Love and undying affection are common in any serious relationship, especially between married couples. But, sometimes this love can give way to jealousy in relationships, possessiveness and insecurities. A jealous spouse can have unhealthy effects on a relationship.
If you feel that you are feeling the stirrings of jealousy in your heart due to any particular reason, you shouldn’t ignore it. Being insecure can do more harm than good for your relationship, so you need to get to the bottom of the issue and determine how to deal with jealousy so that it doesn’t have a negative impact on your marriage.
Signs Of A Jealous Husband/Wife & Solutions To Get Rid Of Jealousy
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You love your man and don’t even want to share him with his family? Sounds cute on paper, but it might just be one of the signs of jealousy in marriage. However, If you have enough faith and trust in your relationship, then these feelings of jealousy shouldn’t spiral out of control. You’ll need to do that right away, since insecurity in relationships has never helped any couple, and can only make matters worse for both of you.
To be able to get rid of jealousy and take measures to rein it in, you need to be able to catch jealousy and insecurity in marriage before it ends up affecting your equation to an irreparable degree. Here is a rundown on some common signs of jealousy in marriage and how to stop being jealous:
1. When your spouse is jealous of the people who admire you
John and Susan are both professors in different universities. Both are accomplished in their own domain and well established in their jobs. Students are fond of them and they both enjoy admiration in different circles. John is older and has been teaching longer than Susan, therefore, has a bigger fan following consisting of swooning teenage girls.
They all follow him on every social networking media that exists, continuously liking all of his pictures and posts. It makes Susan extremely jealous. “Of course I don’t feel insecure because of a few teenagers hovering about my husband. What irritates me most is how John relishes and enjoys that attention. I believe he is developing a God complex with all this fan following.”
If you hold a grudge against your husband for enjoying the attention bestowed upon him by young girls or other women, it’s one of the biggest signs of jealousy in marriage. You think he is getting too full of himself and developing a superiority complex because of all the adulation he gets. These could also be the classic signs of an insecure women.
Solution: If your spouse is adored and looked up to by other women/men, try to be proud of him instead of being insecure. S/he might be enjoying all the attention, unaware of the fact that it makes you a jealous spouse. Have an honest conversation with him/her and make them understand that all the adulation should not bring about insecurity in your relationship.
A jealous wife or a jealous husband will not find it easy to deal with the attention their spouse is getting by those who like them. A mix of working on their own insecurities and having a conversation with their partner will do wonders in their quest to overcome jealousy.
2. If your partner feels insecure and compares themselves to more accomplished people
In any relationship, you’re bound to feel a bit insecure when your SO’s handsome AND well-educated friend comes over. Maybe you’re even secretly cursing her actor friend, who you consider a threat to your relationship in your mind, but your partner couldn’t care less about them. Signs of jealousy in marriage can often be visible when one partner is actively comparing themselves with the people in their life, often feeling extremely insecure as a result. Take, for example, the following story:
Harry and Emma are both pursuing their Ph.D. in different universities. They’ve been in an open, live-in relationship since years now. Jealousy or insecurity are not things they allow between them. That being said, Emma loses her poise when they are attending a gathering of intellectual people and her insecurities set in. Harry can hold anybody’s attention with his lucid conversation. It is one of the first things Emma fell for, but hates when it catches others’ attention.
“Can you believe I feel pangs of jealousy toward the older, more accomplished and knowledgeable women! I mean, they are awe-inspiring, but intelligence is what Harry sexy. And if she’s erudite, Harry will talk about her for days. Just imagine…these are women I can’t even hope to compete with, as I’m so awestruck with them myself.”
Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others. Your partner/spouse loves you because of who you are. Someone else who might be more intelligent or accomplished than you can’t compete with the qualities that make you unique. Try and figure out how to stop being jealous, and do your best to tackle any insecurities you may have accumulated over the years.
3. Your partner hates the people you work with
If it seems like your partner has an issue with your colleagues for no apparent reason, there’s a possibility that it might be because they’re jealous of them. If your co-workers are of a gender you’re sexually interested in and are rather attractive, the chances of having a jealous spouse increase substantially. The jealousy may manifest in subtle ways, take a look at Annie’s story to see how it can affect a marriage.
Annie is married to the most charming photographer of the city, while she is a writer herself and a bit of an introvert. But her husband Sam shines in the limelight. His social media profiles are filled with his selfies with ‘work colleagues’, or as we know them, supermodels. While Annie avoids glam parties, Sam is supposed to attend most of them. At the end of the day, Annie is home to Sam and he always returns. But Annie does not know how to deal with jealousy.
“I understand that these parties and social gatherings are important for his career, but between you and me, he enjoys it way too much. Of course, spending time with his ‘work colleagues’ is an added attraction!”
Solution: Sit your partner down and have an honest conversation regarding your reason for jealousy and insecurity. If you feel s/he enjoys the company of his gorgeous colleagues, then let them know that. Tell them you want to know how to overcome jealousy in this situation. This will help your partner understand what hurts you and maybe they’ll skip the next work party to spend some time with you.
Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are Dealing With An Unhealthily Jealous Partner
4. Your partner is envious of your friends
Having friends after marriage who are of a gender you’re sexually attracted to is tricky, to say the least. If your partner doesn’t approve of your friends, it’s a sign you have a jealous spouse on your hands. They may feel they are always being too touchy-feely for the slightest reasons and may feel jealous every time a hug lasts a few seconds longer.
Take, for example, the relationship of Justin and Chloe, who got married recently. Justin is an artist and Chloe an interior decorator. Chloe thinks Justin’s artist friends are weird: they are always high and very handsy.
“I mean do you have to hug so tightly EVERY TIME YOU MEET,” exclaims Chloe. “And it’s not just the hugs. They keep kissing him on the cheek. I mean, he’s married now. Have some shame! My friends are creative too but you will never find them getting cozy with me like that. Just because you are an artist doesn’t mean that social norms don’t apply to you.”
Solution: Having close friends is alright, but when such friends turn too clingy or don’t respect their boundaries, it’s natural to feel like a jealous spouse. If you’re feeling jealous of your partners friends, explain to your partner the issue what might be and why you think it’s a cause for concern. If you feel your partner is giving scornful looks to your friends despite them not coming anywhere near you, the only thing that’s going to overcome this jealousy is communication.
5. Your partner has a problem with your phone
Sasha and Chris are a crazy duo. Chris was an aspiring DJ and Sasha was an up-and-coming RJ. They both over-share on social media and live for hashtags. You can find them online at all times and they’re very responsive to messages from fans and followers. It is unjustified to feel jealous of something they both do equally, so Sasha just complains in secret.
“I know you won’t believe it, but Chris loves his phone more than me. It’s not just his phone, it has become his prosthetic. Now he even has an app to help him sleep. He won’t cuddle or spoon, for it may disturb his ‘sleep calibration’. He asks his AI assistant to tell him jokes! Someday, I’m going to drown that thing while he’s not looking.”
If your partner has a huge issue with you being on your phone, it could be because they have trust and/or jealousy issues. Fearing the worst, their anxious mind might lead them to believe that the only thing you’re using your phone for is an affair, or perhaps they think you find your phone to be more fun than they are.
Solution: If you are equally addicted to gadgets, then there shouldn’t be jealousy in relationships. But, if you feel that your spouse is not giving you time even when you want to be with him, then the message needs to be sent across — in real life. If your spouse has mentioned they have a problem with you always being on your phone, consider if their observation holds true or if they’re worried about something they shouldn’t be.
A few jealous pangs are natural when you see your husband indulging a flirty woman or being friendly to an ex. But when your jealousy regarding your husband’s interaction with all women goes out of bounds, then you should know that your insecurity in relationships is taking an unhealthy turn.
Whatever the situation, it’s important to keep faith in your love and understand that the feelings of a jealous spouse are unfounded if your man really loves you. Take these tips we’ve just discussed on how to get rid of jealousy and bring back some positivity in your relationship.
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You might think your jealous feelings stem from overpowering love for your husband/partner, but they are actually caused by insecurity. Being insecure can do more harm than good to your relationship, so don’t let jealous feelings override your love for the man. Love is a fulfilling feeling which should be enjoyed in a positive way, without encouraging negative sentiments like jealousy.
Jealousy can make itself evident in the way you feel towards your husband and even talk or react to him. When you start struggling with insecurity and self-esteem, wallow in self-pity, compare yourself with other women in your man’s life or start disliking his lady friends, you have turned into a jealous spouse.
Abnormal jealousy or pathological jealousy might be a sign of a dormant mental health issue like anxiety or schizophrenia. If you let your jealous feelings get the better of you, then slowly they may impact your relationship and harm the loving bond you share with your spouse. It’s important to recognize the signs early on and find out how to stop being jealous.