12 ways lack of intimacy in your marriage affects you

couple not talking due to lack of intimacy

A majority of the people are of the opinion that physical intimacy in a marriage is hyped and given too much importance, given marriage involves other types of intimacy as well. They believe that if there are things like security and trust in a relationship and ability to connect emotionally to one another, then the marriage will be prosperous. While this is true to a great extent, a lack of intimacy and affection can wreak havoc in your married life and affect you in numerous ways. Being intimate is a prerequisite for marriage and a relationship lacking intimacy affects you, your relationship and your partner as well.

12 ways lack of intimacy in your marriage affects you

At the beginning of the married life, being intimate with each other seemed to come naturally to your partner and you. But with time, things might have taken a downturn in relation to your sex life. Lack of intimacy manifests itself in many problems, and majorly, you get affected by them all. Here are 12 ways in which sexless marriage can affect you.

1. Your confidence level keeps decreasing

You will notice that since you are not being able to be intimate with your spouse, your confidence level will keep decreasing. You will keep doubting your potential and feel as if you cannot satisfy his/her needs, which is why your relationship is not doing well. This dip in the confidence level can also have spillover effects on your professional life.

2. You become apathetic towards your partner

Since your relationship is devoid of physical intimacy, you fail to connect with your partner and are unable to understand one another. Due to this, gradually you start becoming apathetic towards your spouse and are hardly interested in his/her life. You probably seem happy with your own personal life only.

3. You start avoiding responsibilities

Married life brings with it a host of responsibilities and you must share those responsibilities with your wife/husband. But if your relationship is characterised by lack of intimacy, then you might not make efforts to be responsible. You might even start blaming your spouse for avoiding his/her responsibilities so that you do not feel guilty.

4. The risk of indulging in an affair becomes high

A person starts searching for love outside the marriage when there is no intimacy in his/her relationship. Even you might feel attracted to someone else when your married life does not seem to be satisfying your sexual needs. Thus, the risk of indulging in extramarital affairs becomes very high when there is low level of physical intimacy between your spouse and you.

5. Loneliness haunts you

Despite being unhappy in the relationship because of the lack of love and affection, you are not able to think clearly. You constantly feel like separating from your wife/husband. But ultimately you decide against it not just to save your marriage, but to save yourself from loneliness. You absolutely fear being alone and that is why you try to continue your relationship in spite of the intimacy problems.

6. You become highly critical of your partner

Instead of making efforts to become affectionate and considerate to your spouse’s needs and desires, you find yourself being highly critical of your partner. Nothing he/she does is able to satisfy you and you tend to complain so much that your wife/husband becomes withdrawn. This, in turn, causes more damage to your relationship.

7. Physical appearance starts taking priority in your life

Earlier you must be thinking that inner beauty and character is all that you need to make the relationship successful. But ever since your relationship is lacking physical intimacy, you will start focusing more on your physical appearance. You will try to look more attractive so that you can become intimate with your spouse. However, too much focus on physical appearance hampers your personality in the long run and you become extremely body-conscious.

8. You fail to communicate your feelings to your spouse

As there is no intimacy in your married life, you will not be able to share your thoughts and opinions frankly with your loved one. You will avoid talking to him/her and communication links between the two of you will remain disrupted. Due to this, misunderstandings will characterise the relationship with your partner.

9. Your stress levels remain soaring high

Sex is a good stress buster. So when you are unable to have sex with your partner, there is a possibility that your stress levels continue to soar high. Your peace of mind gets destroyed and you find yourself becoming more and more anxious. All this ultimately has a negative effect in your life.

10. You get addicted to pornography and other such things

If you are constantly rejected sexually in your married life, there is a high possibility that you get addicted to things like pornography, etc. You might get so addicted to such things that you suffer a setback in other aspects of your life.

11. You start taking your partner for granted

Either there might be a complete lack of intimacy between the two of you or there might be intimacy in which your sexual desires prevail. You might fail to acknowledge your spouse’s sexual needs and just think about getting satisfied yourself. This means you are taking your partner for granted, which is a really sad thing to do in a relationship.

12. Your family life seems haphazard

Due to the lack of intimacy and affection, there are chances that you do not seem enthusiastic about starting a family. You tend to feel extremely pressurised to begin a family. On the other hand, if you already have kids, the anger and sexual frustration might come out in the wrong way in front of them. In short, your family life gets ruined.

Once a marriage gets stuck in this kind of situation where the couple fails to reciprocate each other’s feelings of sexual intimacy, it is really difficult to salvage the marriage. But if you truly love your wife/husband, then you can think about ways to bring back/develop physical intimacy between the two of you.
For instance, express your sexual wants and desires openly to your partner. Try to add spice in your sex life by adopting new positions and styles. Even work on your emotional intimacy, as it goes a long way in improving physical intimacy as well. Last but not the last, do not give up just because your marriage lacks intimacy, but remain motivated to work on your intimacy problems.

Does an emotional affair count as ‘cheating’?

5 couples from literature who have endured sexless marriages

You May Also Like


Be a part of bonobology for free and get access to marvelous stories and information.