Amuna Omwe Ali ndi Nkhani Za Amayi: Zizindikiro 15 Ndi Momwe Mungachitire

Ubwenzi wa mwana amene akukula ndi mayi ake ndi wofunika kwambiri pakukula kwake monga kudya zakudya zabwino komanso kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Koma kodi chimachitika n’chiyani ngati unansi umenewu uli wapoizoni kapena ulibe chimene chili chabwino kwa mwana amene akukula? Tsoka ilo, mwanayo amakula ndi chilonda cha amayi, chomwe chimadziwika kuti 'mayi nkhani.' Amuna omwe ali ndi vuto la amayi amasiyana kwambiri ndi amayi momwe izi zimawonekera mu maubwenzi awo akuluakulu.

Komabe, chinthu chimodzi chikupitirirabe kukhala chofala: mavuto amenewa amakhudza mbali iliyonse ya moyo wawo, kuphatikizapo moyo wawo wachikondi. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti kukondana ndi kholo la mwana kumakhudza kwambiri ubale wa munthu wamkulu. Amuna omwe ali ndi mavuto a amayi amavutika kupanga ubale wabwino komanso wabwino. Munkhaniyi, tikambirana chifukwa chake zili choncho komanso momwe mavuto a amayi amaonekera mwa amuna, ndi malingaliro ochokera kwa mphunzitsi wa ubale ndi ubwenzi Shivanya Yogmayaa (wovomerezeka padziko lonse lapansi mu njira zochiritsira za EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT), yemwe ndi katswiri wa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya uphungu wa mabanja.

Kodi Nkhani Za Amayi Ndi Chiyani Ndipo Zimawonekera Motani Mwa Amuna

Mwachidule, mavuto a amayi amisala mwa amuna amachokera ku kuvulala kwa ana aang'ono komwe kumakhudza ziwalo za amayi. Ambiri amaganiza kuti kuvulala kumeneku kumaonekera m'njira yotsutsana ya Sigmund Freud ya 'Oedipus Complex' , koma izi zatsutsidwa kwambiri chifukwa chosowa umboni.

Shivanya akuti, "Oedipus Complex si yokhudzana ndi nkhani za amayi kwenikweni. Ndakumana ndi nkhani imodzi yokha yomwe ndinali ndi kukayikira pang'ono za ubale wina pakati pa mayi ndi mwana wake. Koma sindinathe kutsimikizira kuti izi ndi zoona."

Komabe, pali umboni wakuti vuto la mayi lingayambitse mavuto azaumoyo omwe sangathetsedwe mtsogolo. Izi zikuphatikizapo kudziona ngati wosafunika, mavuto okhulupirirana, mkwiyo, ndi zina zambiri. Kusalingana kumeneku muubwenzi wa mayi ndi mwana kungachitike chifukwa cha mayi woteteza mwana wake mopitirira muyeso zomwe sizipanga malire abwino ndi mwana wake. Zingachokerenso kwa mayi wosasamala kapena wankhanza yemwe sapereka chithandizo chofunikira chamaganizo.

Pazimenezi, Shivanya akuti: “Nthaŵi zina, mayi amayamba kugwirizana mosayenera ndi mwana wake wamwamuna mwina chifukwa cha vuto lake lomwe silinathe.

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Zizindikiro 15 Za Amuna Omwe Ali Ndi Nkhani Za Amayi

Koma mungatsimikize bwanji kuti mwamuna wanu ali ndi vuto la amayi? Atha kungokhala ndi ubale wabwino ndi amayi ake ndipo mwina mukuwonetsa kusatetezeka kwanu. Nazi zizindikiro 15 za zovuta za amayi mwa amuna zomwe muyenera kuzisamala:

1. Amaopa kukhala pa ubwenzi

Ichi mwina ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu za mavuto a amayi mwa amuna. Ubale wabwino umaphatikizapo zinthu monga kukhala ndi nthabwala pakakhala mikangano yopanda pake, kulankhulana molimba mtima, komanso kuthekera kokhala kutali. Amuna omwe ali ndi mavuto a amayi amakhala ndi njira yoopa kupewa kuyanjana ndi ena , zomwe zikutanthauza kuti sangathe kukhala ndi ubale wabwino ndi akuluakulu. Sangavomereze nthabwala yopusa, angaope kulankhulana ndi ena molimba mtima poopa kukukhumudwitsani, kapena angade nkhawa mukakhala kuti simuli pafupi.

Nkhani zodzidalira ndizowonjezera pa izi, zomwe zimapangitsa kukhala kovuta kwambiri kupanga ubale wathanzi wathanzi. Amuna omwe ali ndi vuto la amayi amakonda kuphunzira zina mwazofanana ndi zomwe amayi awo adawonetsa powalera. N’zosakayikitsa kuti bambowo analinso ndi kalembedwe kodzipewa.

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2. Iye amafunikira nthawi zonse kuti atsimikizidwe

Anyamata omwe amakula ndi amayi odziteteza kwambiri kapena amayi omwe alibe nawo amatha kukhala ndi chikhalidwe chodetsa nkhawa. Izi zili choncho chifukwa sankadziwa kuti zimene akufunazo zikukwaniritsidwa kapena ngati anali ofunika kwa amayi awo. Ubale wovutawu umapangitsa kuti dziko lapansi likhale laudani kapena lopanda chisamaliro.

Chiphunzitso cha chikondi chimasonyeza kuti izi zimawonekera ngati mnzanu womangika kapena wosowa amene nthawi zonse amayesetsa kuonetsetsa kuti zonse zili bwino muubwenzi. Malinga ndi Shivanya, "Amuna omwe ali ndi vutoli amavutika kupumula komanso kumva kuti ali otetezeka muubwenzi wawo. Amayembekezera chilimbikitso nthawi zonse. Ndi chizindikiro chomvetsa chisoni cha kudziona kuti ndi wosafunika chifukwa cha ubale wovuta ndi amayi awo."

3. Nthawi zonse amafunafuna chivomerezo

Mofanana ndi mfundo yapitayi, izi zimapitirira kupitirira maubwenzi achikondi mpaka maubwenzi ena aumwini. Amuna omwe ali ndi vuto la amayi nthawi zonse amafuna kuvomerezedwa ndi aliyense m'miyoyo yawo - makolo, okondana nawo, abwenzi, ogwira nawo ntchito ndi mabwana, ngakhale ana awo.

“Kufunika kovomerezeka kumeneku kumabwera chifukwa chodziona ngati wosafunika komanso wodziona ngati wosafunika wozika mizu m’mabala a maganizo obwera chifukwa cha mayi wopondereza kapena wosakhalapo.” Amuna oleredwa ndi amayi oterowo samaphunzira n’komwe kudula chingwe n’kukhala paokha.

4. Iye sanapambane kukhala wodziimira payekha kwa amayi ake

Amuna ambiri omwe ali ndi vuto la amayi amavutika kuti adzilamulire okha kuchokera kwa amayi awo. Angakhale ndi mkaziyo mpaka zaka zake za m’ma 30 kapena 40, angam’funse malangizo pa chosankha chilichonse chimene angasankhe, chaching’ono kapena chachikulu, kapena angakhale ndi unansi woipa ndi iyeyo.

Shivanya akugawana nawo kafukufuku wofotokozera momwe izi zimachitikira mu maubwenzi. Iye anati: “Ndinali ndi kasitomala amene anali m’banja lake lachiŵiri ndi mwamuna amenenso anali m’banja lake lachiŵiri.” Mwamuna ameneyu ankalamulidwa ndi amayi ake moti anali asanakhale ndi mwana chifukwa mayi ake sankalola kuti banjali ligone limodzi. Ndipo chowombera ndichakuti bambo uyu - wazaka zake zoyambira 40 - anali wokondwa kutsatira zomwe amayi ake amafuna! Ichi ndi chitsanzo chapamwamba, ngakhale chonyanyira, cha nkhani zokondana zomwe zinabweretsedwa ndi mayi wopondereza yemwe analera mwana wake wamwamuna kuti azifuna kutsimikiziridwa nthawi zonse.

Zonsezi zikusonyeza malire oipa omwe adakhazikitsa ndi mwana wake ali wamng'ono, kuphatikizapo kulowerera nthawi zonse pa malo ake aumwini. Ngakhale atakhala kuti sakudalira iye mwanjira izi, akhoza kukhalabe wotanganidwa ndi malingaliro a mkazi wake pa zosankha zake pa moyo. Mulimonsemo, ichi ndi chizindikiro champhamvu chakuti wagwidwa ndi chisoni muubwana wake wovuta, chifukwa cha nkhanza zaubwana , nthawi zonse akukumbukira moyo wa mwana wake wamkati, ndipo ali ndi mavuto odzipereka.

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5. Sanatenge maluso onse ofunikira pa moyo wa munthu wamkulu

Nthawi zina, mayi wodera nkhawa amasamalira mwana wake mpaka kufika pa unyamata wake komanso akakula mwa kumuchitira chilichonse, kuphatikizapo ntchito zoyambira monga kutsuka zovala, kutsuka mbale, kapena kuyeretsa chipinda chake, kudyetsa anthu oipa omwe amawaona ngati "mwana wa amayi". Izi zimapangitsa kuti aziyembekezera mopanda nzeru kuti mnzake wamtsogolo adzachitanso chimodzimodzi kwa iye, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mnzakeyo azimva ngati akupanga chibwenzi ndi mwana wamwamuna . Zimamulepheretsanso kuganiza kuti akhoza kukhala ndi moyo wodziyimira pawokha wachikulire mosasamala kanthu kuti ndi wosakwatiwa kapena ali pachibwenzi.

6. Ali ndi zofooka zambiri kuposa munthu wamkulu

Mayi akamadzudzula mopambanitsa, zimapangitsa kuti mwana azikhala wosatetezeka m'zaka zake zakukula - makamaka, kuleredwa ndi kholo lopondereza ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa kusatetezeka kwa munthu wamkulu. Zosatetezeka izi zimakhazikika muubongo wake ngati mayi wofooketsa. Nazi njira zingapo zomwe zingawonekere mwa mwamuna:

• Amapanga nthabwala zambiri zodzinyoza
• Amayang'ana kwambiri zolakwa zake kuposa zomwe zimaganiziridwa kuti 'zabwinobwino'
• Ali ndi kufunikira kwakukulu kosadziwika bwino
• Amaona kudzudzula kolimbikitsa monga kuukira kwaumwini
• Iye amadzudzula ena mofanana ndi iye mwini
• Iye ali ndi maganizo okayikitsa modabwitsa a dziko

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7. Amachita nsanje ndi kupambana kwa anthu ena m'moyo

Mwamuna amene ali ndi vuto la amayi akhoza kulimbana ndi nsanje yamphamvu. Izi sizimangokhala kwa amuna omwe okondedwa awo angalankhule nawo koma ndi nsanje yodziwika bwino kwa aliyense ndi zomwe akwaniritsa, kuphatikiza za ena ofunikira.

Kupambana kwa anthu ena kumalimbitsa malingaliro ake pa zolephera zake ndipo kumalimbitsanso malingaliro ake akuti dziko lapansi ndi malo opanda chilungamo. Khalidwe loipa la nsanje limeneli limachokera ku kusowa chithandizo chamaganizo ali mwana, osatchula kudziona ngati wopanda pake, ndipo limakhudza maubwenzi ake onse.

8. Amakhulupirira kuti dziko ndi malo opanda chilungamo

Amuna omwe amayamba nkhani za amayi nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi chidani chachikulu ndi dziko. Ngakhale kuti sichinthu chosangalatsa kukhala naye ngati bwenzi lake, zimachokera ku zowawa zaubwana zomwe sizidziwika ngakhale pakati pa anthu. Kupwetekedwa mtima kumamveka ngati momwe munthu amachitira ndi chochitika chowopsya monga nkhondo kapena nkhanza kwambiri. Koma tanthauzoli limatseguka pang’onopang’ono kuti liphatikizepo zochitika zosadziŵika bwino kwambiri monga kuzunzidwa kwamaganizo kuchokera kwa makolo a zolinga zabwino.

Ngakhale kuti ndi zoona kuti dziko lapansi ndi lopanda chilungamo, mwamuna amene ali ndi bala la mayi angaganize kuti ndi lopanda chilungamo kwa iye kuposa wina aliyense. Lingaliro limeneli likusonyeza kuti munthu amamva ngati wozunzidwa, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale ubale wosasangalatsa.

9. Ali ndi vuto lodziyankha yekha mlandu

Chofala kwambiri m’nkhani ya mayi wodera nkhaŵa amene amakantha mwana wake mwachikondi, zimenezi zimachitika pamene mayi amalephera kuphunzitsa mwana wake kuvomereza zolakwa zake. M'malingaliro ake opwetekedwa mtima, amawona izi ngati nkhanza ndipo samamuwonetsa momwe angayankhire zochita zake. Akakula, zimamuvuta kuvomereza zolakwa zake chifukwa zimamupangitsa kudziona ngati wolephera kotheratu ndipo motero sakuyenera kukondedwa kapena kuzindikirika.

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10. Akhoza kuchita zinthu mopupuluma

Kumva ngati munthu sakukwanira kumabweretsa makhalidwe osiyanasiyana osaganizira bwino, kuyambira kugula zinthu mopupuluma ndi kuyambitsa mikangano yopusa mpaka kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso chiwerewere. Izi zimamupangitsa kuti afune kutsimikiziridwa nthawi zonse ndipo zingamubweretsere zinthu zina zosafunikira.

Ndipo nthaŵi zonse akachita khalidwe lotere, amadziimba mlandu kwambiri, n’kupanga chizoloŵezi choipa chimene chimawononga kwambiri thanzi lake la maganizo. Anyamata aang'ono amatha kugwidwa ndi machitidwe osayenerawa, chifukwa cha kulemekeza kugonana ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo mu zosangalatsa.

11. Amavutika kudziikira malire anthu

Kukhazikitsa malire abwino mukakula n'kovuta kwambiri kwa amuna omwe ali ndi mavuto a amayi. Kukumana ndi chikondi chochokera ku nkhawa kapena kunyalanyazidwa kapena kuzunzidwa kumapangitsa mnyamatayo kukhala pachibwenzi akakula.

Kawirikawiri, sangaike malire ndi anthu omwe ali pafupi naye, makamaka okondedwa ake, chifukwa choopa kutaya maubwenzi awa. Ndipo pambali pake, adzamanga makoma ndi wina aliyense, akudzitsekera bwino ku maubwenzi ena ndipo sangathe kupanga maubwenzi ozama.

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12. Sachita bwino podzudzulidwa

Mwamuna yemwe ali ndi vuto ndi amayi ake akhoza kukhala okhudzidwa kwambiri ndi zotsutsa zilizonse, ngakhale zitakhala zolimbikitsa. Ngakhale mutafuna kumulimbikitsa kuti akule, adzatenga ngati kuukira kwaumwini. Kudzayambitsa chikumbukiro chaubwana cha kudzimva kukhala yekha kapena wosawoneka chifukwa cha kulephera kwa amayi ake kupereka chichirikizo chamalingaliro.

13. Angakhale ndi mkwiyo;

Mavuto a mkwiyo ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofunika kwambiri za mavuto a amayi. Tonsefe timaphunzitsidwa kuyambira tili ana kuti tipewe malingaliro oipa ngati tikufuna kulandiridwa. Mkwiyo ndi chimodzi mwa malingaliro amenewa. Kwa anyamata, nthawi zambiri amachititsidwa kudzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu chifukwa chokwiya ndi amayi awo. Yankho lachibadwa muubongo wa mnyamatayo ndikuphunzira kuletsa malingaliro amenewa chifukwa cha mkazi wofunika kwambiri pa moyo wake.

Koma mkwiyowu supita kulikonse. Akamakula, amatha kuwira pamwamba ndipo amawoneka ngati chochitika chaukali. Ndipo choyambitsa chachikulu cha izi chidzakhala mkazi watsopano wofunika kwambiri m'moyo wake - wokondedwa wake. Ngati mnzanuyo amakhala ndi mkwiyo pafupipafupi, muyenera kupeza thandizo la akatswiri ASAP kuti amuthandize kuthana ndi mavuto omwe sanathetsedwe.

14. Amakonda kukhala wodalira pa maubwenzi

Shivanya akuti, "Mwamuna amene sanalandire chikondi chathanzi akakula amakhala ndi kumverera kopanda kanthu mpaka atakula. Izi zimapangitsa kuti azidalirana ndi wina m'chikondi chake kapena kuona chikondi chanu ngati mtundu wa chitsimikizo cha kukhalapo kwake." Njira imeneyi yopezera ubale imabweretsa mavuto osiyanasiyana monga omwe atchulidwa m'nkhaniyi. Iyi ndi imodzi mwa mavuto akuluakulu a amayi m'matenda a amuna.

15. Amafanizira bwenzi lake/mkazi wake ndi mayi ake

Shivanya akufotokoza kuti: “Kaya amakonda amayi ake kapena ali ndi unansi wovuta, mwamuna amene ali ndi vuto la amayi angakuyerekezeni ndi amayi ake nthaŵi zonse.” M’nkhani yoyambayo, anganene zinthu monga, “Koma amayi akanachita zimenezo.” Pomalizira pake, anganene kuti, “Simundimvera. Uli ngati amayi anga”.

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Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Mwamuna Ndi Nkhani Za Amayi

Ndiye mungatani ngati muwona nkhani za amayi mu zizindikiro za amuna? Nkosavuta kudzudzula, makamaka pamene mawu otchuka akuti -nkhani za amayi - amveka ngati achichepere. Anthu amakonda kunyoza amuna omwe ali ndi nkhanizi powatchula kuti "mwana wa amayi" kapena "mwana wa amayi". Koma ndi bwino kukumbukira kuti vutoli limabwera chifukwa cha kupwetekedwa mtima kwambiri paubwana. Ndipo ngati cholinga ndikukula, ndiye kuti kudzudzula ndi kuchita manyazi si njira yopitira.

1. Pirirani naye

Sikophweka kuona vuto ngati ili mwa iwe wekha. Kukula ndi mavuto amenewa kungapangitse kuti ukhale ngati “nsomba m’madzi”. Kodi ungadziwe bwanji kuti chinachake ndi vuto pamene chakhala chenicheni kwa iwe kuyambira kale? Komabe, ngakhale utadziwa, si ntchito yophweka kukonza. Zaka zambiri za kuvutika maganizo sizidzatha ndi kungomugwira chala. Ndipotu, sizidzatha konse. Lingaliro la “kukonza” katundu wamaganizo ndi lolakwika palokha. Njira yopitira patsogolo kwa mwamuna amene ali ndi mavuto a amayi ndikuphunzira kupirira mosamala ndikuphunzira momwe angayankhire pazochitika.

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2. Musonyezeni chifundo

Kuphatikiza pa kudzidziwitsa, kapena kusowa kwake, palibe amene amasankha zoopsa zake. Ndi chinthu chimene ayenera kukhala nacho kaya inu muli pachithunzipa kapena ayi. Ngati akugwira ntchitoyo kuti akhale ndi thanzi labwino lamalingaliro, chifundo pang'ono kuchokera kwa inu chikhoza kupita kutali paulendo wake.

“Muthandizeni kuzindikira kuti angadalire nzeru zake ndi luso lake, kuti safunikira kudalira mayi kapena mkazi wake pa chilichonse.” M’thandizeni kuphunzira kukana amayi ake nthaŵi zina ndi kupeza nthaŵi yoti aloŵetserepo amayi ake ndi pamene asakayikire.

3. Khalani ndi malire abwino

Mosafunikira kunena, muyenera kusunga malire anu athanzi kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino. Izi zikuphatikizapo malire pakati pa inu ndi wokondedwa wanu, komanso malire pakati pa inu monga banja ndi amayi ake.

Kambiranani naye nkhaniyi kwa nthawi yayitali kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino . Funani thandizo la akatswiri ngati mukufuna. Ndipo ndani akudziwa? Mwina angaphunzire luso limeneli kuchokera kwa inu. Shivanya akuti, "Amuna omwe ali ndi mavuto a amayi amafunika chithandizo kuti awathandize kupeza njira yodzimasula ku khalidwe loipali. Izi zidzamuthandiza kuphunzira kudzidalira komanso kukhala ndi umuna."

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4. Osatenga zambiri kuposa momwe mungathere

Ngati ali ndi mavuto a amayi koma akukana kuchitapo kanthu, ndiye kuti muli ndi chisankho choti musankhe. Ngati mwasankha kukhala naye, mungafunike kupanga mgwirizano waukulu m'moyo wanu kuti mugwirizane ndi mnyamata wa amayi ndikukonzekera ubale wovuta. Kumbali ina, ngati simukufuna kumva ngati chiwongolero chachitatu ndi mnzanu ndi amayi ake, mungaganize zochoka.

5. Ganizirani zomwe mumakonda

Koma musanapange chosankha chachikulu chotere, mungafunike kudzifunsa funso limodzi. Kodi ali ndi vuto la amayi? Kapena ndi inu amene muli ndi vuto ndi amayi ake? Zingakhale kuti simukugwirizana naye. Ubwenzi wa mwamuna ndi amayi ake sungakhale bwino nanu pazifukwa zomwe mwina zingakugwetseni ngakhale inuyo. Izi sizimamupangitsa kukhala mwana wa amayi.

Pankhaniyi, muyenera kuganizira zinthu zina zambiri. Monga momwe mumayembekezera nthawi ya banja yokhudzana ndi amayi ake. Mukamaliza kumupangitsa kuti asankhe pakati pa inu ndi amayi ake popanda vuto lililonse, ndiye kuti ndiwe vuto pano.

N’zomvetsa chisoni kuti mnyamata akakula ndi chilonda cha mayi ake. Zimakhudza mbali iliyonse ya moyo wake, makamaka ubale wake wachikondi. Mwamwayi, anthu akukhala omasuka ku lingaliro la machiritso a maganizo, kotero pali chiyembekezo kwa iwo omwe akulimbana nawo tsopano. Chithandizo chingathandize kwambiri mwamuna kuthana ndi vuto la amayi. Choncho, ngati nonse mukufuna kuyesetsa kukhala ndi ubwenzi wabwino, ndi malo abwino kuyamba.

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