Quick Bites

5 reasons why people have random sex after a breakup

Perhaps because random sex fills the void, lessens the heartache and keeps you busy, when you are recovering from a breakup.
couple in bed hand in hand

A breakup is usually a nasty thing; it is nauseous, painful and very depressing. Whether it is you or your partner who initiated the separation, it is decidedly the single most agonising event of your lifetime. Most couples tend to handle the frustration, rage and sadness by indulging in alcohol or drugs and many indulge in binge eating. Many men withdraw into a shell, become hermit like, and avoid socialising or meeting their friends. Women, on the other hand, fall into a vicious cycle of tears, venting or binge shopping to assuage their aching hearts.

For many, however, nothing helps fill the void of an absent partner. The one that spent every minute chatting, caring, cooking and cajoling is now suddenly gone! Not to mention that vast empty space on the bed that kept you warm and satisfied is like an insult. He or she is now probably in someone else’s arms and bed! It is infuriating, devastating and downright abominable. So many people resort to random sex with random people just to soothe their hurt egos and apply Band-Aid to their deep wounds of rejection. Here are some kinds of random sex:

1. Revenge sex

After a breakup, the mind goes into fight, flight or retaliate mode. The most common solution a person can think of is revenge sex. And so the plot to get even is laid. Tonight is the night, you say. And so after a drunken party you end up in a strange house with an equally strange partner having sex, and it strangely puts the fires out for a while. But the feelings do not get healed and the person starts brewing new reasons to have random sex.

couple making love
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2. Insatiable sex drive

Let’s say you were in a relationship and had a regular sex life. You were satiated and never needed to stray, but now the scene has changed, you have been dumped, you are ‘officially single’, your heart cries out. Suddenly you discover that the fridge is empty and hunger strikes. Your need for sex rapidly escalates. You end up in bed with a best friend or a married friend or even get set to pay for sex. Insatiable, impulsive, instant random sex.

Read more: You wouldn’t believe why he dumped me
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3. Mercy sex

Misery attracts more misery. Emotional turmoil that a breakup brings with it is a difficult thing to bear. An empathetic or even wicked man with the intention of scoring mercy sex has consoled many a weepy woman. This kind of sexual behaviour attracts the worst bedfellows and can lead you into worse desolation, whether you are a man or a woman. I know of women who failed to insist on a condom because they were emotionally spent and contracted herpes. Now that’s misery for life. Yes it is random, but you still hurt; the Band-Aid does not work and you yearn for more.

sad woman in bed
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4. Fake sex

This happens with jilted men and women who mask their brokenness and depression with a jolly exterior. They seem excited about life and are raucous and even belligerent at parties and workplaces. Many folks take refuge in one-time quickies in office restrooms, conference halls, just for a few moments of human contact. While their hearts still yearn for their lost love, they make out with strangers for the fleeting moments of joy. Their motto seems to be, “Let’s fake happiness till we make it happen again!”

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5. Stalker sex

This random sex fiend adds a bit of planning into the randomness, and as soon as he or she gets the vibes of interest from the opposite sex, they set the sexual escapade into motion. The stalker may be a wreck on the inside but gets a thrill out of making a victim out of the imminent partner. This has a psychopathic tinge to it, but is usually harmless and the stalker loses interest as soon as the act is done. I have seen this behaviour in both men and women who wear their hearts on their sleeve; they become victims to the random stalker.

So the saga goes on. The breakup is the moot reason for all random sex. The others who indulge in random sex are either addicts or serial cheaters. But our heart goes out to the random sex offenders as they desperately try to mend their broken hearts. Sex can be a great healer, just as time is supposed to be. So who can blame the heart-broken lover for seeking solace in random sex?

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