Love and undying affection are common in any serious relationship, especially between married couples. But, sometimes this love can give way to jealousy in relationships, possessiveness and insecurity. A jealous spouse can have unhealthy effects on a relationship.
If you feel that you are feeling the stirrings of jealousy in your heart due to any particular reason, you shouldn’t ignore it. Being insecure can do more harm than good for your relationship, so you need to get to the bottom of the issue and determine how to deal with jealousy so that it doesn’t have a negative impact on your marriage.
5 Reasons Of Jealousy In Relationships & How To Get Rid Of It
You love your man and don’t want to share him even with his shadow? But if you have enough faith and trust in your relationship, then these feelings of jealousy shouldn’t spiral out of control. Insecurity in relationships has never helped any couple, and can only make matters worse for both of you. Here is a rundown on some common scenarios faced by couples and how to stop being jealous if you are such a spouse:
1. He has a fan following
John and Susan are both professors in different universities. Both are accomplished in their own domain and well established in their jobs. Students are fond of them and they both enjoy admiration in different circles. John is older and has been teaching longer than Susan, therefore, has a bigger fan following consisting of swooning teenage girls.
They all follow him on all social networking media, like all of his pictures and posts. It makes Susan extremely jealous. “Of course I don’t feel insecure because of a few teenagers hovering about my husband. What irritates me most is how Atul relishes and enjoys that attention. I believe he is developing a God complex with all this fan following.”
Signs: You hold a grudge against your husband for enjoying the attention bestowed upon him by young girls or other women. You think he is getting too full of himself and developing a superiority complex because of all the adulation he gets. These are classic signs of insecure women.
Solution: If your spouse is adored and looked up to by other women, try to be proud of him instead of being insecure. He might be enjoying all the female attention, unaware of the fact that it makes you a jealous spouse. Have a frank talk with him and make him understand that all the adulation should not bring about insecurity in your relationship.
Related reading: Find out your jealousy quotient!
2. Insecurity from more accomplished women
Harry and Emma are both perusing Ph.D. in different universities. They are in an open live-in relationship for years now. Jealousy or insecurity are not things they allow between them. That being said, Emma loses her poise when they are attending a gathering of intellectual people, which is always. Harry can hold anybody’s attention with his lucid conversation. It is one of the first things Emma fell for but hates when it catches others’ attention.
“Can you believe I feel pangs of jealousy toward the older, more accomplished and knowledgeable women! I mean, they are awe-inspiring but intelligence is what Indra finds sexy. And if she’s erudite, Harry will talk about her for days. Just imagine…these are women I can’t even hope to compete with, as I’m so awestruck with them myself.”
Signs: You are feeling jealous of women around your spouse who are high-achieving, intelligent and smart. Other boss ladies at your husband’s workplace or social circle make you feel insecure.
Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others. Your partner/spouse loves you because of who you are. Someone else who might be more intelligent or accomplished than you can’t compete with the qualities that make you unique. Take this tip on how to stop being jealous and rise above those insecurities.
3. He is surrounded by gorgeous women at work
Annie is married to the most charming photographer of the city, while she is a writer herself and a bit of an introvert. But her husband Sam shines in the limelight. His social media profiles are filled with his selfies with ‘work colleagues’, or as we know them, supermodels. While Annie avoids glam parties, Sam is supposed to attend most of them. At the end of the day, Annie is home to Sam and he always returns. But Annie does not know how to deal with jealousy.
“I understand that these parties and social gatherings are important for his career, but between you and me, he enjoys it way too much. Of course, spending time with his ‘work colleagues’ is an added attraction!”
Signs: You don’t like him spending too much time with his attractive co-workers. His work parties and glamorous life has given rise to jealousy in relationships, and you hate to even look at his Instagram selfies with other ladies.
Solution: Sit him down and have an honest conversation regarding your reason for jealousy and insecurity. If you feel he enjoys the company of his gorgeous colleagues, then let him know that. Tell him you want to know how to overcome jealousy in this situation. This will help him understand what hurts you and maybe he’ll skip the next work party to spend some time with you.
Related reading: 11 Signs You Are Dealing With An Unhealthily Jealous Partner
4. His women friends are all over him
Justin and Chloe married recently. Justin is an artist and Chloe an interior decorator. Chloe thinks Justin’s artist friends are weird: they are always high and very handsy.
“I mean do you have to hug so tightly EVERY TIME YOU MEET,” exclaims Chloe. “And it’s not just the hugs. They keep kissing him on the cheek. I mean, he’s married now. Have some shame! My friends are creative too but you will never find them getting cozy with me like that. Just because you are an artist doesn’t mean the social norms don’t apply to you.”
Signs: You don’t approve of your spouse’s inappropriate female friendships. You feel they are always being too touchy-feely for the slightest reasons and you feel jealous every time a friend hugs him or gets close to him.
Solution: Having close friends is one thing, but when such friends turn too clingy or don’t respect their boundaries, then it’s natural to feel like a jealous spouse. Make it clear to him that you don’t appreciate it if his women friends are overstepping their boundaries. If you feel a hug is romantic rather than friendly, ask him to put an end to the hugging and kissing tactfully and you will soon figure out how to get rid of jealousy towards such women.
5. He is in love with his phone
Sasha and Chris are a crazy duo. Chris was an aspiring DJ, and Sasha was an up-and-coming RJ. They both over-share on social media and live for hashtags. You can find them online all the time and very responsive to messages from fans and followers. It is unjustified to feel jealous of something they both do equally, so Sasha just complains in secret.
“I know you won’t believe it, but Chris loves his phone more than me. It’s not just his phone, it has become his prosthetic. Now he even has an app to help him sleep. He won’t cuddle or spoon, for it may disturb his ‘sleep calibration’. He asks his AI assistant to tell him jokes! Someday, I’m going to drown that thing while he’s not looking.”
Signs: You feel like his phone is his mistress and you have to compete with it for his attention. You keep wishing that he would spend at least half the time that he spends on the phone with you. You don’t know how to stop being jealous of the importance of the phone in his life.
Solution: If you are equally addicted to gadgets, then there shouldn’t be jealousy in relationships. But, if you feel that your spouse is not giving you time even when you want to be with him, then the message needs to be sent across – in real life. Have a heart-to-heart talk and explain to him that a digital detox is necessary from time to time for healthy relationships.
A few jealous pangs are natural when you see your husband indulging a flirty woman or being friendly to an ex. But when your jealousy regarding your husband’s interaction with all women goes out of bounds, then you should know that your insecurity in relationships is taking an unhealthy turn.
Whatever the situation, it’s important to keep faith in your love and understand that the feelings of a jealous spouse are unfounded if your man really loves you. Take these tips on how to get rid of jealousy and bring back some positivity in your relationship.
You might think your jealous feelings stem from overpowering love for your husband/partner, but they are actually caused by insecurity. Being insecure can do more harm than good to your relationship, so don’t let jealous feelings override your love for the man. Love is a fulfilling feeling which should be enjoyed in a positive way, without encouraging negative sentiments like jealousy.
Jealousy can make itself evident in the way you feel towards your husband and even talk or react to him. When you start struggling with insecurity and self-esteem, wallow in self-pity, compare yourself with other women in your man’s life or start disliking his lady friends, you have turned into a jealous spouse.
Abnormal jealousy or pathological jealousy might be a sign of a dormant mental health issue like anxiety or schizophrenia. If you let your jealous feelings get the better of you, then slowly they may impact your relationship and harm the loving bond you share with your spouse. It’s important to recognize the signs early on and find out how to stop being jealous.