressing love the way you want them to. This might create a rift in the relationship in the future and can have a devastating long-term impact on your emotional health.
So, pay attention to your emotional vulnerability when choosing a partner because you don’t want to keep falling in love with someone who cannot meet your needs or reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity.
6. You might be settling for less
This is another one of the dangers to look out for if you keep asking, “Why do I fall in love so often and so easily?” Without the right reasons to fall in love with someone, you may end up settling for less than you deserve. With your past emotional damage or vulnerabilities driving your need for a partner, anyone willing to offer you crumbs of love and attention.
Or, you may end up prioritizing physical attraction over emotional depth or compatibility. But in the process, you may be shutting down the possibility of meeting a new partner who could be perfect for you and who loves and values you for who you are.
7. You may rush into sex
There are subtle moments in a relationship where you look at your partner and think, “I am so lucky to have this amazing man by my side” or “I want our kids to have her eyes.” Moments like these are proof that you have fallen in love.
When you fall in love too fast, you don’t get to experience this gentle yet palpable sense of surety. Instead, you may rush yourself into things — being physically intimate before you’re ready, for instance — just so you don’t end up offending or alienating the person you’re supposedly in love with. This may have a long-term emotional impact and may cause psychological damage if things don’t work out.
Related Reading: Top 3 Things To ‘Do’ And ‘Not Do’ When You Are In A Relationship
8. You may end up hurting your finances
So, have you noticed yourself splurging on your bae, even if you two have been dating only for a few days? Well, if you commit too soon or express your feelings too fast, your SO may take you for granted and take you for a ride. You may be struggling with low self-esteem and may also try to appease them with money, to make up for the areas you think you are lacking in. And this may impact your finances, as you may be trying to please them all the time by:
- Showering them with gifts and dinner dates
- Taking them on luxury vacations
- Buying them whatever they ask you to
- Lending them money, if and when they ask you to, and not want it back
9. You may share personal information too quickly
One of the glaring dangers of falling for someone quickly is that you may tend to reveal personal information too early on in the relationship. Here are a few instances:
- They know how many boyfriends you’ve had, right after your first date
- They know how much you earn within the first week of your talking stage
- They know all about your parents and friends, within the first few weeks
Related Reading: The Dangers Of Online Dating In 2022 And How To Avoid Them
These are warning signs that you may have disclosed too much information about yourself too soon in the process of falling in love. And it’s definitely not a healthy thing to do, as this may backfire if you guys break up soon too. It may also be dangerous because the person may not be what you thought him to be. They can be a con-person and may use your personal information for fraud.
How To Stop Falling In Love Too Fast — 5 Tips
If you can relate to a few of the above-mentioned warning signs of falling in love too easily, then it’s plain to see that there is a problematic pattern that needs to be broken. Perhaps, having experienced some of the dangers of getting too invested too quickly, you are now admitting to yourself, “I fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt”. And wondering, “How do I stop myself from falling in love so fast?”
Well, falling for someone too fast is quite easy but coming out from such a romantic relationship that does more harm than good can be hard. But hey, it’s not impossible. Here are a few ways you can stop yourself from falling in love too hastily:
1. Think about whether you two are a good match
When you feel like you are falling in love too easily, take a step back and think about whether you’re a good match. Here’s what you can do:
- Think about whether you’re compatible with each other. Ask yourself if you have enough in common with the person to be able to survive the different stages of a long-term relationship
- Observe the person’s behavior, personality traits, and likes and dislikes
- Don’t overlook their flaws. Make note of the person’s shortcomings and negative behavior patterns
- Ask yourself if you’re getting emotionally involved way too fast
- Check if there’s mutual respect, genuine care, and space in the relationship
- Make sure you’re spending quality time with each other to build a rock-solid foundation
Related Reading: He Was A Perfect Arranged Match Till I Tried To Kiss Him…
2. Focus on yourself
Falling for someone quickly can make you lose sight of your personal and professional goals. Try to avoid that. Remind yourself that you’re an independent individual, who has an identity of their own. Remind yourself,
- You are complete on your own
- You can live your life by yourself just fine
- You don’t need someone to make you feel complete or happy
- Your dreams, goals, and ambitions matter
3. Limit contact
This is crucial if you want to stop falling in love with every guy you meet or every girl who gives you a second glance. You need to distract yourself from thinking about them. An effective way to do that is to limit contact with this person you seem to have fallen in love with. Here’s how you can do that:
- Avoid spending too much time with them
- Limit phone calls, conversations over text, and social media interactions
- Set healthy boundaries and avoid meeting the person as much as you can
- Control your urge to stalk them on social media or flirt with them.
4. Spend time with friends
Spending time with friends and loved ones is an effective way to prevent yourself from falling in love fast. Friends can give you a reality check and stop you from getting in too deep too soon. Tell them about how you feel for this person and ask them for their honest opinion.
Your friends know you the best. They’ll be able to tell you whether you’re falling for someone too fast or whether you have unrealistic expectations from this person or relationship.
Related Reading: 8 Signs From The Universe That Love Is Coming Your Way
5. Consider talking to a counselor
If you think you are unable to get rid of this pattern of falling in love fast and getting hurt, in spite of your best efforts, consider speaking out. The underlying issues could range from the trauma of your past experiences to low self-esteem. You may opt for a session with a counselor or get some online therapy. Don’t hesitate to reach out to our expert counselors at Bonobology who can help you realize what you need to do to fix this.
- Some warning signs that you fell in love fast are: you’re constantly connected within days, you’re moving in too fast, and your friends and family have taken a backseat
- A few dangers of falling in love hurriedly are: you may end up in bed too soon, you may share personal details too fast, and you may end up losing your individuality
- Some tips on tackling the issue of falling for someone too quickly are: considering the compatibility issues, focusing on your own self, and consulting a counselor and getting some online therapy
It’s natural to want to love and be loved by someone, as a stable relationship offers a solid foundation to our lives. But love can also cause you to make poor decisions and leave you grappling with the “I fall in love so easily and always end up getting hurt” lament. You need to make sure you’re truly in love with the person and not with the idea of falling in love with someone. We hope the above tips help.
Yes. If you are falling in love too hastily, then you will not know if it’s infatuation or true love. You may not be physically, emotionally, and mentally compatible or connected. You will plunge into a romantic relationship with someone you hardly know, without evaluating the pros and cons and might regret your decision later.
Love at first sight is, sometimes, a real thing. It may be normal, but that doesn’t mean it is always the right thing because you never know whether it’s genuine love or just another infatuation.
The sensible thing to do is slow down and know the person better, check how mentally and physically compatible you are, and if you are on the same page about your values and aspirations.
A person who falls in love easily is called an emophilic person and may turn someone into a serial monogamist. Someone who falls in love too fast is, in all probability, infatuated and not truly in love.